Dallas Nitpicker Central (Reborn)

Ten things I thinkI think this week:

Friday, April 23

10. I think I've got a lot to say this week, so I'm back to ten things. We'll see if it lasts.

9. I think I'm getting a little bit tired of my continually failing attempts to promote user participation on this site. Every activity [even nitpicking] that I have begun has sustained steam for about a month and then enthusiasm has steadily slacked off. Case in point: even the trivia board seems to have become tiresome for people, because I'm not getting even half the responses that I used to.
I really do enjoy coming up with questions every couple of weeks. I also like thinking up Poll of the Week ideas. Bottom line: I enjoy working on this site. And believe me, I'm more thrilled than you can imagine when I see that it gets 250 hits a day. But if 250 people are visiting, then how come only a handful are willing to participate in the trivia or in the polls?
Folks, I want to keep this site going and I want to make it bigger and better for as long as I'm able. But I can't do it by myself. I'm not a machine, and I need some feedback to feel like what I'm doing means something. It's not a big thing...it's a little thing. But I would appreciate it.

8. I think that I am getting a little bit tired of being the "nice guy" amongst Dallas webmasters. Just today, I visited a handful of other Dallas sites from my links page, at first just to see whether the links were still active or not. But guess what I found? No site I visited had a link back to this site.
When someone asks me to put a link on this site, I take it very seriously. I figure that if someone cares enough about something to send you mail, then you should, in turn, accommodate requests as far as is reasonable. But I'm really ticked off that some webmasters, many of whom have promised several times, haven't even had the courtesy to add this site to their list. So I think I have to lay the smackdown on their roody-poo candy asses, and tell the millions [pause] and millions of this site's fans what the deal is.
With almost perfect regularity, this site gets updated every day that Dallas is aired. Every night I spend two and a half hours on it; that includes watching the episode and doing the summary; collecting, reading, editing, and responding to nits; and then finally updating the page and making sure everything looks right. I know for a fact that NO OTHER DALLAS SITE on the Internet can make this claim. Most sites never change; and when they do, it's only a small addition here or there, or perhaps a makeover which changes only the looks and not the content. There's nothing wrong with that; everyone likes to check out multimedia once in a while, or listen to latest and greatest from the third reunion rumor mill.
But where does that leave this site? Well, I guess it will remain somewhat distanced from the others. It's probably because I don't want any awards or recognition; I don't visit the newsgroup; I'm not part of the webmasters' "clique"; I'm not flamboyant or pushy about what I do; I don't have any connections to Dallas stars that allow me to get inside information.
I'm not going to change that for any reason; but I just felt like I should shake off this nagging feeling that I'm working too hard. 

7. I think I'd better stop blabbing and talk about the show. I wasn't too thrilled about Dallas becoming "Great Castles of Europe" for a whole week. I still don't quite understand why this was done; the only explanation I have is that, for some reason, the regular Dallas sets suddenly became unavailable for some reason, and so shooting had to be relegated to the California set of Southfork. I suppose the producers took this opportunity to whisk everyone away to Europe where they were easily able to convince people to allow them to shoot on location. If anybody has any inside information about this, I'd like to know.

6. I think that we should all stop referring to Thursday's episode as a cliffhanger. Just call it the season-ending episode, because the word "cliffhanger" implies that there was some foreboding sense of suspense created. And there most definitely was not, unless you count Cliff getting slapjacked. Which I don't. I'll say it one last time: in the immortal words of Eric Cartman, "I'm talking Night Court in its fifth season lame".

5. I think that if you haven't read ahead about what's going to happen, and you're worried that same very lame storyline will come out of that mysterious envelope addressed to Jock, I'll just say this: be afraid. Be very afraid.

4. I think that, because they have little else to do at this point, the Dallas writers are having informal contests with each other to see who can come up with the seediest and most annoying character. First there was Ozwald Valentine. Then slimy Bruce Harvey. Now we've got Harrison Van Buren. This is a guy that even a mother would have trouble loving.

