The I Think Archive

Ten things I thinkI think this week:

Friday, January 29

10. I think I want everyone to know about the latest developments on the Dallas newsgroup. I don't want to say I told you so, but I did. When this situation first erupted, I was very hot and bothered and so what I said and did was construed by some to be a personal attack against Eric Newman. It was not meant to be, although in all fairness I will admit that that's how it came out. People also took exception to the fact that I said that Newman was the root cause of the problems of the group. I didn't explain that, but I will.
For those who don't know, there's some moron who calls himself CumRelish and has made it has life's work to try and ruin the newsgroup by posting sexual stories and taking everyone's posts and responding with adolescent sexual taunting. Someone had the intestinal fortitude to actually say something about the moron who has been posting endless garbage on the group, and Newman chided that person for not using proper "Netiquette" by posting in capital letters. He has been doing this as long as I can remember. He has taken a serious comment from someone and belittled it. The end result of this kind of nonsense is that people who actually have something meaningful to say stop posting. And that leaves only the human trash.

Here's what one person had to say [and this is used with permission, BTW]:

Well Ahmer, you were right and I was wrong. You said all along that Eric took joy in putting people down in order to prop himself up. I didn't believe you and actually spoke harshly towards you regarding the feud. I take it all back. When I read what he wrote responding to ONTHEWEB4U's post about his lady's educated opinion of the Relishidiot, (he responded by saying something like "I didn't know a published author writes in all caps." You were right. He is a Jerk. Who does he think he is? The Lord Almighty, the all knowing, the all judging. After reading that one sentence I can tell you all that Eric is a wimp who gets his kicks belittling others. But the fact is, he is the smallest person around. Gosh, I wish I could smack his face.

While I certainly don't condone violence, I know where this person is coming from. The bottom line is that Newman obviously considers the newsgroup to be his own personal niche of the Internet, and if what you post doesn't match up to his standards, he'll throw some lame insult your way. Of course, he's never had the testicular fortitude to say anything directly about CumRelish. And now that people are complaining about his antics, he has chosen to cocoon himself and not respond. That honor is obviously reserved for me alone.
Newman reminds me of JR in Episode 54...remember that? When he drove everyone away from Southfork with his antics? And Sue Ellen congrulated him on being the only remaining Ewing son? Remember what Kristin did to him after that?
Tick tock, Newman. Consider yourself exposed.

9. I think that despite the loss of Pam, Donna, and others, the show is still worth watching. This will be a decent season. A far cry from 1981, but I'd still rather watch a bad episode of Dallas than almost any other current show on its best day.

8. I think if I had one wish about Thursday's episode, I wish that there would have been one scene at some point in the show where Jock Ewing laid the smackdown on Jeremy Wendell. I almost wish that Wes Parmalee had turned out to be Jock and smacked that guy so hard and messed up his smug pretty boy face.

7. I think I am a little disturbed about the sudden sexual nature being displayed by Clayton and Ellie recently. As I have pointed out, the mere fact that Clayton seems to have a sex drive is a little disturbing to me. I, for one, have grown quite comfortable with the nonsexual world in which Clayton and Ellie live. I wish the writers would do something more interesting with it, but that's another story.
It's not that Clayton and Ellie should not be allowed to be playful - it's just that I don't see the need for having it rammed down our throats all of a sudden in a "Clayton refinding his youth" storyline. It just seems odd and out of place.

6. I think I wish Donna's character had a chance to grow on her own instead of having to help get Ray over. Susan Howard had a lot to offer to the show but had zero opportunity to show it. A darn shame. As Jason pointed out, and I agree, she brought a lot of class to the show. It's not her fault they relegated her to doing all of the things that no one else wanted to do like convince Ellie to take Jock's portrait down.

5. I think that while I haven't been nice to Mandy, it's a shame for her to leave without any sense of closure, a la Leslie Stewart. Come on, writers! Couldn't you have had a final scene?

