Season 10 (1987 - 1988)

Episode 252: After the Fall / Ewing Rise

- I'm curious why Pam was airlifted to Dallas Memorial rather than Braddock Emergency. Wouldn't she be closer to Braddock at the time of her accident, since she was on her way home?

- As pointed out below, Bobby has every right to tell Ellie and Clayton to keep the news quiet. Especially since they obviously told that blabbermouth Ray, who then tells Jenna. I'm sure all of Dallas knows by the mid-point of the episode.

- The 'I didn't see you come in' line is used again, only this time JR says it to Ellie! There's a switch.

- There are some slightly new hair-dos, April most noticeably, but nothing too egregious. Losing three female cast members like this will do that. Jason points out that April wasn't around in Episode 251, so she had plenty of time to get her hair done.

- Jackie got a nice new desk for her office! Same old automatic doors, though.

- And of course, I would be remiss if I didn't wonder out loud why Ellie seems to have these animalistic urges towards her husband, especially with the disgusting sweat stains that pervade his shirt. I hope my future wife loves me that much.

AHN Kyle's corner:

- OK. So Cliff got $58 million for his 5% of Ewing Oil (not a bad guess on my part-- $50 mil). $58 million is 5% of $1.16 billion, and if we add the $670 million fine we get $1.83 billion. That means Ewing Oil was sold for about 92% of its fair market value (not bad for being done so quickly, more on that later...). That means that both Bobby and JR will have about $390 million each to start with (just from Ewing Oil). Kudos to the DALLAS writers for making the money matter fairly accurate. Yeah, this is pretty good.

- My assumption is that Weststar bought up Ewing Oil lock, stock and barrel. I'm sure that Weststar is a massive company, but coming up with nearly $2 billion this quickly might be a bit of a stretch (and one would have to assume that they did seeing as Cliff gets his cut in today's episode). They must be even bigger than I thought... like say the size of Microsoft (c. 1999).
Well, this is hard to say...they probably got some quick financing arranged. After all, JR was able to get a 1 billion dollar line of credit during the dream season, and Weststar is MUCH bigger.

- It seems as though Bobby parks illegally when he arrives at the hospital (and then AGAIN when he arrives later, in the background). I'm pretty sure that was a red zone (i.e. for ambulances). Usually spots right in front of the hospital aren't readily available (but then we couldn't see Bob running into Dallas Memorial, could we?). BTW, April does it too.
I can't believe I missed that!

- Couldn't Cliff have waited until April left to do his little Hamlet-esque soliloquy ("Oh father, I've failed you..."). It was really
awkward and bumpy to have April was there. Well, how else is April going to get over, man? She needs to do something.

- Cliff says that Digger "didn't have a mean bone in his body", but wait... didn't Digger kill a man? [possible BDotD here].
Ahh! Very nice! Well, he had one mean bone but I guess he lost it after his wife left him.

- Mr. Bobby? Mr. Bobby?? MR. BOBBY??? Nuff said.

- Did JR say that he was going to let Sly decorate the new office? That seems very strange. Maybe he wants a feminine touch, but I'd like to think he has some ideas in mind for what the place will look like. He does. Don't worry.

AHN Jason's corner:

- A non nit that hasn't seemed to happen since episode 90...  JR picks up the phone and says "I got it ,Theresa"  a touch of reality... too bad this only ever happens after a tragedy... Yes, that is a nice touch.

- Also I couldn't be sure, but I don't think the phone was plugged in. I'll check. Good one.

- I am no EMT but the bandage job done on Pam when she is first seen in the helicopter was pretty impressive for something done on the field....  I would have thought it would have been done that carefully in the hospital....

- I found it strange that no one even mentioned Donna, Gary, Valene or Lucy saying that they called and "wished their best"  or whatever they say in such tragedies... Why? They no longer exist for our purposes. [I know what you mean.]

- And while we're at it, what ever became of Pam's Aunt Maggie and Cousin Jimmy?  I know they have been gone for YEARS  but it would be nice continiuty wise to have at least mentioned them. Out of sight, out of mind, dude. If Cousin Jimmy were around, Ray would still be in Lucy's pants.

- Sly cabbages JR's loss of Ewing Oil badly..  Like JR doesn't know that all of his assets were mortgaged, even the building, etc. etc... Almost as badly as Marilee and Jordan.

- John Ross was cursed by the new season hair dos..  In the last episode of the 86-87 season  he has long hair (for a boy)  in the back...  now he has short hair and a SUIT on when he and JR are looking for new offices...  Now since the Pam plot is being done at the same time, it is only MAYBE an hour later... if that...   so John Ross changed from a sweatshirt to a Suit and got his hair cut in that hour.. and his father already had a new office building being constructed to his desires in that hour...  pretty far fetched... Kudos though for Sue Ellen..  She had the same hair and outfit that she was in in 251...

AHN Mike's corner:

- The immediate question that comes to mind is whether by now the Ewings and their extended family are getting volume discount rates at Dallas Memorial Hospital. Even as one checks out another checks in. I think they ARE getting a discount and additional perks. Too bad Pam can't enjoy the perks...or maybe she got the two-ply bandages.

- Consider this, two episodes ago Bobby pulls up at breakneck speed and parks his Porsche  apparently illegally, right in front of the hospital. He then proceeds to leave the keys in with the top down!! The next day, his car is back in the exact same spot and April and Cliff park crookedly and apparently illegally right in front of him. I argue that this is a row of reserved parking for the Ewings - the hospital's best customers. Interesting spin. Kyle noted the egregious parking.

- Did anybody notice that Raoul's first line, telling Bobby about a phone call, was delivered with a decidedly Texas accent instead of the expected Mexican accent? Later, in his second line of dialogue the accent disappears. This was very bizarre.

- Why is John Ross wearing a jacket and tie to go office shopping with JR? The whole family looked like they just came from church. He may just going through that "I want to be like my dad" phase. In his case, it lasts his whole life.

- Another thing prominent in the last two episodes is a lot of senior sex innuendo going on between Miss Ellie and Clayton. Miss Ellie must have bought a whole bunch of sack teddies and other sack lingerie from Valentine. Ooh...that's disturbing.

- Boy, did April look bad in the scene with Cliff where her hair was pulled back! Made her face look square and looked like she had a receding hairline. I didn't think it was too bad...different, but it was all right.

- Bobby must have really been upset at the hospital when he told Clayton and Miss Ellie not to tell Christopher about the accident. Did he forget whose loudmouth blabbing let Christopher know he was adopted? He has every right to worry! They told that blabbermouth Ray!

AHN Joe's corner:

- I know that one of the AHNs already wondered why John Ross was dressed up when he was looking at buildings with J.R., and this was attributed to wanting to be just like daddy.  However, this occurs on the same day as when we saw the Ewing Oil offices being emptied (as can be evidenced by the scenes concerning Pam's crash), where John Ross was dressed in casual clothes.  So did J.R. take John Ross home just so he could change into a suit, and then go looking for buildings?  And if that's the case, why didn't he run into Bobby, who would have told him then that Pam could probably bear a child to term?
Hey, that is a good point.

- When Ellie picks Clayton up for lunch and backs up in her VW, she doesn't turn her head around when she's in reverse.  In my Driver's Ed. courses, in between watching stupid and often gory movies about car driving safety, it was drilled through my head that one should always turn around when backing up.  Ellie didn't do that, nor did she even look in the mirror!  Oh, well... I guess anyone that's been on Southfork long enough knows not to get in Miss Ellie's way... I guess so. Good call!

-  I noticed that Christopher has started just today to call Bobby "Dad" instead of "Daddy."  I suppose this isn't really a nit, but it is rather curious...  After all, John Ross still calls J.R. "Daddy" (and Bobby and J.R. still refer to Jock as "Daddy" for that matter). Interesting. We'll see if it continues.

Episode 253: After the Fall / Digger Redux

Bonehead Dialogue Award: [courtesy of AHN Kyle]

Ellie: "Clayton has had a heart attack"
Ray: "What?"
Ellie: "Oh no, not today. I mean..."

That was just so incredibly stupid. The way Ellie phrases that first question, how could Ray NOT interpret that Clayton has just had a heart attack? "Oh, BTW Ray, Southfork has burned down.... no, no, not today, it was sometime back in the early 80s, but it HAS burned down." Very silly.

- This is the first time [but not the last] that Sue Ellen goes into 'posturing' mode. Today, she tells Nicholas Pearce that she built Valentine's Lingerie from almost nothing. Uh, not quite. She bought the company from Ozwald. Or has she already forgotten?

- Most of you know that I'm VERY glad to see Katherine back. Something about those eyes...but I digress. I guess she's still a little loony because she refers to Pam as her little sister. Huh? Unless something is wrong with my Dallas chronology, Pam was born long before Katherine was even a twinkle in Herbert Wentworth's eye. [Ohhh...that's disturbin.]

Dave O submitted: The more I watch Dallas the more I think Sue Ellen is a very selfish person. She does not seem to care or be affected by other peoples misfortunes. I remember when Jock died she hardly shed a tear. When Bobby died she was a little more remorseful but that was probably because she was drunk at the time. Now this Pam travesty is not hurting her at all. She seems to be a very happy person (except when she gave it good to Mr. Valentine) Does she go to the hospital? Nooooo. Does she ask how  Pam is doing? NOOOO. I thought Pam was her friend. If this happened to Sue Ellen I would bet my bottom dollar that Pam would show some sadness over it. She did visit Sue Ellen in hospital when she miscarried Peter's baby. All Sue Ellen wants to do is kiss J.R. and live in her perfect little world. I guess they truly deserve each other. I usually like Sue Ellen but she is really ticking me off right now.'re right! Hey, you know what? Has anyone even TOLD her? I'm being facetious - of course she knows - but no one talks about it with her. This is really weird. Thanks for pointing it out.

AHN Val's corner:

- Today, we got to see the inside of Cliff's refrigerator. YUCK!! I know he's a bachelor, but he's also quite wealthy; at least wealthy enough to afford groceries. That refrigerator looks like that of a struggling college student. Not only is it barren, but there were a few science projects growing in there. Maybe it's time Cliff begged Afton to come back. She kept the house picked up and food on the table. Cliff is totally weird. I suppose it could be explained by the tragedy surrounding Pam. And Dandy strikes me as being a perfect Afton substitute for Cliff, except that he's about fifty pounds heavier and I wouldn't want to have sex with him.

- When Charlie came home, she was obviously in a bad mood. So, after exchanging "pleasantries" with Momma and Ray, she heads out back to "saddle up Darius." OK, so Charlie's going horseback riding. But she's wearing her school clothes--a blouse and skirt!!! These are hardly riding clothes. Yeah, I didn't know what to make of this. Not that I have the least bit of trouble with Shalane in a skirt - but it did seem highly inappropriate.

- After Charlie exits, Ray says "All we can get out of her is a grunt or a 'hmph'." They sound alike to me, Ray! No comment. I'm just shaking my head because I know what is to come with this storyline.

AHN Jason's corner:

- Just a note.. It has been two weeks since the accident.  Not sure... can't place my finger on it but that sounds like too much time has passed....... Agreed. This is bizarre.

- Cliff buys 2 drinks at a time..  a shot (shooter) and a beer (long neck). Is it customary to allow patrons to do this?  I always thought there was a 1 drink to customer at a time policy with bar establishments.
Maybe not when a guy wearing a nice suit walks in.

- Would the hospital really give Sly info on Pam? She's not family. Good point. Of course, she could always so she was calling on JR's behalf and use the power of the Ewing name.

- How the heck did Katherine get into Pam's room? Oh, she must have found a way to slip past that awesome Ewing security [snicker]. No, seriously, I'm sure she snuck her way in and grabbed a hospital gown. It's not that hard. When I was in med school, I found that it was rather easy to convince hospital staff that you're someone important, simply by the way you're dressed.

- Nice red chic leather outfit Sue Ellen has on while meeting with her business associates. Que professional!!
This will probably be the most sensible business outfit you'll see on her this season. I'm not kidding.

- Ellie says something about Clayton's heart attack 12 years ago,  I thought it was 10 years ago. It was only ten...three episodes ago.

- Pam leaves everything in her will to Christopher. What did you expect? The question is, what did JR expect? Pam's only living relatives [except for Aunt Maggie, Katherine and Cousin Jimmy, we assume] are Christopher, Bobby, and Cliff. Certainly JR should have anticipated this. The whole secrecy of looking at the will was truly pointless

- Does Ray ever work at Southfork anymore?  I never see him doing his Foreman duties.
Well, he pulled that cow out of the mud today. Of course, if he was wearing his foreman hat, he could have ordered one of the hands to HELP HIM OUT. But then we couldn't tote Ellie driving.

AHN Kyle's corner:

- Is it me or was JR's voice slightly different today? Maybe he had a cold or something, but it didn't sound normal. I found the sound quality to be lacking throughout today's episode. I thought so too. Perhaps a different sound filter. We'll see what happens tomorrow.

- Why does Sly accompany JR to meet the land owner at the beginning of the show? I know he's trying to get her more involved, but she just looks out of place. Very out of place. A consequence of the reduced cast. As a side note, when was the last time you saw three different characters introduced [or in Katherine's case, re-introduced] in the same episode?

- What's this about a buyout clause in Ozwald's contract? That's news to me. And if it does exist, why in the world would Ozwald agree to it? Very poor business decision... At the time I'm sure all he was thinking about was that $50,000 check.

- Cliff: "She [Pam] never rejected me, she never pushed me away". Hmmm, this seems to be a fairly idyllic representation of your relationship with your sister, Cliff. I seem to recall her saying: "I have no brother!" and her threatening to (and actually) leave BW on numerous occasions. She might have let Cliff get away with a lot of crap, but she wasn't ENTIRELY
supportive of his actions. Of course. But what's Cliff going to say at this point?

- Mighty convenient that JR and Sly ("stop crying!") see them removing the Ewing Oil sign. Very convenient (and would that really stop traffic?). Only on Dallas. And JR should tell Sly "There's no crying in the oil business!"

- It doesn't happen too often, but we, the viewers, occasionally catch a glimpse of Sue Ellen's fine looking body. It is these little glimpses which always remind that Linda Gray was quite striking lady (and yet the show seems to always downplay this fact).I would suspect that this is the result of Linda exercising creative control. At this point in the series, I'm sure she can dress however she wants, as long as it's appropriate for the scene.

- This is a multi-pronged nit w/r/t Sue Ellen's business venture. This whole notion of Valentine expanding (and possibly going public) is quite bizarre. Generally, companies do not expand unless their current operation is functioning efficiently. And as we have been told (on numerous occasions) Valentine w/out Mandy just isn't much. Also, they already have expanded (remember the west coast operation? didn't think so). BTW, who is running the West Coast op. now that Jamie has passed away? Maybe the phantom. Furthermore, expanding ones operation does not necessitate becoming a public company. There are several ways to expand (quite significantly, see: Ewing Oil), without participating on the market. Clearly Sue Ellen does need some advice, because she obviously doesn't have a FREAKING clue about what she's doing. [This is obviously just a vehicle to introduce a certain Mr. Pearce...]. Absolutely. The whole thing is exceedingly hokey.

- Keeping in mind I know nothing about "cutting horses", I still have to ask: what the HELL was going on with Ray and that donkey (horse?) in the water? Actually there seems to be a bunch of things wrong with this scene. Why is Ray wearing jeans? Denim and water scores a 10 on the uncomfortability scale.  Why is Ray wearing those leather pants? I'm pretty sure water RUINS leather. Finally: what is Ray accomplishing in the water (where the animal seems to be clearly agitated) that he couldn't do on land? Swimming lessons? I think it was a calf in the water. I'll ask Tory Humphries about this.
Tory responds:The leather pants are definitely a joke.  But the rest of the scene is fairly legitimate.  I grew up on a farm and my dad usually had 300-400 cattle. It is very common for a small calf to get stuck in a pond. Cows like to wade out in the water to cool off and get a drink.  This calf appeared to be stuck. Ray and Ox were just trying to get him/her out.

AHN Mike's corner:

- Did anyone notice that the BD Calhoun military music cropped up during the Sue Ellen/Ozwald Valentine shouting match? Valentine also seems to have a adopted a number of Cliff's physical mannerisms. Just as long as he's leaving.

- Poor Pam, the body (or in this case, the stunt body) is still warm and there's April and Katherine already in action trying to take over everything that was Pam's. Did you expect anything less? It's good to see her back.

- Larry Hagman had a doozy of a cold throughout the filming of this episode which was evident practically every time he spoke. Yeah, I thought so. Thanks for confirming.

AHN Joe's corner:

- When Sly goes into J.R.'s office, she forgets to knock.

- Well, J.R. has a new car, again...  Must be nice to be rich. Very nice to be rich.

- When J.R. and Sly drive off from the courthouse, they don't buckle their seatbelts.   I wasn't going to mention this, because people in Dallas hardly ever do so anyway.   But when they are driving on the highway a few minutes later and they notice the ex-Ewing Oil fields, they are in fact buckled. Great point...and a tote! Thank you.

- Not a nit, but Larry Hagman now has his custom-made "J.R." gold watch, if you noticed.  You can find more information about it from the Larry King interview at

- When Ellie drives to where Clayton and Ray are pulling a calf out of the water, there is a cut, and when it cuts back to Ellie's car, the car is in the same place where the cut left off, as if Ellie stopped when the camera cut and started up again just before the camera was back on her. Yeah, I thought so but I figured the weird perspective was playing tricks. Thanks for confirming.

- ...and Raoul has his Texan accent again. Yes he does.

- When Sue Ellen's secretary wants entry into Sue Ellen's office... so far so good...   but she doesn't wait for a reply (i.e., "Come in," "Wait a minute" "Go away," etc.) and just bursts right in anyway.  Geez. I'm telling you, this Jackieism IS contagious! Good one...

- This isn't a nit, but did you notice that J.R.'s mantra today seemed to be about "moving on"?  Interesting thematically-relevant dialogue here. This is hardcore analysis, man! I like this! Moving on in both a real-world and storyline sense.

Episode 254: The Son Also Rises

Full House Moments: 3 [I think]. Bobby and Christopher at the hospital; Bobby and Christopher at home; Ray and Marnie. This is very debatable.

Bonehead Dialogue Award: [courtesy of AHN Kyle]

- Bobby: "Someone paid Pam a visit. Her sister, Katherine"
Wow Bob, her sister Katherine!?! As opposed to her sister Maude or her sister Jane, or perhaps her sister Sarah? Quite redundant.

- Ellie must be quite distracted by all of the things going on. In the opening scene, when Bobby organizes the search party, Ellie tells him that Christopher could be anywhere. Then, after two more pieces of dialogue, she says there's no sense waiting at home and activates the switch for the Batpoles. What gives?

- The grease monkey at the gas station tells Bobby which way Christopher went, and then points out to Bobby that there's a fork in the road in that direction. Well, Bobby came from that direction, so he probably knows that. Perhaps the guy didn't see which way Bobby came from.

- As I've been pointing out, Sly must have been keeping up a sense of formality at Ewing Oil. Whenever Harry McSween came around, she called him "Detective McSween". Now, without Phyllis or Kendall around, he's "Uncle Harry".

- This is the one that got me interested in nitpicking Dallas in the very first place. Why, oh, why, oh, why, doesn't anyone ASK Christopher who brought him to the hospital? All we're told is that it's just some stranger. Given Katherine's presence in Dallas, if you were Bobby, wouldn't you want to know what was going on? I can understand that Bobby's not thinking straight, and maybe Ellie isn't either, but shouldn't Clayton have the presence of mind to try and glean some information?

- Jenna asks Ray why he and Marnie were whispering. Hmm. They weren't whispering, Jenna. You just can't hear anything beyond a two-meter radius of your newborn son.

- Ray tells Charlie, with a straight face mind you, that "Jenna is the finest woman I've ever known." Is that a fact? I'm sure that Donna and Pam must be turning over in their proverbial Dallas graves.

- Bobby, Bobby, Bobby. I was considering toting this one on the gimp meter for you, but I'll just chalk it up to sheer stupidity. Wacko Kathy comes to Pam's room. Bobby tells her to stay away because he plans to put guards outside the door. Let's see...let's see...I know it's here somewhere...oh yeah! Hey Bob, remember Episode 164? The one where JR put guards outside your door because you had just been shot? Remember what almost happened? Katherine managed to get in and nearly give you a fatal injection. If I know Katherine, she's laughing uncontrollably inside.

- When JR takes a call near the end of the episode, he picks up the receiver and says 'Yeah?'. This doesn't seem like a good way to answer the phone.

- Dandy is either very crafty or very stupid. It's hard to tell whether he's pretending not to have heard what Jackie said over the intercom to Cliff or whether he's just really that dumb.

Rob Frazier asked:  Question: Why the hell wasn't Dallas Memorial Hospital the FIRST place Bobby looked for Christopher?! The kid HAD been adamant about seeing his mama wasn't he?  Maybe Bobby didn't check the hospital
because Chris is adopted...  =o) LOL! That's great!

- Another question: Why the hell didn't Bobby deck Katherine when she showed up out of nowhere?  Is this not the same woman who pumped him full of lead, then tried to inject him with battery acid or something? I guess he didn't deck Katherine for the same reason he didn't "take apart" an equally deserving Mrs. Scottfield. Something about being a gentleman or something. Well, I have to protest one thing: you can't hit Katherine. I would smack anyone who even thought about ruining that beautiful face. And those eyes...but Mrs. Scottfield. A damn shame her husband never hit her. Might have slapped some sense into her.

- Can you believe that dumb ox Clayton's lame excuse for pushing his body past the limits?   So he doesn't want to change for anyone, huh?  So, Mr. Ox, what kind of change do you think Miss Ellie's going to go through after she finds you on your back chewing on your own antennae...?  Just a thought... We won't have to wait long to find out...

AHN Val's corner:

- When Bobby was on the phone with the sheriff, what was Raoul doing standing around with Ellie, Clayton and John Ross like he's one of the family? Well, I've always thought of Raoul as the family dog - of sorts.

- The neon artwork in JR's new office. This looks like something in a teen dance club. Very much so. He should put Jock's picture in the middle of all that! Wonder what DA MAN would think.

- Hospital rules? What kind of cold-hearted hospital would keep a little boy from seeing his critically ill mother. I know it was a safety issue. I could even understand imposing limits; adult supervision, time limits, etc. Bobby could have even prepared Christopher for what he was about to see (his mom in bandages). But what kind of harm could Christopher's presence possibly do?  Point well made. But the harm would not be to the hospital - it would be to the writers, who would have to change the "Everything sucks because I'm adopted" angle.

- Charlie and Marnie ride the little bus!!! Hmmmm. I thought that was reserved for disabled children and preschoolers. And what's the deal with the right-to-your-door bus service? Must public schools pick up and drop off the kids at designated bus stops. Most do, in bigger cities. I used to live in a small [about 50,000 people] town, in which I got to-your-door bus service, and it was a little bus too. I wonder what school district they're in.

- In the scene with Marnie, I noticed that Ray seems to stuff his pants. He looked more endowed in that scene than Dack Rambo ever did. Seriously? Let me check the tape....WHOA! Where did that come from? Good work, Ray, my friend!

- When Cliff visited Pam in the hospital, that was sure one well endowed mannequin lying in that bed. Okay, let me fast forward a bit...OH MY! Maybe that is Vicki under those bandages...if not, then the producers should hire this woman right away. [Between you and me, Val, this preoccupation with body parts is unhealthy.]

- At the breakfast table, why didn't Christopher and Bobby sit together? Pam's empty seat was in between them. Certainly one of them could have moved over. I would think that Father and Son sitting together would be more important keeping with the continuity of the Ewing Family Seating Chart. Hmm. At first I thought that someone else might have been sitting there, but no one else lives at Southfork. So you're right.

- Casey Denault. At first glance, I thought Jack had returned. Casey sure looks like him in Ray Bans and no shirt. They also had the same hairdo. Incidentally, who wears jeans to the pool??? Especially to get a tan. Excellent point. Is that all you have to say about the esteemed Mr. Denault?

- When Dandy showed up at Barnes-Wentworth, he said he couldn't tell by the name on the door what business Cliff was in. Last I remember, the doors read "Barnes-Wentworth Oil Company". I guess Dandy can't read. I believe this was mock sarcasm [is that possible?]. Dandy's saying, "Well, gee, Mr. Big Oil Man, why didn't you tell me you were in the business?"

AHN Jason's corner:

- Bobby got that Ewing 4 license plate cleaned up and put back on his new car.  Any ideas why they had Pam crash Bobby's car and not her own?  did they just want to get Bobby a new car?  Must have had a lot of $$ saved since so many of the cast just got canned... That's a great point - obviously the writers planned that. I guess Bobby's Mercedes was less expensive than Pam's Porsche.

- My own question-  Was Katherine the woman who gave Christopher a ride to the hospital?  It was not directly addressed.
Not directly addressed is right. It is NEVER directly addressed. No one even ASKS Christopher what happened. They just slap his wrists and tell him not to ride with strangers. Believe it or not, this one thing is what started me with the nitpicking.
Two scenarios present themselves: one, it was Katherine. She was watching Southfork [tomato juice in hand, of course], saw Christopher bike away, and followed him. Of course Christopher would not remember her since he was Eric Farlow at the time she was around and not Joshua Harris. Two, it was not Katherine. Christopher may have chatted up some stranger and told her that he was going to Dallas Memorial to see his sick mother. The woman may have felt sorry for him and offered to give him a ride. But whichever it is I WANT TO KNOW. And if I were Bobby I would want to know too. I guess the writers don't want us to know in order to keep their options open with this storyline. As you will soon see, this will make no sense.

AHN Joe's corner:

- A continuity error: After Wilson Cryder says to J.R. in the bar something about " will never be a force in Dallas again," there's a close-up of J.R. with his lips tightly pressed together, yet there is a cut right after this (cutting to a two-shot of Wilson and J.R.) showing J.R. with his mouth slightly opened, lips more relaxed. Must be Sue Ellen's influence.

- Why don't Pam's visitors have to wear scrubs today? I think one of the nurses mentioned something about moving her to a less intense area of the hospital - right before she moves her fingers.

- Whose convertible is Bobby driving?  Does he have a brand new car already??? I didn't look close enough - is it still Pam's car? It could be. Or it could be the one JR bought for him.

AHN Kyle's corner:

- John Ross has changed clothes since the end of yesterday's episode. When we left yesterday, John Ross had just told Bobby that Christopher went to the junction. Today it picks up, seemingly just minutes later, with Bobby phoning Fenton Washburn. Yesterday John Ross wore a jersey type outfit, and yet today he has on a plaid collared shirt. While it is possible that John Ross could have changed (after all, what's the first thing you do after your cousin goes missing? That's right, get dressed up), it isn't entirely plausible. Can't believe I missed it. Good one.

- As another AHN has pointed out, that spot in front of the hospital MUST be reserved for the Ewings' because Bobby parks there... again. That red paint must just mean "for Ewing vehicles only", because otherwise that would mean Bobby had parked illegally, and we all know Bobby would never do that (snicker). Yup. I saw it.

- I guess I can understand Katherine wearing black (it reflects her mood), but the veil? Come on, "little" sister Pammy isn't dead. Very dumb (although it does further the Cruella DeVille thing...) Yes it does. [Sigh.] I'm sighing because I know where this angle is going. [Two words: No. Where.]

- Oh, the DALLAS School of Weightlifting!! Two errors today. While John Ross is doing a real exercise, there is far too much swing in his arms as he moves those dumbbells. He's at risk for hyperextending or pulling something if he keeps that one up. And Clayton... Well, he's obviously mad at the end of his weightlifting scene, but he's going to be even angrier when he blows his hamstring! You can't jerk your legs around violently like that. It's very dangerous (even if you aren't an OLD man).
Everyone noticed John Ross, but I suppose Clayton could use some Tony Little sessions too.

- Musical Hospital Signs today on DALLAS? I counted three DALLAS MEMORIAL signs today. Now I guess she'd be in a different wing after being removed from the Burn ICU, but you'd think they'd show the same sign if only for continuity purposes. Hmm. Interesting.

- You would think that when Phyllis sees Bobby (for probably the first time in a couple of weeks) she would run up and hug him, wouldn't you? At least show some sign of affection! She must have Sue Ellen Syndrome (no, not alcoholism, lack of emotionality). I suspect a bit of cognitive dissonance myself. I think Phyllis doesn't want to hug him because she has real feelings for him. At least, that's what I think.

AHN Mike's corner:

- Raoul's heavy Texas accent was back last night. Like the others I was a bit perplexed as to why he was suddenly standing in the middle of the family and comforting John Ross when Christopher was discovered missing. He even had his hand on the kid's shoulder. Yes, someone pointed this out. He's becoming more and more like the family pet.

- Also, Teresa had another new short hairdo last night. Why is it I think Teresa is secretly buying Valentine lingerie and her and Raoul are having hot and spicy Mexican sex during the evenings in the servant's quarters? I think they are. I recall saying at one point that I think more sex goes on at Southfork downstairs than upstairs sometimes. Frankly, the idea of Teresa having sex bothers me more than Clayton having sex.

- On the subject of Ewing security (or lack thereof), when Bobby returned to see Pam and found the note in her hand, there was no 24 hour security guard to be seen, despite the fact this was well after after he had requested the guard. Yup. Good one.

- As to Katherine's veil, well she is wanted in Dallas. I assume she didn't want to be recognized.

- I can't believe nobody commented on Sue Ellen's breasts hanging out the side of that skimpy leotard during the exercise room scene. Given that Clayton had the hots for her before he married Miss Ellie, she shouldn't be parading around like that in front of him. It appears from this scene and the teddy scene with JR on Monday that she lost some of that extra weight she was carrying from the hips down. She looked very good. Linda Gray looks VERY good recently. Her clothes leave a lot to be desired, though.

- Wasn't JR sitting at the bar drowning his sorrows in alcohol way out of character for him? He could have been having a meal there and still run across Cryder. That would have been a bit more typical. Good point.

Episode 255: Gone with the Wind

Abandoned Lucas meter: 1.

Something in the air must be making everyone loony. You'll see what I mean.

- Ray asks Jenna if Charlie got on her bus okay. Well, let's see, Ray. The bus is pulling out of your driveway. Your mutual liver-in-sin is walking back to the house alone. If Charlie did NOT get on the bus okay for some reason, would she not be with Jenna? Perhaps I don't understand the dynamics of the Krebbs household.

- And of course, I would be totally remiss if I did not point out how stupid it is for Jenna to have to pretend that her daughter is thirteen. Especially since, as Val pointed out, Jenna mentioned Charlie's thirteenth birthday in the 84-85 season! Even that was wrong because Charlie, according to her birth certificate, was born in November of 1970. That would make her seventeen right now. Or did Jenna falsify the birth date as well as the father's name?

- I guess it must be that water retention thing. I don't mean to be indelicate here...but Jenna is positively FAT! Even those XXL monstro-sweaters that she must not have been able to sell during her boutique's closing sale can't hide the fact that either she still has a baby to deliver, or she must be eating Ray out of house and home. But I'm sure he doesn't mind because that just means there's more of her to love...
Val slapped me on the wrist by asking: Ahmer, have I taught you nothing? Jenna just had a baby--in real life!!!! Of course she's fat. This isn't your typical Dallas pregnancy where the mommy sheds all her extra weight on the drive home from the hospital. This was for real!!! The postpartum weight loss is especially difficult after second (as this was Priscilla's) and greater pregnancies. Believe me, I know. Yes, you're right. I didn't mean it this way. I just thought it was odd that Jenna didn't snap back into shape like the other Ewing women seem too.

- And since Val got my dirty mind on the topic, I must ask: Pam-in-bandages is much...flatter today. What happened?

- Bobby is also affected. As nearly everyone pointed out, Bobby tells Pam that Christopher went to see her two days after her accident. Well, that's hard to believe since in Episode 253, Bobby told us that it had already been two weeks since Pam's accident.

- And now let's move to Sue Ellen. Someone needs to give her a history book - like an autobiography, for starters. What the heck is she doing listening to Nicholas telling her to expand to Los Angeles? She DID expand to Los Angeles, until Jamie's untimely death. Sure, it was short-lived, but it happened! Shouldn't Nicholas know this? The guy is obviously very thorough in his approach to things.

- Ellie is next. She tells Clayton she knows about his heart attack ten years ago. Well, Ellie, you better make up your mind about this. Yesterday you told Ray that it was twelve years ago. A few episodes ago, the doctor said it was ten years ago. Was there some reason to misinform Ray? Does twelve sound more or less dramatic than ten?

- Clayton's doctor must have a really good lawyer or a whole lot of insurance. It's a very dangerous thing to tell a patient that you've betrayed the doctor-patient privilege, but that's essentially what the guy did.