3. I think I can do without EVER seeing Gayle Hunnicutt in a shoulderless dress again.

2. I think I'll take it upon myself to be a bit of a rumor-killer when it comes to the upcoming third reunion movie. For those who haven't heard, apparently Victoria Principal confirmed in an interview that she would return for this final film of the Dallas saga [one of the worst kept secrets about it.] This has led to rampant speculation from all corners, including suggestions that all sorts of different people, such as Audrey Landers, Morgan Brittany, and Shalane McCall will reprise their series roles. I think I even read there were plans to bring life back to Jim Davis's body so he could be Jock.
Frankly, I find these sorts of suggestions ridiculous. Let's assume for a moment that Vicki is coming back. I certainly hope and believe that she will. That almost guarantees that Ken Kercheval will be in the third movie as Cliff. There is a chance that Audrey Landers may be back as Afton, if the producers decide to use an angle involving Pamela Rebecca Cooper. But I'd say there's almost no chance in hell of Morgan Brittany returning as Katherine Wentworth - how in the world would you get two hours of air time out of all of these characters? Think about "War of the Ewings" - the mainline cast consisted of seven people, and it was already short on plot. If you double this amount, you'd have a party, not a movie.
And as for Shalane McCall or any other character from the now-distant past: forget it. The producers [who are Duffy and Hagman, if you didn't know] would have neither the desire or the money to include such characters. The movie is going to be about JR and Bobby, just like the first two movies. By extension, that includes Sue Ellen and Pam. As far as minor characters go, bringing them back for any serious plan necessitates writing in scenes to re-introduce them. Not going to happen. These characters will be little more than window dressing.

1. I think that I've said this before, but it bears repeating: the show won't be quite the same with Linda Gray gone. She will definitely be missed, because she and Larry Hagman have the best on-screen chemistry of any two people on Dallas. [Yes, even better than Hagman and Duffy]. But fortunately, the writers don't just give up and stand pat with what they've got; we'll see some new characters appearing in the new season [one on Monday, in fact] which will add a small spark to the mix of the show. And the odd character from last season will be brought back, too. As always, keep the faith.

Friday, April 16

8. I think that, despite my desire to return to thinking ten things rather than eight, I just can't do it this week. Maybe next week. We'll see.

7. I think I'm VERY glad to see April and Bobby pairing themselves up. Finally, Bobby's found someone who doesn't exude lameness as a character. I'm not saying that April doesn't have her share of faults: she can be as dumb as Pam when she wants to, and it's been well documented that she's pectorally challenged. But after Tracey, Tammy, and Kay Lloyd, I think this is a wonderful step.

6. I think I need a crash course in the economics of TV production. During the last few episodes, it has been painfully evident that the producers are trying to save as much money as possible by using natural sets, such as Malibu Beach or landmarks in Austria. They didn't even take Clayton to the hospital after his concussion so they wouldn't have to rent part of Dallas Memorial for a day. My question is this: is it really that much cheaper to film in Europe than in Dallas? California I can understand because a lot of the footage is shown there anyway. I just find it hard to believe that this is a good way to cut costs.

5. I think it must have really sucked to be a Dallas writer at this point in time. It seems rather evident to me that Patrick Duffy, Larry Hagman, and Linda Gray all have control over their own characters and storylines, so the McKays, Cathy Podewell, and Sheree Wilson are also tangled in the main plotlines. So if you're a writer, the only thing you really have to do is to come up with misadventures for Lucy, Ellie, and Clayton. As the song goes, Dallas writers: sucks to be you.

4. I think that for some reason, everyone liked Thursday's episode except me. I found it to be a real snoozer, but it got 7 out of 10s across the board from the AHNs. This is strange because up till now, I've always been more generous than some of my compatriots.

3. I think that Tuesday's freeze frame, where JR, Bobby, and Cliff stand united against Carter McKay, was one of the best ever. Great direction and camera work.

2. I think I've got two words for the McKay siblings: Buh. Bye. Don't let the doorknob...you know.

1. I think I'm having a hard time coming up with a way to finish this column. I guess I'll just say it's been an interesting week: we started off with a really neat episode on Monday and ended with an okay one on Thursday. And Afton's back too. As always, sit back, relax, and keep watching.

Friday, April 9

8. I think that since Dallas is only on four days out of five now, I don't have as much to say or think about it. So instead of ten things, I'm cutting back to eight. And because I forgot last week, let me say it now: I got something for any Duke fans that may be left in this world. U Conn and Duke can't.

7. I think that I want someone to explain to me what Cathy Podewell is doing wrong. I remember seeing all sorts of silly comments from ridiculous people on the newsgroup [that was somewhat redundant] saying that the Cally character is the Antichrist which heralded the Dallas apocalypse. Well, if that's true, I can't wait for the rapture! What is wrong with Cally? She's supposed to be a sweet, naive girl who tries to bring out the good side of JR, right? So what gives?

