Dallas Nitpicker Central (Reborn)

Ten things I thinkI think this week:

Saturday, June 26

6. I think that, yet again, I really don't have a lot to say this week. Not a whole lot of action, but a whole lot of nits nonetheless. It's getting harder since, when I put this column together, I try to come up with some thoughts for each character. But the number of characters is diminishing so rapidly.

5. I think that Rose is going to be my first victim here. I'd say she held her own this week. The fact that she had become a multidimensional character says more about the lack of direction on the show than anything else. But let the record show that Jeri Gaile has done more with her character in this week [and it will continue in the upcoming week] than Priscilla Presley did in the entire 1987-88 season. Suck on that.

4. I think I've already commented once on how ridiculous it is for the producers to try and pass Vanessa off on us as a modern-day Marilyn Monroe. They've done a good job in making her out to be a decent partner for JR, but I think they should end it there. Anything further just stretches the limits of imagination.

3. I think I'm really glad that Johnny Dancer's time on the show was so short-lived. I don't really mind his angle - it brings a lot of characters together and provides a little diversity - but I couldn't stand to hear any more of his conversations with Liz. I get numb all over just thinking about them. "Tight little oil exploration unit"? Yuck.

2. I think that the most difficult thing about watching the last spell of episodes is going to be the lack of a really interesting female character. Say all you want about Hagman and Duffy, but the true strength of Dallas comes out when they've got ladies to play off of. That hasn't happened in a long time and this deficit will be painfully obvious soon when Kimberly Foster is the only person under active contract who's willing to put on a skirt.

1. I think that we've finally come to the bottom of the ninth inning here. Time to play out the string. Oh, well. Let's look ahead to next week. JR will butt heads with all of the women in his life right now, solidifying his place as a bumpkin; Bobby contains with his single-minded pursuit of Sheila [surprise, surprise]; and the Who Shot Johnny saga continues [and if you haven't seen it before, it's not who you think].

Saturday, June 19

8. I think that I really don't have a lot to say this week. I almost want to just say "well, YOU saw what happened." But I won't. I'll trudge through as best I can.

7. I think it's time for my final World Cup of Cricket update. My boys made it and they will play against Australia for all the marbles on Sunday. What, you may ask, happened to the feared South Africans? Well, they played Australia in the semifinals and were in a lot of trouble. However, some last-minute heroics from Lance Klusener managed to tie the score. And then, his partner Allan Donald was run out because HE DROPPED HIS BAT. Since most people are unfamiliar with the game, let me contextualize this: let's say that the Knicks manage to rally against the Spurs and force a Game 7. All throughout Game 7, the Spurs seem to be running away with it. But the Knicks manage a fourth-quarter comeback and bring it within three points with five seconds left. Allan Houston drives to the basket, picks up the bucket, and the foul. He's ready to take his foul shot, and as he does, Marcus Camby commits a lane violation. The Knicks lose their chance to tie the game, and San Antonio wins the final. That's how boneheaded this was.

6. I think that it's pathetic on the producers' part to turn Cathy Podewell into window dressing. In many respects, I'd say she's become the Susan Howard of the last few seasons - she has to put up with all of the silly annoying angles that no one else wants. The only difference is that once in a while she gets to appear in a nightie.

5. I think that Larry Hagman should have really given his head a shake during the filiming of these episodes. Does he think that having JR deal with jobbers like Duke Carlisle the way he did makes him more like the "old JR'? There's no comparison here. And firing Sly was somewhat meaningless, despite the fact that it certainly makes JR more of a heel. For those who are apprehensive, let me tell you that Sly does not disappear from the Dallas landscape any time soon.

4. I think it was a shame that the "April in Paris" kidnapping plot had so many holes. It really could have been a half-decent angle, but probably had to be pieced together so that the writers could deal with the imminent departure of Sheree Wilson. Maybe April's departure from the show is the real shame. However you feel about the April character, you'll have to admit that she's still probably the best female character on the show right now. For my part, I could have dealt with all of the inconsistency surrounding Sheila Foley if Bobby and April had had SOME time together before the end.

3. I think I really liked JR's goodbye scene in the sanitarium. As has been pointed out, the whole saga was very much like "One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest", but that's to be expected to some extent. The only thing that struck me as odd at that point was how JR's friends all seemed so normal in that scene. Nobody there looked excessively mentally disturbed, which doesn't make a lot of sense.

2. I think I'm glad that at least we'll get some mileage out of the Ewing Oil and Southfork sets again. These two places are the most important in the show - at least they used to be, because all of the show's drama and conflict would center around them. Keeping them off-screen is definitely a minus.

1. I think that next week might be somewhat trying for fans who haven't seen it. Some of the plots become rather thin. Clayton and Michelle return to Dallas; Bobby deals with the loss of yet another wife and makes some tough decisions about his future; and a visitor from JR's not too distant past returns. Oh yeah, and this Johnny Dancer guy does some stuff too.

Saturday, June 12

8. I think that's it painfully obvious where I have to begin. Having only seen one episode of Dallas this week, I don't really have a whole lot to say, without drawing on memories of last year. I was going to rant about all cable companies in North America but I thought better of it. What's the use? Just my rotten luck, I suppose. Many thanks to all the AHN who have supported me in this strangely trying time, and especially Jason and Val for providing me with enough information to put summaries together.

7. I think I want to put in one last word about the Cricket World Cup before the semi-finals stage begins. I never ever thought I would say this...but GO SOUTH AFRICA! Go as if your lives depended on it! Please dismiss Australia so that we don't have to see them any more, and we'll see you guys in the Finals.