- Just to prove to Kyle that I'm a fair guy, I must point out: the new Valentine girl will NEVER make anyone forget Mandy Winger. This woman makes Mandy look like Cindy Crawford [and that is the highest compliment I can pay a woman - at least until I get engaged.]

Adam Lafazan asked: Moments before Ms. Ellie tells Bobby that every thing is gonna be Ok (or was that the last episode), what is Bobby doing with his hands?  Is he playing with a string? I'll check.

Rob Frazier's corner:

- I could be wrong, but for some reason I think Bobby should have found out that the Charred-Mess-Formerly- Known-As-Pam was missing sometime BEFORE he actually got to her room.  I especially felt that way after the way that rent-a-cop -- I mean, security guard -- was beating himself up about letting it happen on his watch. (Another clue was the fact that there was a clear attempt to CLEAN UP the room Pam once occupied....)   Don't AWOL patients -- especially RICH ones -- demand at least a LITTLE attention from hospital officials? Interesting spin on this. I think you're right.

-  We all know the real-life reason for this one, but why, oh why, does the doctor simply say that Pam is "gone?"
I believe that most people in a situation like Bobby's would hear "gone" and immediately (albeit incorrectly, granted)
assume the doctor meant "dead."  Come on, Doc, have you no tact?!?!   Be specific so Bobby doesn't go though>any unnecessary emotional issues...! Well, we find out in the next episode that Bobby does indeed believe the
doctor means 'dead'. So you're right.

Tory Humphries pointed out that they showed an establishing shot of DFW airport.....Then once inside the airport they showed Sue Ellen in the Southwest Airlines terminal. Southwest Airlines DOES NOT fly out of DFW. All of their Dallas flights originate from Love Field.

Dave O pointed out that the building were Clayton went for his doctor's appointment looks very much like the building where Sue Ellen went for counseling with Dr. Elby. Hey, yes it does! Thanks!

Bruce Sinclair pointed out that I didn't want to bring it up but.... JR's "American" Cadillac Allente was built by Pininfarina Coachworks in Italy ( which is, by the way, a subsidiary of Ferrari which is, in fact owned by Fiat!!) and shipped to
Caddy for them to drop in the drive train. Doesn't get more American than that!

AHN Val's corner:

-  So, JR did buy Bobby that car--a Maserati.  That's Italian, right? Whatever happened to his "Gotta buy American" mantra from back when he bought his Caddy? Great point.

- This may have been addressed before, but Marilee Stone's hats look like UFOs. The aliens used her head as a landing pad.
They are truly pathetic hats. Best guess: the producers wanted to get the most mileage possible out of Barbara Carrera's wardrobe.

- Clayton's doctor looks like John Ross and Boss Hogg from the Dukes of Hazzard had a baby. You haven't seen Kenneth Tigar before? He's done bit parts in almost every series I've ever seen. He's a good character actor.

- Bobby asked Jenna if he could hold Lucas. But once he picked him up, he seemed distant toward the boy. He seemed more interested in fighting with baby's mother. If I were Bobby holding my newborn son for the first time, I wouldn't be the least bit interested in anything anyone else had to say to me at that moment. Instead I'd be doing some major snuggling and kissing. Spoken like a professional parent. Good one.

- And while I'm on the subject of Jenna, Ray, and Bobby, any thought of not letting Bobby see Lucas is wrong, wrong, WRONG!!! It was the adults that manufactured that sordid situation. They have no rights to feel bad about any of it! Ray invited Jenna and all her "baggage" into his home. Bobby has this new baby to whom he is obligated. And Jenna, well, she didn't get pregnant by herself, yet she didn't exactly prevent it.
Oh, yes, and Donna. She's not so innocent in this, either. She took her child away from her father and moved to Washington DC, claiming Ray can see his daughter "any time he wants". That's nice, but if Ray were truly interested in seeing Margaret, he would have packed up, followed them, taken up residence in Washington, and visited on a daily basis. It is high time these characters grew up and put the children first for a change. Children need both parents. Anything less in inadequate.
Sorry about that little rant. Dr. Laura took over my brain. You can use it if you want, though.
A very sensible rant and I agree wholeheartedly.

AHN Jason's corner:

- Nicholas Pearce- sexy ladies man.  gimme a break...  Bring back Jack and Mark...
Not Mark. Seriously. Some woman is going to have to give me a REALLY good reason why Mark is hot. I posed the question and have got no answers or even responses other than yours. Bring back the Ramboski anytime, but John Beck can explore "other avenues".

- Sue Ellen goes to a business dinner with Nicholas but brings no papers, notebooks or pens. Good one!

- No Cassie again. Is she sick or something?  I didn't see Dora Mae either. Producers saving more money.

The fabulous return of AHN Anne's corner:

- Whatever happened to Andy Bradley? Isn't he still part of the Cartel? If so, Jordan and Marilee should be ashamed of themselves for not including him in their meeting with Casey. He's not because his contract wasn't renewed.

- Didn't you think it was bizarre that April said "business talk" was her "favorite subject?" You could say politics or economics is your favorite subject, but business talk is a category of conversation, not a topic. Excellent nit! Pick, pick, pick. I love it!

- I have some redundancy nits for you. I laughed till my sides hurt when Ellie told Clayton she was kicking him out and he said, "What did I do?" Yello, Clayton! What else has anyone been talking to you about for the last five episodes? Then Ellie filed suit by asking Bobby, "What's wrong?" Sheesh, I wonder! Both are excellent points.

- Lastly, how did the doctor know that Pam was a beautiful woman before the accident? Would there have been some call for Bobby to show him a picture? Bobby talks about Dr. Gray to Pam like they've met. This is kind of weird.

AHN Kyle's corner:

- All right, the bus that drops Charlie off has the acronym B.U.S.D on it. Now I've got Braddock School District, but what's up with that "U"? It's a mystery... I was wondering the same thing! Our Texan friends will have to help us.
And all of our friends from the south tells us that the U stands for Unified. A school district can be Unified, Consolidated, or Independent. Interesting tidbit.

- I almost died laughing when Jenna's said to Ray: "you must know something about teenagers". Um.... yeah.... kind of.....
I laughed too. This is going to be an ongoing joke.

- What is Jenna talking about when she says that Ray is being treated like a "second-class citizen" (well, HE IS a half-breed) by the Ewings? Come again? The only Ewing who's mad at Ray is Bobby, and that's because Ray socked him. His Southfork avoidance seems to be self-imposed. Very confusing. Val's rant will take care of all this.

- How do you like that? Even though Pam is still NOT in the burn ICU, they've decided to return to the initial (i.e. main hospital) DALLAS MEMORIAL SIGN. This is quite odd. I think they only use this sign if Bobby decides to park illegally... I think you may be right.

- Has JR actually named his company yet? I know it becomes JRE Oil, but I don't think this has been made official. The sign says JRE Industries, of which JRE Oil must be a division.

- You'd think that Nicholas Pearce could pick up some hot ladies. Not today. The lady in red (at the airport) must've been a million. He should have ripped up her number the second she was out of sight ( a la 'Swingers'). Yeah, why did only the woofers give him their numbers?

- Ellie: "What now? You're taking up skydiving?"
  Clayton: [laughs]
  Ellie: "You think this is funny?"
Awwwww, come on Ellie, you started it! You were kidding about the skydiving thing, weren't you? Maybe she wasn't. Spooky.

AHN Mike's corner:

- Jenna's girth must have distracted everybody else but I certainly noticed that hideous yellow outfit with the black arrows all over it. Like one of the ugly outfits she wore last week, this one also has some UFO pinned to the front - a clear plastic circle with a black arrow in the middle. Weird! It certainly distracted me. She's FAT, dude!

- With all his and the Ewing's money, you'd think Clayton could get a decent doctor. This guy can't even afford a dental plan for himself and his office workers. If that gap between his front teeth were any wider, Pam could have driven Bobby's car through there and avoided hitting that truck!

- Miss Ellie made a new fashion statement in her scene with Bobby - the sack tee-shirt, a XXXX large hanging outside her slacks, making her look like the Goodyear blimp a bit low on air.

- The waitress at the Oil Baron's who was not Cassie looked remarkably like the giddy pool waitress that gushed all over Dusty two days ago. I thought so too, but I wasn't sure.

AHN Joe's corner:

-  Let's see...  Today, Clayton said he was "acting like an ass"... Ellie called Clayton "bull-headed"....  Is the Ox evolving? Interesting twist! LOL!

- Well, the best I can figure is that after Sue Ellen and J.R. got intimate, Sue Ellen went to a 24-hour hair salon and got her hair done before going to the airport... Maybe it's the humidity. I don't know.

- Wow! If Nicholas Pearce can get all those lovely ladies flocking around him with a Harvard education, I sure hope they send me an acceptance letter in April! I'm reminded of the sweatshirts I used to see: "Harvard, because not everyone can get in to BU."

- Nicholas to Sue Ellen: "Although you are a beautiful woman, Mrs. Ewing, you're also my client."  Well, Nick, there's kinda also the fact that she's sorta MARRIED! Doesn't that matter, too??? No. It does not. You'll see.

- Er, call me crazy, but why didn't the hospital save Bobby a trip and call Southfork as soon as they knew about Pam?
Less suspense, man. That would be boring and then we couldn't see Bobby rushing up the stairs and then see the look on his face...well, actually, we could see the look on his face, but we wouldn't be able to do the parking tote.

Episode 256: The Lady Vanishes

- Serena tells JR that her ex-husband is 'still in Chicago'. Why is that? In Episode 176, she told JR they were moving to San Francisco. And no, that wasn't part of the dream.

- Bobby pulls a Beavis during his episode in the Johnson home. "Huh, huh, this picture sucks. Break it!" It was very un-Bobby-like to toss that picture frame away in the nurse's bedroom and leave a mess. And then he leaves the door wide open as he leaves! Does he want her to get robbed for good measure?

- Given Nicholas's strict adherence to protocol when it comes to business, why does he allow Sue Ellen to sport the "Pebbles Flintstone" [according to Val] look? This is totally out of place.

Adam Lafazan asked: Regarding Pam, where did she get the pen and paper to write a note?  Did she ask the nurse (even though she can't speak)?  In addition, did she ever consider plastic surgery?  I guess the writers didn't want to kill her off in case they would need her return, right?   And after all, I don't think that the writers could afford another dream sequence.
Excellent point! She might have used sign language or something - but isn't this the kind of thing Bobby should ask about?

AHN Anne's corner:

- I'm not a doctor, so I don't really understand these things: I thought Pam's bandages were removed. Why does she still have them on? I'm not a doctor either [though I trained to be one for a year and a half]. I'm not sure about this but I would suspect that they just gave Pam a brief look and then put the bandages back on to continue the healing process. [Of course, we know the REAL reason.]

- Did Bobby know Nurse Johnson when he took that picture? Along those lines, he would be in huge trouble for breaking and entering! He kicked the door open, got his fingerprints over everything in the whole house and then left the door open! Maybe we should be tolerant given the circumstances. (By the way, the lady who played Nurse Johnson was in "Dallas: The Early Years!" Cool, huh?) Why did she have all those lamps on in her home during the day? Good points about all of this. The worst was leaving the door open. But I guess with all the cash that Nurse Johnson got, she can buy a new one - and more lamps!

- One last thing. I realize that the show was made in the 1980's, but Sue Ellen's hairstyles of late are not only repulsive, but they make her look about fifteen years older and really scary and evil. Someone should clue her in!
Absolutely frightening. Frankly, I can't believe that Nicholas actually allowed her to go their meeting with her hair like that. I would have expected him to say something like, "Mrs. Ewing...I don't think...that appropriate...for our meeting. Now...if you're serious...about doing business...with me...then you better go back...into your room...and fix it."
[Don't get me wrong. I like Nicholas! I just hate the way he pauses after every three words - and the gaudy sweaters he'll start borrowing from Jenna soon.]

AHN Jason's corner:

- JR and Casey drink champagne in a really low-life, tacky diner. Kinda out of place....Very. What was up with that?

- Cliff says that he doesn't think he can recognize the nurse but didn't Bobby show him the picture of her that he "borrowed" from her house? Well, we never see him do this - he shows it to the PI, not to Cliff. But I can't imagine that he wouldn't have shown Cliff on the way over. Actually, Cliff says he won't recognize her in her street clothes.

- The frame of the photo Bobby takes from the nurses house seems to be made of plastic, yet when he tosses it away, it sounds like glass breaking. Spooky.

- When the nurse phones Bobby, I didn't hear it ring at Southfork, but Theresa picks it up anyway...  HUH?
Double spooky. You're right!

- The Chairman of Wentworth Industries is called Parker Ellison in this episode.   Said he had been in this position for (at least) a few years, yet right before Pam found Mark in her backyard (In the dream), she was on the phone with the Chairman and I believe that she called him Norman...whatever his name was, I am SURE it was not Parker!! Yes, I remember this. It was Norman. I think it was a trivia question.

- Phyllis sure got those phone calls through really fast... She must have dropped Bobby's name. It'll allow you to get to anyone!

- Casey gives JR the contract to that land, but he still needs a check? Who signs a contract (and rights away) without the $$ handed over?  Kinda weird... Usually there's a clause in the contract to protect people from fraud and what not. Weird, though.

- How did Parker get past that awesome Ewing security at the hospital?  He didn't even have a name tag on his greens..   So much for good help........ None of the hospital workers do. Hospital security ten years ago was even WORSE than Ewing security. Nowadays this would never happen.

- I thought they cut off her facial bandages in the last episode.. So why does she still have them on now? Anne asked the same thing. I think it was just to let Pam have a look, and then continue the healing process.

- She sure writes a lot of notes..  How could she fit such detailed instructions on that paper?  The only note we ever saw her write was with really large print... so how could she write all those details on a single piece of paper.. especially the note to Bobby? Agreed all three times.

AHN Val's corner:

- I can't believe those hospital people are gonna tell an agitated Bobby where that nurse lives. Well, otherwise, he'll tear them apart. And of course, he's Bobby Ewing, so he has access to all sorts of high-level information. :)

- The caricatures of JR and Bobby were hilarious. But what were they doing hanging in a bar? Now, I've heard of bars and restaurants hanging up autographed photos of celebrity customers, i.e. actors, ball players, even politicians. But oilmen??? Certainly, they're more dignified than that. You'd be surprised. Here in Toronto we have a guy named Ed Mirvish who's older than most of our provinces. He owns a restaurant and a movie theater and all over his walls, he's got pictures and cartoons of all sorts of minor movie stars and wacky other people who have come through his territory.

- The little white table lamp in Cliff's condo. I have been told that it looks like an artichoke. Someone else said that it looks like a Dairy Queen soft-serve cone. I think it looks like one of those rainbow-colored stacking ring baby toys. Any other opinions? Figures you would take the toy angle. :) I'll have a look.

- When the nurse called Bobby, how come she didn't confront him about the damage to her house (see above)? Certainly, that can't be cheap to fix. Ah, but the nurse has $ 10,000 to do it. Certainly that'll cover a picture frame and a door. Even a lock, if need be. And just maybe she has a little bit of Mrs. Scottfield in her so she really cares about Pam.

AHN Joe's corner:

- When Serena is in J.R.'s office and walks to the mini-bar, she is just getting to the bar and putting her purse on the bar at the end of the cut, but in the next shot, we see her comfortably standing there with her purse already on the bar. Really? How did we miss this?

- I'm surprised Nurse Johnson's house has so many bedrooms (as evidenced by the large number of doors in the hallway in her house). This did seem odd - I thought it was strange that a nurse could afford a house like this.

- Another continuity error:  When Cliff walks into his condo with Dandy, the door is wide open, and he has his hand on Dandy. Yet on the interior shot that the scene cuts to, Cliff has his hand on the door, which is now half-closed (or, as an optimist might prefer to say, half-opened). I didn't notice this at all. Good one.

- And a third continuity error, this one in the same scene:  When Dandy walks into the condo, on the exterior shot he is gripping his coat at the top with his left hand, but on the interior shot, he has the coat draped over his left arm.

- Nicholas Pearce tells Sue Ellen "Like it said in that old song, 'You gotta have the gimmick.'"  Not too be overly facetious, the song was called, "You gotta have A gimmick." Hey, man, that's what nitpicking is all about!

- I seem to remember that the same building used for the establishing shot of the L.A. hotel where Nicholas and Sue Ellen are staying was also used for the establishing shot of a Washington, D.C. restaurant where Ray, Donna, and Senator Dowling had lunch towards the end of last season. Good one.

- Does Bobby really expect Tom Martin to be able to remember the Plane I.D. number or Tom to have written it down with such little notice?  I'm surprised Tom didn't even try to ask for that number again, as there was no sign that he wrote the number down.   Maybe he just doesn't want to do his job.  Uh oh.  You know what this means, don't you???  Jackie Dugan Syndrome is spreading!!!! Quite possibly.

AHN Mike's corner:

- It would be interesting if we had a lawyer on the list who could tell us exactly how many crimes Bobby committed at the nurse's house. I got him for breaking and entering, malicious destruction of property (door and picture frame), robbery (picture) and, most heinous of all, leaving the door open after he left to let those Texas-sized flies and mosquitoes in.

- Nicholas Pearce in the sales meeting appeared to have borrowed his glasses from the dumb adoption lady who screwed up Ray and Donna's adoption during the Dream season.

- Someone questioned how Pam could have put so many details on her note to the nurse. I question how she is able to write ANY notes. She can barely move one finger at a time and apparently cannot lift her head, let alone one or both of her arms. It doesn't seem possible to me at all that she could even put pen to paper.

AHN Kyle's corner [dug out of an AT&T router]

- Since everyone seems to have this sick fascination with the woman in the full-body cast, I thought I'd jump right in. "Pam" certainly seemed well-endowed today (it seems to fluctuate). Yes it does. Can we have yesterday's Pam back? Please?

- Could Batman really kick in a deadbolt lock? I'm thinking probably not. They don't make 'em like they used to. And don't forgot, he's Bobby. Unless Ray is around with the Kryptonite he's invincible. [Whoops! Mixing up the super heroes.]

- JR really should close his door if he's leaving the office. We all know how good Sly is at preventing people from entering his office. He also leaves the contract right out in plain view on the desk. Strange. At least file it away.
Contract...boy, it's tough to think about these things two days later. Oh, yes! Now I remember. Right.

- Bobby's not wanting to involve the police was ridiculous. Basically he's willing to risk NOT finding Pam, so as to keep the news of her disappearance away from the Adopted One. Hmmm... Well, you know what? I see your point...but at least Bobby is THINKING about his SON, which is more than I can say for another parent who shall remain nameless.

- Phyllis seems to find that plane information just a bit TOO quickly. That's grounds for expulsion from Jackie Dugan's Secretary School, isn't it? I think someone pointed this out - I believe it has something to do with dropping Bobby's name in the right place. Remember that time where he went into a hotel and the guy gave him some guff and he said, "You don't understand, I'm Bobby Ewing." Then the guy suddenly became cooperative? Same thing here, I'll bet.

- Pam just knows Parker Ellison's phone number off by heart? Ummm... OK. Hmm. Iffy...I don't know about this. She MIGHT know it by heart, because it's possible she may have called it a few days ago for whatever reason.

Episode 257: Tough Love

Bonehead dialogue: Sue Ellen's conversation with Clayton and Ellie. Qualifies as bonehead wardrobe, too.

Full House Moment meter: 1. Bobby and Christopher again.

- I'm not positive, because I can't see his fingers, but JR sure didn't look like he dialed seven numbers when calling Ray's house.

- After his punch-up with Ray and the cowboys, Bobby's face is rather mangled. Then, later that day, the bruises have miraculously healed! What gives?

- Here's one that reappears later. Charlie tells Ray she wants to talk to her mother before she goes to school. This comes just after Clayton begins to DRIVE John Ross and Christopher to school. Normally, wouldn't kids who take the bus leave home earlier than those who are driven?

- JR tells Serena that Wilson Cryder has replaced Jeremy Wendell. Uh, no. Wendell has just gone on sabbatical. Either JR doesn't know this [which I find unlikely] or he's lying to Serena, but I can't figure out he would do that. After all, it doesn't matter one way or the other.

- I can't believe Sue Ellen today. She never made the effort to visit Pam in the hospital, and now she feels bad about not going after the bandages were removed? How about BEFORE?

- And everyone found it quite odd that Sue Ellen talked about Kristin being Christopher's mother so nonchalantly. This isn't supposed to be common knowledge, is it? I mean, Clayton knows that JR and Kristin had an affair, so he probably understands about Christopher. But does Ellie? I'm sure she knows that Kristin is the mother, but certainly not about the affair her son had with his sister-in-law. Seems very awkward.

AHN Kyle's corner:

-There they go again. Robin (Ray) CAN'T (or SHOULDN'T) be stronger than Batman (Bobby). GUTI. This will be an all-too-familiar refrain by the end of the season.

- What's this? John Ross and Christopher take field trips together? I don't know how they do things in Texas, but here in Canada, field trips are usually on a grade by grade basis. It's possible that a grade 5 and 6 class might go on a trip together, but last time I checked, John Ross is more than a year older than Christopher (then again, you never know with DALLAS' "creative aging process"-- which BTW would make a great tote category: times a cast members age is misrepresented- Bobby's tombstone, Charlie, etc.).
Well, let's see...maybe this trip is just for the rich kids. I wouldn't mind if the group were larger, because sometimes a whole school will take a trip together, but this seems just wrong.

- JR says that he didn't know Walter Hicks' loan was due so soon, but in fact he DOES know. Serena told him just yesterday. I guess Serena was a little shocked by the whole ordeal, but she might have picked up on that. She's distraught. Very convenient.

- Sue Ellen can't afford to buy up 10 or so retail stores? I find that a little hard to believe. But isn't that just so convenient that April actually has a plot line? Funny how that works... Very convenient.

AHN Val's corner:

- Cliff fell asleep with his clothes on. It was amazing he was able to sleep at all with April and Dandy shouting downstairs. He must be bushed. This was kind of strange.

- Sue Ellen's limo driver was doing the Raoul--Family Dog trick when she was listening to Sue Ellen and Nicholas' conversation at the airport. Just another woman going ga-ga over Nick.

- John Ross tells the hat-stealing bully boys "game's over". Since when do children "obey" each other? When a Ewing talks, even the kids listen. Wow. Maybe once John Ross actually told JR that a kid at school was bothering him and that kid's father suddenly found himself out in the gutter.

- If Jenna came to visit Miss Ellie, she should have brought baby Lucas with her. Certainly, Grandma would want to see the little boy. Yup.

- When Clayton and Ellie were talking at breakfast, there were 2 men walking past in the background. Ranch hands, perhaps? If so, they were a little close to the main house. That's not where the horses are. I thought they were Ray and Bobby or something. I'll check.

- Dallas characters seem to drink champagne the way the rest of us drink iced tea. Yesterday, Serena was drinking it in her hotel suite before JR showed up. And today, Marilee Stone was sipping bubbly by the pool. True. Except for Sue Ellen, April, and Nick, who all enjoy ice tea at Nick's orders.

- When Dandy came into Barnes-Wentworth, Jackie stated that she had to have Pam's office sprayed for fleas. I know Dandy is rather rough around the edges, but surely he can't be that dirty. She's exaggerating - I think. Frankly, if Dandy came around MY office I would spray.

- One of the little boys at Christopher's skating lesson looked like his mom bought him a sweater from Jenna's liquidation sale.

AHN Jason's corner:

- Marilee mentions  "Jordan, Andy, and the rest of the cartel....  Who the heck is still in that?   Holly Harwood?  Punk Anderson?  They are the only two other independents that I can think of.... I don't know...this is weird.

- Ray babbles to Charlie and Lucas about Lucas's granddaddy being fat...Huh? Jock, Clayton,  Lucas, Sr?   Can anyone help me here? Well, let's see. The set of Lucas's grandfathers consists of Jock and Lucas Wade, Sr. Jock was not fat. Lucas might have been, and that explains his daughter [ouch!]. Perhaps he means Clayton, who is his step-granddad. Or maybe he's thinking of Amos Krebbs, who would be Lucas's stepdad's stepdad.

- Serena's settlement didn't come through.....  She said yesterday that she was all set, she got a nice one...  Must have had Scotty Demarest for a divorce lawyer...   He really shouldn't have branched out...

- April knows Dandy?  How?  (She seems to know him in the opening scene..) I dunno. Very bizarre. Maybe he has a nametag or something.

- After Bobby's fight, he goes down to breakfast and talks to Ellie.  There was something here about Christopher and the
timing....  Bobby says something like he just talked to Christopher, then Ellie, who has been seated for a while, says that she saw Christopher's face when he left for school that morning...  it was weird..... Yes...very subtle, but definitely this is a nit. Great one.

- Did you notice when Sue Ellen and April were seated by the hostess that she greeted them at different points in the restaurant? April is halfway to the table before the hostess greets her.... Yeah, this was weird. Maybe April thinks she's in her own restaurant.

AHN Anne's corner:

- Then the bar fight. Does it ever strike you as odd that it's always Bobby against the entire bar? Wouldn't anyone be on his side? I also thought it was lame how Ray knocked Bobby out in one punch. It was a nice one, but not much better than anyone else's that night. [P.S. I'll be willing to bet that Steve Kanaly wasn't asked to carry Patrick Duffy too far. He seems pretty heavy!] Agreed. Get used to it, though. Ray nailing Bobby senseless will become a common thing.

- I got a good laugh when Marilee took off Casey's shirt. Either he was wearing velcro or she ripped off all the buttons. No comment. I'm just shaking my head.

Episode 258: Last Tango in Dallas

Abandoned Lucas meter: 1. During Ray and Jenna's afterglow conversation. There might have been other times, but I'm assuming Charlie's babysitting during the evenings.

Bonehead Dialogue Award: [courtesy of AHN Kyle]

Bobby: "Why did you really come here?"
Lisa: "Truth?"

No baby. Lie to me again!

- In the beginning of this episode, when Lisa Alden bumps in to Bobby at the skating rink, a mall worker helps Lisa take off her skate and looks at the damaged ankle. The worker says, "Let me help you with your boot." Are you telling me that someone who works at a mall with a huge indoor skating rink doesn't know a skate when he sees one?

- And why oh why did no one touch that scrumptious-looking sundae during all that long conversation by the rink? Did Bobby buy it for Lisa, and she was concerned that it would go right to her thighs?

- The Ray/Jenna scene was truly revolting to most of us, I'm sure. The AHNs all commented so there's much more about it below. I will just take a moment to comment that this was a great way for TNN to start off Family Traditions week!

- Why do Ray and Jenna get invitations to the Oil Baron's ball? At this point, Ewing Oil no longer exists, so Ray has nothing to do with the oil business anymore. And Jenna...does Jenna even have a job? Or is she just living off of the proceeds of the boutique's clearance sale?

- I love this one. Look closely when Bobby dials Lisa Alden's phone number late in this episode. Bobby only presses five buttons! So Lisa's phone number has only five digits? HUH?

- Does anyone else find it hard to believe that Bobby went all the way to Houston to see the Wentworth Industries president without an appointment? It's an hour and a half by plane! Maybe that explains why he so badly dubbed for part of the conversation.

- AAHH!! PAM'S THEME! NO!! NO!! MAKE IT STOP! OH GOD MAKE IT STOP!! NO!!!...oh, it's gone. Now I feel better. Sorry about that.

- I'm glad they found a way to recycle Jenilee Harrison's "flashdance" wardrobe. I wouldn't have thought that Amy Stock would be her size - but you never know.

- When Clayton has a heart attack at the end of this episode, JR grabs a mike and asks if there's a doctor in the house. Excuse me? It's an OIL BARON's ball! Why would there be a doctor here?
Jason responds: JR asking for a doctor in the house isn't as ludicrous as it seems..  Bear in mind there are bankers, bussiness men, ranchers etc at the Ball, someone may know first aid or EMT skills, and it certainly doesn't hurt to broadcast it....  A date of an Oil Man could be a nurse or something... Yeah, maybe - but I'm thinking that if you took a cross-section of the people at the ball, you'd find a whole bunch of oil men, their trophy wives who buy new dresses every week, and some of their business associates. And then you'd find unemployed bums like Ray and Jenna. You're probably right that it doesn't hurt to ask.

- This one is very close to being a tote addition. Get a load of the "think-things-through-and-plan-ahead-and-be-careful" Jenna at the Oil Baron's ball! When did this start? Everything that Jenna has ever done in her life has been impulsive. She married Naldo when she was a teenager and went to Italy. She got knocked up and decided to keep the baby, and lie about the paternity. She came back to Dallas and tried to steal Bobby away from Pam - twice. She moved into Southfork on a moment's notice and agreed to marry Bobby. I could go on...but I'll move to today. Just a while ago, we saw her in her "gotta have it" mode because she realized that she hadn't had sex in just under a year and didn't want to break her fornication streak. So when exactly did Jenna stop being impulsive?

AHN Jason's corner:

- Nice "5" earrings on April. Gotta love 'em! Totally stylish.

- Bobby has Lisa's phone number and calls her.  He says that he will pick her up in an hour but does not ask where she lives..  It is possible he already has it written down but it is worth noting.... Well, he only dialed FIVE FREAKIN' NUMBERS to call her. Serves him right.

- This one confused me but it may be a TNN nit...   Near the end of Season 9, April was willing to sell Cliff out to Jeremy to save her hide...  pretty much a "fend for herself" character...  Yet throughout this season she has been super nice to him, even before she learned of Pam's accident...Now I know her scene in the last episode of Season 9 was edited out, but still that means she had a big turn around to Cliffy in just one episode...  Know what I mean? Rather abrupt change in character.
Yes it is. Clearly it has to do with the loss of Vicki as the female babyface, coupled with the fact that Cliff has no love interest.

AHN Kyle's corner:

- Hmmmm. Ray shagging a blonde in the hay loft.... Seems very familiar. Yes, it is. I can just picture it: Ray all sweaty, Jenna in the throes of passion, and he looks down into her eyes and says "That was way better than Sue Ellen...but Lucy was more frisky."

- I'm not sure why Ellie was satisfied with Clayton simply toning down his level of exercise. Yes, that definitely reduces the risk of a heart attack, but there's still the matter of his blockage. He's a walking time bomb (as we see at the end of the episode) until he gets that surgically repaired. Well, think about it. Suppose they didn't have this angle. Would Clayton and Ellie have ANYTHING to do?

- It's really quite bad for you to stop running abruptly (Like April and Pearce do). Experts suggest slowing down one's pace or even walking for a short distance before stopping the run. Quick halts can seriously damage your hamstrings and ankles. Professional joggers like the two of them (snicker, snicker) should know better. Too bad we can't tote this because they're not Ewings.

- That's some kind of pace for a five-mile run, eh? Donovan Bailey, look out!

- Bobby leaves his office door open! I'm noticing a new trend. Well, who would come to Bobby's office? He's not doing any BUSINESS.

- The whole concept of time is way, WAY out of whack today. Notice: 1. While working out, Ellie gets mad at Clayton because the ball is LESS than a week away and Clayton doesn't have a tuxedo. 2. Jenna gets an invitation to the OIl Baron's Ball and mentions to Ray (at the ranch) that it is TWO WEEKS away. Notice that this second scene occurs AFTER the first. 3. Bobby calls Lisa and says that he hasn't spoken to her in over a WEEK. This occurs the night of the Oil Baron's Ball. Notice that Lisa and Bobby's previous encounter occured after BOTH scene 1 and 2. 4. Ray talks to Jenna about his "make a man out of me, yet" comment that he alleges to have made "a COUPLE of days ago". Actually, Rays says this during scene #2. GIven that a couple of days usually means 2 (3 maybe if your not using it in the literal sense) days, there are some serious discrepancies between everyone's perception of time. Very, very confusing. In fact, using various estimates, it's possible to discern that OVER a month has passed since Thursday's episode! Bobby mentions to Lisa that it has been two weeks... This, too, seems very wrong. Call the Chronology Police, this show is all messed up! An outstanding analysis. I have no response to this.

- This is more Jason's field but it seems as though everyone's handling Clayton's heart attack awfully casually. JR just sort of walks up to the podium. Punk just holds Clayton. Someone call a freaking ambulance. Good call.

- Everyone is ALWAYS seated for the Oilman of the Year presentation. I guess the show didn't want to pay for all those tables. I guess not! What was up with that?

AHN Anne's corner:

- The secretaries of Cliff and J.R. made some interesting errors today. First Sly called Serena by her full name. Wouldn't she just say Miss and her last name? Oh,'re getting me started again. First it was Mandy, now Serena? Boy, Sly really gets around! All kidding aside, though, you're right.

- Then Jackie called Dandy "that man." That would be confusing for Cliff, wouldn't it? Not really. Who else would visit Cliff right now? Only April, and she would be "that woman".