4. I think I'd like to speak to the comments I've read that "it won't be the same without Ewing Oil." Well, no, it won't. Things will be very different without Ewing Oil. And things will be different without Pam as well. Pam and Ewing Oil represent the two major sources of conflict we have seen on the show. Pam is caught in the middle of the Barnes-Ewing feud, and Ewing Oil is obviously something worth fighting over. And since conflict is the essence of any drama, when the sources of conflict change, the drama changes. I think [that's two I think's] we'll have to deal with it.

3. I think that this season's key word is hypocrisy. Ray and Jenna have been in an angle which was founded on hypocrisy by trying to pretend that their situations were similar yet at the same time different. Bobby got sick of all of the shenanigans he was forced to pull because of the BD Calhoun situation, in which he was forced to protect the Ewing name by lying about everything. Even Ellie's ridiculous wishy-washiness about the Wes Parmalee fiasco smacked of hypocrisy. Come on, Ellie! You love Clayton, but suddenly with the possible return of your husband, you don't know if you're allowed to love him?

2. I think we all wish Victoria Principal hadn't left the show. For all the ranting I've done against her, I will really miss her. For her inner beauty as well as outer beauty. She definitely had her moments. When I think of Pam, I don't think of any one specific moment or a specific thing she said... I think of her as being something very unique to Dallas: a multifaceted character. Sometimes we would get annoyed because Pam would often flip-flop the way she did things for no reason, and no one else on the show does that. But you know what? In retrospect, that's what real people do! In real life, no one has the same character traits for ten straight years...heck, I change my mind and my mood every ten minutes sometimes! I think [that's another I think] that when we remember Pam, we should remember her as being the most REAL person on the show.

1. I think that after all that, I have to amend something I once said. Jock is not the heart and soul of Dallas. He is the soul, no question, and always will be. But Pam was the heart. Think of the show as having just had a heart attack. It will be much more subdued, but still enjoyable.

Friday, January 22

10. I think I have to make a public service announcement for all those who may not be familiar. I'm glad everyone is enjoying some of the new stuff that the AHNs and I have dreamed up over the past few months, such as the tote board, the trivia board, and the other new features. But I must say I'm a bit disappointed that Six Degrees of Dallas has kind of lost its steam. It was the first 'activity page' that I put up on this site, and I like it because while the concept was borrowed from the 'Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon' game, it was one thing that really separated this site from all the other Dallas sites.
So next time you have time to kill, stop by SDOD. I think everyone enjoys it when they see a familiar face shows up on Dallas, such as Amy Yasbeck of 'Wings' and 'Problem Child' this week. So this is a way we can have some more fun with the guest appearances.   

9. I think that Ozwald Valentine is the most unlikable character the writers ever dreamed up. This guy is a horse's ass. And not even a very likable one. His smarmy misogyny is such a turn-off.

8. I think it's good to have Jack back on the show, even if it is only for a day or two. It's just such a damn shame he's been nothing but a jobber his whole time on the show. I, for one, salute the Big Ramboski.

7. I think it's interesting, as Jason pointed out, that Ray and April were actually in the same room today. It's a darn shame Ray was too busy helping Jenna get a life to seek out the lonely April and give her a hook-up with Sexual Vanilla. This would have made him a true grand-slam champion with the ladies, since he then would have been with every mainline Dallas actress under 50.

6. I think I wish Bobby would have had the opportunity to smack Ray during their argument on Thursday. Not that it would have accomplished much, but it would have been nice.

5. I think that despite the fact that he's not a civil lawyer [as was pointed out in the nits], Scotty Demarest did a pretty good job at Cliff's hearing. Certainly he did better than at Jenna's trial. 

4. I think everyone knows how most of the AHNs and myself feel about Pam lately. She might as well change her last name to Broflofski. She is unbelievably annoying.