6. I think that the silly way in which Lesley-Anne Down was removed from the plot really highlights the haphazard booking of the show. It was pointed out to me that the reason a lot of British actors and actresses were brought on to the show was to keep up the ratings in England; makes a lot of sense, but why can't the writers come up with sensible ways to write them in? Especially with Lesley, who they put in the mainline, indicating that they at least had the intention of keeping her around longer than nine episodes.
As an aside, I think I understand somewhat. Obviously there was a huge budget crunch at the end of this season. I suspect that CBS, for whatever reasons, asked the producers to make a few more episodes than were originally planned. Hence the need for a quickie wedding, and then everyone's departure so they could lose the Southfork set. [Did you think Cally moving into April's apartment wasn't for a reason?]

5. I think that bringing back Jessica was a really neat idea on the part of the producers. One thing I always appreciated about Dallas - especially the older episodes - was the way that plots would tend to bring cast members together in different ways, rather than each character [or two] having their own individual storyline and not interacting much with the others. Even though this whole "Murder, they wrote" storyline dragged on a little too long, it did have the effect of combining all of the plots together to bring up a half-decent cliffhanger. Contrast this to last season, where the plots were totally languishing and the cliffhanger was wholly without effect.

4. I think that I remember liking the way Cally got involved in some underhanded things this week. Everybody entitled to a little scheming now and then - and it's not like she hasn't done it before. Without this kind of stuff every once in a while, she'd be about as boring as April is getting right now. You can't be a babyface in a vacuum.

3. I think that I want to know who decided that Ewing Oil was no longer important to the premise of the show. When was the last time the company DID anything? Since that tanker collision, absolutely nothing has happened. The people who run it can be away for weeks on end and no one seems to care. And I won't even get started about what happens to it next season.

2. I think that I did a good thing by registering for redirection pages. If you're like me, it's much easier to remember http://jump.to/Dallas or http://fly.to/Ewings rather than the convoluted URL I was assigned. If anyone else has a site like this with a rather complicated URL, I highly advise it. You can set up redirection for your site by visiting http://come.to .

1. I think that...ahh, Season 13 is here. Mercifully, it's over quick, unlike this exceedingly long one. Compared to other seasons, it's not very good - but I'd still say that it's better than over 90% of other stuff you could watch. I don't think I'll spoil it for anyone if I say that JR will eventually get out of the sanitarium - but it'll be a while; Bobby and April have some wacky times in Paris with an Emmy winner [I couldn't say that last year]; and this ominous Johnny Dancer guy arrives on the scene.

Saturday, June 5

8. I think I have to want to know whether I have any South African folks who visit this site. Because if I do, I want to tip my hat to them. Your boys played a hell of a cricket match today in knocking off Pakistan. And if anyone can tell me, please do: WHERE IN THE WORLD did you find this Klusener guy? This guy is unconscious! He leads a charmed life when he picks up that darned cricket bat! To me, he's more frightening on strike than Tendulkar. I'm thinking of offering a personal reward to anyone who can get him out before the turn of the millenium.

7. I think someone at TNN hates me. Six or seven weeks ago I was looking forward to wrapping up my summary writing by mid-May, but then someone got the brilliant idea of not showing Dallas on Fridays anymore. Now we have the show pre-empted for Memorial Day. Come on, guys! Let's finish this series run - or at least this season - before I go totally insane.

6. I think bringing back the Jessica character was an great idea on the part of the producers. Of course, it's a shame that they had to rewrite a little bit of Dallas history in order to make it happen, but it's a good way to bind some of the plots together as we approach the cliffhanger on Thursday. Right now, only Ellie and Clayton are directly involved; but I'm sure anyone can see that the fact that Atticus Ward was involved with Weststar is going to make things quite complicated very quickly.

5. I think it may be tough to pick Angelica awards for a while with Michelle being somewhat removed from the show for a while. I find that Michelle's one redeeming trait is that she makes it easy to choose it.

4. I think I spent one of the best hours of my life watching Victoria Principal's Intimate Portrait last night. Very interesting. It didn't deal with the "Dallas" part of her life as much as I would have liked - probably at her own request - but the neatest tidbit I discovered was the fact that she dabbled as an entertainment agent, and that's how she learned her tough negotiation skills. No wonder the producers of the show had such a tough time keeping her happy. For those who have not seen it, I highly recommend it. It's even got guest appearances from Larry Hagman, Steve Kanaly, and Patrick Duffy - and of course, the resplendent Vicki, who looks quite good for 49 years of age.

3. I think that the end of Wednesday's episode was an undeniable nail in the coffin for the show. To have JR job to Cally and John Ross's blubbering is just absolutely pathetic. What purpose did this whole thing serve, except to make JR look totally pathetic and bereft of his usual guile? Even if you feel that it's good that JR is taking a back seat to some of the other characters, you have to admit that it's silly to see him practically impotent to act on his wishes.

2. I think that Sheree J. Wilson has almost succeeded in becoming the perfect Pam substitute. Certainly she's got the childishness and petulance down pat. As I mentioned in the nits, I've often defended April insofar as saying that despite her faults, she's a great match for Bobby. But this week she struck me as having a lot of the characteristics of the post-dream Pam, which includes a very boring dimension of being a babyface with no defining gimmick other than being Bobby's significant other. Even Pam had those lame "overprotective" angles which were annoying but kept the plot going. April's got nothing right now.

1. I think it's time for the mass exodus to begin! Very quickly now the writers are going to drastically start cutting air time for all but the central cast - some at their own requests, some just to save money. This whole Jessica thing will play out and bring some characters together, as I mentioned earlier. Bobby and April will get married, Stephanie Rogers is dealt with, and JR concocts his hairiest scheme yet.