- Then Jenna said that they had gotten an invitation to the Oil Barons Ball, two weeks away. For such a huge event, they should mail out invitations a couple of months in advance. Excellent point.

- Finally, I thought it was funny how Ray made a point of saying he drove into Dallas to get Jenna's ring, like it's some kind of jewelry hot spot. :) That must have been one hot night in the barn...

Nitpicker Redux: [the return of the nitpicker formerly known as Jake]

- April says to Nicholas, "Don't tell me you're a runner?"  Well, let's see, he's a man, he's in good shape, and he's running.  Why couldn't he be a runner? Good point.

- When April is running her voice is trailing and her lips aren't moving. Obviously they cut it in after filming (a la Pam in Colombia). They did this quite a bit - especially when Bobby is talking to Parker Ellison, there's a very bad dub - reminiscent of a bad Japanese movie.

- When Jenna comes to tell Ray "lunch is ready", she rests on the fence, yet he says, "Wait up."  She's not goin' anywhere Ray!

- Why didn't the guy from Wentworth Industries's secretary just bring in those papers when she first came in?  What did the guy think, Bobby came in for a social call? You're really on the ball with these.

- You know, Bobby could really find out where Pam was. Why didn't he just punch the Wentworth guy and demand he tell him where his wife is?  I would have done that. Well, I guess that goes to show you how much Bobby loves Pam...and always will. Exactly. Of course, the real reason is that Vicki's not around to find any more...but anyway. Might have been nice to see an "I'll tear you apart" for old time's sake.

- J.R. asks Nicholas what an investment broker is doing at the Oil Baron's Ball. Well, Nicholas just said, to show off that woman in front of the right people. I know that wasn't his only reason, but it's just like J.R. ignored whatever he said. You're right. And there's a reason JR did that.

- Speaking of Nicholas's position as an investment broker, shouldn't J.R. know that?   After all, he got Sue Ellen set up with his boss. He should know he doesn't have anything to do with the stock market. Hard to say how much Sue Ellen has told him. She said she was considering going public, so JR might have just assumed this...iffy.

- Why doesn't Ellie come running when she sees Clayton clutching his chest? She just stays there. I was thinking about this...maybe she doesn't realize or can't see what's really happening. Or maybe she's just tired. This is weird, though.

- Why doesn't someone call 911?  J.R. should have said that also when he was talking on the microphone. Yes, he should.

AHN Val's corner:

- The Galleria has a nurse? This is the first mall I've ever heard of that keeps medical personnel on hand. Must be that death-trap of a skating rink.

- When JR and Serena were talking, the ice in JR's liquor glass was clinking around awfully loud. I suppose this could have been a technical glitch. I didn't notice. Good one. There seem to have been a lot of sound problems - there were quite a few dubs and what not.

- Jenna and Ray were sure going at it hot and heavy in the stable. WOW!! Exactly how long ago did Jenna have that baby? Due to healing, sex is pure torture, and therefore not recommended for six weeks after childbirth. Even then, it still hurts for quite awhile after that. True, some women heal up faster than others. However, I think Jenna set a new record. Kyle has an interesting analysis about of four different scenes in this episode alone that contradict the flow of time. Lucas was born in Episode 250 so it's been about 8 episodes...I'd say maybe a month. Jenna's privates must be more resilient than most. I'm really restraining myself with that last comment.

- By the way, since they were in the stable, I wonder if Ray mistakenly called out Lucy's name. Or Sue Ellen's. Or Pam's. The list goes on...

- It took Dandy long enough to take his hat off. He has been in what, 4....5 episodes? This was the first time I remember seeing him without that hat on. I think you're right!

- Cliff was wearing a flower in his lapel. Why? Was he going to be the ring bearer at a wedding later that day?

- Ahhhh, the morning after. Ray and Jenna were "dodging the bullet". Jenna coyly asks Ray, "What's there to talk about?" Jenna, Ray wants to know if he was any good. He just doesn't know how to ask. Absolutely agreed. You know, I just realized...oddly enough, they're both probably out of shape - they've both been without for about ten months or so.

- Lana Rogers looked much nicer at the Oil Baron's Ball. Specifically, her hair. Before, she looked like she'd gotten into a fight with an electrical outlet, and the outlet won. Well, she looked a little better, but I am absolutely unimpressed. Ditzy-looking blondes have NEVER attracted me at all...except Sarah Michelle Gellar, I guess.

- Bobby needs an hour to shower and change clothes? Who does he think he is, a woman? OUCH!

- All the female stars of Dallas looked great at the Oil Baron's Ball. The extras, however, looked like they were wearing recycled bridesmaid dresses. Well, as long as Patrick and Larry get their fat salaries, then I guess that's all that matters. Excellent analysis. Did you notice that they couldn't even afford TABLES?

- When Clayton started to keel over (pun intended) in pain, Punk, Mavis, Ray, and JR rushed over to help. Then, JR grabbed the mike and called out for a doctor to help. Only then did Ellie figure out what was going on and react accordingly. Strange. Yeah, that is strange. It's possible [but unlikely] that Ellie is so short that she just can't see...but I'm sure that in her fuddy-duddy way she would fear the worst.

AHN Mike's corner:

- The BD Calhoun military music played when Amy Stock mysteriously perused the photos of Christopher. I think it'll be around a lot.

- Jenna added another hideous outfit to her collection with that wacky semi-striped thing she wore at the fence when she called Ray. And speaking of the sex scene with Ray: was she licking sweat off Ray's chest for a moment there? That was pretty disgusting. She must have been pretty horny because my wife won't even come in to the same room when I'm exercising and all sweaty like that. But then I don't seem to have the same kind of animal magnetism that Ray has. I haven't slept with my cousins, or any of my relatives spouses. Jenna's ice princess demeanor the next AM made this scene and the aftermath similar to that one time Sue Ellen got the hots for JR after she had moved out of their bedroom. Jenna still seems to have a bit of that borderline psycho feeling about her left over from the dream season. I don't think she ever loses the psychosis. I think she just needed her salad tossed, and now everything's okay.

- Some things you never get bored with: with Casey Denault's help, JR is once again going to make fools out of the cartel. Just Marilee, but that'll do.

- Somebody noticed April's "5" earrings but didn't point out the significance. I presume this gaudy dispaly was to remind everyone that she owned 5% of Ewing Oil. I hadn't thought of! Someone actually remembers that little tidbit! Good one!

- You expect people on this show to cheat on their spouses, but isn't anybody a little upset that Bobby is acting so out of character? Pam's gone just a few weeks and they are still married, yet he starts up this relationship with the Amy Stock character. The old Bobby never would have done that. Well, they're not going to DO anything - yet. Just dinner and drinks. It is a little strange.

- Never thought I'd say this, but Miss Ellie was practically fashionable compared to that monstrosity on Mavis Anderson at the Oil Barons' Ball. Looked like the Ball got a new band this year. Not the same band with the geeky guitar player at the last few balls and Sue Ellen's fundraiser at the Oil Barons' Club.
Yeah, I was looking for the guitar guy but didn't spot him. I guess the producers couldn't afford them any more, just like they couldn't find room in the budget for TABLES to sit at.

Episode 259: The Mummy's Revenge

Abandoned Lucas meter: 1. When Jenna and Ray are at the hospital during Clayton's surgery.

Bonehead Dialogue Award: [courtesy of me]:

JR: "You haven't heard"?
Bobby: "About what?"
JR: "Clayton had a heart attack."

How in the world could Bobby have heard? He wasn't there. Maybe JR is thinking of the newshounds that follow the Ewings everywhere so they can report up-to-the-minute tragedy bulletins.

- Why exactly is Ellie so overly clueless about the details of Clayton's heart attack? I understand her concern, but she talks about the surgery as if she were a frightened four-year-old whose ddady is "sick". Jock had a heart attack in 1978, and Ellie seemed to understand exactly what was going on at the time. She was much stronger then too. Just another example of how the Ox has caused Ellie's character to degenerate. Several AHNs mentioned this.

- Of course, any questions related to the procedure should be directed to chief cardiologist, Dr. Ray Krebbs, whose suddent anatomical knowledge is shocking.

- Why is Ray reading the stock pages? Has he invested in "Cuttin' Horse International Inc."? He doesn't have any ties to Ewing Oil anymore - not that he ever cared about it when he did have a piece. So what gives?

- In Ray's house, there is a picture of Bobby on the mantle. It's exactly the same as the one that Pam had in her office! How'd it get here? And why exactly would Ray and Jenna have such a large picture of Bobby in such a prominent place? Wouldn't it be 'painful' for Jenna to see that picture all the time?

- After Clayton's succesful surgery is announced, Jenna says, "Ellie, I'm very happy for you." WHOA! Wait just a minute. Just what gives you the right to call her "Ellie"? That's "MISS Ellie" to you, you semi-frigid womb on legs! I'm amazed that Ray stood by and let her get away with this - while I don't have too many good things to say about Ray, I do admire the fact that he shows nothing but respect for Jock and Ellie. Ray should take Jenna down Jabronie Drive, hang that right on Know-Your-Role Boulevard, and check her into the Smackdown hotel...if you smell what I'm cooking. Dave O noticed this too.

- Small point, but worth nitpicking: JR tells Casey Denault that he can agree to Marilee's oil deal from 70 to 80 cents on the dollar. The episode before, he said 75 percent. What has changed? JR is usually very succinct and exact when it comes to business.

- This is a nit that kind of folds over on itself. Why, oh, why, was April wearing that bedsheet when she had lunch with Sue Ellen? Certainly we have never known April to be shy...even "modest" doesn't apply. But then later, in Bobby's office, when she's dressed as her normal self, I noticed [I couldn't help it, frankly] that April has suddenly developed a rather enormous posterior! What is up with that?

- And I am really surprised that no one picked up on Jenna's statement that she doesn't "feel the magic" with Ray. This is a slap in the face if I've ever heard it - first Jenna went out to the stables and I daresay would have raped him if she had a mind to. And today she says their tryst wasn't "magical"? Ray...buddy...I might not be the one to point this out, but you need some practice! Was this the man who satisfied ALL the Ewing women? And yet can't delight the promiscuous Jenna? How sad. Or perhaps this signifies that Bobby is DA MAN? I'll let the ladies tell me what they think.

Dave O asked: Was anybody really surprised that Sue Ellen did not visit Clayton in the hospital? That woman is getting more like J.R. every day. Yes she is. This is rather disturbing to me - I kind of like the "take-charge" Sue Ellen, but for a brief period this season, the writers have chosen to take her back to some of the old traits that we hated - like going along with JR all the time.

AHN Anne's corner:

- Talk about backstabbing when J.R. told Harry that he could have cared less about Clayton and then he told Miss Ellie that he loved her husband. Is that scene just to show us how much of a bastard J.R. really is?
I guess so. I'm of two minds about this - while I thought that this whole thing wasn't very well done [seemed kind of rude, rather than evil], I do appreciate that the writers are at least trying to make a token effort to make JR look like his bad old self instead of a rudy-poo candy ass who becomes little more than a bumpkin the last few seasons. They could have gone about this a better way, though.

- Where does J.R. get off opening Bobby's mail? Wouldn't Bobby be upset? And why was the letter open in the first place?
It looked sort of open but not completely - I don't know. And of course Bobby would be upset if the contents of the letter weren't even MORE upsetting.

AHN Jason's corner:

- JR asking Theresa about the letter was dumb... Did he expect her to have opened it already?   He should be able to read the return address and figure it out on his own....

- Couldn't Jenna hear Ray and Charlie argue in their first scene today?  I was expecting Lucas to wake up... assuming that Jenna hasn't forgotten about him and left him at the mall.... LOL! Very convenient that she seems to be running a hair dryer or something.

- I liked it when Bobby asked which hospital Clayton was at...  Geez since when do the Ewings ever go to any hospital other than Dallas Memorial?  

- Anyone notice that the waitress at Sue Ellen and April's table doesn't bring a pen or pad to take their order.....   What is they had special instructions or something?  How good of a memory does she have? Must have READ THE SCRIPT and realized they hadn't read the menus yet.

- Just a note.... Despite Charlie's crying at the end...  I seriously doubt that Ray "isn't coming back" to Dallas...  He OWNS the house they are staying in..   IF anything,  THEY will be moving out...  This brings up a real world issue,  not a nit at all.. in the real world, a  poor single mother is often placed in the position of trading her virtue for sexual favors to keep her kids housed and feed.... I know, it really has nothing to do with this situation,  I just felt like typing it...
Charlie is just being her typical petulant self. Of course Ray is coming back - she just wants to make Jenna feel bad about her stupid decision [or lack thereof]. I do it myself with my parents sometimes when I'm really upset - propose a ridiculous premise about what "might" happen just to get my point across. You'd be amazed how often it works.

- April tells Bobby that she is (sigh) bored and lonely .. She says that she doesn't have to work in her restaurant because it runs itself...with a profit...  In one of my humbler days, I was a waiter...believe me.. in the real world no restaurant runs itself...  It takes many hours of hard work and business skill to run one... I'm sure you're right. Unless the scampi really is that good...

Nitpicker Redux: [formerly AHN Jake's corner]

- Ellie asks the doctor what time the operation will be.  He answers, "First thing in the morning?"  Could you give her a time in numerals, doctor? That might help. Good call.

- Charlie tells Ray he mother is only thinking of herself.  Well, Charlie, aren't YOU thinking only of yourself?  That whole family's a bunch of hypocrites. Get used to it. This will become MUCH worse in coming weeks. MUCH. It will be less tolerable than Full House.

- When Cliff comes in his office, Jackie tells him "that man is here again." Cliff asks, "What man?"  What man, Cliff?  You know.  Jackie must have said this three times already and been referring to the same person.

- When Sue Ellen dines with April, the waitress only asks April for a drink. Yet Sue Ellen isn't drinking anything. She was already sitting there...I assumed she already ordered.

- And while we're at the subject of drinking, what happened to the Oil Baron's? That must be a very expensive set - producers trying to cut costs, I suppose. It will be back.

- When Clayton returns to Southfork, he uses the word "damn" in front of the kids.  Even Ray said "darn".  Okay, I know, it's not such a bad word, but still... Interesting. That one totally slipped by me. See, the Ox is a bad influence!

- When Sue Ellen's secretary buzzed her to tell her Marvell (or whatever) Reid was here, Sue Ellen had to ask who that was.  Why didn't her secretary just tell Sue Ellen it was Mr. Pearce's assistant? Perhaps Marvelle [I think that's how you spell it] didn't tell the secretary.

- The assistant tells Sue Ellen Nicholas thinks she should be present for all store openings.  Then she shows Sue Ellen a paper that has the store openings on it.   Sue Ellen seems like she hasn't discusses this much yet, so then who decided when the store openings would be?  It should be Sue Ellen. Yeah...I'm not too sure about this. It seems to me like Sue Ellen has left a lot in Nicholas' hands, probably at Nick's insistence. Every time she says she wants to get involved, he just shushes her.

- Bobby says he doesn't get what April's trying to say when she says she's bored and doesn't know what to do with her money.  I know what she's trying to say: She's bored and doesn't know what to do with her money! You'll have to forgive the writers here. This is VERY deep foreshadowing going on.

- When Jenna says she doesn't still love Bobby, but is clinging to the fact that she once loved him and how it used to be, Ellie says she doesn't follow. How can she not follow?   She just told you. I hear what you're saying, Jake, but you know what? I don't follow either, in all honesty. What does she mean? Either she loves him and she wants to be with him or she's moved on. She can't just sit on the fence, although that does seem to be the raison d'etre for the Jenna character.

AHN Val's corner:

- It has been said that JR made Harry McSween a rich man by working for him. Yet, Harry has some cheesy bedroom furniture. So does everyone, I think, because of budget cuts.

- Dandy said that nobody's had his respect for years. Three words. Pot, Kettle, Black.

- It seems strange that they kept Christopher and John Ross home from school just to greet Clayton! Any excuse to stay out of school, I guess. This is rather lame.

- Nick's assistant stated that they wanted Valentine Lingerie to do--among other things--talk shows. For some reason, Jerry Springer comes to mind. Too bad it wasn't around then...maybe Sue Ellen can get on Oprah or Sally Jessy or whatever they had then. Back in 1987, if I remember correctly, these shows were VERY tame.

- Again, Jenna goes to Southfork to visit Miss Ellie. And again, she didn't bring Lucas to see Grandma. Bad Mommy!!! What amazes me further is that Ellie didn't even ask about the boy!!!! That's very ungrandmalike behavior. Well, Jenna going a whole episode without mentioning her offspring is also quite unmommylike. Good point, though.

- For someone who supposedly loves his absentee wife, Bobby was sure getting chummy with on Lisa. Specifically, on that kiddie ride when he had his arm around her. What's even more puzzling was that Christopher didn't seem to mind! Bizarre. Totally bizarre. Foreshadowing, of course, but it doesn't make sense.

- And how was it that Bobby and Lisa got admitted into the ball pit? Those things always have height restrictions that allow only small children to enter. Bobby must have paid off the carnie. I think you're right about paying someone off. Or maybe he said, "Look, pal, I'm Bobby Ewing..."

- Bobby was able to get Christopher to go to bed without a fuss. Must be nice. Speaking from experience? :) Of course you're right. Unless Christopher is tuckered out from his big day, but it doesn't seem like it. If he were, he'd be asleep already.

AHN Mike's corner:

- Another nit with that stupid doctor of Clayton's. Miss Ellie asks when he'll be coming home. The doc says he'll keep him here for observation for "a while". Can't this guy be more specific about time frames? How does this help her plan anything? You're right. I don't know how Jake missed this.

- Ray must have been braindead, telling Charlie about his proposal to Jenna. What possible good could it have done? Instead Charlie turns on Jenna, causing more discord over the issue. Would Ray be happy if Charlie browbeat a reluctant Jenna into accepting? He's so insecure already about his women. This whole storyline is going to get ridiculous.

- Wonder if Yolanda, Marilee's maid makes videotapes of the carousing around the pool with Cliff, Casey and god knows who else. She could get rich quick if she ever got fired by blackmailing Marilee. The scriptwriter obviously doesn't like women who are comfortable with their sexuality or active about it, having Casey call her an "animal". JR is never described so derogatorily for his overactive libido. In all fairness, neither have any other women on the show. But Marilee is something else.

AHN Kyle's corner:

- How exactly does McSween know about Clayton's heart attack? It only happened a couple of hours before JR called him. I guess he could have heard in on the radio or through the station, but this isn't entirely plausible. Could have been on the news but seems odd.

- This is VERY minor, but Ray closes his paper BACKWARDS. Funny thing about papers is how they have a crease which makes it easy to fold up, yet Ray decides to go against the grain. When will those cowboys learn? He's reading the stock pages, for whatever reason. I guess he figures the business section goes backwards or something.

- I don't have much experience parenting (in fact, none) but I don't think it's a good idea to tell your potential wife's daughter that her mother shut you down. Apparently, Ray is THAT stupid.

- Why in the world would the guy that works for the City (or possibly state) department try and talk Cliff OUT of buying some crappy [or maybe not...] property? Just take the $15,000 in back taxes and shut your trap! He must have WAY too much time on his hands.

- Well, well, well. The game of musical hospital signs continues today. Dallas Memorial is now a red-brick building with white letters on top of the brick. Yes, Clayton COULD be in recovery, but for consistencies sake, show the same damn sign for once! I don't know why they do this. Very confusing.

- When Clayton got back from the hospital and talked to the family, he wasn't (gasp!) a tool for once. This leads me to believe that Howard Keel was actually a pretty good actor who just got stuck with a lame-ass character (for like eight years). That's what I've been saying all along. It's not Clayton's fault he's an Ox. But he is.

- Denault's deal with JR is a little weird. When the two meet at the bar, JR says Casey will get one percent of the sale. This can be (or should me in my estimation) treated two ways. 1. Casey gets 1% of whatever Marilee sells to him (her sale of the 50% or the entire 100%). or 2. Casey gets 1% of the difference that they'll save by having Marilee sell low (so if she sells it to him for 70 cents on the dollar, Casey will get 1% of the 30% savings on Marilee's share). Now, the second method makes the most sense, but JR does not word it this way, so we have to assume it's the first way. But if that's true, what motivation does Casey have to barter with Marilee. Say she offers 90 cents on the dollar, why would he haggle to get her down to 60 or 70 cents? He wouldn't, because that way his 1% share would be more substantial. Some may argue that he doesn't want to anger JR so will try to get her share for as cheap as possible. Yes, but how will JR know what Marilee will sell for? Maybe Casey would just "settle" for 85% (when in fact, Marilee might go as low as 50%). It's a pretty strange situation.
Now you've confused me. I thought I had this figured out....I figure it's something like this. The whole deal is worth X number of dollars...let's say 10 million as a round figure. So Casey, on JR's behalf, puts up 5 million. Marilee puts up 5 million. Marilee decides to sell for 4 million or whatever. So JR saved a cool million. Out of this 9 or 10 million, Casey should pocket 1 percent in cash, which is 90 to 100 thousand. Not too shabby. Essentially what this means is that Casey is a male call girl who works for 50,000 a shag. [Sobering, huh?]

- Either way in the previous nit, 1% seems like a pretty paltry some. Casey's fairly weathly, you'd think JR would offer something more substantial. Like 3 to 5%. But then maybe JR kept it low so Casey wouldn't go easy on Marilee as explained above. (PLEASE DON'T TELL ME THESE LAST TWO NITS CANCEL EACH OTHER OUT!)
No, I don't think they cancel out...90 to 100 thousand isn't exactly chump change for essentially being a front man. I'm honestly wondering whether I would be inclined to sleep with Marilee Stone for this or any other amount of money.

- Why is Casey so upset about sleeping with Marilee? She's no Mandy, but she's no Mrs. Scottfield either. What a baby! Boo hoo! I have to sleep with a pretty lady, and I'm getting paid for it... Come on dude...she's old! She's crinkly! Even if I'm a fourteen-year-old virgin, I'd have to think twice if she offered to show me hers if I showed her mine.
As a side note, you find her pretty? I think some day we'll have to rank the Dallas women. I can tell you right now that Marilee, on my list, goes below ALL of the Ewing women...even Ellie. [Yes, even Ellie.] Below any secretary who's ever worked at Ewing Oil. She's in the Jackie/Angelica Nero/Mavis Anderson zone for me - not totally disgusting, but I think I could keep my legs crossed if I had to. That DOES put her a notch above the Mrs. Scottfield zone, where you're approaching "maybe-if-she-were-the-last-woman-on-earth" status. Here I would also put Teresa, Liz Craig from the first few seasons, and that dumbass adoption lady who helped Ray and Donna get Tony.

AHN Joe's corner:

- April says something to Nicholas about how he purposely arrived late to let her and Sue Ellen "get comfortable," but Nicholas wasn't all that late.   In fact, April didn't even have a chance to sit down before Nicholas arrived. Good point.

- Where the Hell is Andy Bradley?  I can understand if he's not in the episode because they don't want to pay him, but there isn't even a mention of him in Casey and J.R.'s conversation about the Cartel's interest in a certain deal. They don't want to pay him. Plain and simple. He's capital-G gone!

- Why would Nicholas think that Sue Ellen might need April's capital? After all, however rich April is, Sue Ellen must certainly be wealthier (esp. being happily married to a Ewing). But she's made it clear she wants to use her own assets, not JR's or the Ewing family's. I'd say she's probably worth 25 million or so on her own. What do you think?

Episode 260: Hustling

Full House Moment meter: 1. Bobby and Christopher's opening conversation.

Abandoned Lucas meter: 1. During Ray and Jenna's rejoining.

Bonehead Dialogue Award: [courtesy of Nitpicker Redux]:
Sue Ellen: You ride?
Nicholas: Horses?
No, Nicholas, you ride cows?

- Who is the maitre d' at April's restaurant? Isn't it April? Then why does she leave her post, escort Nicholas to a table and chit-chat for five minutes when there's a guy behind him waiting to be seated?

- Why does Bobby call Harve for his legal opinion regarding his divorce from Pam? Bobby's obviously already made up his mind not to fight the divorce: I guess he may have called Harve to be a witness to his signing the papers, but this seems awfully expensive. Jason responds: Maybe not...JR once said something along the lines of for what they pay Harve he should be at their beck and call... They could have him on retainer or something and pay him a flat rate to take care of all their legal
business so this meeting may be part of the charge and not a separate fee.....

- When JR calls Casey the first time, he only seems to dial five or six numbers. Must be the Bobby virus.

- Phyllis has become truly pathetic. First of all, Bobby gets an average of maybe one visitor a day, right? And she can't even keep today's visitor [Marilee] from barging into his office? Give me a break.

- Somebody recognizes Nicholas from public school 20 years ago. Public school. 20 years. Right.

- Today's smackdown should go to Kimberly's butler. Was JR's present so important he couldn't have WAITED to give it to her? He causes this big scene at her social. This guy should be more unemployed than April ex-maitre d'.

- Today's other smackdown should go to Sly. After giving JR his note from Kimberly, she hangs around to watch him read it. What if it were something really private? Shouldn't JR shoo her away?

Dave O wondered: Were my ears deceiving me or did Miss Ellie say that she and Bobby went to a water park. Why in god's name would Bobby take his mother to a water park? The thought of Miss Ellie in a bathing suit makes me want to throw up. Also, If they are eating lunch how in the hell would they have time to go to the water park and a museum. Weird. This is weird...maybe it's a late lunch, but I'm trying to think what the hell Ellie would do at a water park. And forgive me if I make you toss your cookies, but I'd rather see Ellie in bathing clothes than Mavis Anderson. [Oooh..that was a bad one. Sorry.]

Tom Blackburn pointed out: I can't believe no one got this. What real estate agent in the world would come out and ask "Can you afford this?" Wouldn't she have checked a credit reference before she showed what has to be the MOST expensive office suite in Dallas? Maybe she was just charmed by Casey like all the other women are. Good point.

AHN Jason's corner:

- Where near Dallas is a lake or ocean that you can fish from?  I have never been there personally so maybe this is accurate....
I've been assured several times that there are no lakes- fishing or otherwise -  near Dallas. They must have gone quite a ways to do this.
Tory Humphries smacks us down: Whoa! No lakes near Dallas?  I will admit that Dallas is not Minnesota, but there are plenty of lakes in the area that you could go skiing or fishing. Lake Ray Hubbard - 20 miles East. Lake Lewisville - 20 miles North. Lake Tawakoni - 45 miles Southeast. Lake Ray Roberts, Lake Lavon, etc... I have lived here my entire life and have fished or skied on all of these lakes.

- Why would Cryder accept JR's dinner invite?  He detests the man..  And would the busy head of Weststar have such an open evening schedule?  JR invites him out for the next night.... Convenient. As far as I know, big CEOs generally have fairly open evenings...other than scheduled events. Most of them, contrary to popular belief, value their family time.

- God, Mrs. Cryder sure is easy..  All it takes is a dress to get her in the mood.   She must hang around Marilee a lot. especially since JR basically said he is taking her away for revenge.... She's okay with that. We'll see why soon.

- Did anyone notice Pearce's accent showing through when he said good bye to "Lombardi's" old friend...  definite NYC Italian accent.....    and don't get me started on the possibility of someone recognizing a 20 year old yearbook photo....
I got started last year. Don't worry. And it is SO obvious that Nick is from New Yawk rather than Baaston.

- Where is John Ross during the "Pam is a closed subject " speech?  Now that the family is so small, you'd think they could have him be seen more..  and Omri was in the credits.... I noticed that too. It was totally dumb on the writers' part to have Bobby say "As some of you know..." and then have everybody except JR say "Oh, I didn't know".

- Oh My God! Ellie finally sees Lucas!  Of course she had to drive over to do it......(tote) Yup.

- Hey did anyone think that Casey's office suite is the same as JR's new (unfurnished) office suite from #252..... It looked similar...I wouldn't swear it was the same, but it was close.

- Jenna is looking better..  much more in shape in the Ray proposes again scene... Yummy. I can almost see through the frosted ice.

AHN Anne's corner:

- "I know you all want to help Christopher and I," says Bobby. Damn it, Bobby! You're the richest people in Texas. Didn't some of that prime education pay off? It should be "Christopher and me." [Note: Reading that again, I realize it was a little harsh. If the language is inappropriate, you have my permission to take it out. But I couldn't delete it because I am getting sick and tired of Bobby's grammatical errors. Use your own discretion. :)] Hey, this is perfectly legit. Preach on, sister Anne!

- Ray's excuse that he ate on the airplane was a real knee-slapper. "I'm not too hungry, Jenna, they had beef stroganoff on the plane and it was so good I asked for thirds." :) Subtle hint about Jenna's cooking? After all, she's delivering subtle hints that their splendour in the hayloft wasn't quite what she was looking for.

- How does J.R. know Wilson Cryder's number? That man is becoming omniscient as the series progresses! How he would know Wilson's HOME number is quite strange. He might have a source...tough call.

- Finally, Jenna suggested to Ray that they take a walk. She should have said, "Will you take a few steps with me?" Very minor point, I know. I believe the definition of a NIT is a minor point. Be sure to point out all of these minor points!

- Also, I'm sure that my constant harping on the score gets old, but I need to reiterate that Angela Morley should not be allowed near this show. Her music today was a cheesy combination of "Gunsmoke," "The Dukes of Hazzard" and "Old Yeller." I felt sick to my stomach after the first fifteen minutes and I really think she should read the script before picking up the banjos and harmonicas for these recordings. Boy it's good to get that off my chest! I think, from what I've read, the show will pick up next week and that's good because I can't take much more of this stagnancy. Take care! I really wish there was someone else who had an ear for the music like you do. Unfortunately I don't so I can't comment intelligently.

AHN Val's corner:

- Bobby asks Christopher if he knows what a divorce is. He ought to know. He's been through it before. He may have been just a small boy at the time, but something like divorce has a huge impact on even the smallest children. Agreed again.

- Sue Ellen's taking fashion tips from April. That green dress and her frizzy permed hair both screamed "Yes! I wanna be April!!!" And what was with the cut, Val? I mean, as a woman, you can answer me this: if you want to look like a stripper, then by all means dress like a stripper. But if you're a serious business get my drift?

- During the drink-spill scene, JR and Casey were doing all the apologizing. Truthfully, the waiter should have been doing some major brown nosing. I mean after all, this is Kimberly Cryder--a regular in his restaurant. Excellent point.

- Ellie FINALLY goes to see her newborn grandson. He's what...2 months old??? And they live what....a few miles apart. This is very unbelievable. But then again, she never visited her twin grandchildren in Knots Landing. No she did not. Some grandma.

- That strapless number April was wearing looked quite hideous on her. Way to show off your small boobs, April. I think Sheree Wilson and Linda Gray have agreed to strike a balance of jiggle. One day, we all get to Sue Ellen's cleavage; then April's lack of. Since Priscilla is obviously uncomfortable showing herself off, and Vicki's no longer around, a modicum of this is necessary to keep us horny guys motivated. As a side note, most of April's wardrobe is pretty bad, isn't it?

The Southfork pool changes shape again!!! It was more of a square shape a few weeks ago. Today, it had curvy edges. Good one.

Bobby, Lisa, and Christopher do more "family" activities than they ever did with Pam. This just isn't right. No it is not. I'm glad I'm not the only one who's disturbed by this being shoved down our throats.

The way Casey said 'thank you'. "Taink ya!" This is way too funny. Unfortunately, Casey is not very funny, in my opinion. But his accent can be.

- Ray is fighting harder to get Jenna than he ever did for Margaret. His brain is obviously in his jeans. People like that shouldn't have children. Heartily agreed. It reminds me of that Dilbert cartoon where Dogbert interviews people obviously clueless about parenting and says "You failed. And you'll have to leave some body parts at the door."

- Bobby is taking Miss Ellie out for fast food grease!!!! This after her husband has a heart attack. Real sensitive, Bob! Incidentally, I would have loved to have seen Donna Reed play out that scene. LOL! This is a great point. Next the family will be wheeling Ellie into Dallas Memorial. Yikes.

- Ray bought the Suburban. A "family car", he called it. Yet, he's the only one who seems to ride in it. Hey, yeah! What happened to that idea?

- Jenna points to a cluster of condos. She then says she's thinking about buying one and moving there with Charlie. Charlie!!!! What about Lucas???? Is she gonna leave the baby to fend for himself at Ray's? Yet again, spoken like a true mother. I can't believe I didn't notice this. How in the heck did our site ever get to where it is without you?