3. I think Patrick Duffy should have made up his mind about whether he wanted to be the 'tougher, meaner' Bobby or his old self. The new attitude which we have sparingly seen this season is the reason he decided to return to the show, but it hasn't been consistent. Some days he's sensitive; some days he's not. But on Thursday, when JR admits to him that he used Mary Elizabeth to set Cliff up, and seriously ruined her day in the process, Bobby doesn't blink an eye. This is very un-Bobby-like.

2. I think I already mentioned this, but can you guess? FREE LINDA GRAY right now. It's absolutely become unconscionable how Sue Ellen is doing nothing except talking about Mandy and having sex with JR.

1. I think I'm having a hard time coming up with a Number One this week. But one thing struck me as being very odd. Did anyone notice that John Ross and Christopher have been completely depushed this week? What is up with that? Especially after they were so prominent during the BD Calhoun storyline. Maybe they were traumatized by the gun incident.

Friday, January 15

10. I think I want to put an absolute end to this nonsense with Eric Newman and CatTess. Over the past few days, I've thought of several things that I wanted to say about this business, but I've decided to just leave it alone. I will only point out one last thing: Newman himself commented to me that he has been 'under fire' from various people for well over a year. Yet I am the only he bashed the way he did, and he continues to do so even though I have left the group. Why would he do this me and to no one else? Well, I guess where there's smoke there's fire. I'm a firm believer in the fact the people instinctively know what the truth is, even if they choose to ignore it at other levels.
It's a given that people who are always negative about everything will want to bash anything positive, especially when they're not a part of it. This page is meant to be a positive experience for Dallas fans, unlike the newsgroup which has never really accomplished anything positive. If people think we're goody-goodies and back-patters just because we like to have some fun, that's their problem.
And finally, I'm leaving this out to anyone who has taken the time to visit this page: if you have a problem with me, or with anything I've done, let me know. I'm a big boy and I can handle it, and contrary to what has been said about me, I don't believe that I'm perfect. One person has commented to me that it was improper 'Netiquette' to post CatTess's e-mail along with my personal note. I respect that person's position. The only reason I did this was because she didn't just insult me - she insulted all the AHNs and by extension, everyone who visits this page. I wasn't going to stand by and let that pass - but in the future, I will think twice before I let the entire world know the contents of my Inbox.

9. I think I want to thank everyone who supported me during this fiasco. But I must ask everyone - and I mean EVERYONE, including you, Kyle, to whom I owe the most - to just drop it. Let it die. Pretend it never happened. The only thing that is different now is that I will no longer be a part of the newsgroup as long as CatTess is there. That is the ONLY thing that has changed.

And now, back to more conventional stuff...

8. I think that Pam and Bobby are boring as hell. Kyle and I bantered this around and we came to the conclusion that they're much more interesting when they're apart then when they're together. It's a perfect example of the truism that having is not so great a thing as wanting sometimes. We all want Pam and Bobby to be happy...but when they're this happy, you wish they would break up and start entertaining us rather than make every scene a love-in.

7. I think it is rather frightening that JR almost won a Lucy award. Larry, what were you thinking booking yourself out of Friday's episode?

6. I think that Ellie and Clayton have reached the depth of ridiculousness when their entire contribution to an episode [Thursday] is a trip to Oklahoma to buy a rolltop desk. Joe Stanganelli pointed out that Ellie and Clayton just took a vacation in the previous episode, so this is getting totally egregious.

5. I think I felt a little bit sorry for April after she had to lie to her mom the way she did on Thursday's episode. Just a little bit. But if she's really hard up for companionship, shouldn't she visit some singles bars or something? She's certainly not going to meet anyone moping around her apartment.

4. I think that Wednesday's episode was the best we're going to see for some time. Generally speaking, DALLAS is not known for its action scenes, so seeing BD Calhoun and JR chase each other around like they did was rather weird. There were some good moments of suspense, and the episode was quite well done. It might have been better if perhaps Bobby were to overhear BD and JR talking about some of the details of their 'plan' that went awry and realized that JR wasn't being entirely straightforward when he claimed to be innocent of any wrongdoing.