6. I think that I can't for the life of me understand why so few people seemed to like Thursday's scene with the one-man band. I thought it was hilarious! I'll agree that the premise is somewhat stupid, but I really can't see how you couldn't get a chuckle out of it.

5. I think Tuesday's episode was awesome. It had everything a great episode should have: good conversations between characters; no dead spots; a special event at the forefront, and lots going on behind the scenes; and most importantly, everyone got involved. Too bad it won't happen again any time soon.

4. I think that Don Lockwood is so lame as a character, it makes me wish that Sue Ellen had run away with Clint Ogden in 1980. In the words of Eric Cartman, "Damn it, you suck, Don!"

3. I think that I want to send a memo to the writers: guys, you know things are bad when J. Eddie Peck is carrying your show.

2. I think that I'm really glad to finally see a decrease in the number of comments about how unlikable April is. [Except from Val, but that's a different story.] Yes, Miss Stevens is far from perfect. But she hasn't really had the opportunity to play a babyface role until now. Give her another chance and you'll jump on the April train too, I'll wager. If only she wasn't so pectorally challenged...

1. I think that Monday's episode will be a very good one. Tuesday's isn't bad either. Then we hit a bit of a snag. But as always, stay tuned and enjoy.

Friday, April 2

10. I think that it's time for my most crucial public service announcement yet. This week, as I mentioned beginning Monday, there was no Dallas on Friday. I assumed this was because of the Good Friday holiday, although that made little sense. But now I've been informed by Val that TNN has decided to make this a permanent change. Yes, you read correctly. TNN will no longer be showing Dallas on Fridays. Monday through Thursday, three times a day. Nothing Friday.
Now, I'm sure a lot of you will be as mad as I was when I first heard the news. While I'm sure there's very little that can be done to reverse the decision, I think it's important that we let the powers that be at TNN know about our dissatisfaction. You can do so at the following URL:

http://www.country.com/cgi/emailer.cgi?category=WholeSite

I would strongly advise, if you choose to make your voice heard, that you do so respectfully and in a mature manner. Who knows? Maybe someone will at least be made aware that we noticed.

9. I think that I can not remember as many pointless scenes on the show as I saw last week. So many scenes lasted about thirty seconds and I didn't even bother to put them in the summary because I couldn't really find anything coherent to say about them.

8. I think that I didn't really want to say anything about the lameness of Sue Ellen's plot for revenge because it's so obvious to everybody how senseless it is. She's had so many chances: she could have taken John Ross away, she could have had JR seriously injured by Joe Lombardi, Senior; she could have done just about anything. But instead she decides to make a movie so that the producers can save some money by inserting flashbacks into every episode to save air time. 

7. I think I still don't like the Tracey Lawton character. Never have, never will, I guess.

6. I think it's very interesting how mainline actresses on the show seem to get 'initiated' by having to do a lot of sexy scenes. Remember when Jamie first arrived at Southfork? She wore a whole lot of different outfits that forced her to go braless most of the time. Then April came around and was always in a bikini by the pool. Now Cally. Seems like Larry Hagman [who's booking and directing these episodes] figures that the only way poor old Cathy Podewell will ever be accepted is by constant exposure.

5. I think that the budget cuts are really making this show weird. Tuesday's episode marked the middle of the season, and it was time for contracts to be renewed. William Smithers opted out, as did Gerrit Graham and a few other people. The producers still needed money to pay J. Eddie Peck, Ian McShane, and Jon Goldsmith, so they decided to tell Barbara Bel Geddes and Howard Keel to take a few days off. Amazing.

4. I think it's rather interesting how the writers are preparing for April's upcoming face turn. She will quickly go from a bad girl to a babyface in the coming weeks, and it's being presaged by her curt rejection of JR and her kindness to a drunken Cliff. Just one question: under normal circumstances, why would someone like April allow herself to be dumped on like this? Do all of the men in Dallas that she's been in contact with take her for a girl with a comfy couch?

3. I think I want to know why all these old guys are hitting on Sue Ellen. First it was Jeremy Wendell; then Carter McKay; and now Don Lockwood, who is younger, but not by much. I would have thought that after the Nicholas thing, Sue Ellen would have an eye for younger men. Maybe it's just me.

2. I think that I'm still waiting for Lucy to have a plotline that I care about. And I'm not talking about since her recent return to the show; I'm talking since the beginning.

1. I think I'd like to warn everybody who hasn't seen the upcoming episodes before. After Tuesday, the show gets a little bit...boring. There's the odd high spot, but the overall quality is rather poor. But take my advice: tough it out. Besides, what else are you going to watch?