- Wilson Cryder gets a phone call at the restaurant. Kimberly says no one knows that they're there. JR thinks it might be a wrong number. OK, I'm confident that JR paid off the waiter to call Wilson away form the table so he could be alone with the guy's wife. But a wrong number? A WRONG NUMBER!!!!! This must be some "wrong number" to have tracked Wilson down at a restaurant. I think I see your point...if it was a wrong number, why would the caller have asked for Wilson Cryder? "Hello, is this 743-0878?....It's not?....Oh, Wilson Cryder there?....Great! Can I speak to him?"

Nitpicker Redux:

- Jenna is making too big of a deal of Ray going to Washington.   Maybe he just wanted to see his daughter.  And maybe he just wants a little time off from Jenna to think for himself.  This doesn't mean she's scared him away!   I'd say Jenna needed a few sedatives from Dr. Danvers :-) Of course Jenna is just being stupid. But then again, think of how many men Jenna has scared away...what other logical conclusion could Charlie come to?

- Now this is a nit: Before we cut to Bobby's office (the scene where Marilee stopped by), we see a shot of Bobby's building.  It is rather dark outside.  Then when we cut to his office, it is very light outside Bobby's window! Good one.

AHN Kyle's corner:

- I feel I must reiterate the whole Casey-Marilee-JR thing. Casey tells JR that Marilee is willing to go for 90 cents on the dollar. JR says that's no good and wants the number to drop as low as 70 cents. But what is Casey's motivation here? He has none. For every cent on the dollar that Marilee goes down, Casey loses a grand. Kind of a conflict of interest. After your explanation, I completely understand. Clearly the writers don't want to bog us down with details because the amount of money Casey gets is not important.

- I can understand Sue Ellen wearing earings and then taking them when she's on the phone, but having Jackie where earrings seems just plain ridiculous. Her job is to answer the phone, why would she keep putting the earrings back on? I guess to look nice... (some may argue that the phones at Barnes Wentworth never actually ring-- except for Dandy-- so it's really not a big deal). I would argue this.

- I guess April is playing hard to get with Nicholas Pearce, but I have absolutely no idea why. She has no friends. The only person she ever talks to is Cliff (and that's pretty sad). I would think she'd jump all over him. Women. [Don't tell Anne or Val I said that.]

- I'm not sure that I believe this whole April catching on to the Joe Lombardi thing. Why becasue one guy thought Pearce looked like him? I thought Nicholas covered fairly well. I thought so too but clearly April can't keep it in her bra.

- Marilee + veil= not helping prove my 'she's not hideous' theory. Sorry, dude. She is. Have you ever known someone named Fern to be beautiful?

- Ray to Charlie: "you got yourself a date!". Watch out Charlie, last time he said that to a teenager it turned into Adventures in
Haylofting... These are almost TOO easy. Yes they are and I keep MISSING them! I only wish this show had gone on during the 90s - then we could have actually had a storyline in which Ray actually tries something with Charlie.

- How in the world does JR get a hold of Casey during his 'The Oil Cartel: The New Class' meeting? Very convenient. The New Class! LOL! That's priceless! Probably Casey planned it.

- How prevalent were speaker phones in 1987? It seems as though JR's works a little too well. He was talking to the phone from clear across the room. Notice how we don't get to here his lines on Sue Ellen's end. I wonder why... Interesting point.

- Bluescreen fever! Catch it! Seemed like an obvious blue screen scene when Ray and Jenna were kissing at the end (although it was hard to tell the first time-- when I fell asleep). I'm sure it was. Anything to cut costs.

Episode 261: Bedtime Story

Gaudy Nicholas sweater meter: 1. Black with a white print today.

Full House Moment meter: 1. Bobby telling Christopher about his decision to stop seeing Lisa.

Abandoned Lucas meter: 1. During Ray and Jenna's announcement at the ranch.

- Those skating lessons are really paying off! Christopher has improved tremendously in four television days!

- Sue Ellen and Nicholas have a conversation about her business, and she claims that she 'started' Valentine Lingerie. She didn't start it! She strong-armed a guy into becoming her partner and then bought him out! Surely Nicholas should know this, because he's done meticulous research, so I don't see why Sue Ellen should posture to him.

- Sidebar: Nicholas's fake Boston accent was pathetic. Charlie and Jordan Lee are listed in the closing credits as guest stars. I looked closely but didn't see a blip of either one of them.

- It sounds like Bobby's voice is computer-generated when he's talking to Lisa. Every sentence is the same in tone. Who programmed him today?

- I find April's comment that she got hand-me-downs interesting, in light of the fact the we will soon learn that she has no older siblings. What gives? Jason figures they may have come from cousins.

- There is a very minor continuity blip at the end as JR turns his head to follow Bobby walking away. He's sort of neutral, and then he's suddenly very angry looking.

AHN Anne's corner:

- First, I have to rant about the absence of regular cast members. I think it's atrocious that Kimberly, Lisa, April and Nicholas get more on-screen time than Clayton and Ellie, although Ray and Jenna I can do without. To have such long scenes without any regulars (i.e. April's scene with Nicholas) is a misuse of a gifted cast. I think they should give their real actors something to do. That April/Nicholas scene was the biggest waste of time I've ever seen on this show. And that's saying something. True, there are some scenes where they waste about 15 seconds showing a cutting horse or something, but this was terrible.

- Now that that's out of the way, just two things I noticed. I think Jack Scalia needs to work on his voice. He can't just be from New York all of a sudden, and that Brooklyn accent was painful to top it off.
I really don't get this. Everyone seems to pretend they can't tell he's from Brooklyn. Well...doesn't anyone on this show watch "Welcome Back, Kotter"? The guy talks like Vinnie Barbarino! Where else could he be from?

- Also, I think Bobby's reasoning for not seeing Lisa anymore is vague. She told him she wasn't going anywhere and he said, "but you will someday." Yeah, when Christopher's thirty you might decide to leave and that would break his heart. :) This was very silly.

AHN Jake's corner:

- That whole hot dog conversation at the beginning of the episode was so stupid.   Is this the only thing they can come up with for Ellie and Clayton? The writers: "Well, we just gave them a major storyline -- Clayton having a heart attack -- so we'll have to reduce them to talk about hot dogs and onions." You're very perceptive! The writers have given them their bi-weekly story and now it's time for lame dialogue.

- Ellie's reaction to Ray and Jenna's news was very odd.  She seemed shocked and surprised.  She didn't say a word, and was acting in an almost disapproving manner.   Even though she was engaged to Bobby, Miss Ellie loves Jenna and wants the best for her.  And she knew that Ray had asked Jenna. I guess Miss Ellie was still suffering from the hot-dog-and-onion-overdose. Just gas. I think you're right.

- The whole fortune-telling thing with Nicholas and April was really dorky. When he started to talk about a short, fat podiatrist, I just wanted to slap him. I wanted to slap him when I saw him wearing that pathetic sweater.

- No way Nicholas is from Boston -- or Iowa.  April should have know right away.   He's obviously Italian and has a very noticeable New York accent. Though I like April, and I know you do too, I sometimes suspect that she would have trouble noticing a slap in the face.

- Casey's phone conversation with the realtor was very short.  Shouldn't she be wondering how he suddenly has money?  And ask him about it?  Budget: snip, snip. I thought so too.

- How could that Tammy woman have been in college (or high school, whatever) with Bobby.   She's way too young!  Even he calls her a "young woman." There's some serious plastic surgery going on! You know, I think there are some make-up tricks here. She may look young, but her tacky hairstyle belies her true age.

- Where did Cliff come up with all this money to finance Dandy's little drilling operation?  And how does he have the money to keep paying the bills? At the end of last season, he still had some money to pay.  Well, new season, new money in the pocket, no questions asked. I guess Pam's loan is suddenly forgotten...
Tom Blackburn reminds us all: Have we forgotten the 58 million he got when Ewing Oil sold? Even with the debts he had, that would go quite a ways. And we know he isn't spending it on himself.

AHN Kyle's corner:

- Petro Group Dallas? Petro Group Dallas?? what's wrong Bob, was Saddletree Oil already taken? Val actually pointed something out. This is an inside joke: PGD also stands for Patrick G. Duffy. Yesterday, when we saw Bobby fishing, there was a flag on the boat with a clover and PGD. Well, it turns out that it's Patrick's boat, and the clover signifies that he was born on St. Patrick's Day. [How bout that!]

- This one I found to be fairly humourous. April's PI has clearly hung up the phone by the time she says "OK, bye bye". I can just imagine her the dial tone on the other end (ok maybe he doesn't hang up THAT much earlier). But it looked weird. Good one.

- Again with the Casey deal. JR say that Casey took home almost $200,000. Well, at 90 cents it would be $190,000, but if JR got it as low as he wanted to (and I think he did) at 70 cents, Casey would get $170,000. In my book $170,000 is more "just over $150,000" than "almost $200,000". Now if it was $180,000, maybe not (man is that anal). Anal but still a valid nit!

- I don't buy Pearce's Bostonian bit for one second. His alleged Southey accent was absolutely horrible (mine's probably better, except for the constant use of "eh?"). Clearly a New Yorker (and confirmed later). I don't buy it either. I lived in Boston for 3 1/2 years, and Joe's lived there all his life. We both agree that he is not even close to being authentic.

- Bobby's logic is often quite baffling. Today is one such example. He's afraid that Christopher might become too attached to Lisa later on, so it's best to break it off before he gets hurt. Ummm, OK.... But wait, wouldn't Christopher be most unstable (upset) right now? He just lost his mom, and now Bobby's going to rip away somebody else who Christopher is starting to care for? You might want to ask Val (even though I DID take a Parenting course), but this doesn't seem like the smoothest move
>on father's part. Everyone seems to be baffled by this. I am no exception.

- BTW, how insecure is Bobby? This pre-emptive break up seemed pretty weird.

- Bobby's new love interest (Miss Miller, I believe) orders a very dry Martini. I guess it's a matter of preference, but dry martini's are absolutely disgusting. Just thinking of vermouth makes me feel ill (we use it as paint thinner). Can't comment because I don't drink.

- Nicholas: "As THE MAN says: you ain't seen nothing yet!". THE MAN being Burton Cummings of Bachman Turner Overdrive, right? Sweet. There's never enough Canadian content on Dallas (references to Toronto's sub-arctic conditions, excluded). Other than this, I cannot think of ANY Canadian content on Dallas. Are there even any Canadian actors?

- I really don't think that Barnes Wentworth COULD buy the Queen Mary, Leo. Barnes Wentworth, is without a doubt, the LAMEST company in the history of oil companies (yes, even lamer than the Cartel). They have one freaking oil well!
Well, the Cartel, as the name implies, is actually a GROUP of companies who work together. And yes, BW is quite lame. But I would humbly nominate Donna Krebbs Oil as the lamest. Even April Oil [which comes around in a week or two] is less lame.

AHN Jason's corner:

- Why is there only one chair left at the Southfork breakfast table? Shouldn't there be at least two more possibly settings (for the young boys) since the family may actually want to eat together...This is especially sad considering how small the family is now.... Ellie, Clayton, JR, Sue Ellen, Bobby and the boys...  7 places...
I remember that at one point [don't know if it's soon] this actually becomes an issue! There's only six chairs at the table and seven people, and Christopher is the odd one out. Bobby tells Teresa to get him a chair and then John Ross says "yeah, get him a high chair!" It was funny.

- Bad continuity cut (courtesy of TNN I suspect) in between the scenes where Bobby says good bye to Lisa and where he meets Tammy...  there should have been a filler scene..   Too jumpy for my taste.. Very un-Bobby-like to leave Lisa and then strike up a conversation with that homely woman.

- How did Tammy recognize Bobby from the back that far away?  It's been years since college.... Good call. But if that guy recognizes Nicholas from public school...

- Lisa idolized her loser of a brother, Jeff..   Gee, lets see... He sold his son, was involved with drug dealers, blackmailed Bobby... yup  he sounds like the big brother I always wanted... LOL! Great stuff!

- JR's Post Master comment was a bit weird.. and not too discreet ...  Mrs. Cryder could have been put off guard if she didn't understand his vague clue.... This was weird.

AHN Val's corner:

- April looks like a 11 year old girl in that clingy sports bra. I thinks Sharee Wilson thinks she's more endowed than she really is. You're probably right.

- Kimberly Cryder wants to remind her husband how much she cares for him. Nothin' says lovin' like a pair of CUFFLINKS! Puhleeze. You've never given your husband cufflinks as a prelude to something? [I'm kidding. Of course you're right.]

- Bravo, Bobby!!! He's putting the best interests of his child over any potential interest in Lisa. That's a prime example of the way single parents ought to behave. Yes, I know it isn't Bobby's fault that he is a single parent. There are just times in life when adults have to put their children first, and this is one of those times. I mean, the boy just lost his mother!!!! Kyle was very interested in what you'd have to say about this. He took the angle that it wasn't very good of Bobby to take Christopher's new friend away after he just experienced such a tremendous loss. But I think you're right.

- But then, he burst the morality bubble in the next scene with Tammy Kent. I just hope he doesn't expose Christopher to any more potential ladies for awhile. If I remember correctly, he's rather discreet about it - but what is up with that woman? How the mighty have fallen, if you know what I mean.

- What was that place where JR and Casey met at? A mall food court? They're doing a lot of taping at the Galleria lately. Must be so they don't have to pay for an actual set. I believe you're dead on.

- At the skating rink, Christopher asked Bobby if he's going back to the office. Of course not. He has nothing to do there. I think Bobby just heads there to hide. Either that or he REALLY likes watching Phyllis type.

- Bobby asked Christopher where he learned about cholesterol. Obviously, he's been hanging around Clayton and Ellie. ROTFL! Of course! How could I miss this?

- The outside shot of Nicholas' apartment. It's a two-story building with cedar siding. Certainly this is not the same place he "ends up". Incidentally, I thought Nick's sweater looked cool. It looks like a woman's sweater. I'd even wear it. I think I'd look pretty good in it, too. I'm sure you'd look great in it...but I personally think they look quite gaudy on him. Could just be we've always seen him in suits.

- "Space Monster Strikes Back". This had me laughing soooo hard. What a bad made-up movie name!!!! My husband thinks Bobby was ad libbing during that part. It's possible. This is in line with the creative level the writers have shown over the past couple of months.

- Cliff's drinking ice water!!! All his liquor money must be going to Dandy's drilling expedition. Well, not all, if BW can afford to buy the Queen Mary. What was up with that comment?

- Lisa Alden is way too pretty to have been related to the skanky Jeff Farraday. No family resemblance whatsoever. She is a lovely lady, no question. Some weird genes in that family.

- Kimberly Cryder keeps that condo because she doesn't feel like driving home. Where exactly is home? Louisiana? To you and me, this is ridiculous. But I've known some rich folks who think it's an outrage that they can't buy eggs that are already scrambled. They live in a totally different world sometimes.

AHN Mike's corner:

-April's PI, Larry Doyle, either looked like he had just rolled out of bed or does his hair in a blender. Talk about fright wigs!
Yeah, I guess that's just New York for you.

- When Bobby was at the bar with Tammy Kent, a female friend of hers walked up who was a virtual double for Bobby's secretary, Phyllis. And speaking of Tammy, I'm a little confused by Bobby's approach to female relationships. He appears to not be having any sex with the younger, more appealing Amy Stock. Yet he goes to bed for a one night fling with Tammy. Hope he used a condom. I wasn't buying that "I've only been to bed with one man in my life" story. Maybe Bobby didn't either. It was pretty clear what she was angling for and Bobby was receptive. Just play along and don't burst the bubble. Bobby is approaching the "not understandable" stage. You're right.

- Re April's wardrobe, she must be getting all her clothes from Flat Chests R' Us. I have nothing against a small chested women, but why not wear clothes that flatter your natural figure instead of drawing attention unflatteringly to its deficienies. And speaking of unflattering, there is one side view of April in closeup which gives a very unflattering view of her nose. This is apparently the episode that when it first ran inspired me to dub April "Pinnochio-nose". From practically any other angle her nose appears dainty, but from the side it has a very Pinnochio or Cyrano de Bergerac length to it.
Val agrees about April's lack of assets. I never noticed her nose, though.

Episode 262: Lovers and Other Liars

- Why do John Ross and Christopher take a bus home from school today? We have seen several occasions where they are driven to school in the mornings, some very recently. Generally speaking, if you get bussed to school one way, you get bussed the other. So why the change? Answer: simply more classic Dallas plot trickery. If there's no bus, there's no way for Lisa to take Christopher back to Southfork in her car and have the confrontation with Bobby...yada,yada,yada.

- As when Christopher was transported mysteriously to Dallas Memorial Hospital, Ellie is totally unconcerned about Lisa driving Christopher home. [I suppose given the lax security we see at Southfork, the Ewings are used to total strangers driving family members around.] Suddenly, unlike the previous occasion, Bobby is able to figure out Lisa's story before she opens her mouth! You will recall that he seemed to have a brain spasm when Christopher appeared at the hospital to see Pam and he never asked about the mysterious woman who drove him there. I understand that for the sake of driving the plot, Bobby's intelligence level can fluctuate; but this seems much too contrived.

- Bobby is getting more and more un-Bobby-like every day. Today he reaches a new depth. He tells Ray that he's comfortable with the thought of his marrying Jenna because "since [he] met Pam, she's been the only one for me." While most Dallas fans, including myself, would like to believe that romantic notion, I would point out that he was with Jenna for a significant period of time AFTER meeting, and divorcing, Pam. Not to mention the fact that the night before he proposed to Pam again and she fell into her deep dreamy sleep, he and Jenna were busy conceiving Lucas. Kind of puts a damper on the "only one for me" line.

- Yet again, Jackie's incompetence as a secretary shines through. This time it actually endangers several lives! If only she had let Cliff talk to Dandy [Cliff did want to, before Jackie practically hung up on the guy], Dandy wouldn't have got a shotgun and none of the trouble at the oil rig would have happened. It was suggested that Jackie might have been doing this at Cliff's request and he changed his mind at the last minute, but I'd rather just blame Jackie.

- Did Howard Keel get a full episode's salary for this episode? I find that incomprehensible, since the only time he is present is late in the episode lying silently in bed with Ellie, reading a book.

Dave O's corner:

I am glad I was not the only one that noticed Sue Ellen's lack of enthusiasm when Ray and Jenna anounced their engagement at the breakfast table. I thought about nitpicking about it but then I figured I'd give Sue Ellen a break since I have been complaining about her all season. Did you notice that see softly congragulated Ray but not Jenna? In fact I do not think that Sue Ellen and Jenna have not said a word to each other since the end of the 84-85 season.What's up with that? I'm not too sure - they haven't talked much, that's for sure. This is rather odd, come to think.

-When Sue Ellen caught J.R. kissing Kimberly on the elevator how come Nicholas did not see them? He saw that she was looking at something with a blank look on her face. If I was Nick I would glance over to see what Sue Ellen is so interested in. Must have read the script.

- What exactly were J.R. and Kimberly doing in their hotel room from the time Sue Ellen caught them on the elevator and the final scene? Since we saw Sue Ellen calling Miss Ellie from Miami they must of spent at least 5 hours in the hotel room until see mentioned about her father. I did not get the impression that they slept together during that gap of time. Hard to would think not, based on the way they were dressed.

AHN Jason's corner:

- Where is Kendall?  I thought JR hired her back as his receptionist but she is AWOL this season too... I think she'll show up soon. I don't remember.

- Kimberly gets out of the running shower with her towel already on...  What gives? She must subscribe to the Priscilla school of always being dressed, even in the shower.

- April apparently did not sleep with Cliff..  She claims that they are just friends... Apparently not...we'll have to watch this carefully, though.

- Jackie doesn't unlock the office Kmart doors....  this could be because she thought Cliff was out and was surprised by him being there..  This is debatable.. This was weird...Why didn't they open automatically? Are they on a timer?

AHN Val's corner:

- What's the deal with Dandy's cane. Sometimes he's using it; sometimes not. No clue.

- They were playing country music under all those disco lights. This is hardly fitting. That was totally bizarre. My guess is they rented a disco club and then dubbed country music in.

- Bobby didn't figure April as the type to send him that giant pink card. Of course it is, Bob. That's exactly her style. To make up for her lack of other assets, perhaps? Just as a side note, since you don't mind getting in the gutter: do you think April and Charlie would be able to share bras?

- JR's really losing it. He's now holding business meetings at DENNY'S!!!!! Am I missing something here?? Budget cuts strike again.

- When Dandy shot the gun into the mud, I thought oil was gonna start bullbing up right in front of them, a la Beverly Hillbillies. LOL! That would have been funny.

- Somedays, Christopher and John Ross take the bus. Other days they are driven. What factors determine when they do what?? Well, if they read the script and realize that today someone is going to try and pick them up who shouldn't, they'll take the bus. Otherwise they are driven. I believe this is the ONLY time we see them take the bus.

- The Southfork Pool has straight edges today.

- When they hit that gusher at Dandy's drilling site, the oil was just spewing in the air while everyone watched. Why didn't they attempt to contain it somehow?? This seems wasteful to me. I believe they do, after they get over the initial shock. When the oil is first hit, it spews out because of the tremendous pressure, just like opening a pop can after shaking it. Then after a while it becomes more manageable and that's when they start to control it.

AHN Kyle's corner:

- Dandy calls Cliff and tries to talk to him (but can't), so he leaves and comes back a couple hours later with a gun. The next morning, Cliff still DOESN'T KNOW about the hold-up. This is never mentioned. Either 1) The crew worked through the entire night, or 2) they were sworn to secrecy by Dandy and thus went home for the night but didn't call the authorities. Both options seem less than plausible. Hmm...yeah! What's up with that?

- Why doesn't the foreman just take the gun from Dandy? Dandy's got his  back to him and he's a feeble old man (as Cliff later reveals). But I think there's a reason behind this, one that involves psychology. The foreman, who has expressed his liking for Dandy, subconsciously (or possibly consciously) WANTS to keep working for Dandy, but the only way he could possibly continue to do this is if Dandy was holding them hostage. This is why a feeble old man is able to keep the oil crew at bay for at least a day. I think that's a great analysis!

- How many times does Pearce's phone ring during his poker game? It seems like a lot-- certainly enough to have the answering machine kick in. It is 1987, so it's fair to assume that many people have answering machines (heck, even Mandy did). You would think a big executive like Pearce would surely have one. Good point.

- The idle poker chit chat was terribly lame. Especially when his one buddy made the comment about dames calling him... at least 30 seconds AFTER the phone conversation ended. The whole thing seems so forced and contrived. So much seems forced nowadays.

- The whole oversized card thing was silly, but I think it was worth it to see Bobby giggle like a little schoolgirl (I hope Ray didn't see that...). This was just bizarre.

- I can't believe, but it's true. Dallas actually has a brand name beer today. It's Budweiser! It can be seen in at least two bar scenes in today's episode. I guess Dallas finally got a sponsor. Dare I say goodbye to the generic beer that has plagued Dallas for many a season? We'll have to watch this carefully.

- Who was that kid Christopher was talking to near the buses at school? You know, the one who said that Christopher shoudln't take rides from strangers? He looked familiar, but you know... I just couldn't place him. Yes...John Ross's depush is terrible.

- Shame, shame, shame on Ray for his attempt at irony. For all those taking the Dallas SAT's Bobby:Jenna DOES NOT EQUAL Ray:Pam. We all have short memories. Bobby says that since he met Pam, she's been the only woman for him. Then what was the deal with impregnating Jenna?

- Dandy may be a drunk and he may be a jerk... wait where was I going with this? Oh yes, but I'd like to think he isn't quite that dumb. He just let's the guy walk off to make a phone call to alledgedly buy more pipes! He doesn't even follow him! This is so lame that I think that Dandy actually WANTED to get caught. He's an absolute moron.

- You know what? I don't really think hotels would be interested in having a pseudo-Victoria Secrets in their lobby. why not throw in a sex toy store to boot. HOtels, especially the one that Pearce and Sue Ellen are in, are for the most part, quite classy. They're not going to be willing to lose credibility (by looking like a trashy establishment). Anyways, according to Nicholas' logic (lingerie will sell where there are couples) maybe they should start opening branches in the local movie theatres. Sheesh. It's a wacky idea...but you never know.

Episode 263: Brothers and Sons

Abandoned Lucas meter: 1. During the wedding.

Full House Moment meter: 1. Clayton congratulating Bobby and Ray for burying the hatchet

I'll leave it to the AHNs today.

AHN Joe's corner:

- Er...  Wasn't Bobby an architect way back in the first or second season?   So why does he claim to know "nothing" about building cities? Maybe not urban development, but he certainly knows about building. Bobby was considering starting his own construction company and worked on a few projects. Maybe he's just being modest. More probably he's just being lame.

- Maybe Val can offer some better insight on this, but shouldn't Jenna be supporting Lucas's head more when she is singing to him?  It looks like Lucas's head is tilting back too much and is not getting enough support.

-  If what Cliff says is true, how did he get hold of that much nitrous oxide (a.k.a. laughing gas) to fill the balloons with?  Did he go to the dentist's office, and when they offered him some balloons, specially request laughing gas? I think this is a good explanation.

- Hmmm.... I'm starting to think that maybe Ray is Charlie's real father...  After all, she took after him today when she blabbed to Christopher... Or maybe she's just taking after her mother's "ignorant bitch" chromosome... Probably both. Charlie would make a great "nature vs. nurture" science project.

- I'm not sure if I remember correctly, but I know that Sue Ellen was president of the DOA some years back... Did she step down because of her alcoholism, or keep her post but forget about it? She was 'asked' to step down for her alcoholism and never really got back on track with it.

- BTW, if Sue Ellen is getting reacquainted with the DOA, then why not Miss Ellie as well (who also used to be a member)?  It's not like Ellie is busy with anything else these days. Good question. Maybe she and Mavis are retired now or something.

- Wow...  I am SO shocked that Dandy managed to get into the barbeque without an invitation and with a gun, and make it through that tight Ewing security.   <snicker snicker> We all are. As Cartman would say, "Oh, weak."

AHN Matt's corner: [back with a bang after a long absence]

- Jenna was surprised that Ray wanted Bobby at the wedding and as his best man? Aren't they brothers?  Aren't they very close brothers, and very much like best friends?   What a bitch.  She obviously has a past with Bobby and it would be uncomfortable, but just because she is an ice princess, does that mean that Ray can't have his brother/best friend there.  What selfishness. Totally. But then she just wouldn't be Jenna, would she? I think I was quite accurate when I called her a "semi-frigid womb on legs".

- Did anyone notice how icy she seemed next to Ray?  Ray has some color, and looks healthy, while Jenna is so white she IS an ice princess. I think that peach dress drained her color.

- I noticed something about Kimberly.  She seems noticeably older than most of JR's ongoing affairs.  Afton and Mandy could have been confused as his daughter.   Katherine, Holly, and April were all noticeably younger than JR. Only Julie Grey (and that was like ten years ago) was about the same age. It just seems strange. Don't get me wrong, Leigh Taylor Young is very attractive, but she is a lot older than most of JR's other flings. Yes she is...interesting. Most of JR's flings in the later seasons are older women, for some reason. Of course, she has the added bonus of being close to Weststar.

- What about April's investigator?  He comes in, obviously scared, and she thinks it is just a ploy to get more money, is she stupid?  "two very big men wanted to know why I was looking for Joey Lombardi"  April- "Were they police?"   Is she this dumb?  It seems that someone who got that big a settlement from Jack would have a clue, but then, hey, Jack's brain wasn't his
biggest asset, now was it? Yes. April is this dumb.

- Why is there a couch in a lingerie store?  So the people trying on crotch-less panties can see how they feel sitting down?

- The Cliff card-board cut-out was talking after its string was all the way up.

- Casey must have to buy shirts buy the dozen.  Between this horny rich girl, and Marilee, all of Casey's shirts must be all missing their buttons by having them ripped off. Well, with the money he's makin he can afford a good tailor.

- How about Kimberly's hat at the DOA meeting?  Did she borrow it from the old Donna Krebbs/Angelica Nero obnoxiously large hat store? She probably has an account. I think it gets worse.

- Why isn't Miss Ellie at the BBQ? I don't know...maybe making her chili?

- Why IS Cliff there?  Without Pam, why would he want to go?  How would he know about it? I can't imagine why. This is kind of stupid. Of course, he would know about it since everybody in the city does, but it doesn't explain why he gets the invite.

- How did Dandy get there?  How did he know where Southfork was?  How did he know that there was a BBQ there?  How did he know that Cliff would be there? See above. I think everyone knows where Southfork is, but the other two questions are very valid.

- Lisa says that as Christopher's natural aunt, she wanted custody.  What about Sue Ellen?  I thought that when they adopted Christopher they said that Sue Ellen was the only known relative (Jeff Faraday was not known as the father). So, SE signed over custody to Bobby/Pam, right?  I don't get how Lisa could take custody. I don't either. This seems ridiculous convoluted. I mean, if the natural mother or father were stil alive, this would make some sense. But I certainly can't see how any lawyer would think that a court would overturn a long-standing adoption just because a sibling of one of the parents had an idea. Silly.

AHN Anne's corner:

- The opening shot was a perfect one for TNN. I seriously thought it was a preview for one of their original shows, being that they showed a bar, had cowboy music playing and then focused in on a rugged guy with a bandana. :) It was like they planned it! You're right.

- Did you think it was odd how J.R. included information on the Brinker Company in that flat envelope? He must have condensed all the details on a post-it. I hadn't thought of that. Good one.

- That waitress who seated Casey and J.R. was a real ditz. "I can seat you now; your table's ready." There's some redundancy going on there. Is it possible to seat someone if his table isn't ready? What happens to women when Casey's around? I don't get it.

- What's the deal with Bobby's liquor cabinet? Sure, it's cool that he can press a button and it turns around, but why would he need to hide the booze in the first place? BILC.

- This is really Val's department, but I thought Jenna seemed a little dressed up to be playing with Lucas in her first scene. She could have gone on the town in that outfit! And that makes me wonder why she never looks tired or frazzled now that she has a baby. Does Ray have some help we haven't met yet or is Jenna just another Dallas Wonder Woman? I suspect the latter. As Val has mentioned, she at least seemed to gain some weight because of her real-life baby, but she snapped back into shape pretty well.

- That scene also cracked me up when Jenna said she was going to invite two hundred people. "You know, Clayton, Miss Ellie, some friends." I don't know what it was about this statement that was off, but something was just not right. Do you think it's weird that she singled out two of her two hundred guests? Could be that everything Jenna does makes me snicker. It either makes me snicker or disgusts me. This is rather weird. Come to think of it, how would Jenna have other friends?

- April's very perceptive to notice that Nicholas is shy? It really doesn't take a rocket scientist to detect a shy person, Mr. Cate.

- I really and truly laughed when Clayton put his arms around Bobby and Ray and said, "I'm really proud of you guys." Now THAT is a Full-House moment! Yes it is. Bob Saget is the only thing missing.

- Speaking of Sue Ellen, what kind of an outfit was that she wore to the barbecue? What a slut! That was ridiculous! She's been doing this a lot lately. This happened a couple of days ago too...Sue Ellen was wearing a green dress which cried out "Please fondle me".  I commented to Val that this was rather inappropriate for a business meeting - more in line with a Valentine's photo shoot. I have a theory that, with the loss of Victoria, the other ladies in the cast were asked to be more sexy. Obviously it's useless to ask Priscilla because she seems to think that a nun's habit is flashy. So the burden has to be borne by Sue Ellen and April. Linda is obviously throwing herself into it by undressing on screen and showing her cleavage every episode.

AHN Val's corner:

- Sue Ellen traded in her Pebbles Flintstone hairdo. She now looks like Wilma.

- The outside shot of Ray's house showed his old Jeep truck parked in the driveway. I was sure he got rid of that thing. Unless he keeps it around as a work truck, but that is unlikely. Well, I suppose he MIGHT need it for the once a week trip he takes around the ranch or something when he's actually WORKING.

- It was Balloon Day on Dallas!!!!! First at Valentine Lingerie, then at JR's office. Also, the cardboard cutout of Cliff. It was all very cheesy. Cheesy? This was France/Holland border cheesy!

- Something was said about Nicholas being from San Diego. I thought he claimed to be from Boston. Better get your story straight, Nick!! He said he went to Harvard...this is just moronic.

- Jackie needs a serious attitude adjustment. I wouldn't have wanted to be on the receiving end of her rudeness when she answered the phone. She was even rude to Jordan!!!!! I have been wondering why Cliff keeps her around. Perhaps he has some misguided sense of loyalty to Pam, since Jackie was Pam's friend. Or maybe Jackie works so cheaply that Cliff doesn't want to have to pay a secretary with actual skills and some congeniality. Anyway, if I were Cliff, I would send Jackie down to Human Resources for some lessons in customer service and telephone etiquette.