3. I think that I might inaugurate a special "Dallas Math" section. Here's the lesson for this week, boys and girls:

RAY + DONNA = "What else is on right now?"

2. I think that Sue Ellen's continued depush for the THIRD week totally stinks. Say it with me now: FREE LINDA GRAY! FREE LINDA GRAY! FREE LINDA GRAY!

1. I think that Ken Kercheval deserves our respect. If you're a typical fan, you don't notice him in many episodes, and often times when you do, you find him annoying, right? I'll admit, I thought so too for a long time. But think about it: in many cases, isn't Cliff supposed to be annoying and semi-neurotic? I think Kenny K does a great job because he knows his role: he's a supporting actor. Plain and simple. Make Victoria look good. Make Larry look good. Make William Smithers look good. He does all this and more. Bottom line: Kenny, this week, you're DA MAN!

Friday, January 8

10. I think that for the first time ever on Dallas, the storylines seem to be more interesting than the characters. Usually I have more to say about JR or Bobby or Pam than about what they're actually doing or what is being done to them. But not this season. This season, the Wes Parmalee situation was bigger than any one character [even JR]. And so is the Calhoun saga. And so will the next storyline. It's not criticism or praise, it's just...different.

9. I think that over the next month or so, there will be a lot of confusion about job descriptions. Without spoiling anything, let me just say that we will become more involved in storylines that involve the corporate structure of entities such as Weststar and Ewing Oil. A lot of job titles will be bandied about, and I think it's important that people understand what they mean, since most of us aren't business majors.

Let's start with Jeremy Wendell. As April told us Thursday, he is the President and CEO [Chief Executive Officer] of Weststar. As the CEO, he is responsible for making decisions that affect the company as a whole, such as mergers, major purchases, etc. As the President, he is responsible for making decisions that affect the day-to-day operations of Weststar, such as opening and closing oil fields, hiring and firing Vice-Presidents and other upper management personnel, and creating company policies.

Since Weststar is a publicly traded corporation, Wendell answers to the Board of Directors of the company. The Board is composed of people who control a significant portion of Weststar stock, and in his capacity as CEO, Wendell would be one of the members of the Board. The person who controls the most stock is the Chairman of the Board and this person is NOT Jeremy Wendell. To put it a different way, speaking purely hypothetically, Wendell could be fired if the Chairman of the Board were unhappy with him and was able to garner enough support amongst Board members.

Now let's consider Ewing Oil. This situation is slightly different because Ewing Oil is a privately owned company; you can't go to a stock exchange and buy shares of Ewing, as you could with Weststar. Technically, Ewing Oil would have a Board of Directors consisting of all of the people who own a piece of it. [JR, Bobby, Ellie, Ray, Gary, and Jamie]. JR and Bobby, controlling 60% of the company combined, are co-CEOs and co-Presidents. The title of Chairman of the Board is rather meaningless in this situation. While Jock Ewing was alive, he was the Chairman of the Board of Ewing Oil [which consisted of only him]. JR was the President of the company, since he ran day-to-day operations. He performed many of the duties of CEO as well because Jock gave him the power to 'wheel and deal'.

I know this is probably rather uninteresting at this point, but trust me: it's significant. In a few weeks, you'll want to refer back to this to unravel some of the terminology that gets bandied about.

8. I think that I, like Val Martin and Anne and many other female fans, will miss Dack Rambo. Not for the same reasons, perhaps. In my case, I like the Jack character a lot. He adds a footloose dimension to the show which is sorely lacking otherwise. April provides a little bit of that, but not enough for my liking.

7. I think Jeremy Wendell is the most credible heel ever on Dallas because he has the ammunition to carry out his threats against the Ewings. When you look back at other heels such as Jessica Montfort or Katherine Wentworth, you never really got the impression that this was the kind of person that could shatter the Ewing stronghold, but 'The Jeremy" is quite different in my mind.