- Charlie has such a big mouth!!! Blurting out to Christopher that Lucas is his brother, too. Granted, Bobby should have been up front with Chris about the baby's parentage--it would have been far better if the truth came from Bobby. But Charlie, even at her age should have enough tact to keep such delicate issues quiet. I agree. I wish Christopher had the smarts to retort that "at least my mom's not a frigid slut!"

- When Ellie comes to the nursery to get Christopher, she didn't even stop to admire her grandbaby!!!! She just left Lucas alone in his crib to stare at the ceiling. It appears that he's not allowed in any part of the house outside his bedroom.
And while I'm on the subject, Miss Ellie has always been a kind, benevolent woman with a heart of gold and compassion to boot. However, I have come to an alarming conclusion about Ellie's persona. She sucks as a grandmother!!!!!!! She has how many grandchildren? Eight that we know about---Lucy, James, John Ross, Christopher, Bobby and Betsy from Knots Landing, Lucas, and JR's baby with Cally. And how many of these does she acknowledge? Three. Three!!!! This is supposedly a matriarchal woman for whom family is of supreme importance. Yet she feels free to pick and choose which grandchildren are worthy of her love and affection. I hate to say this about Miss Ellie, but the blatant lack of interest in most of her grandchildren garners her unworthy of their love. Yeah, I hear you. Yet ANOTHER example [I should be counting these] of Ellie's degeneration as a character. In fairness to her, she never actually sees the other five grandchildren, but she certainly could have if she had made the effort. Very silly on the writers' part. How much effort would it take to write in some dialogue about them?

- Where was April swimming? That building in the background is not the same one she lives in. In fact, she owns her building. So what's she doing pool-crashing at another apartment building? If she doesn't like the facilities at her building, she can and should change them. I'm not sure where she was swimming. I noticed the out-of-place building's possible we're just looking at it from a different angle or something.

AHN Kyle's corner:

- OK. JR gets 2.5 million shares for his $20 million deal. This translates into 8 bucks a share (which seems kind of low for a company of Weststar's stature, even taking the fact that it's 1987 and stock splits into consideration). I think we should keep an eye on this $8 number. Let's see if the writers keep it (somewhat, it is the stock market after all) consistent. Yes, that will be an important thing to watch. And these were PREFERRED shares. Something doesn't seem right...but we'll see.

- I think (or at least, I hope) that Cliff is kidding when he talks of filling the balloons with laughing gas. That stuff is freaking dangerous. Ever seen BATMAN: The Movie? Yeah, kind of like that. I can just imagine JR walking in and seeing Sly and Kendall rolling on the floor...whoa. I better stop before I get carried away.

- Barely even caught this, but Pearce's boss says that Nicholas came from a firm called Harden Knox. Hmmm. Sounds kind of like Hard Knocks, as in School of Hard Knocks... (yes a bit of a stretch, I agree). Could be...this went by pretty quick.

- More about this stock business. If I'm Wilson Cryder, I'm not going to be too willing to be trading property for stock. That's just one more portion (albeit small) of ownership that's no longer yours. Anyways, why would Weststar care about a measly $20 mil deal? Very strange (Wendell never would have done this). Agreed. Another example of Cryder's lameness.

- Frankly I could do without the limo driver looking directly at the camera while Casey and the "Cartel: The New Class" girl made out (a la Superman). I was have expecting him to give me a knowing wink. This is silly and has no place on Dallas. A knowing wink...or at least someone back there should have closed the window between driver and backseat.

- The worst part about the Charlie/Christopher thing is she says that they are "kind of" related because of Lucas. Hey, stupid! You'll be related as soon as Ray and Jenna get married! Ever heard of a cousin?? Not quite...I don't think. Let's see. Christopher is the son of Jeff Farraday and Kristin. Charlie carries the DNA of Jenna and Naldo Marchetta. No one's related here...except that Christopher's adoptive dad and Charlie's stepdad are half-brothers. [Man, I hate this relationship thing.]

- I figure that they didn't show Jenna saying her vows because they didn't want the priest to say: "Do you Jenna (whatever her middle name is) Wade Marchetta Marchetta take...". That would be embarassing. It would be. Not to mention pointless.

AHN Mike's corner:

- Nobody noticed that when Sue Ellen took the blouse off that she had been wearing all day, she grabbed a hanger and hung it back up in her closet. Perhaps that closet is where she hangs her dirty laundry for Teresa to gather up and a hamper is too declasse for the Ewings. Or maybe she going to wear it again to save on dry cleaning bills. Good point.

- The pool where April was swimming looked suspiciously like the same one where Cliff used to bother Sly. Did it? I really couldn't place it - the angle was weird.

- Am I the only who thinks it looks like JR and Kimberly Cryder aren't having any sex? All the seem to do is drink and hold their mutual admiration society while dressed to the nines. Well, that's all we've SEEN them do. I have a feeling that Leigh Taylor-Young isn't exactly an outgoing babe - a few days ago, we saw her come out of the shower wearing a towel. She obviously likes to tease us by sitting back and letting us admire her legs, but I bet she's a shy girl at heart, so she doesn't actually want to do any love scenes. Just my guess.

- And Casey, who could get any girl he wants, has poor taste in women. Even Marilee is far preferable to the one in the limo.
I think we should agree to disagree on this one. As I wrote in my summary, "today Casey actually gets some non-disgusting sex".

AHN Jason's corner:

- Did Jenna say that 200 hundred people would attend her wedding.. if so, she really got shafted.. I'd say 30 or so max.... Hard to tell. It might have been two hundred or so. There are a lot of rooms in that house.

- After Caseys' girlfirend rips off his shirt, did anyone else notice that the buttons stay on the shirt.  What gives?  Is it velcro?
I think that since his encounter with Marilee, he's had extra stitching put in. All of this ripping must be tough on the shirt budget.

- Ray and Jenna get married at his house but they say they are not getting married at Southfork...  I assume they mean Southfork Ranch.. but Ray's property is ON Southfork land, right?  I mean I always assumed it was.... Well, the property he was given was on Southfork, so technically yes.

- No stubble on Cliff or Dandy after they wake up in the bar..  Sure... Good one. I should have caught that.

- Why did the bartender make them a fresh pot of coffee to just take for themselves?   and why were they allowed to sleep in the bar all night? Wouldn't a normal bar owner call the police... Bizarre. Totally bizarre.

- Lisa's claim to Christopher is weak...  She should have tried to seek visitation rights, not full custody.. It would be hard to prove that Christopher was not being taken care of properly at Southfork (just as long as Jenna isn't around).. and since her brother (the father) illegally sold him to Bobby, I doubt she could really use this to her advantage... It would seem to weaken her claim to me...  (at least it would show that her brother had a questionable ethical upbringing and perhaps say the same about her...) I totally agree. Makes zero sense to me.

- Why does Cliff assume that Dandy would leave so soon after striking it rich..I know, because he read the script...

- Has anyone noticed how people just seem to depart mid BBQ lately?  Last year, Jamie, Jack, and Wes all departed during the BBQ and now Dandy did also... I don't mind Dandy. :)

- Linda' Gray's real life daughter, Kelly (sp) makes what I beleive is her first Dallas appearance in today's episode as Sue Ellen's assistant, Kelly...

Episode 264: Brother, Can You Spare a Child?

Gaudy Nicholas sweater meter: 1. Red. Not too bad.

Abandoned Lucas meter: 1. During Ray and Jenna's honeymoon.

- Christopher's room has been remodeled. Last season, several times, Pam and Bobby would look through his doorway and the bed was parallel to it. Suddenly, it is perpendicular to the doorway and pushed against the side wall rather than the far wall. Strangely, the car posters around the bed are the same as last season. I guess Raoul and Teresa just don't have enough to do around the house.

Adam Lafazan's corner:

- I find it hard to believe that you can just buy an entire building in downtown Dallas and make it a homeless shelter without
protest. The DOA wields awesome power! [Kidding.] This is a good point. Certainly someone would protest.

- Regarding the shoe box, why didn't Ms. Ellie realize that what Cliff wanted to show her was inside the shoe box and not the shoe box itself when she made that dumb remark? Perhaps a lame attempt at humor. Hard to say.

- Where is Christopher always running to?  It's not like it would be too hard for Bobby to find him.  This is getting on my nerves - the adopted, I don't want to ride horses with Charlie thing. It's getting on everyone's nerves, but we'll have to endure it for a while.

- Isn't it strange that Kimberly's household would forward Sue Ellen's call straight to her hotel room?  If she was deliberately indiscreet, wouldn't at least JR be bothered by this? That is an interesting point...I suppose she leaves a number where she can be reached, but that should only be in emergencies, right? Good call.

AHN Matt's corner:

- When we first see JR at the BBQ talking to Bobby, he seems drunk.... From what I've read, it was quite a common occurrence for Larry to be drunk on the set during the latter seasons.

- Christopher asks if Lisa will take him away because he is adopted.  Bobby says no.   Well, actually, Christopher, this is the one time where it IS because you are adopted. Excellent call.

- April crying about not being invited.  Neither was Cliff, Dandy, or Kimberly. They still showed up. April has zero initiative. It's silly. Surely she could have just moseyed in and made Bobby feel bad about not inviting her.

- Also, how well does she know Bobby, JR, or Sue Ellen.  Sue Ellen herself said that they just have a habit of running into each other.  JR just sees her as a business partner, and she really doesn't know Bobby that well at all. There is no reason why she HAS to be invited. I believe that some Bobby/April scenes have been cut - they've actually seen each other a few times lately.

- Cliff has a box of pictures to shoe Miss Ellie.  So, Miss Ellie looks at one picture, and Cliff takes the box away.  Nice guy. Well, this was a great scene. Let's cut them some slack.

- When Christopher was playing with his toys he had a Hulk Hogan action figure riding a horse.  It just looked stupid. Yes it did. It's too bad Bobby couldn't have splurged and got him the Macho Man as well so he could actually do something with them.

- Why is Jenna upset at Charlie and Brad Pitt?  When Jenna was Charlie's age she was messing around with Bobby.  Why is Ray upset?  When Lucy was Charlie's age, HE was messing around with her.  Maybe he wanted first pick of all the Dallas virgins. I suspect the latter. All Dallas ladies must have to go through a Krebbs initiation. Somehow April was spared.

AHN Anne's corner:

- Did you notice that sky behind Mavis and Punk at barbecue? Major set here! I noticed. Dave O points out that yesterday's barbecue was definitely filmed at the real Southfork, so this is very odd.

- Why did Cliff ask his bedfellow if she remembered the guy who almost shot him at the barbecue? As if she would have been invited. Maybe she was! This is probably where they met, I would guess.

- Sue Ellen called the barbecue a great success. Yeah, if you don't mind some psycho running in with a gun and some random lady coming in with a lawyer to take your nephew away. She must have ignored those parts. Other than that, it was great.

- Nicholas says that Sue Ellen didn't show that she had seen J.R. and Kimberly, "you didn't even blink." No, but she was staring into space with obvious pain and shock in her eyes. Joe, are you completely blind? Clearly he is. Someone pointed out that he didn't notice the blank look on her face when it actually happened, even though he was standing right next to her.

- How come Clayton and Punk left their drinks at the bar when they went to their table? Excellent question.

- Maybe you didn't think this was bad. Clayton said that Ellie's not around anyone and he "missed having something to do." I grimaced, because I thought it was pretty sick. Did you or am I just having flashbacks to a little earlier in the season? I think I know where you're going with this. Give this angle a week or so and see what you think.

AHN Kyle's corner:

- It really bothered me when Bobby started saying to Christopher "it's a custody suit" and then Christopher blurted out "I don't understand!" Geez, Christopher, why don't you give him a chance to explain (brat). If I wanted to make this into a compliment, I guess I could say that the writers are doing a good job of portraying some of the irrationality that accompanies childhood. IF I wanted too... Yeah, this was very strange. Realistic but strange.

- Man, how does Cliff keep scoring with these hot chicks? I suspect he hangs out at the Blind Institute quite often. Then again, he IS rich. But what's his pick up line? "Hey baby, come on over and I'll tell you a story of a drunk named Digger". That was real lame. You've got this very pretty [if I may say so myself] young thing sitting next to you, and you want to talk about your dad? Give me a break.

- Poor, poor April. Maybe if you hadn't tried to get with every man you met duting your first few months in Dallas, you might be more popular. I like her, but it's hard to feel sorry for her. I'm of two minds myself. I do feel sorry for her but she NEVER does anything to try to endear herself to anybody. That's what's dumb about it.

- And what's this about not being invited to the Ewing BBQ? So FREAKING what? Just go April. That's what everyone else does when their not invited to a Ewing function: they crash it. [Do you think Cliff was invited?] Seeing as breaching Ewing security is about the easiest thing in the world, she should have just showed up (but then we couldn't have had that TOUCHING scene with Nicholas). Agreed.

- Where's Sly today? Didn't they feel like paying her salary? I guess not. It was weird having Kendall doing everything. I noticed this last year. At first I thought it was an extra but it turned out to be Kendall.

- It was swell that Sue Ellen told her assistant to come in late tomorrow, problem is, she doesn't say when. Noon is late, 2 PM is late, heck even a quarter to 5 is late. Sue Ellen probably should have been more specific. Just so you know, "Kelly" is Linda Gray's real-life daughter. Subtle hint?

- Uh, Bob, paying to make problems go away isn't exactly legal, either. It could be considered a "settlement", but paying someone off isn't exactly the most ethical thing in the world. I think he's a little misguided here. He just wants Lisa to go away...sure, it's not legal, but it might work.

- Boy, that oil business sure is volatile. Yesterday, Bobby's developer friend says that nothing's going on in the oil business, and then today Punk says that the price of oil is flying high. Sheesh. It was bad enough when the writers merely adjusted the market to meet their creative needs, but these daily fluctuations are ridiculous. I missed that little tidbit. Thanks.

- Hmmmm. Maybe JR should whisper (or maybe not even talk at all) when Kimberly is talking to Sue Ellen. Yeah, she covered the mouthpiece, but it's not IMPOSSIBLE for Sue Ellen to her something. You would think that since he got his phD in Serial Monogamy, JR would know this. Guess he just forgot... Or doesn't care. I don't get it.

- Didn't anyone notice that Sue Ellen was a) on speed or b) on ecstasy or c) both during the dinner with the Cryder's? She was freaking out! This would certainly make me suspicious. Last year when I saw this it seemed kind of funny. This time it seemed lame.

- Why is Bobby surprised that Lisa knows about him buying Christopher? Chances are, if she knows that Christopher is Faraday's son, she probably knows that he was a black market baby. Perhaps he was hoping against hope - she never mentioned it, and it's not the kind of thing that a normal person would tell somebody. Farraday was obviously NOT normal. [Hey, sis, I just sold my son.]

AHN Jason's corner:

- Yikes... I thought Sue Ellen's outfits were getting skimpy..  Now we are treated to JR in a shorty bathrobe.... nice legs.... Just like in War of the Ewings. [Yuck!]

- Lisa refers to herself as "Jeff Faraday's sister" as she argues with Bobby in the beginning of the story..  Like she needed to use Faraday.. Jeff's sister would have done.  Bobby was told of the connection just a few (TV) minutes ago....The previous episode's cliffhanger..... Can you smell the cabbage?

- Lisa strikes again.. When Bobby calls her, the machine says  "Hi, this is Lisa Alden"   Now how many people out there use their last names on an answering machine? I've heard a few but this IS unusual.

- Just a note.. Sue Ellen sure has taken an about face in her attitude towards JR...   In the course of about one episode, she turned from being totally devoted to him to hating his guts... Well, this started when she saw him with Kimberly. She's just hiding it really well.

AHN Val's corner:

- Kimberly Cryder is obviously taking hair styling tips from Sue Ellen. She was sporting the Pebbles Flintstone look today. It's going around. Clearly one person is doing most of the hair.

- Cliff's gone picking up trollops again. If he keeps doing that, he's gonna pick up something he really doesn't want. Well, a normal person certainly would but Dallas characters seem to have immunity from STDs and what not.

- The reason Casey's shirts open up so easily is that they are western shirts. Commonly, those have snaps instead of buttons. Convenient. Especially in Casey's case.

- The scene with Cliff and Miss Ellie is one of the best, least recognized scenes of the entire series. Miss Ellie really looked nice here--especially her hair. I think this was the best I have seen her look. If BBG puts forth the effort, she can be a very pretty lady. I have been saying this all along! I'll let you in, now that everyone knows...I've been debating with the other AHNs the merits of various Dallas ladies. It all started when Kyle got angry at Casey for complaining about having to service Marilee Stone. Kyle and most others think he should have been thanking his lucky stars, whereas I think that Marilee is halfway to being a prune. I made the comment that even Ellie would be a better companion than Marilee, and I'm getting lots of flak for it.
And this was an AWESOME scene. One of my favorites of the series.

- "You don't love me. You love Lucas!" Where have I heard this before? Oh yeah, it's my real life. Seriously? Must be tough...

- Ray and Jenna just stood there like zombies when they came home to find Charlie getting fresh with a boy in the house. They didn't even ask her to stifle the loud music. They should have given her a big long lecture about not having boys in the house when no adults are home. And where was Lucas during all of this. Certainly he wasn't sleeping through Billy Idol wafting through the halls. That was just the most ridiculous thing I ever saw. Lucas should be crying because he can't sleep, right? What gives?

- Jenna's new hairdo--straight with bangs--makes her look like a 5-year old. I guess it's only fitting because she acts like one, too. Her new hair is absolutely pathetic. I am no longer a Jenna mark.

- When Bobby left, and Lisa went into her apartment, JR was there. So how would Bobby miss seeing JR's car parked outside, thereby arousing suspicion? Sure, I suppose JR could have parked a block away and walked to Lisa's. But JR just doesn't seem like the pedestrian type to me. An interesting question. I honestly don't know.

AHN Mike's corner:

- Can't believe nobody mentioned that shirt and overall outfit Punk was wearing at the BBQ. His country funk wardrobe is usually pretty outrageous but this outfit was really ugly.

- Great news that the DOA is going to start a shelter for homeless people. Now Dandy will have somewhere to live.

- Cliff's overnight bimbo must shop at Valentine's Lingerie. She appears to be wearing the same black lacy slip Sue Ellen wore when she undressed upon returning from her trip in the previous episode. Quite possibly...there have been a lot of these. Probably there's one in wardrobe that gets recycled. Maybe that's why all of Cliff's paramours are built like Sue Ellen.

- In the office scene with Nicholas (and her daughter) Sue Ellen has a hideous outfit on punctuated by a bigger set of shoulder pads than you would normally find on a 300 pound defensive lineman. She's having an unofficial contest with Donna Mills.

- Unintentionally funny line of the night by April: "Whern I was FLAT broke....". Well, April you're half right. You're not broke any more.

- I thought the Charlie, Brad Pitt scene was well done. You could tell Ray and Jenna wanted to explode but both were thinking about similar indiscretions of their own (Ray and Lucy; and Bobby and Jenna as teenagers). And perhap Priscilla was thinking about herself at 14 with Elvis. :-) Someone pointed out that Ray is probably thinking "Hey, wait, Randy, if there's going to be any teenage sex around here, it's going to be with ME".

- Well, I guess JR and Kimberly are having sex after all, but what is it with JR's fetish for women and bubble baths? He was the same way with Mandy. I have no idea. I think it's as sexy as they were allowed to get in 1987.

- Headline of the future: "Serial Killer Chris Ewing finally captured. His motive: "It's because I'm adopted."

AHN Joe's corner:

- The book that Christopher pretends to be reading when Bobby comes into his room looks nothing like a textbook or anything he'd be reading for homework.  As a matter of fact, it looks like those "Golden Little Books" that were popular with kids during the 80s (I should know, because I was born the same year as Christopher, and I used to read a lot of those books. Yeah, it did. Maybe that's his homework, though.

- When Ray asks Clayton "How you doin'?," on Southfork, there is bad voice dubbing when Clayton responds with "Fine." There's a lot of dubbing lately. I don't get it.

Episode 265: Daddy's Little Darlin'

Bonehead Dialogue Award: [courtesy of AHN Kyle:]

- "It's ironic, isn't it? Kristin was my sister. If I'd known this would happen I never would have signed those release papers." -Sue Ellen to Bobby
Note to Sue Ellen: never try to become an english teacher. How, exactly can this be construed as irony, dear Sue Ellen? I guess I'm just not sophisticated enough to get this one. Every time I hear a cast member uses the 'irony', an alarm goes off in my head...

Full House Moment meter: 2. Ray talking to Christopher about identity crises; Ray's warning to Randy about sensible dating.

- Bobby says he doesn't want to 'interrupt' Nicholas's meeting with Sue Ellen. Well, Bob, that'll be hard to do since you were in her office FIRST.

- Paul Morgan is inexplicably RIGHT today. Frightening. I've been saying all along that Lisa Alden has no real case to gain custody of Christopher. What can she give him that Bobby can't? And even if Bobby did pay money for his child, would taking Christopher away be the best thing for him? Doesn't make any sense to me.

- When Bobby is talking to Paul about the Farraday incident, it sounds like the words "twenty-five thousand dollars" are dubbed. I imagine that Patrick Duffy probably said the wrong number at first, because the number is correct.

- Here's another one for the Krebbs hypocrisy file. Ray tells Christopher that despite the fact that Bobby is Lucas's biological father, he and Jenna are Lucas's 'parents' because they are the ones who will raisehim. Okay, I'll accept that argument. So, Ray, would that mean that you consider Donna and Senator Dowling to be your daughter's 'parents'? Or is that situation somehow different from Jenna's, just like you claimed it was last season? Yet another thing that makes you say "Hmmm".

- In Ray's defense, I must say I liked the fact that he complimented Marnie's look. If I were Randy, I'd forget about Charlie! In many ways, Marnie reminds me of...a young Grace. [Remember Grace? I miss her.]

- How much has Lisa been told by JR? When Cliff arrives at her place, she knows that he is Bobby's brother-in-law. Would she be able to glean this information based on the fact that Cliff says that Christopher is his nephew? I don't think so. Based solely on this data, Cliff could be Bobby's real brother or some other relation, right? Just seems kind of strange.

- I wonder why JR would risk been seeing in public with Lisa. What if someone saw them together? They don't seem to be in an 'out-of-the-way' place.

Adam Lafazan's corner:

- When Bobby was on his way out, Nick said, "What was that all about?"   What was what all about?  And a bit nosy for someone so so private.

- Did you notice how thick April's wallet is when she went to tip the delivery boy? Quite so. Good point.

AHN Matt's corner:

- When Bobby came to Sue Ellen's office, the greeting she gave him seemed weird. The kiss-hello is usually between two people who haven't seen each other in a while.  It seems strange since they probably saw each other at breakfast. To put it a different way, when I see my father's girlfriend, I give the kiss hello.  But, when I see my mother (who I live with) I do not.  Do you know what I mean? I know what you mean. Seemed very bizarre.

- I don't undertsand what Sue Ellen means when she says that she never should have signed those adoption release forms.  Then wouldn't Bobby never have been able to adopt Christopher? This doesn't make much sense. Agreed. She just doesn't know what to say about the current situation, I guess, but this is definitely the WRONG thing to say.

- April was a complete bitch about Pam.  She had absolutely no reason to say what she did.  Bobby should have never forgived her, even though April knows what she said was cruel.  She is absolutely my least favorite character on this show.
Give her some time. What she said was rather cruel, but the fact of the matter is that Pam is capital-g Gone and Bobby had better realize it. I loved Pam just as much as anyone, but I agree with her viewpoint.

- When JR was telling Sue Ellen that most of the people who liked her were around her age.   What about Clayton Farlow?  He is a lot older.  And Peter Richards?   He was A LOT, I mean, A LOT younger.  JR should have brought that up.  I liked how Sue Ellen was acting all coy about Pearce, then JR shot her down with the spring chicken remark. That was a good exchange. They need more of these.

- I just wanted to mention that it took Ray Krebbs to try to get Christopher to understand the situation with Lucas.  Not nice guy Bobby.  I know Bobby has had a lot on his mind lately, but when Ray Krebbs has to save the day it is pathetic. Yes it is. Ray will become nothing more than a Bob Saget wannabe this season and it's terrible.

- When April got that card, she tipped the guy with a $50 bill.  All he said was thanks, like she gave him a couple of bucks.  $50 deserves a more enthusiastic thanks. I think so too. That was ridiculous.

AHN Anne's corner:

- Sue Ellen wasn't pointing to any boy in particular when she asked Nicholas if that was him in the picture. How could she know that he was cute if she didn't know which one was him? Maybe she thought they were all cute. Good point, now that you mention it.

- You know, I hate Clayton for hurting Miss Ellie, but when the women of her meeting were hovering over him and talking about him as a "home-husband," I felt truly sorry for him. I almost sympathize with what he did. At least he's DOING something about his problem, unlike April. You've got to admire that.

AHN Val's corner:

- In the flashback scene when Bobby puts Baby Christopher in the car seat, he doesn't even use the car's seat belt to buckle the baby seat in place. As Bobby "installed" the seat, it's gonna flop all over the place while the car is in motion. And while this was 1981, but did you notice that plastic infant car seat? That's not gonna protect a baby in a crash. What's worse is that it wasn't even a rear-facing car seat. Babies under a year old must face the rear of the car. It doesn't take much to snap a baby's neck. And at less than one year, their little necks are not strong enough to withstand the impact of a car suddenly lurching forward. And that, my friends, concludes this public service announcement on infant car seat safety. Badly needed, too. In 1981, nobody knew this stuff. I never had a car seat and neither did my sister.

- Cliff tells Jackie that his guest doesn't want anything. That was very hospitable. NOT!!! Good old cheapskate Cliff.

- April says she threw herself at Bobby and "she doesn't do that for everyone". Oh, please, April, of course you do!!!! Just ask Jack Ewing, Cliff Barnes, Jeremy Wendell, Wes Parmalee, JR, and the rest. She has a short memory. Bobby is the one guy she hasn't actually made a move on as yet. Unbelievable.

- The shadows on the walls of Lisa's apartment look very much like jail bars. I think I detect symbolism here. I noticed that too! When she was wearing those overalls, I thought I could hear a harmonica playing.

- Ray handled Randy quite well, in my opinion. But I fail to see what Marnie was doing there. Is Randy dating both her and Charlie, or is she just playing the third wheel? Hey, I didn't mind. She looked very pretty in that dress! Made her look very mature, I thought. Maybe she's just getting a ride with them. And as for Ray...yes, he did a good 'dad' job, but the thought of Ray being a parent turns my stomach. It has since the Tony incident.

AHN Jason's corner:

- The Lisa character sure has changed personalities in the course of an episode or so.. now she is a conniving trouble maker like JR...  I really liked her and am surprised that she would potentially hurt her only relative like she is...I don't remember ALL of the details about how this plays out but I think she might just be posturing to JR about how mean she can really be. It was quite striking, though.

- Clayton makes a strange comment about his check... " My name, address and phone number are on it."..  Well I would hope his name at least would be on it..   who would take a starter check for $6000.00 dollars? Good call.

- Cliff claims to have no family other than Christopher...  Of course discounting his departed sister Pam,  he (apparently) has his aunt Maggie, cousin Jimmy and loving sister Katherine...  then again they all disappeared too...

- Oh My god,  Ray is at Southfork, presuambly to work... This is a tote in the making, Ahmer... We don't know why he's at Southfork. If he was working, shouldn't he be in the fields or the stables or something? I suspect his Saget beeper went off or he used his Saget-sense and detected trouble at the house or something.

- Casey's girlfriend is called Mary Lou...  sounds like Marilee.. hmm he must have a thing for Marys... I suppose he must.

- Mary Lou seems to wear a really skimpy dress to the Oil Baron's club... rather embarassing to show off that much flesh around her father.. Well, in SOME families...[sorry, that was uncalled for.] But it's clear the girl is a slut.

- If Nick is so defensive about his family pics, why does he have them on display in his house... Convenient.

- The DOA is soooo boring...  They sit around and wonder how they can afford the $$ to build a shelter.. gimme a break.. Didn't Punk rent every room in a HUGE HOTEL  for a wedding anniversary party a few seasons ago....  That frivilous spending seems to imply that Mavis (and him) could afford to build a low income shelter on their own,and not need to resort to asking for the $$ and  do all this fund raising.... I totally agree. I would say that the DOA is more lame than boring.

AHN Kyle's corner:

- When Bobby mentions Jeff Farraday, Sue Ellen immediately replies "you mean Christopher's father?". Ouch. I'm surprised Bobby didn't cringe. BOBBY is Christopher's father. It probably would have been much better if she said "Christopher's BIRTH father". Good point.

- Jenna is STILL pudgy (lame hair, too). Yes and yes.

- Shame on Clayton for openly making a fool of Ellie in front of her DOA friends. He could've chosen not to help her out, but he didn't have to cut her off in mid-sentence. That was almost Krebbsian in its rudeness. It's contagious, man!

- Maybe it's me, but Paul seems to be just a little mean to his clients (Bobby today, and Ray during his attempted adoption of Margaret). I know that the Ewing boys want honesty, but you've got to sugar coat it a little bit, man. Well, they keep going back to him for some bizarre reason. I guess he figures that if he's going to continue to get the Ewing business despite sucking as a lawyer and as a person, he doesn't really need to try.

- Syntax Police! April says (to Bobby) that she threw herself at him. April: "Which I don't do, ever." This sentence seems overly awkward, it would have been better if she had said "which is something I never do" or along those lines. Of course, the sentence is also FALSE because she throws herself at everybody.

- The metamorphosizing Southfork pool returns. Today it seems to be kind of curvy. That means it's the real pool. Interesting.

- Is next to the pool the new parking lot for John Ross' bicycle? Probably not. This was very dumb. But typical of kids.

- If John Ross doesn't want to get in any trouble, why doesn't he just leave Christopher alone? This makes no sense. Instead, he takes the ball, throws it the pool, and starts fighting with him. Way to stay out of trouble John Ross. I noticed that too.

- I question the notion that Christopher would actually know about the circumstances of Ray's parentage. I can just picture story time with Bobby and Chris: "Let me tell you the story about the time your grandaddy made a baby with someone who wasn't grandma. I call it 'The Half-Breed Tales..." LOL! It brings to mind a tote I'm working on - ratio of characters born in wedlock to those born out of wedlock.

- One question about Dr. Styles: why 14%? This seems like such an arbitrary number. There's a couple of possibilities (but I'm not CRAZY about either of them) 1) 14% is pretty darn close to one-seventh (14.3% approx.). Maybe they decided to give him... one-seventh of the company stock. But why one-seventh? Why not a fifth or a tenth or something more common? or 2) Maybe the land he owned was worth a set $ value, and they just determined that, at Weststar's initial stock price, the land was worth 14%. But this number seems to be too low, as the stock wasn't worth much to begin with. Perhaps it is rounding of one-seventh. If there were seven major partners at the time or soemthing like that.

- Another thing: 14% does not mean ownership status. Styles (no not the Styles from Teen Wolf, although that is funny) holds the largest portion, but he doesn't have the majority of the stock. True, his decisions will carry the most power, but he only has 7 votes out of 50. So while it would be hard for JR to do it, he COULD get enough stock to control Styles. In theory, JR could get 86% of the stock (it would cost a fortune, but...) so he doesn't TECHNICALLY need Styles help. No, technically not. But as we learn later, Weststar has a lot of public shareholders, so this is certainly an easier way to get in good with the company.

AHN Mike's corner:

- How about that hideous tart red rug in Sue Ellen's office set off against that blinding white decor? looks like a Texas whorehouse. Well, you know what? It IS a whorehouse...just a high-class one. What is Sue Ellen, if not a sex trader?

- Sue Ellen's linebacker shoulder pads must have been out for dry cleaning during this episode. The ones in that grey dress were actually conservative. I guess she decided not to take on Donna Mills.

- I've probably said it before, but Paul Morgan looks like Buddy Ebsen's younger brother. He and Kenneth Tigar [Clayton's doctor] have got to be the UGLIEST people I've ever seen.

- What bar was April drinking in and how did Bobby know to find her there since up til yesterday she was known to not drink? Very astute point.

- Sure, Bobby, you're "getting on with your life". That's why right after you said that and toasted  glasses with April, we could see you were still wearing your wedding ring! Oh, that's priceless! Thank you so much for that one.

- And how dumb is Ray? He delivers this no uncertain terms ultimatum to Randy - strict curfew, no drinking, no drivers who drank - but he leaves out one important "no" - no sex. If Randy is smart, he'll conclude that if Ray didn't say he couldn't do it, it must be OK. After all, you don't have to drink and you can still make it back for curfew and still have plenty of randy sex! You go boy! And he's got Marnie in the car too! Good work, my friend!

- JR gets a two-fer at the good doctor's home. Not only does he keep the Dallas tradition of not finishing a drink but he puts the wet glass down on a piece of antique furniture. Excellent call.

Episode 266: It's Me Again

Bonehead Dialogue Award: [courtesy of AHN Kyle:]

"It was my painting... well, until you bought it." -Painter to Clayton at the gallery.
No buddy, it's still your painting. Clayton bought it, but you still made it. If I buy a Picasso, do I call it a Wasko? No, it's still a

Full House Moment meter: 1. Danny (Ray) and DJ Tanner (Charlie) again.

- Jackie is surprisingly...competent today. [Sorry, the word kind of stuck on my keyboard.] She very politely and professionally tells Cliff that Lisa Alden has arrived. Same with Wilson Cryder. What has Cliff been feeding her?

- When Cliff tells Lisa about the troublesome farmer, he doesn't mention the man's name. Yet when Lisa informs JR, she knows the name. Did she question Cliff further about the situation, after their conversation seemed to be over? Wouldn't it make Cliff suspicious if she did that?

- Clayton must have REALLY wanted to see Laurel. When he comes to her place, he doesn't even ring the doorbell. What gives?

- I'm not sure why Lisa chose to wear a rather Victorian dress when meeting with JR. For a girl who seems more comfortable in jeans, this seems rather odd.

Dave O mentioned: Was it just me or did Kimberly have a Texas accent on her daytime walk with J.R. When did she get this? I did not notice this in prior episodes. This was new. Part of the "Southern Belle" facade, I guess. Good point.

AHN Kyle's corner:

- Sly's back! Yeah! I think her 'slutty girl' look needs some work, but she still looked pretty good. She looked AWESOME. She's on my A-list now. Worth paying for - but only if she dresses like trash. Compare her to April when she first arrived in Dallas - no question who's hotter.

- I guess I could see Cliff and Lisa not being sworn enemies, but there's really no reason for Cliff to befriend her. It's really rather absurd. She's STILL trying to take your nephew away. But there's a connection now - the lack of family and being downtrodden all your life. And you must admit that for Cliff, it's a MAJOR step up from Dandy.

- It's upsetting that even though Clayton owns the painting, he still comes to look at it at the gallery. I know he's looking for a place to put it, but it just makes him seem pathetic. Does hanging out with a pretty English babe and drinking tea all afternoon seem LESS pathetic?

- Geez Jenna... Words can't describe what a bad person she is. Talk about your awkward situations. "No, I would never hurt Ray, Bobby. By the way, I'll never love him as much as I loved you. Never! Is that going to be a problem?". She might be too stupid to live... She IS to stupid to live. And too fat. And her hair is terrible. And apparently after being married to Elvis, no other man is allowed to see any part of her body between her neck and her knees.

- I realize that the art market wasn't quite as lucrative back in 1987, but to have Laurel tell Clayton that he must be very rich was absurd. It was six thousand freaking dollars! Give me a break. Well, who else but a bored rich guy would drop six thousand dollars on a starving artist? I see your point, though.

- If Barnes Wentworth business activity is like a roller coaster (as Wilson Cryder alludes to) it would be one of those sucky ones, for kids under 4 feet tall ones that has no big climbs or falls and constantly breaks down. Cryder speaks of two of Cliff's business deals in the last five years-- Gold Canyon and the Natural Gas strike. Hey Wilson, you know what? Those are the ONLY two things he's done in the last five years!! Cliff's ride would be as follows:

[Coaster Car]----->
1983 - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -  - - - - - 1987
Nothing happens! Cliff was high when he got Gold Canyon and then low when he almost went bankrupt, but then the operation apparently shut down for like four years (except for 340) and has just gone up (and then quickly down) with the Natural gas strike. Mr. Barnes Wild Ride my foot!!

AHN Jason's corner:

- Jackie wears a hanky in her dress that makes her look like Cliff..

- Man that was a long 4 seconds that Sly took to bring Casey into JR's office.. Well, in all fairness, JR said "count to four." Maybe Sly's not too good at math.

- Would a painter really give out his model's name and address to a buyer..especially if the model was not professional and didn't necessarily want to pose again... and it was really convenient to have Laurel's name and address already written up.... (A business card?) He didn't write it down? I thought he did. If not, then this is a nit.

- Andy Bradley is apparently gone for good..  So much for the "magnificent three" of the cartel.. Down to the awesome twosome of Marilee and Jordan. At least they explained his departure.

- Would Cliff really eat a whole box of donuts by himself? a weird gift even to him... Bizarre. If Lisa really wanted to impress him, she should have brought Chinese food.

- Jenna has a nanny... Why?  What does she do during the day? I don't know. This is so dumb...I'd like to give the writers the benefit of the doubt and say that they realized how stupid the "abandoned Lucas" thing is and so they decided to hire an extra to play the nanny. But it would make a lot more sense to just have Jenna be a FREAKIN' mom instead an overdressed and underhaired whale.

- I found it very poor that Bobby would never see his baby son again...Can't he find enough time in his (snicker) busy work day to visit with the infant and spend "quality" time with Christopher? Excellent point.

- While we are on the subject of Bobby... I for one felt his slap in the face to Jenna after she confessed that she still had feelings for him was really cold....  HE was in love with two women at once... Why can't he at least sympathize with her on her emotions?  It's not like he has to bonk her again..  But a little understanding could help..  I know he is trying to be loyal to his brother but the way he stormed out on Jenna I found was rather cold.... I suspect this has to do with bad vibes from Jenna. Everyone around her either seems to become a slut or a hypocrite or both. I see your point, though...although in fairness to Bobby, Jenna certainly did not understand his feelings when he was in a similar predicament, and she was carrying his child. She stormed out on him more than once and swore he would never know his son. She relented later, but you see what I mean.

- Why does Lisa crawl over the passenger seat of her car?  Driver door jammed? I have this problem on all my cars. Maybe just bad planning - she should have come into the parking lot from the other side.

- Grandpa Farlow?  I always thought John Ross called Clayton "Clayton" Interesting. I hadn't thought of that. It's good to see the boy learn some respect. I like John Ross, while I generally can't stand Christopher.

- A nit from the April and Joey's friend dinner scene...  He pours some wine into the glass that April is drinking from, then he pours for himself.  As the camera cuts to him, you hear what sounds like a THIRD glass being poured... Could be from a nearby table but that's an interesting point.

- Also how does he know that the wine in April's glass is the same as the new wine he pours from his bottle.  He didn't ask and there are a LOT of variation in white, red and rose' wines..  (Some are fruity, some are dry, some have body... etc...-   mixing them could result in a nasty combination...) Excellent nit, easily overlooked by a non-drinker like myself.

AHN Matt's corner:

- How many times can JR pull the same old prank on Cliff?  He used Afton Cooper to get info out of Cliff, and then Mandy Winger, and even Pam.  I think April was used too.  How many times will that idiot keep falling for the same old trick?   Obviously nobody knows about JR behind the Lisa Alden thing, but Cliff seems to let anyone who will listen know about all of his business problems. Cliff's a real lonely guy. It is getting tiresome.

-Was that woman in Jenna's nursery her housekeeper or her nurse?  First, if it is her housekeeper, she has no use in taking care of an infant.  If she is a nurse, isn't that a little unnecessary?  Jenna raised Charlie as a (working?) mom years ago.   I think she can scrape by taking care of Lucas without working and living off of Ray's 200 million dollars. She could but is obviously unwilling to. This is strange.

- Maybe it sounds like I am April-bashing, but how stupid is she?  She was clueless when Joey's friend from Bensonhurst was talking about the Lombardi's being in the mafia. "What families?"  How stupid is this girl!!!! I agree. This is one of the things I'm going to put in my "I think" column.

- I liked when Charlie said that she and Randy were "just fooling around". Maybe then fooling around meant something diffrent than it does now, because if my father (or stepfather) caught me fooling around with someone, I would never be able to say we were "just fooling around". That implies more than just making out, or whatever Charlie and Randy were doing. I agree. Bad choice of words.

- I have an idea for Bonehead Dialogue Award... Ray says "I understand two teenagers fooling around in a barn."  Doesn't he mean "I understand one teenage girl and her middle-aged half-uncle fooling around in a barn." I said the exact same thing!

AHN Joe's corner:

- Lisa tells Cliff that she "asked around," and by doing so, found out he has no family aside from Christopher.  Er... Didn't Cliff directly tell her that in yesterday's episode?  Doesn't this woman listen? Maybe she thought he was exaggerating. Hmm.

- When Clayton bought the painting, he requested that it be put in a crate until he's ready to have it delivered...  So why's the painting still on display? Did he say put it in 'a crate' or 'display'? I don't remember. I'll check.

- Did Cliff set up a new dining area? Or have we just not seen it before? I don't know. Good one.

- Ray, Ray, simple Ray....  It wasn't even ten years ago when you were getting nasty in the stables with an adolescent girl yourself... and it was illegal for you...  Or was that "different," just like how the situation with you, Donna, and Margaret is different from the one with Jenna, Lucas, and Bobby? I suspect the latter. We'll have a lot of fun with this today.

AHN Val's corner:

- When Sly announced Casey's arrival, JR told her to "count to 4 and bring him in". Wouldn't Casey have heard that over the phone speaker at Sly's desk? Wouldn't that somehow arouse suspicion since the tone of JR's mood changed between the time Sly announced Casey to the moment he walked in? I don't think so - Sly would use the phone rather than the intercom because she's obviously not as incompetent as Jackie.

- Kimberly Cryder said: "Poor Wilson. He was so happy being married to me". I can't put my finger on it, but something tells me that she's flattering herself. Given what a clod Wilson is...I'm not sure.

- Jenna's wearing horizontal stripes on her sweater. That only makes her look fatter. If she wants to make herself appear thinner, she should be wearing vertical stripes. Those tend to have a slimming effect. Even allowing for the fact that she recently had a do I say's difficult to be tactful...the woman is a WHALE! Pretty soon people will be camping outside the Krebbs home and organizing Jenna watches!

- It sickens me that Bobby and Jenna had that heated conversation right in front of baby Lucas. Even the smallest babies can sense anger and tension, and are adversely affected by it. Seriously? Frightening.

- Randy and Charlie. They were "just fooling around". Yeah, OK. If they dig far enough into the hay, one of them might find Jenna's panties. Or Lucy's...or Sue Ellen's...or Pam's. Maybe even Ellie's! [Ooh...that's disturbing.]

- If I were Clayton, I'd be a tad nervous leaving that Rolls parked in what appeared to be a seedy part of town. Ha! Seedy. Plants. Get it? I made a funny!!!

- Laurel Ellis said that she's read about the American southwest. So what's she doing in Texas??? Specifically east Texas???? She should be visiting Arizona or New Mexico. Texas isn't really part of the southwest. Yet, it's not Deep South, either. It's more south-central. I've always heard [on the show and elsewhere] Texas referred to as "the Southwest" or part thereof. Seems kind of weird to me...clearly Louisiana, for instance, is not Southwest. It's just South. Arizona and New Mexico are certainly Southwest...Nevada is not [I don't think]. Texas is kind of in the middle, but I'd say it's more Southwest than just South. Maybe I don't know what I'm talking about.

- Sly in the farmer's daughter get-up. JR's lucky that he's got such a pretty secretary. Not many women could pull off that look. More important, JR's lucky that she agreed to dress that way for that guy. But then, he didn't give her much choice in the matter, did he? No, he did not. But Sly has moved up several points on my babe list. She was in Group 2 until today [not worth paying for, but worth having]. After today, she jumps way above Sue Ellen into Katherine territory for me - name the place and the price, honey. And make sure you wear the country girl outfit! As far as I'm concerned, Sly is a lot like Mandy but with some self-respect.

AHN Mike's corner:

- Someone noted Clayton parking his Rolls in a seedy neighborhood without concern. He not only didn't lock it, he left the driver's side window down. When he pulled into the parking spot in front of that dumpster, I half expcted Dandy to pop out holding an empty bottle of cheap wine. As to Laurel, she can't be from England, she doesn't have bad teeth. Oh, come on, now. That's only the men and ugly women.

- I guess I was the only one who wondered if when Clayton asked Laurel if she had posed for other paintings that he was hoping she'd done some nudes. Well, he wouldn't want to say would ruin his chances.

- Can't believe somebody noticed Lisa's victorian dress but didn't notice she has quite a body that it accentuated. Up till now they have hidden it well to try and give her an innocent, girl next door look. Now that she's a bad girl they can show she's stacked. She is, isn't she?

- And speaking of stacked, Sly is too. My biggest disappointment is that Cliff doesn't go to see her at her pool anymore where she wears those flimsy bathing suits. Deborah Rennard co-starred in one of Jean Claude Van Damme's early movies and played a sexpot bad girl. Unfortunately she didn't get naked but got awfully close. Sly has immediately moved up some notches on my list, as I mentioned.

-We should have a contest to see who can guess when Lucas is finally going to grow some hair on his head. I'm beginning to think his real father was Kojak. Good idea.

- If you run the tape back of the barn scene, Charlie's skirt is hiked way up just before she stands up. Was it really? I'll have to look at this. Was Brad Pitt a little too excited here?

Episode 267: Marriage on the Rocks

Gaudy Nicholas sweater meter: 1. Chessboard.

Bonehead Dialogue Award: [courtesy of AHN Kyle:]

"There has got to be a catch." -Cliff to JR after he is told that he can get the farm land for a dollar a year.
Hey dummy, guess what, there is a catch: you have to purchase MASSIVE AMOUNTS OF Weststar STOCK! Sure you'll get the land for dirt cheap, but to actually have that deal to come into effect, you've got to shell out serious amounts of cash. Sometimes (alright, often) Cliff matches April in the stupidity department.

- We open this episode by Sly telling JR that he has a call on his private line. Wait a minute - let me get something straight. If the line is really private, then how does Sly know that there is a call? If she has some indicator that the line is in use, then it seems likely that she would have some way of accessing it, in which case it would NOT be private at all.

- There's a continuity problem when Nicholas and Sue Ellen are about to kiss. They move their heads closer to each other, and then there's a cut. Suddenly they're much further apart.

- I find it unbelievable that Lisa Alden is able to ignore the screeching of Bobby's brakes as he pulls up along side her. Not just once, but three times, as he turns two corners. After making all that noise, Bobby is able to sneak up on her.

- I guess Pam didn't tell Cliff the real story of how Christopher came into her life. Cliff tells Lisa that Pam "brought" Christopher home one day. Uh, no. Bobby brought him home to Southfork. Relive Episode 87, Cliff.

- Kimberly is a bit snotty today. When she tells Ellie and Mavis she'd like to speak to Sue Ellen privately, she explains it as 'girl talk'. So Ellie and Mavis aren't good candidates for 'girl talk'? I'm by no means an expert, but certainly Ellie [if not Mavis] probably has opinions about how cute certain boys are. This seems like a really lame excuse.

- I love the way Ellie just watches Sue Ellen leave the DOA meeting. I bet Sue Ellen was her ride and now she's stranded.

From Dave O:

- Kimberly mentions to J.R. that Wilson moved out and is living at the club.The club? What does she mean by that?Maybe she means the condo. Maybe she means the YMCA [kidding]. I'm not sure - perhaps a country club or something where they're putting him up.

- Jenna's shirt at the dinner scene is ridiculous. She must of gotten it on sale at K-Mart. I think I am the only Jenna fan on the whole website but even I can not defend her these days. You're not the only Jenna fan - I like Jenna too. [I LOVE Cilla, but that's a different story.] Like Donna, I'm very disturbed at the fact that her sole purpose as a character has become to get Ray over with the audience. She has nothing else to do, and that's a damned shame. After the dream was over, she still had a chance to be a good character but she got stuck with the half-breed and it was all over.

- During the Bobby/Lisa argument I noticed the magazine "Hustler" on the newsstand in the background. Now I know "Dallas" is not exactly a family values type of show but I found it strange why they would do this. Did Hustler pay Dallas to promote their magazine? Seems unlikely to me. Also it seems like you can take a magazine on the stand without even paying for it!!! Where is the cashier? I'll look at this again. I've seen stands where the honor system is still used - but certainly not for adult magazines!

- It is pretty clear that the DOA meeting and Sue Ellen and Nicholas's final scene occured the same day. So why did Sue Ellen change her outfit and hair in during the gap of time inbetween? I guess they figured the viewers would not notice. Interesting. I didn't notice, so I guess the writers were dead-on.

- I thought the music in this episode was excellent. Jerrold Immel did an excellent job keeping up with the current time (1988) I wish only he and Lance Rubin would do the music.They do an outstanding job. Angela Morley can be good at times.Richard Lewis Anderson is mediorce and in my opinion John Parker is flat out awful with a capital A. This one I'll pass on to Anne, our resident music expert.

AHN Kyle's corner:

- Can't Ray get his own gravy? Lazy bastard. He asks for Jenna to pass it to him and then she just walks over and serves it for him. That was pretty weak. If there's any question Jenna has totally sold her body for food and shelter, this buries it.

- I don't remember Sue Ellen stopping the AA experience, and yet, according to JR, she no longer attends her weekly meetings. Last time we heard, she was attending fairly frequently. What gives? I guess she's really cured. I don't know. Jason and Matt mention that the only time Sue Ellen actually attended AA was during the dream, so maybe it doesn't count..

- My new theory is that Nicholas says he does a lot of research but actually doesn't do any at all (I believe you've mentioned it before). Today he speaks of JR's (dummy) corporation that has Sly as the President. I guess it's possible that he didn't know Sly was JR's secretary, but even if he had done some minimal reasearch on JR or JRE Industries, he surely would have found out about Sly. Guess he was too busy playing poker (or reading palms...). One or the other. He does ZERO research but sounds like he knows what he's talking about.

- What is up with the doorbell ringing policy on Dallas? To summarize, one ring of the door: don't answer (because it's not important), but TWO rings: Whoa! Must be a matter of national security! Anybody who's persistent enough to ring the bell (gasp!) twice is definitely worthy of being spoken to face to face. Nicholas, if you don't want to answer the door (cause you're going to score with Sue Ellen), then don't answer it! They will go away... Drama, dude. Tension. That's the reason. Pretty lame if you ask me.

- Anybody think that Bobby was going to pull a Katherine Wentworth (a la the very beginning of the Dream) when he saw Lisa and he was driving his car? That would have been wild? [Bobby's evil twin would have done it!]. I can't believe she didn't notice the screeching of brakes. I don't get it.

- Interesting logic on Bobby's part. Lisa says that Bobby (illegally) purchased a baby. He then retorts by saying that Faraday sold him a baby (and isn't that illegal?). Hmmmm... I don't know how well that will stand up in court... "Sure, your Honor, I purchased 10,000 dollars worth of heroin, but that drug dealer SOLD it to me! How legal is that?". Yes, I see your point from a legal standpoint. But from the standpoint of LOGIC, both people should go to jail, right? The dealer and the one who buys? The reason the dealers usually don't go to jail is because they don't get caught. I think what Bobby is getting at is that during their court battle, both sides of the story will come out and Jeff Farraday's going to look bad too, and she will look bad by association. It's a pretty weak argument, but Lisa's case is rather weak too.

- Before Laurel invites Clayton to make deliveries with her, he seems perfectly content to leave without establishing where (or when for that matter) they are going to have lunch "the day after tomorrow". I could just see the Ox sitting down at the Southfork table looking all perturbed ("Where is she?"). LOL! That's pretty funny, come to think.

- I would NOT leave my luxury vehicle in Bumtown, USA to go make deliveries (no matter how attractive the English lady is). What if it were Mandy? :)

- First of all, Cliff is supposed to have made a truce with the Ewings, so why is he badmouthing all of them to Lisa (because he's two-faced?). Secondly, Bobby and treacherous aren't often combined in the same sentence. Give your head a shake, Barnes!

- It would have been cool to have seen Cliff find out that JR purchased that farm land. I wonder why they didn't have it (TNN edit, maybe?). As it stands, the editing was quite jumpy. It cut from Cliff dining with Lisa right to him storming into JR's office. Kind of awkward. Well, they did try and segue by having him say "How could things get any worse?" and then going to JR's office. The writers don't do this very often, so it does seem weird.

- Kimberly had a Barbara Eden thing going on with her hair when she met with Sue Ellen. That little bun on top is a total knock of ('I Dream of') Jeanie. Or Wilma Flintstone, as Val points out.

- Clayton had heart problems "last year"? Whoa! Since it has been 1987 (real time) throughout the whole heart problem thing this is pretty silly. The only thing I could think of is that it's like January or something and Clayton's problems were in Novemeber. Even then, wouldn't he say that it was "a few months ago". I guess he's just lying, maybe he doesn't want to scare her off. I think he's talking about finding out about the blockage. That was a while ago, but he kept it hidden from the family.

- There are clearly (at least) 4 lights working on JR's map of Texas. Since every light is said to represent an oil field, and since we've only seen JR put one light up, something is definitely up. If JR is having so much trouble acquiring fields, and Casey no longer assists him, what is going on? I guess he just got some fields and the writers didn't feel the need to inform the viewers assuming that they wouldn't notice. [but then they've never heard of nitpickers, have they? ha ha ha (diabolical laughter)].
Very nice. Yeah, what's up with that? And why not just have a picture of Texas instead of the whole USA? Certainly not even JR is dreaming of finding oil in New Hampshire.

AHN Anne's corner:

- Okay, the new Krebbs family is sickening not only because all three of them are losers but because they are such Cleaver-wannabes! When Ray asked Jenna to pass the gravy, she didn't just pick it up and hand it to him. Oh, no, she had to stand up, walk it over and then put the gravy on for him. That was male-chauvinism in action.

- I thought Nicholas's change of heart to Sue Ellen was a bit fast. He was so determined not to see her anymore and then she says "I need you as a friend" and he's okay with it all. The writers have to learn not to crunch things down that way.
They don't have that luxury anymore. Dallas viewers had a short attention span in 1987 because so many of the storylines sucked.

- I've mentioned this before, but after today's scene where Jackie was pacing back and forth before whining to Cliff, "Can I go to lunch now?" I think I'm justified in saying that Jackie is the worst secretary in the world. Which reminds me, the old
he-barged-into-your-office-and-I-just-couldn't-stop-him excuse is getting really old. If these secretaries really wanted to stop whoever barged in they could. Especially when she had at least a good ten minutes to do it.

- Dallas is becoming far too '80's. The music is rarely terrific, but I can handle it as long as the composer doesn't take a "Magnum PI" spin like he did today. Those synthethizers were awful! Kyle kinda liked them. It was...different.

- I wanted to point out Clayton's scene with Laurel. In it, she says, "You told me your age several times during lunch and you are not old." This was bizarre/interesting for three reasons. 1) Why would Clayton mention his age several times? 2) Laurel/writers conveniently left out the actual age and 3) Howard Keel was old during this season. He would have been 69 or 70 and in my book, that's getting up there. Miss Ellis is pretty tactful. Maybe he didn't mention his SPECIFIC age, just the fact that he was old, tact notwithstanding.

AHN Joe's corner:

- So it turns out that Sue Ellen was made independently wealthy from J.R.'s settlement, as cleared up today in J.R.'s meeting with his divorce attorney.  Not really a nit, but it adds to the relevant ongoing debate. Yes. I never argued the fact the Sue Ellen COULD be wealthy at any point. I just didn't like the fact that it happened so conveniently.

- How could the delivery guy possibly hear Nicholas say "leave it at the door"?   He didn't yell it, but said it in a normal tone of voice. Agreed.

- Whoops!  Chalk another egregious parking job on Bobby's part to the tote board.   Actually, I'm not totally sure, but pretty sure that he parked in a Fire Lane.   You may have to check. I will.

- Is it just me, or does Laurel Ellis have a white streak in her hair on the side?   It seemed that way on some shots of her profile today. I don't care as long as she keeps wearing that dress...oh mama!

- I'm very surprised that when he saw Cliff with Lisa Alden, Bobby didn't tear him apart.... Bobby 3:16!!!  Bobby 3:16!!!  Bobby 3:16!!! Crotch chop time! Cool.

- Why doesn't Sly try to stop Cliff when he bursts into J.R.'s office yelling "How much?" Excellent question. Channeling the Jackie spirit, I guess.

- Now, some Dallas math:
KIMBERLY + (HER HAIRDO TODAY) =  Pebbles/Flintstone
SLY + (TIGHT^BLACK - DRESS) = GROUP 1! OH HELL YEAH! For those who don't understand this grouping thing, check out the Poll of the Week tomorrow.
And the puzzling theorem.... (NICK + J.R.) * FOOD = J.R. + FOOD

- I could be wrong, but I think Nicholas was a few digits short when he dialed his poker buddy George. I will double check...yes! Six digits. Good call.

- Hmm...  Nicholas must use Casey Denault's tailor, considering how easily Sue Ellen "snapped" his shirt off. That wardrobe guy must be confused. "Okay, Bob, make sure the buttons are really loose this season."

AHN Val's corner:

- Ray wants to talk to Charlie about sex "from a father's point of view". Some father. He talks like he's been doing the parenting bit for years and years. Anyway, he's some father, all right. He never even sees, let alone acknowledge his own daughter Margaret. Yup. I agree. It does provide some great lines, though. Joe has suggested that we have a "Krebbs Pedophilic Line of the Day" while this lasts.

- The establishing shots of the outside of Nicholas' condo show that the building is covered with cedar siding. However, during the doorway scene with the delivery boy, it was plain to see that the building was covered with white stucco. Good one.

- Ray's sitting at the desk like he's doing some important work. Knowing Ray, he was just paying the feed bill. And what was with that scene,anyway. It looked Ward Cleaver revving up for one of his little talks with the Beaver. (Ahmer, I hear your dirty little mind working). Oh, Val. Why do you try to get me into trouble? It's easy enough with Charlie sitting there in that miniskirt and talking about sex...

- Ray lacked all credibility during his sex talk with Charlie. The whole "wait 'til you're married" speech reeked with such hypocracy. I mean, this was coming with Ray!!!!!! Given this past, the speech should have titled "Do as I say, not as I do". I believe, Val, that you are most definitely the FIRST person who has ever used the words "Ray" and "credibility" in the same sentence. I also am fairly certain that you will be the last. Can you imagine what Lucy would say if she heard him right now?

- Why did Sue Ellen and April eat lunch at Madison's? April owns her own restaurant. So unless Sue Ellen is picking up the tab, April is pretty much supporting the competition. Later that day, Bobby and April dine at Scalini. Again, this is not April's restaurant!!! She's pushing hard to eat herself out of business. Hey...this is an OUTSTANDING nit. I can't believe no one noticed this before. Almost EVERY time we see April now, she's at a restaurant, and three times out of four it's not hers. I think I'm going to tote this. Thanks! That's two.

- JR was sure talking big to Nick about this new caterer he tried. What was it that that caterer served? To me, it looked like nothing more than sliced mozzarella cheese sticks arranged in a star on a lettuce leaf. I'll bet JR never uses that caterer again. That was really weird...the whole scene, with the weird conversation, and the wacky Herbie Hancock music...what was up with that?

- Nicholas called George, and told him to inform everyone that the poker game is cancelled. And if anyone shows up, he'll "break their legs". With only 15 minutes notice, this is sure a lot of pressure on George. It is highly unlikely that all of Nick's poker buddies live in the immediate vicinity. So it's safe to assume that some, if not all of them are on their way over. Therfore, George wouldn't be able to reach them. Especially if some guy left early to stop at the Quik Mart for pretzels and beer. I have a feeling Dallas Memorial was cranking out the plaster casts that night. Maybe they car pool or something.

AHN Mike's corner:

- In the "Cleaver's eat dinner" scene, Jenna the whale is wearing a baggy sack shirt from the Miss Ellie collection. She also has a long pointed foreign object on one side running from chest to shoulder. Mrs. Cleaver apparently forgot to tell her it "could put your eye out!"

- When Ray offers to counsel Charlie, Jenna launches into a speech about how "I've always done everything alone". Not quite Jenna, producing Charlie and Lucas required SOME collaboration. Just more examples of Jenna's nonsense.

- Somebody centered the hideous painting over Nicholas' fireplace. Man that is one ugly condo decor! Yes it is. What's up with that?

- That indeed appears to be a skunk stripe of grey hair on the left side of Laurel Ellis' head. No wonder Clayton likes her. He thinks she's a foxy senior citizen! And Clayton better revisit his own family history. He says Dusty is his "son". Or is he so senile he forgot about his sister and the fact that Dusty was her son? That's forgivable. He's always thought of Dusty as a son and it would be really bad for Laurel to hear his family's dirty laundry.

- Oops, Nicholas you slipped into Mafia jargon when you made that "or I'll break your legs" comment. I noticed but let it go because no one else commented - not enough Joisey Italians on our staff! :)

- JR's caterer: we clearly saw a dab of caviar in the middle of the cheese plate. So this is not a cheap cheese and crackers plate. Okay. Good one.

- Sue Ellen pulls a Bobby "I'm getting on with my life" blunder in her scene at Nicholas' condo. She says "Look in my eyes. No JR." Yeah, Nicholas, also look at her left hand. There's a big wedding ring rock there that says JR is still on her hand big-time, if no longer in her eyes. Excellent.

AHN Jason's corner:

- Someone 'nitted' Sue Ellen's outfit change from the time she talked to Kimberly and the time she met up with Nick....  It appears to be at least a day or so in between these times... the scenes go as follows...
>  Clayton and Laurel go to drop off plants...Clayton tells Laurel he will take her out to lunch later in the week
>  Sue And Kim have a fight..
>  Clayton and Laurel (in a slinky dress) come back from lunch-definitely NOT from dropping off plants...
>  Sue bops Nick

- Some one pointed out in a chat room that Nick seems to pull off Sue Ellen's clip on earrings very fast...  could have been a bloody situation if they were normal earrings. Yes. Good call.

- Nick's shirt appears to have no buttons, just snaps like Casey's  ---doesn't go with the style of clothes he normally wears...

Episode 268: The Anniversary Waltz

Bonehead Dialogue Award: [courtesy of AHN Kyle:]

Dave Culver: "Remember that incident with JR and Saudi Arabia?"
Bobby: "Oh you mean when he hired BD Calhoun to bomb their oil fields?"
- No, no, Bobby, the OTHER Saudi Arabia incident. Sheesh. Sometimes the cabbages are unbearably lame.

- When Cliff comes to JR's office to sign over his Weststar voting proxies, Sly nosily stays in the office. Why? I understand that she knows about JR's plan to take over Weststar, but wouldn't her presence in the room make Cliff kind of suspicious?

- Just a side note about April's rather modest array of assets: she may be flat, be she has got BACK! What is up with that?

- Ray does it again. He refers to Bobby as his 'big brother'. Not unless his mother carried him for about nine years. Almost everyone noticed this.

- Jenna...does laundry?! Has Ray turned her into a domestic?

- There were some continuity problems during the scene in the living room today. First, while Jenna and Sue Ellen talk, Jenna experiences flying arm syndrome. When the camera faces Sue Ellen, Jenna's hand is on her chest; when the camera cuts to show Jenna, she's holding her purse.

- Also, when the family moves towards the dining room, JR leads the way and is actually IN the dining room. Suddenly there's a cut to show Clayton and Ellie and JR is now at the foot of the stairs.

- Just a side note: at the end of the episode, Bobby is understandably upset over his discovery that JR is behind Lisa Alden's custody battle. But I never, ever understood calling your own brother a "son of a bitch". Who exactly do you think you're insulting when you say that, Bobby?

- JR's plan completely baffles me. Let's take a step back and analyze it: JR has a problem. He needs Bobby's help to get revenge on Weststar. In Episode 255, he discovers that Jeff Farraday has a sister. He decides to use this sister to get at Bobby through the one special thing he has left in his life - Christopher. Okay.
So let's see what has to happen. First of all, Lisa has to agree to go along with the plan. Let's say she's greedy enough to do it, which she is. Let's say that Bobby doesn't actually get a competent lawyer who could tear her flimsy case to shreds. Okay, put a checkmark beside this one as well, because Bobby hires that dumbass Paul Morgan. But here's the stretch: can anyone reasonably come up with a scenario in which Bobby would actually AGREE to go along with JR's plan? What I mean is, can anyone tell me how the following situation would arise:

JR: "Bobby, I think I figured out a way to get that girl to drop her suit."
Bobby: "How are you going to do that?"
JR: "Well, you just leave that to me. All I need you to do is to use your influence with Wentworth to help me get back at Weststar."
Bobby: "JR, I'd never consider doing that...but if that's what it takes to keep my son, then I will."

I dare anyone to tell me with a straight face that they think this could happen.

AHN Jason's corner:

- Why the hell would Cliff tell a prospective date that he used to bop JR's nice looking wife?  I know this scene was for the benefit of generating heat between JR and Cliff again  (they were almost liking each other)  but it was out of place.... Very much so. Lisa will like that, won't she? Next Cliff will tell her about other blondes he's mistreated over the years, like Afton, Jamie, etc...