6. I think you all know what I think about the LAME payoff of the Parmalee storyline. Even my Scooby-doo ending would have been better than just having Parmalee say, "By the way, Ellie, I'm not Jock. Later."

5. I think Pam has never been more annoying than she is right now. And sometimes she has been a total bitch. We've seen her put Bobby through marital hell for a season because she couldn't bring herself to tell him she might be carrying a genetic disease. We've seen her nearly kill herself out of psychosis for a baby. We've often seen her be totally unreasonable towards the people she loves. But this latest gimmick takes the cake.

4. I think I still don't really care one way or the other about April...yet. Certainly there's not much to like about her at this point, but I've seen April's better days, so I'm torn about this.

3. I think that given the amount of times we see people eating at the Oil Baron's Club, it's a surprise that more people don't bump into each other. Every meal of the day, someone's there. If it's not lunch, it's dinner. Is the food really that good at this place? Or do the guys just love staring at Cassie's cleavage which is so excessively manifested by her egregiously low-cut dresses?

2. I think Sue Ellen's CONTINUED depush totally sucks big time. It gets a little better next week, but I must still protest at the top of my voice: FREE LINDA GRAY! FREE LINDA GRAY!

1. I think Ray and Jenna deserve each other. More so than any other two people on the show. All of the self-serving hypocrisy that pervades their conversations makes me want to throw up more than Pam's ridiculous dialogue during her scenes where the 'overprotective' angle dominates. No matter which argument you believe about a father or mother's right to be with his or her child, you have to admit that these are two of the most selfish characters you've ever seen on your television screen.

Friday, January 1

10. I think that the Dallas marathon was a great idea. I just wished I could have enjoyed it more...I had a lot of work to catch up on. But I caught most of it and they certainly picked a decent cross-section of episodes to show. For those who are reading, please think about a future Poll of the Week: Episode of the Series. Could you pick just one?

9. I think that the best-looking Pam was the one we saw early in Season 1, in Episodes 6 and 7. The hair, the face, the figure...the stuff that dreams are made of. But I digress.

8. I think that, despite this, Pam should have been slapped for asking Jenna to adopt her child. And then kicked while crying on the ground. This was absolutely insufferably cruel and unworthy of the Pam character. This is kind of nonsense I'd expect from Ray, but not Pam. Ray deserves about a dozen Stone Cold stunners for being a moron and blabbermouthing to Pam and Bobby about Jenna's baby right before their wedding.

7. I think that though the Wes Parmalee plot line has some holes in it, it's a great one because it gets everyone involved. Conflict is the essence here, and this man has certainly instigated a lot of conflict.

6. I think this jockeying for position between Jack and April is getting really tired. Get out of the pool for two seconds and into the real world, people! I realize that the only reason this is being done is to introduce April to as many people as possible but it just seems way too contrived.

5. I think that Charlie's 'face turn' was rather abrupt. Here she was, this stupid petulant teenager determined to bother her mother at every turn. And now suddenly, everything's okay? Unbelievable. Certainly the writers could have milked this for more.

4. I think Jenilee Harrison almost seemed like a decent actress this week.

3. I think that all you Mandyholics will go through some painful withdrawal for a while but you'll be all right. To tide you over, I'll leave you with a tidbit: she's coming back. And it won't be too long.

2. I think Sue Ellen was horribly depushed this week and it sucks. I think most people will agree that we can't be content with one or two scenes at Valentine's Lingerie or plotting against JR and Mandy. Free Linda Gray!

1. I think the most ridiculous thing going on right now is the lamenting the Ewings are doing about the lack of security in their lives. All of the talk about it is even more ridiculous than the fact that they never DO anything about it. Parmalee shows up at Southfork whenever he jolly well pleases, and no one even thinks that this is a problem? Yikes.


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