-  JR sure is treating his office help nice lately.. taking Sly and Kendall out for drinks and such...  Even gave someone a free meal the other day... He has gotten quite generous...kind of weird.

- THAT is DAVE CULVER?   Is it the same actor?  He sure looks a LOT different.... Same guy. The mustache is very weird on him.

> He and Bobby  have a really weird conversation about how forgiving DC is towards old issues...  I am paraphrasing but Dave says something like....
> "No one cares about that issue (Ewing OIL) anymore"   then says
> "Politicians die, issues leave, then they (the issues) start to breathe again..."  something like this... It was a really poorly done paragraph.. He seems to contradict himself...IS Ewing Oil an important issue to DC or not? That whole situation was very weird. Serves no purpose at all except to get Ewing Oil back on our minds again.

AHN Anne's corner:

-However, anyone watching, even at a glance, would notice how much Dave Culver has aged since we saw him last. He looks at least ten years older! And his conversation with Bobby was blatant cabbaging.

- Sue Ellen's secretary left the door open when she let Oswald in. I thought that was pretty unprofessional, but then I can't think of too many good secretaries on this show. Well, Sly's not bad. She has occasional lapses. Phyllis is also quite good, but she doesn't have that much to do.

- I think J.R.'s line to Kimberly was pretty funny. "I'd love to, but it's my mama's third anniversary and I told her I'd be home." That came out of nowhere! Yes it did. I think JR was trying to show her how insignificant he feels she is, so that she doesn't try this power trip on him again.

- And speaking of that, I bet most men wish they were married to women like Miss Ellie. Clayton FORGOT his wedding anniversary and she just laughed. I know my mother would divorce my dad if he were so insensitive. That was unbelievable. I agree.

AHN Kyle's corner:

- I hate when the show does this. How much stock did Cliff have to buy for JR? It would be nice if we had some idea of how much Weststar stock JR is currently controlling. It's hard to say...I think that later on, we get some hard numbers and we may be able to extrapolate back.

- Leaving too many messages on your Private Eye's phone is just classic April. This is very funny in a pathetic sort of way. If you can't find someone to tag along with in Dallas, latch on to someone in the Big Apple.

- Clayton, take the sunglasses out of your mouth! That was ridiculous. He was chewing on them for practically his entire conversation with Laurel (the second one). That's just rude (and stupid). Yes and yes. Can you smell what the ox is cooking?

- What is this LAWN-jeu-REE that Oswald speaks of? [snicker]. I've never heard of it! Is it kind of like LAWN-jeu-RAY??
Sort of, except it's not obnoxious and women who wear it actually look half-decent. Where did he get those skanks?

- How the HELL does Oswald manage to get in to JR's office? Ewing security striking again?? He just waltzes in with a group of ladies in lingerie, doesn't the building have some form of screening process? JR said he remembered his name which is why he let them in. Sly tells the ladies to 'get dressed', which means they probably didn't walk in dressed like nickel-and-dime prostitutes.

- Only someone as dumb as Charlie would connive so openly. She's practically yelling on the phone (seeing as Jenna can hear her on the stairs) about how she's going to fool her parents. Very lame. At least find a private area. Her Deception skills need some serious work. Her EVERYTHING skills need some work. Charlie reminds me of a role-playing computer game I used to have. I remember how the computer would always try and stick me with a character who absolutely sucked at everything, but had a high charisma value. It was only late in the game when you realize how USELESS that actually is when the character can't really help you.

- Marnie's hot! OH HELL YEAH. Like I said the other day when Brad Pitt was going to take them to the dance, leave Charlie standing and get close to Marnie.

- It seems to me that in 1987, slapping your child wasn't exactly socially acceptable (not that I find Jenna to be socially acceptable...). I don't know if this is really a nit, but that's (hitting your daughter) just wrong. Yes she was being rude, but resorting to violence is very, very unacceptable. I'm shrugging here...Charlie deserved it, I think. Under normal
circumstances I would say you're right, but the fact is that if your child is getting WAY out of line and you've got ABSOLUTELY no other choice, you gotta show them who's boss. I know that's not really a great attitude to have in light of the prevalence of child abuse nowadays, but I certainly think that the world's worst people are those who get away with everything when they're young.

- JR was absolutely vicious today with Kimberly. Usually his 'tough love' method of coercing a woman to kiss him is pretty cool, but today he actually throws Kimberly against the wall! And then he was practically ripping her hair away from her head!! He was a little TOO agressive today. Being forceful might turn some women on, but being VIOLENT is most probably a serious turn off. This was rather disturbing...but I think that JR completely saw through Kimberly here. Obviously, what's happening is that Kimberly is lovesick for him. Otherwise there's no way she would have just dumped Wilson like that and then come to his office and wonder when he's going to leave Sue Ellen. He can see that SHE wants HIM more than the other way around. That said, I think he may have gone a little bit too far - but I'll bet you Kimberly won't ever try and threaten him again.

- How, exactly, does Bobby come to the conclusion that Lisa is working for JR? Never mind the fact that he's right, how does he make the connection?? JR says he could make her go away, and then Bobby just assumes that JR is the puppet master. This was very weird. He only comes to this conclusion after JR says "Well, I need a favor...". I think Bobby, more than anyone else with the possible exception of Sue Ellen, is tuned into JR's troublemaking schemes. If JR hadn't mentioned the plot to buy up Weststar, Bobby might have gone along with him and ASKED for his help, and then JR could have turned the tables on him. That's more his style.

AHN Val's corner:

- Sue Ellen thought it was"wonderful". Especially "the sauce". Am I the only one who doesn't think she was referring to the pasta? She was referring to Nick's cooking, alright! Just not the food.

- Dave Culver said Donna filled him on what's going on with Christopher. How would she know what's going on there? And even if she did, how would Christopher come up in a conversation with Dave and Donna? I have no idea, unless that blabbermouth Ray told her about it. That's not beyond him.

- Again, Clayton leaves the window rolled down on the unlocked Rolls! He probably also left the keys in the ignition, and his wallet on the dash. He's just begging for that thing to be stolen. All he needs is a sign that says so. This is totally ridiculous.

- Ozwald's attempt at circus singing goes hand in hand with Cliff's clown handkerchief. I kept waiting for him to ride around his office on a tricycle, squeezing a bozo horn. That scene was truly pathetic.

- Charlie's grounded for two months!!!! I'm anxious for Jenna to enforce that. So am I. Maybe that means she can only have sex with her stepfather. [Ouch...sorry. That was uncalled for.]

- Ahmer, I think you have Ray and Jenna confused. You've been comparing them to the Full House family. They act more like Beavis and Butthead!!!!! Ray asks Jenna if she thinks they'll last 3 years. What's worse is that she answers, "uh, I don't know". I see they have a lot of faith in their marriage. Three years! Ooooh, it's such a long time!! I could see them pondering 50 years of marriage, but not three years. Huh, huh. This sucks. Change it. Hey! A woman who watches Beavis and Butthead! Cool! Val, will you marry...oh, sorry. I got carried away. Anywho, I think you're right that I can't really compare them to the Tanners. Some have suggested the Cleavers, although I would never disgrace the memory of Hugh Beaumont by mentioning him in the same sentence as Ray Saget.

AHN Jake's corner:

- Why doesn't April get Nicholas some COLD water from the fridge, instead of from her bar? Weird.
Yes, it is. Good one!

- And why where they running together?  Did April call up Nicholas and say, "Hey, Nick; let's say you and I do some running and work up a sweat?" 
It's an on-again, off-again friendship - I guess.

- Jenna asks Sue Ellen if she and J.R. are "having problems again?" That's kind of rude and none of her business.  Besides, how would she know if they ever had problems before?  But if she did, still rude and un-called for.
I think that people in the Ukraine know that JR and Sue Ellen have had problems in the past...but it is still rather rude. Good call.

- J.R. should have been a little less obvious during his offering to help Bobby with the Christopher thing if he bought Weststar stock.  He was so conspicuous.  It was like he was asking for it!  I would have thought such a cunning man as J.R. could think of something better and more convincing to say.
ABSOLUTELY! There was some debate about how Bobby could figure out JR's game, but I came to the same conclusion as you did. JR made it rather obvious. Excellent analysis [because it agrees with my own. :) ]

AHN Mike's corner:

- Sue Ellen is not only still wearing her huge rock wedding ring while with Nicholas, she's also wearing it to bed with him. That brings to mind some very painful possibilities. I bet Sue Ellen likes to dig in her nails. I agree.

- Nicholas obviously doesn't know anything about tanning. His only tan is from his elbows down to his hands. Unusual, since he always wears a tank top while he's jogging. Which reminds me, it must be nice to be rich. April sits down on her nice new couch in her workout clothes while dripping in sweat. I guess when the stink gets too bad, she just orders up a new couch. The old ones probably go to the DOA's homeless center. Maybe they can dub it the Dandy Dandridge Memorial Couch.

- Let's hear it for the Dave Culver makeover. He grows a `stache, lets his hair grey out and gets it re-styled and gets a whole new happening wardrobe. He's still a bit of a dork though. You and I were the only ones who recognized him.

- Sly got a makeover for that one scene with Cliff in JR's office. She was all glammed up and looking foxy with those sexy clothes, multiple strands of pearls and her hair all piled high. She coulda been a Valentine Girl. Sly can be my Valentine Girl any time of the day.

- The ending was a lame attempt at a cliffhanger. Anybody who's watched a handful of Dallas episode knows Bobby is not going to drown JR (even though he is really acting out of character for him most of this season. He's been as testy as a guy with a massive case of hemorrhoids) Give him a week. Then he'll become a gimp again.

Episode 269: Brotherly Love

Gaudy Nicholas sweater meter: 1. A 'topographical map', as Val described it.

Abandoned Lucas meter: 1. Jenna's visit to Bobby's office.

Charlie's excessive eyeshadow meter: 2

Bonehead Dialogue Award: [courtesy of AHN Jake:]
>David Shulton: "What are your intentions?"
>Clayton: "Intentions?"
Yes, Clayton, intentions.  You know, things you INTEND TO DO.

- First scene: right after Bobby finds out that JR is behind Lisa Alden's custody case over Christopher. After JR surfaces, he manages to break free from Bobby's grasp in the pool. For an inexplicable reason, he swims to the FAR side of the pool! All the way to the far side! And then he tries to reach up and grab the diving board! Wouldn't it be better to swim sort of diagonally away and then catch the edge of the poolside? [Of course, if JR did that, there wouldn't be time for the family to come rushing out and Clayton and Ray to jump in and John Ross and Christopher to come out and start yelling... yada,yada,yada.]

- Another one from the "maybe you should rethink that insult" files. During their fight, Bobby calls JR a "bastard". So now who is he insulting? Hard to believe he's kissing Ellie with that mouth.

- It looks like there are some very minor continuity blips in the Bobby/April scene at the office. Just some slightly different arm placements and what not.

- Ladies, this one is for you. Are you single? Pretty? Longish hair? Not seeing anyone? Willing to let a desperate, creepy looking guy just hang around and stare at you while you go about your business during the day? If so, e-mail me your home phone number and address and I'll be at your place tomorrow.
The point is this: what the hell is going through Laurel's mind when she lets Clayton hang around? Isn't this borderline stalking?

- I was going to comment on Jenna's nonsensical speech in Bobby's office, but Geocities only gives me 11 Megabytes of space and I don't feel right about wasting any of it.

- Dora Mae calls Casey "Mr. Denault." Oh? When did Casey become important enough for the OBC staff to know his name?

- Cliff is sad because no one came to his party. Well, dummy, if you wanted to make sure someone would come, maybe you should have invited April, because certainly her evening's not booked.

- Clayton gives Ellie a very nice bracelet for their third anniversary. It's so nice that Ellie already has one! If you look closely, you'll find that Ellie has an almost identical bracelet on her right wrist already!

- Charlie's locker: she has, rather predictable, a picture of Randy in her locker. Right underneath this picture is a photo of Pee-Wee Herman! What an odd contrast of heart-throbs. [Perhaps not, depending on how you feel about Brad Pitt.]

- You know, I'm not rich. I don't know the first thing about the social niceties of being rich. But I can't believe how often the following happens: someone [in this case JR] is sitting in a restaurant. Someone else [in this case Kimberly Cryder] comes over and joins him. Kimberly orders an ice tea. They have some conversation, and Kimberly walks away shortly thereafter because of something JR said. Hold on: what about the ice tea. Somebody has to pay for it! I assume it's JR. Now it's probably no big deal to him - just a couple of bucks, put it on my tab - but don't you think JR would get tired of having to pay for these drinks? It happens to him an awful lot! Kyle also noticed that the ice tea magically appears when Kimberly gets up from the table, even though it doesn't look like anyone's brought it to her.

AHN Kyle's corner:

- Clayton's "parents have to cut their ties eventually and live their own lives" lecture today was almost a carbon copy of the one he's given several times before (most recently, I think, was during the Calhoun scandal). I believe you're right. This should be a tote.

- Why doesn't JR just deny that Lisa is working for him? There is absolutely NO evidence that he's behind it all, and yet he seems perfectly willing to take the fall. I don't know. I think the dunk in the pool and the oxygen deprivation cleared his head a little bit, because he had a more plausible story as he was being dragged away, but he's smarter than this.

- As mentioned yesterday, JR's plan to get Bobby's support was flat out terrible. The plan itself was bad, but the execution was even worse. It seems to me it would have had mcuch more of a chance to be successful if JR had actually taken care of Lisa (maybe by coming up with some phony charge against her) and then told Bobby and THEN ask for him to support him in his fight against Weststar. This method might not have worked, but it probably would have saved him from swallowing a couple of gallons of Southfork-brand chlorinated water. Hmm. Let me rephrase what I said before. I see JR's problem: he wants Bobby's help to get Weststar. He figures that since Bobby has no incentive to help him, he wil 'create' some incentive. Certainly if JR said, "Bobby, I got rid of Lisa for you. Now will you help me get Weststar?" Bobby would say "No." And then where would JR be? Drier, but much poorer.
No, JR needs something to hold over Bobby's head, that's for sure. But this really doesn't seem like the right way to go about it. Forget the fact that he's put Christopher through hell - I just can't see Bobby going along with this plan at all. Not unless his back was totally against the wall, and I believe JR when he says that he never intended for Lisa to actually take her battle to court.
JR's plan strikes me as being somewhat similar to a stalker's. You know, some pathetic guy falls in love with a girl and he figures that if he follows her around enough, she'll look past his creepiness and agree to marry him or something like that. I have NEVER heard of that working.

- Clayton's an ass. The fact that he's tagging along with Laurel is sad (and pathetic) but his coldness towards Miss Ellie is uncalled for. As sick as this sounds, all she wanted was some anniversary lovin'!! It doesn't sound sick at all. I'll tell you what's sick: if we had a scene like this between Punk and Mavis. THAT would be sick.

- So Bobby and April were talking about April's "friend" (Nicholas) before JR arrived and then after JR leaves (and they return to their dancing) we're supposed to believe the subject is never broached again? This seems very unlikely. Hard to tell with stupid old April. Maybe she just figured Bobby was really upset at the time so she decided to put it on hold.

- How does JR know where Bobby and April are? It's not like Bobby and JR are on very good terms. I could just see it: "Oh by the way, JR. If you feel like having me kick your ass again, you can reach me at the disco..." Must have followed him. Or her.

- Jenna takes an (unfortunate) page from Donna's book. When she meets Bobby she appears to be wearing an outfit with a tie. Yuck. I think Donna left this outfit at the house before she moved away, figuring no one would ever wear it. Little did she know...

- Man, Jackie really looked good when she was at Cliff's party! When she sat down next to him, didn't you think that she might try to make him feel better (wink wink)? Jackie looked fine from the neck down, but that dress was very tacky. It must have from come from Jenna's clearance.

AHN [Nitpicker Redux] Jake's corner:

- How did everyone come to conclusion that it was Bobby who started the fight?  They kept yelling his name and saying "Stop it!"  I know Bobby starts most of the fights, but it just seemed odd to me. Well, Jenna was yelling at Bobby because he's the one she cares's possible that they can see that Bobby has the upper hand. It's a good point.

- Ellie says to Clayton, "I'm so mad I could scream."  So scream.  A lot of people scream when they're mad.  This wouldn't be really that special.   And if she's so mad that she could scream, why doesn't she scream?  Odd. I guess she thinks it's not dignified.

- Cliff tries to dial Lisa, but finds the number has been disconnected. So he says to Jackie, "Why don't you try?"  Yeah, Cliff's that's gonna make a big difference. True. Maybe he figures he just dialed wrong.

- Nicholas says, "That'll be all, Kelly," to Sue Ellen's secretary. Shouldn't Sue Ellen say this? She should.

- Here goes IRONIC again: Clayton says to Laurel, "Isn't it ironic that it took someone your age to make me feel alive again?"  How is that ironic? That makes sense!  Usually it takes someone YOUNG to make you feel YOUNG again and to help you find what you're looking for. It's like rain on your wedding day...

- How convenient!  A rose vendor happens to by standing around the entrance of the Oil Baron's.  Never seen this before.  I guess she knew Casey was coming. And why does Casey buy Sly a pink rose?  Isn't red more romantic?  I thought pink meant friendship.  If he's gonna buy her a pink rose, he should ask her what kind she would prefer.  10 to 1 she'd say red. Someone read the script. Pink does mean friendship...I don't get it. Maybe, like Clayton, he just wants a "friend".

- When J.R. comes to see April at episode's end, he orders a Bourbon & Branch... "without ice."  Well of course without ice.  No one orders that with ice.  I've never seen anyone on the show order it with ice, or say "no ice," for that matter.  J.R. never said that before. You are correct.

AHN Jason's corner:

- Cliff's party is soooo Lame..  what maybe 4 employees show up and one is his secretary..  Heck  a caterer was even  READING in the kitchen during the party....  You'd think some more Barnes Wentworth employees would make an appearance..   Who is this "everyone" that Cliff was expecting...   Katherine?   Marilee Stone?  Jordan?  Andy?   Mandy?   Afton?   Julie Grey?  (just kidding)  all his old friends??? snicker snicker... I wouldn't laugh yet. If I remember correctly, the party is not over...but I guess I don't remember correctly.

- JR's toupee was evident during the pool scene...  he is very thin on top but when he is drying his hair in his room it is  much fuller.... Didn't notice.

- Speaking of hair, I just realized that Dave Culver looks so different because he is now gray!!  When did this happen?  During the past year..  either he stopped dyeing or the stress of politics is getting to him... Probably both.

- Where is Kendall's desk?  Casey seems to just waltz into JRE industries.. I don't know! I see a sign on the door that says "JR Ewing, President." As far as we know, his office is the ONLY office, so why is this necessary? JR
may be a lot of things, but I have never known him to be excessively flamboyant.

- Kehli sure looks like her mom, Linda Gray... Nice close up.. Nick seems to have a nick on his chin..

- Would $50,000 be enough for April's PI to retire to the Carribean?  I would have doubted it... I think he plans to get a part-time job doing voice-overs for David Duchovny. [Kinda spooky.]

- Laurel Ellis puts a pot of tea on the stove and basically says "We've got 10 minutes for this to heat up" I drink tea and it doesn't take 10 minutes to warm up a kettle... I noticed this too but figured it might some special kind of tea or something.

AHN Val's corner:

- JR and Bobby in the pool fighting. First off, it was the fake pool. Second, it was obvious that Larry's toupee was missing. In fact, pieces of his hair looked yellow. This was probably the toupee glue that lingered after Patrick yanked the rug off. Jason pointed this out. I honestly didn't notice.

- After the fight, Bobby passed a nice thick stack of towels and walked sopping wet into the house, traipsing over Miss Ellie's expensive oriental rugs. So did everyone else.

- I thought JR had sent Lisa to a new apartment. Yet today, she was still living in the place with the jail bar shadows on the walls. Yes, I thought so too. Weird.

- Kelly was really glaring at Nicholas. I know that she's Linda Gray's daughter in real life. But when she showed Nick into Sue Ellen's office, she sneered at him as if to say "You're the creep that's boinking my mother". She must totally not like him [in real life]. That was very strange.

- Was April on her way out when the detective showed up? If not, she was sure overdressed for a day at home. I have yet to see her appropriately dressed. What was with that wacky "Aspen" sweater when JR came over? Certainly a lot of women seem to have gotten some great deals at Jenna's clearance sale.

- Jenna said she's never hit Charlie before. Come on, Jenna. You mean you never gave her a swat on the butt when she would jet off into the street as a toddler? Val, are you insinuating that at some point in her life Jenna has been a RESPONSIBLE PARENT? With all due respect, give your head a shake. I daresay that if it wasn't for her new husband, Mr. Responsible Father, she would have handed Charlie two months worth of mifepristone and told her to have a good time.

- Ray doesn't know a thing about young girls like Charlie. My, how quickly we forget. Or choose to.

- Also, Ray was gonna go to sleep in his bath towel????? I NEVER EVER want to see Ray Krebbs in a bath towel again. Especially not if he's going to swing his feet around like he doesn't care who sneaks a peek at the Krebbsoski. If Elvis were alive, he would have returned to the building and laid the smackdown on that guy.

- Mavis picked up Ellie for the DOA meeting. Why? It's been established that Miss Ellie can drive herself. And I have heard of carpooling, but this is counterproductive. I've gotten the impression that the Anderson's live closer to the city. So Mavis has to drive all the way out to Southfork just to pick up Ellie. Not sure where the Andersons live but you're probably right. I don't understand the point of this either.

- Once again, the cedar siding on Nick's condo building metamorphasizes into white stucco right by his doorway.

- Charlie's in high school. Yet, the outside shot of the school looked more like that of a college campus. Yes it did. I noticed that too. Very odd.

- I've heard of keeping a snapshot or small school picture of your boyfriend in your locker. But a black and white 8X10 glossy is a bit much. Especially when it's accompanied by a picture of PEE WEE HERMAN!!!!! Good grief....... I noticed this last year and felt that it said more about Brad Pitt than about Paul Reubens.

- I have always wondered: Why does Cliff have 2 TV sets right next to each other? I don't know...that's a great point.

- Dora Mae's outfits are going downhill. She really looked nice when she would wear that black dress with the cut-out sleeves that were held together by bands of rhinestones. Budget cuts. I bet you anything she was shocked to get the call from the producers.

AHN Anne's corner:

- Sue Ellen's shoulderpads in the office scene with Nicholas were unbelievably huge! You know you're into the '80's when women start to look like football players. Also in that scene, I had to mention something about Kelly. Nothing earth-shattering, but it's interesting how much she looks like Linda Gray. I think Linda Gray was having an unofficial linebacker contest with Donna Mills. And Kelly seems to be almost a clone.

- There were a couple of abrupt cuts in today's episode. When Sue Ellen told Nicholas he'd have to wait until the next night, we were left with a shot of them locked in a passionate kiss. That seemed awkward. Do you think Nicholas said in the next second, "Okay, see ya later!" and walked off? The other one happened when Ray asked Jenna if she was happy or if she wanted them to stay together or something along those lines. She didn't answer! The scene stopped. Completely weird.
Both scenes were very bizarre. I wasn't sorry to see the Ray scene end, though.

- I guess I'm wondering something at this point. Laurel called Clayton "a lonely old man," which I'd venture to say he is. But why? Doesn't he have any friends his own age? And why is he hanging out with a woman half his age all the time with nothing to feel guilty about and yet he won't tell his wife? The obvious answer is because she's gorgeous, but I'm serious. The whole storyline is a little bizarre. Very bizarre. I guess Punk doesn't want to come over and play...I have no explanation.

AHN Mike's corner:

- First the pool scene. Both JR and Clayton appear to have artful comb-over jobs on their hair rather than toupees. JR gave up wearing his a season or so ago. Clayton, I could never tell about until yesterday but once they were wet it was evident that what hair was there was theirs. Kudos to the Dallas makeup people for artfully combing and fluffing what they have to make it
look like more. It was quite well done. I didn't even notice at first.

- Nobody noted that Linda Gray directed this episode and was quite taken with her cleavage in the first few scenes where she was bending over at the pool while the fight went on and then had the cameraman shoot her from the landing above to shoot straight down into her cleavage while she talked with Bobby. When she directs, she likes to take her clothes off or at least titillate the audience. Maybe she's trying to set an example? Or maybe she's just an exhibitionist.

- The Gray women were very sexual in this episode, Linda's daughter took a long, very obvious look at Nicholas' butt when she went behind him to leave the office.

- Am I crazy or was Sly wearing the exact same outfit as the previous episode when Casey was asking her out? Re Casey and the OBC, forget that they knew his name, how did he get to be a member? He's no oil baron. Though he is a pretty oil-ly person. How can he be so stupid as to think he can get back at JR? I don't know whether you need to be a member of the OBC - it's a public restaurant as far as we've been led to believe, but it caters to oil men.

- JR is really starting to amuse me with his treatment of Kimberly. After she rails at him for abusing her, he tells her "You were askin' for it". This is quite necessary because of what is to come.

- Yes Jenna's wearing a tie was strange but not as strange as the brooch she was wearing. I may be loony but it sure looked to me like the face of Sluggo, Mr. Bill's nemesis from the old Saturday Night Live segments. I'll have another look.

- And can that bitch Jenna lighten up for just a second to give Ray a little piece of mind? He asks her "Isn't great that we're going to grow old together in this bed?" She wouldn't even grunt a simple "Uh-huh." A lot of scenes were rather choppy today. Bizarre.

AHN Joe's corner:

- Cliff is a lawyer by trade, so he shouldn't really have any doubts about the contracts for his deal with J.R..  It should be very clear cut to him. Well, his specialty is not contract law...he was with the district attorney's office. This is iffy.

- And besides, didn't J.R. tell Cliff to have Cliff's own lawyers draw up the papers???   So is Cliff being mistrustful of his own lawyers now, or did J.R. end up having the papers drawn up because the writers forgot? I don't remember...actually, yes I do! Good call.

Episode 270: The Best Laid Plans

Gaudy Nicholas sweater meter: 1. Another topographical map. I'm convinced that Linda Gray was actually laughing at the sweater during this scene.

Full House Moment meter: 1. Jenna talking to Charlie. This is actually more of a "Major Dad" moment.

Charlie's excessive eyeshadow meter: 5

Bonehead Dialogue Award: [courtesy of AHN Jake and myself:]

Bobby's entire conversation with Sue Ellen today.

> After Sue Ellen sits down, she tells Bobby that they have a common enemy in JR. Bobby says "Yes, but I still don't know what you're talking about." Well, gee, Bob, if you would give her TWO SECONDS to talk, she might explain it to you.
> Bobby idiot remark number one: "What does Weststar have to do with Ewing Oil?" Hmm, Bobby, I don't know... Let's call in Sherlock Holmes.
> Idiot remark number two: "You're not going to divorce J.R., Sue Ellen? You lost me." It's gonna take a lot of miners to dig you out of the cave you're LOST IN, Bobby.
> And idiot remark number three: "What does Kimberly Cryder have to do with anything." Hey, where's Columbo? God, Bobby, she just TOLD YOU.

- I find it odd that on all of the newspapers that Laurel shows Clayton, there is no date - just a year. Wouldn't this be rather confusing? "Hey, Harry, where's that Christmas edition? In the February file?"

- What is up with Sue Ellen's office decor? Cubist nudes? Just strikes me as...inappropriate, for lack of a better word.

- I suspect that Dave Culver has not moved a muscle since yesterday. And he probably just taped his statements from yesterday, because I'm sure I heard him say pretty much the same things.

- I am VERY disappointed in John Ross. Didn't JR tell him not to tell ANYBODY that JR was going to get Ewing Oil back? Not even his mother? Shame on him! And he did it while standing in the shadow of Jock's portrait...someone needs to hammer some sense into this boy's head. Is nothing sacred?

- Bobby is rather unassuming in this episode, but his callousness troubles me. Everything JR touches, he "fouls"? So Sue Ellen is "foul"? John Ross? Ewing Oil? Jock's portrait? That's a very poor choice of words, Bobby.

- I liked the way that Laurel actually started talking like an English babe when yelling at Brett Lomax. Something about that accent...

- April really should close JR's office door when she goes in. Maybe JR doesn't care who knows that they slept together, but I think April probably wouldn't want Sly or Kendall to hear it.

- I would really like to blame a TNN cut for all of the nonsense surrounding Charlie today. I think we all remember that Jenna was the one who grounded her for two months. Charlie tells Bobby that Ray did it, but I think that this can be explained by the fact that she's trying to evoke sympathy from Bobby. What I mean is that if she says that Jenna grounded her, Bobby would likely say, "So what?" But if she says that her wicked stepdad did it, then it's cause for action.
What's more confusing is the fact that Ray tells Bobby that "we" (meaning he and Jenna) grounded her. Well, not really, Ray, unless we missed something. Perhaps what he's trying to say is that he and Jenna discussed it and he agreed to make the punishment stick. I personally believe that Charlie has had her mother wrapped around her finger and easily been able to get out of any kind of trouble...until dear old Ray came along.

- It's rather odd for Sue Ellen to have packed suitcases when she was only moving across the hall, preparing to divorce JR. Wouldn't it just be easier to move the clothes from one closet to another? Also, why did Teresa keep asking her if she wanted to take certain articles of clothing with her? If she's moving out of the room, wouldn't she take ALL of her clothes? Or is she just taking the "launjouree", figuring that it's all she needs?

- Also, April's big '5' earrings make another appearance here.

From Rob Frazier:

- Question: If the Justice Department was so hell-bent on putting Ewing Oil on blocks last season, what makes Bobby think they'll allow him to use the name again after only a year.  Weren't they going to put him in JAIL for at least that long? ...And they didn't seem to care that Bobby had nothing to do with the shenanigans that got Ewing Oil lit up in the first place. Maybe I'm wrong, but I just don't believe the JD would let bygones be bygones after less than a year... Well, as Dave Culver, points out, Washington is a weird place. Yesterday's news might as well be ancient history.

- I'm shocked! Someone actually went to JR's office half-cocked and DIDN'T blow past Sly and barge right in! This time it was April confronting JR about his plans of telling Bobby about their horizontal waltz(es) last year... Yeah, that's kind of surprising. April's too much of a sweetheart for her own good.

AHN Anne's corner:

- Phyllis' thumbs-up to Bobby was amusing. That was the first thing I noticed.

- Later in the episode, I thought it was bizarre that Laurel had the original papers from Clayton's "younger days." Even if those were a year old they would be yellow and crinkly. Also, you can't just pick up old newspapers, you have to copy them. She must have some major connections.

- And lastly, Sue Ellen said that she got the same reaction from J.R.when she caught him with Kimberly as she did when he was in bed with Holly Harwood. But you know what? She didn't get any reaction from him that time. Remember Holly set him up so that Sue Ellen would get mad, but J.R. didn't even know Sue Ellen was there. I remember. I think she might have been jumping the gun a bit - she did get the same apologetic song and dance that came later in the episode.

AHN Jason's corner:

-  The waiter at the restraunt where Laurel gives Clayton the papers didn't seem to ask her if she wanted a drink... I noticed this too.

- Nick seems to evade the question of how much stock JR would need to "seize control" of Weststar... he seems very sure that JR needs the good doctor's stock but it still could be possible that JR could do the buy out without it...
Depends. The key factor is how much of the stock is public. For instance, let's say for the sake of argument that 60 % of Weststar is privately controlled by Dr. Styles and people like him. That leaves 40% of the stock
that is available on the market to purchase. So even if JR bought every available piece of stock, he would only control 40$% of the company - not enough to take it over if all of the private shareholders stood against him. But if Dr. Styles was on his side, then he would control 54% and might be able to initiate a hostile takeover. I say MIGHT because monster corporations like Weststar often have bylaws and mechanisms to prevent this kind of thing from happening - usually you need two-thirds or even 75% control to effect major changes, although a simple majority will easily give you control over the day-to-day operations.

- I am surprised that Sly didn't close the door when April barged into JR's office... It was left open for the whole conversation... I am more surprised that APRIL didn't close the door.

- Kehli, Linda Gray's daughter, who plays her secretary, spells the character's name KELLEY... kinda strange.. may be a tech flub but it is spelled this way in the end credits....Why the writers or whoever that named her character after her would spell her name differently is beyond me... I don't know either. I'd like to know why Linda spelled her child's name the weird way.

- I find it kinda amusing that Bobby won't touch a woman that slept with JR but had no problems marrying and sleeping with a woman that dated Ray (the rural equivalent of JR, especially in the early years.... At least JR has some class... Well, Bobby did explain it - everything JR touches, he fouls, right? Which is very interesting since I'm sure Bobby, if pressed, would not consider Sue Ellen "fouled" or John Ross "fouled". This Madonna/whore complex that Bobby has is somewhat disgusting to me.

AHN Val's corner:

- Why was Sue Ellen arguing with John Ross about JR getting the Ewing Oil name back? Gee whiz, Sue!!! He's just a little boy. Let him have his fantasies. Well, John Ross pressed it, and said that JR told him so. It's obviously on Sue Ellen's mind too.

- Bobby was so stupid to tell Sue Ellen about his plan to get the Ewing Oil name back. Yes, I know she and JR are on the outs now, but that tends to not last. If by some chance Sue Ellen and JR were to reconcile, she would be able to arm JR with the needed ammo to hone in on Bobby's good fortune. True enough. Lucky for Bobby that's not going to happen any time soon.

- When April was questioning Bobby about Holly Harwood. He started in on his "damaged goods" speech. I'm surprised that didn't arouse suspicion as to why April might be asking. Well, April tried to provide a lame excuse about the whole thing...she overheard someone talking about them. Still kind of strange, though.

- Sue Ellen won't file for divorce because of John Ross. Yeah, OK. I'm no lawyer, but it's my understanding that the one who files the divorce usually has more clout during a custody hearing, depending on the grounds. It depends very much on the grounds. But I must admit that I'm not too sure how you came to the conclusion that Sue Ellen is staying with JR only for John Ross's sake. She's doing it to get revenge on JR.

- Nice shot of Bobby's tire. Pirelli must have paid for that privilege. I'm sure they did. Very handsomely.

- In my opinion (and I'm the only parent here) Ray no longer deserves to be compared to Bob Saget, Ward Cleaver, or Robert Young. After his attitude toward Charlie today, I think he comes much closer to Ghengis Khan!!
I'm really somewhat torn about this. As disgusting as it is for me to say, I would imagine that I would have the same attitude as Ray would in this situation. It's true that he's taken over Jenna's parenting duties because she's too busy acquiring a taste for plankton. For that, you can put the blame squarely on Jenna for not being a mother. You can argue that they're being unreasonable in their punishment of Charlie. But the fact of the matter is that they've made a parental decision, and certainly nobody from the outside has the right to bud in and tell them that they're wrong.

AHN [Nitpicker Redux] Jake's corner:

- Why does Paul Morgan come all the way down to Bobby's office just to tell him about Lisa? He could have called him on the phone. I know, it was exciting news, but come on... Just pick up a phone. Excellent nit. I can't believe I missed this. The only reason I can think of is that they didn't want to pay for the set of Paul's office. So instead, they have him come to Bobby's office.

- One of the newspapers that Laurel shows Clayton is dated 1980, and says "Farlow opens third refinery." I got the impression he started much earlier than that...a lot earlier. 1980? He sold them in 1985? When did he start, the late 70's? Very odd.
I can imagine that the refinery game is rather different than most industries. If you have one, buying a second one is a HUGE step compared to expanding or improving your existing one.

- Laurel shows him the newspaper, and says, "Look what you did when you were younger." Oh, you mean when you were 61, not 69. Good call.

- Clayton says he thought he would be happier doing nothing? What? Clayton never thought this! He always wanted to do SOMETHING! I know he also means owning a business, but it still makes no sense. Does the Boneheadness ever end?

- Jenna describes Charlie being "half-naked" with Randy. Half-naked...not quite. They were fully-clothed. Jenna must be describing herself during her romps with Ray. After all, she'd never let Ray see... Agreed. And by the way, how does she know? She didn't catch them...Ray did. I think that we'll have to come to the conclusion that Ray and Jenna are now one person. Let's call them RayJenna. Or JennaRay.

AHN Mike's corner:

- Hey, we should do a meter rating on Laurel's earrings. Yesterday she wore a pair that looked like miniature boomerangs and then a pair that looked like full-size round Christmas tree ornaments. By the way, I noticed that her skunk stripe of grey hair not only goes up the left side of her head but also into her pony tail. Seriously? I have to look closer.

- Nick's Mafia New Yawk grammar crept into his office conversation with Sue Ellen when he said "In all the research I ever done...". Interesting.

- At April's condo, prior to the Holly Harwood conversation, Bobby sits against  the couch pillow that April sweated all over after yesterday's run with Nicholas. Bobby says about Holly "She WAS some lady." Excuse me, Bobby, but she's not dead. She is as far as the writers are concerned.

- Ray Krebbs Cleaver is now on a total power trip about fatherhood. His conversation with Bobby stretches the bounds of rationality. Bobby knows a hell of a lot more about fatherhood via Christopher and living with John Ross. About all Ray knows about fatherhood he learned during animal husbandry with cattle and horses on Southfork. And by the way, Ward Cleaver never walked around the house in the middle of the day with an open beer bottle.
I'm arguing this back and forth with Val too. I'll be the first to admit that Ray sucks as a dad - but the fact of the matter is that he IS Charlie's dad, for good or bad, so Bobby should really think twice about interfering. Suppose Christopher told Ray about how his dad is too busy to play with him or something - should Ray interfere?

- Interesting to note that Charlie took her own advice when she said Ray needed to lighten up. She has lightened up her hair considerably. Yes she has.

- Miss Ellie and Jenna are apparently trading clothes. Jenna wore a selection from Miss Ellie's baggy clothes collection yesterday and Miss Ellie wore one of Jenna's ties in her bedroom scene with Clayton. The clothes situation has gotten out of hand. Totally ridiculous.

AHN Kyle's belated corner:

- Very good work, Nicholas. I think Pearce actually DID do some research today. Wonders never cease. Hey, good point. I forgot all about his fake research.

- About the re-emergence of of Dave Culver... it's got me thinking. Didn't Tom Fuccello have AIDS. I wondering if this isn't partly responsible for his looking old. Although it would have to be in the very early stages (HIV period) for him to be able to work. Just a thought. I don't remember for sure - it's possible that he had HIV. Something rings a bell...I'll check.

- When Sue Ellen arrives at Bobby's office, Phyllis says "Mrs. Ewing is here". This is awkward. Although Pam and Ellie are not Mrs. Ewings anymore, it COULD have been Lucy (assuming she's still married to Mitch), why not just say "Sue Ellen is here"? I thought about too. It almost looked like Patrick Duffy was mulling it around in his head...and Lucy is still married to Mitch right now. If she were not, she wouldn't be a "Mrs."

- Hey Bob, are you sure that the only reason you didn't get involved with Holly Harwood was because of JR sleeping with her? This was a long time ago so I may be wrong, but wasn't Bobby still married? If not, there was a fairly limited time frame between his divorce from Pam and his finding Jenna. Thus his statement seems sort of strange.
They were having problems at the time...this was after Pam moved out of the house. They were officially divorced in Episode 135. Holly met up with Bobby in Episodes 136 and 137 but nothing happened. Then he found Jenna a week later. So technically, he had a chance.

- How exceedingly convenient that Ellie walks into the restaurant ("Of all the resteraunts in Dallas, she walks into mine...") the very instant that Laurel decides to kiss Clayton (for the first time). That's just a bit too contrived for my liking. Just a bit.

- Bobby's sentimentality today leads to some April-like obtuseness when he decides to talk to Ray about his parenting skills. Why, oh why, did he think that would work?? It's like he wants Ray to punch him out... I agree. He's being a moron.

- This is something I've never understood about grounding a child. My parents weren't the "go to your room" or "you're grounded" type so I'm too sure, but... It seems to me that a child's room is like the coolest place in the whole house. I mean, mine's got a stereo, computer and TV, my friends place has a VCR, so how is that a punishment?? When Ray sends Charlie to her room what does she get to do? Yep, watch TV! That's some punishment! I'm assuming this would have been a lot more effective in the 50s. Agreed. But in Charlie's case it's appropriate because it keeps her away from the evil Randy.

AHN Joe's corner:

- Since when do Dallas characters bother to look through their peepholes.   Boy, Nicholas really is paranoid.  I wouldn't have even pointed this out, but he's never checked the peephole before -- it's inconsistent. It will be an ongoing thing over the next week.

- Clayton says something about how he might "still thinking of where to retire."   Hmmm, Clayton... How about Southfork?  After all, there's not much chance of Ellie moving off the ranch.  And you do plan to stay married to her, right?   RIGHT???  (and so, the Laurel Ellis saga unfolds...) Good analysis.

Episode 271: Farlow's Follies

Bonehead Dialogue Award: [courtesy of Rob Frazier]

>Bobby (after scanning the Ewing breakfast table): "Mama and Clayton aren't down yet?"
- No Bob, they're UNDER the table getting their groove on!  OF COURSE they're not down yet!  Do you SEE them anywhere?

>Ray: "...but I want to talk to him."
>Charlie: "To Randy?"

- NO, Charlie, to Senator Dowling...

Full House Moment meter: 1. Jennaray talking to Charlie and Eddie Haskell.

Angelica Nero award [for bad fashion taste]: Sue Ellen is forced to wear the tie-dress, and then has a terrible outfit during the second-last scene in the livingroom.

- The breakfast scene contains the usual nonsense of no one eating. But today there is an added twist. JR tells Teresa that he doesn't want any more coffee, just as she is about to pour it. Why doesn't she ASK JR if he wants more coffee? She asks Sue Ellen. Of course, Sue Ellen very irresponsibly leaves her ENTIRE breakfast on her plate before waltzing off to work.

- Why in the world would Cliff ask Sue Ellen if she wants a drink? Certainly he, more than almost anyone, should know that she doesn't drink.

- Sue Ellen tells the boys to go and play in the livingroom while she attends to Ellie. What the hell is there to play with in the livingroom? Pictures of Gary?

- April says she only slept with JR once. It was quite evident last season that this happened at least twice. Almost everyone noticed this.

- Bobby is a bit silly today. He tells Ray he's known Charlie most of her life. How's that, Bobby? You didn't see her for several years until you met up with Jenna in 1978, and that was just for a week or so. And then you didn't see her again until 1983! In the meantime, Bobby met Jenna once but Charlie was in Europe at the time. So how do you figure that four years of her life is "most" of it?

From Rob Frazier [knocking on the door of AHNdom]:

- Is it me or did Bobby just try to bribe members of the committee that investigated Ewing Oil?  He offered to make a "generous contribution" to their war chest if they agreed to help him.   I don't know... Couldn't that be construed as bribery? It's not bribery if a Senator does it. It's called "checks and balances".

- Let me get this  straight; April wants Bobby more than Dennis Rodman wants attention.  She DOESN'T want JR to tell Bobby about their roll(s) in the hay last year -- knowing he'd react by dropping her as if she were a radio-active hot potato.   So she "solves" the problem by telling Bobby herself?!  In the words of Butthead: "You dumbass...!"  Bobby would STILL
get all high-and-mighty and walk out, and YOU LOSE ANYWAY!  The last -- and probably ONLY -- time that worked, Jock did it when the news of Ray's true parentage threatened to break.  But then Jock could have done things like that because he was THE MAN...!   I don't think April is quite on that level just yet -- and WON'T be if she lived another 700 years.  But I digress... Well, Katherine did this too. I guess at the very least it gives her a chance to explain so that Bobby doesn't come to conclusions after hearing it from JR.

AHN Kyle's corner:

- The establishing shot of Dallas before Mavis and Ellie's scene in the restaurant looked very different than the usual cityscape shots. It looked far more underdeveloped. It seemed as though there was a lot of construction going on (or possible mining). Lots of brown and grey. Did you notice this? Didn't notice. Interesting. Maybe they're near the new homeless shelter or something.

- Ellie says to Mavis "take care of the cheque, will you?" and then walks out of the restaurant. Now, the Farlows and Andersons are by no means short on cash, but this seems mighty presumptuous on Ellie's part. It also seems to be quite rude. I guess it wouldn't bother Mavis too much, but why doesn't Ellie throw down a fifty and say "I got it", it's only fair. After all, SHE was the one who left. This is the first of many un-Ellie like occurences today. Yes it was. Oh, what a shame that Ellie's character has gone down the toilet.

- I must reiterate-- women in ties: bad, bad, bad. I don't EVER remember this being a trendy fashion thing, yet Sue Ellen is the third female cast member (Jenna, Donna) to be seen wearing a tie with a dress. The ghost of Donna (even though she isn't dead) lives on... I think we should tote this.

- Ellie? Drunk?? Come on. This seems a little improbable. It's almost as if BBG came to the producers and told them she wanted more to do (which she deserves), so the writers say "alright, let's make her get hammered!". It's POSSIBLE that Ellie might resort to alcohol in a moment of weakness, but it is by no means PLAUSIBLE. Frankly, I found the scene to be quite disturbing. So did I.

- I was expecting Sue Ellen to say to Ellie "What the HELL are you talking about??" because she was making no sense at all. This scene was very looooonnnnngggg, and in my opinion could have been much better. Well, it was good in that it allowed BBG to have a really good acting spell. Those are so rare.

- Would John Ross and Christopher really be able to discern that Ellie was drunk? I'm going to assume that she wasn't THAT drunk when the boys saw her, and thus moved upstairs to really get plastered. I suppose John Ross might know what's going on, but it seems unlikely in Christopher's case. I think you're quite right.

- When Cliff is asked why he had to purchase Weststar stock he says that JR blackmailed him. Uh, no Cliff, he didn't. My trusty Cambridge Dictionary defines BLACKMAIL as "the action of obtaining money from people or forcing them to do something by threatening to make known a secret of theirs". There were no secrets in this case, Cliff needed the land but JR wasn't willing to give it to him. Now what JR's doing to April (which is more his style) is blackmail, but with Cliff it's more along the lines of EXTORTION. Excellent analysis.

- So there's only ONE rule being placed on Charlie and Randy's relationship? Oooooh! Great work Jennaray!! Basically, Charlie and Randy can copulate, but it has to be in a public place (like the movie theatre, or the library, or the dining room). They might want to lay down the law just a little bit more... Perhaps. Did you get the feeling that Charlie and Eddie Haskell were trying to refrain from laughing at how lame Charlie's parents are?

- Again with the "Mr. Bobby" crap. That is so unbelievably lame. I'm just shaking my head. The last time, Theresa had an excuse that Bobby was on the phone, so if she said, "Mr. Ewing", it wouldn't be specific enough. Now there's no excuse.

- It looks as though April's reading off cue cards at the end of her scene with Bobby. Her eyes seemed fixed on something off camera and her lines seem very robotic (but who could notice a difference? kidding!). It was very strange (I think Mandy used to do this on occasion). Quite possible. Maybe Sheree didn't have her lines memorized. Deborah Shelton, of course, never did. [Kidding.]

- Ray might be the worst apologizer ever! Every time he apologizes to Bobby he ends up getting all worked up and it looks as though he's going to snap all over again.

AHN Jason's corner:

- The Also starring credits are back to normal...  unlike yesterday's where they separated Nick's credits from the others with another "also starring as". Jake also pointed this out. I think the producers struck a deal with the actors involved and just showed them how lame it really looked.

- Bobby and Kay (Dowling's Aide) were implied to have had a fling during the spoilers seen yesterday for tonight's episode but the scene was cut today... If they did do it, it would have had to have happened before April told Bobby about her and JR.   It is rather unlike Bobby to "date" more than one woman at a time... Unless it's Jenna and Pam...oh, wait, that was successive nights. That scene may come Monday.

- Sue Ellen wears professional clothes... Even the tie outfit looked good on her. You seem to be the only one who thinks so. Everyone else thinks the tie outfits are ridiculous.

- I kinda didn't understand April's reason for leaving HER condo after she confessed to Bobby....  Let him leave if he doesn't like the news..... I agree. That was totally bizarre.

AHN Jake's corner:

- All right, at the beginning of TODAY'S episode, it read "AND Jack Scalia as Nicholas Pearce."  Yesterday it said, "ALSO STARRING..." What, does it change from episode to episode? This I do not understand. As I've pointed out, this is a contractual thing...its possible the the producers made special arrangements with the actors because it looked so stupid to have three people "also starring".

- Mavis and Ellie haven't got beds for the homeless yet?  What's taking them so long?   Boy, these ladies are SLOW. I don't get it. Yikes.

- The only reason they had Dowling out of town was either because it would cost to much to have him, or maybe they thought they'd have to show Donna too, and that would cost WAY too much. Yup. Both are obviously not under contract to appear.

- Clayton didn't seem to take Ellie's being drunk very serious.  He was practically laughing.  What the hell's his problem? I don't know...this was very disturbing to me. The whole idea of Ellie getting drunk is ridiculous and I will address it in the "I think" this week.

- Why would Clayton want to buy a refinery in Texas City?  He sold all her refinies because they were in Houston and far away.  Why is he buying stuff far away again? I think it's been established that Texas City [which doesn't really exist, BTW] isn't too far away from Dallas. At the time, of course, he wanted a reason to hang around the ranch and be with Ellie, but now that she's been busy lately maybe it's not so important.
CORRECTION: Several visitors from Texas rebuked me for taking Texas City off the map. It actually exists, and is closer to Houston than Dallas.

- Sue Ellen asked Bobby about how his trip to Washington a few days after he came back. It took her this long?  Obviously the writers lost track of time; they often do. I'm trying to get a handle on the amount of time that passed during this episode...hard to say.

- The line at the end of the episode made no sense.  The doctor said he's walked over many tombstones, and then J.R. says, "Ah, but none of them said J.R. Ewing."   Of course not, he's not DEAD yet.  He hasn't even fought the war yet.   How could his tombstone be up? True. JR could have phrased this better.

AHN Joe's corner:

- Ahmer, I have a theory.  Jenna sneaks over to Southfork after breakfast, and eats everybody's untouched food, which would explain the extra pounds that you've noticed on her. Yes! Hey, thats great! Jenna is the Phantom of the Southfork Dining Room!

- The closest thing to the Krebbs Pedophilic Line of the Day that I could find:   "Randy and I will follow any rules that you and Mom make." Charlie to Ray.  Hmmm....  This has the connotations of a bad porno plot (redundant), and reminds me of your musing abour Ray suddenly deciding to remodel the house so that everybody has to sleep in the same bed. That would have been cool!

- Wow.  Jackie's hair looks pretty good today.  She's been looking better overall lately, in fact. I think she's wearing better fitting dresses. Just my thought.

- Is it me, or does Miss Lloyd look and sound A LOT like Mandy Winger (save the glasses)? Well, I don't like her either, so quite probably.

- Hmm... I guess Sue Ellen must have been in on the raid of Donna's old wardrobe along with Jenna... Did you catch that thick tie she was wearing when she came home to find Miss Ellie drunk? I did. It earned her an award.

AHN Mike's corner:

- This seems to be the season of earrings and shoulderpads. Charlie was wearing peace sign earrings. Jenna seems to be sporting the brooch look this season. Everything she wears has a brooch on the chest at one shoulder. More of Ray's dad powertrip: "I sure hope you're not going to complain again about how I'm treating you. I don't want to hear any more of that. I'm almost immune to this stuff now.

- Great scene with Charlie and Randy lying through their teeth, laughing inside at Ray, agreeing to anything he said, knowing they're going to find a way around all of it. Ray could have insisted that Randy lick his boots before evey date and Randy would have grinned broadly, nodded vigorously and said "Sure. No problem. Anything you say Mr. Krebbs. Do you wnat me to lick front to back or side to side?" I agree. He's Eddie Haskell.

- Mavis Anderson's hairstyle reminded how perfectly suited she and Punk are. They both get styled at Helmet Head Hair Salon. Spooky.

- Since Pam is gone, Cliff and Jackie are getting absolutely chummy. It's like she's become a Pam substitute for him. Big grins and happy chat all around. No more complaints about Jackie's incompetency. He even smilingly allows her to go to lunch. Frankly, I'd rather have Pam back...but Jackie's looking a little better.

- April's dress in the big scene with Bobby gives rise to an alternate meaning for the word "flattering". In April's case, the word "flattering" means a garment that makes her look "flatter" than a ten year old boy.

AHN Val's corner:

It was strange that Clayton didn't let Miss Ellie come along to help decorate his offices. Women love that stuff!!!! And who better than one's wife to help with decorating ideas? I have no idea. This is a good question. [Of course, we know the REAL reason.]

- Outside shot of Ray's house. Old white Jeep truck still parked in the driveway. 'Nuff said. Must be for that foreman stuff that Ray doesn't do anymore

- When Mavis and Ellie were talking about the homeless shelter, she mentioned cribs for unwed mothers. Last time I checked, it the wasn't the mothers who needed the cribs. It was their babies!!!!! Good call.

- Nice mini old-fashioned gas pump on Cliff's desk. It must be there as a catalyst for those days when Cliff eats too much take out Chinese food. Probably. I think this is the first time we've seen this.

- When Miss Ellie saw Clayton and Laurel walking out of the building with their arms around each other, she showed amazing restraint. If that were my husband I saw wrapped around some young thing, I would have been on the warpath so fast that all he would see would be a flash of red hair before everything goes black. I'm sure you would. And so should Ellie. I can't believe this is the same woman who said "Ray, get me the shotgun out of the hall closet." The New Ellie would have invited that reporter in and told him her sons were probably dead.

- John Ross is getting wardrobe tips from Nicholas (sweater). It's okay on a child, and that sweater wasn't too bad.

- John Ross and Christopher informed Sue Ellen that Grandma was drunk. How would they know? Were they in her room staring at her? And how could Ellie let her grandsons see her like that? They said she was downstairs at first...very irresponsible of Ellie to do this.

- Miss Ellie was way too nice to Clayton the next morning at breakfast. After what she had seen the day before, she should have at least taken him to task right then and there. Without question. And Clayton was a little too understanding as well. His wife just got herself totally drunk!

- I noticed that Ray has a computer on his desk. I wonder if he even knows how to work that thing. Given that it's more complicated than a microwave, I would say no.

Episode 272: Malice in Dallas

Bonehead Dialogue Award: [courtesy of Nitpicker Redux Jake]

> Ellie: I think Clayton's having an affair.
> Mavis: You never said anything.

>YES, Ellie knows that.  But thanks for clearing that up.

Angelica Nero award: Sue Ellen again, for the hideous courtroom hair.

I'll leave it to the AHNs and others today.

From Dave O:

- Clayton does not seem to be too concerned that his wife went on a vacation in the Virgin Islands without even telling him. Now I am not married but if I was and my wife did that I would flip out. I would most likely catch the next plane out there. I agree. Both Clayton and Ellie are SO LAME.

The debut of AHN Rob's corner:

- In the first scene, why would Ellie threaten to kick both Bobby AND JR off the ranch when it was obvious that Bobby was the only one trying to get violent?  This Clayton's-boinking-a-teeny-bopper story line must really be getting to her.  I know I tired of it long ago... Well, it's not going to go away. And JR did start it by bringing Lisa to town...

- Of course we all know the the real reason, but why would Larry Doyle's death get so much love from the local press?  I would think that a two-bit private eye would only warrant a death notice in the obituary (if that...) rather than a four-paragraph blurb on page six... Good call.

- From the "What the Hell Was That?!?!" Files: David is enjoying a meal with Laura when Bert  "London Loverboy" Lomax shows up out of nowhere and pretty much tells him to get lost. Mind you, David hasn't finished EATING yet! Where I come from, it's the person who ISN'T eating that takes his business elsewhere.  How rude...!   And Laura actually sided with that bozo! I would have stiffed her with the check also... And she stiffed Brett with the check too.

- Man, I tell you... Whoever maintains the court dockets in Dallas must really like (or hate) the Ewings.  I'm just waiting for them to appear in court for a crime that hadn't been COMMITTED yet... Good call.

-To answer the possibility of April telling Bobby about her "forbidden dance" with JR in order to give herself a chance to explain: Yes, Katherine did the same thing, but she got the same result.  When will they ever learn?  If April were smart, she would have allowed JR to tell Bobby, then denied everything.  Should Bobby confront her, she could always tell him to consider the source.  After all, Bobby IS at odds with JR, and probably wouldn't put a lot of stock in anything he says if coached the right way.  I'm just having a lot of trouble with the sudden dumbing-down of April.  Isn't this the same woman who was smart enough to convince a divorce court judge that 50% of her ex-husbands earnings for the next five years was an appropriate settlement?  But then again, I should say April was being more "savvy" than "smart," as "smart" would imply that she had common sense.  And we all know sense isn't always common in Dallas... Good call.

AHN Anne's corner:

- I was happy with this episode for two reasons: 1) Ray and Jenna had only one scene and 2) Charlie wasn't in the show at all! The writers should work more episodes this way. Don't worry. It will be a permanent change by the end of the week.

- Okay, Miss Ellie saw Clayton and Laurel a "few weeks ago?!" Why on earth would she let the whole thing drag on for so long? And how is she able even to look at Clayton without getting mad? And compared to Mavis, Ellie looks like a bastion of strength right about now. "Wait it out." What kind of advice is that? That's like saying it's okay for your husband to cheat on you and, I'm sorry, but no woman should have to tolerate that. I guess the South isn't as progressive as the North because I've always been taught to avoid that "little woman" complex. I agree with you. There's no way Ellie should sit around and take this.

-Have you noticed that Harry ALWAYS has some vacation time coming up? Either that or he just bought a new house - with cash.

- David didn't pay the cheque. And it doesn't look like Laurel did, either. At most restaurants, they have the waitron give the bill and then the patron pays the server. Maybe Brett's stuck with it, huh? I assume so. Obviously he's got the cash, right? [snicker]

- How come Clayton was wearing a hat at the office? Do you think that's his special thinking hat or something? I don't know! Good call!

AHN Kyle's corner:

- Funny 'Chariots of Fire' twist to the score accompanying JR and Bobby's scene in the Southfork living room. Be careful, Vangelis might sue. I thought there was something funny about this.

- And what was with that Punk having an affair crap?? Come on. There is no need for this (esp. since Clayton isn't even actually having an affair, although Ellie doesn't know this). There's absolutely no reason to cut down Punk ANderson. Upsetting... Why the high esteem for Punk? I kind of liked him at first, but this time around, he seems kinda ordinary.

- I know that "win, lose or draw" is just an expression, but how exactly would JR end up with a "draw" in this situation with Weststar. To paraphrase a line from a great movie: "there's no DRAWS in BUSINESS!". I suppose he could end up with exactly 50% and so could someone else, but other than that... Yeah, this was another poor choice of words.

- Tsk, tsk David Shulton. You really shouldn't talk with your mouth full! (JR can also be seen doing this today). It makes him more unlikable, which is okay.

- There's the Krebbs "family" truck in the driveway, again. You know what, I didn't even see the new "family vehicle". What gives? Maybe they left Lucas in it one day and he was so bored he drove off with it.

- Jennaray finds Charlie's report card while putting her clothes away? Hmmmm. There seems to be two possibilities here: 1) Charlie really is just flat out bad at deception. First with the "secret" plans conducted in broad daylight and now this. Why would she hide the report card in a drawer (or closet) where she knows her mom puts her clean clothes? I don't know if Charlie is THAT dumb. Which leads to 2) Jennaray was snooping about Charlie's room (probably looking for food). If Charlie has any sense, she hides the report card somewhere where mom can't easily discover it. Ergo, Jennaray does some detective work. Oh, those Krebbs'! Charlie has zero sense. That's rather obvious. This subplot just sucks so bad. And it's going to get worse tomorrow.

- What the hell is Shulton doing with all the money Clayton gives him? Eat it? (or possibly feed it to Jennaray?). How much does paint and canvas cost in 1988. Clearly he's just abusing Clayton, but does he really have to be so obvious about it? No, because Clayton is just as dumb as his wife. This is so lame.

- Pearce's (Lombardi's) Indiana plates are not the ones I remember. The actual plate design fails me, but I'm pretty sure but it's not the green and red mess that is seen in today's episode. I think they were different in 1987...not too sure.

- Braddock County Courthouse has a sign above its entrance that would shame a two-bit convenience store! Now I know that the scenery budget was tight, but come on, make the Courthouse look dignified (or at least better then a Hyundai Dealership). Hyundai Dealership...oooh, that's cold.

- Why, why, why would JR go to the trial. I assume he's there to support Bobby, although 1) Bobby probably doens't want him there and 2) he's constantly made to look like the devil during testimony (first with his hiring of Lisa, and his affair with Kristin). They should have had one of those blue dots over his face. Or maybe they could have shown him scrambled.

- Whoa! How come these Weststar shares are Casey's? It was JR's property that he sold to Weststar in exchange for stock, was it not? I find it hard to believe that those shares aren't under JR's control. I don't remember for sure...but I believe they are, and maybe Casey is just playing Kimberly.

AHN Jason's corner:

- Where the heck is Cliff during his nephew's custody hearing?  I would have expected that he would come to this since he claims to care so much about the boy.....   I mean, ok, you can sit there wordlessly like Jenna, Ray and JR but at least make an appearance in the episode..... YES! Excellent nit. Kenny, where are you? Hollywood Squares or something?

- Mavis is looking a lot like Linda Evans, especially the hair, in today's episode.. She looked like someone...couldn't place it.

- Nick has Indiana plates on his rental car but he says that he flew into Chicago (IL) and then drove to "Papa's"  in (presuambly Indiana) Did he say that? I missed that. Good one.

- Sheree J Wilson's acting is pretty bad in the parking lot scene.. seemed to almost be laughing when she is acting 'scared' She does this a lot. And she'll do it again.

- Sly doesn't close the door during her intimate conversation with JR.. You'd think she would want some privacy for something like that.. Good one.

- Kimberly orders champagne but doens't say which kind...   Also this may or may not be a nit, but from my waitering days, it is customary to place down the beverage napkin when you greet the table and then place the drink on it when you serve it.    The waitress for Kimberly and Casey waits until she serves the drink to put one down.  (The real world reason for this practice is so managers/ other waiters know if you have greeted a table yet, so in busy times, they know who to wait on first...) Interesting. Thanks for the info.

- Was it just me or did it seem like Casey hit on Kimberly during the conversation?    I thought he didn't like older women.... It wasn't just you. He's got goo-goo eyes. And I have a feeling he likes rich women who aren't crinkly like Marilee.

- Bobby's lawyer made a big mistake in his questioning of Lisa... He asks her "Who paid for your trip TO California and your stay in Dallas?"   No one paid for her trip to CA,  she is from CA...... Good one.

- So Alden is her mom's (2nd?) husband's name... It is nice they finally tell us this little detail.... For some reason, I remembered it as her mother's maiden name. Don't remember why.

- Charlie was a straight A student?   CHARLIE? It's Ray. Gotta be. Anyone near him will never achieve their full potential.

- It may just be me but the camera sure seemed blurry during the restaraunt scenes today... Didn't notice.

- How did Brett find Laurel and David at the restaraunt?  Did she leave a note on her door?   I could almost see it... "Lonely?  Want to watch a beautiful English woman eat?  Just follow me and my slacker painter friend down to the neighbor hood pub....." Well,she obviously put out an ad for lonely old guys who want to watch her work.

- Larry, Larry, Larry....   what the hell were you thinking?   Since when does Southfork serve hot hors d'oeuvres in the living room?  and since when has JR taken Ray Krebbs lessons in dining?  He starts chomping on a chicken leg while talking to Bobby and Sue Ellen..   poor....... Ray's influence extends far and wide. Neanderthal.

- The last scene in the judge's chamber sure was weak.....  a bit more suspense could have been thrrown in there... Chris's sob speech was good but not milked properly...   The judge should have decided to rule in Lisa's favor, then at the last minute, she decides to give it up... That would have been more "dramatic"... Yes, I agree. I don't know why they did that.

AHN Val's corner:

- Miss Ellie whined to Mavis that "you never told me" about Punk having had an affair with his secretary. I know that they're best friends, but Ellie should have had the presence of mind to know that that was a painful revelation for Mavis. Certainly it would be painful to talk about. This was so lame, Val. I can't believe that women...even old women with nothing better to do...can sit around and talk like this.

- Also, Mavis' advice to Ellie to "let it run its course" stunk!!!!! How could any woman possibly tolerate her husband's affairs? If my husband ever cheated on me--even if it only happened once--the marriage would be over. Personally, I am a reasonable person, and willing to talk things out. But marital infidelity is one area in which there are no second chances. Preach on, sister Val! I totally agree with you.

- And what do young women in their 20's see in older men like Clayton and Punk? I am almost 26 years old, and the thought of sex with a man old enought to be my grandfather makes me cringe!!!! I think young women in that position just see dollar signs.

- If David Shulton is so cash poor, what is he doing eating out in restaurants? I know Clayton gave him a few thousand dollars to "tide him over". But he should be spending that on rent, electricity, water, and Top Ramen; not on restarant meals. Clearly he can't live within his means. I take it that you were a big Top Ramen fan in your college years...join the club. That stuff is instant metabolism! I lived on it for weeks and weeks.

- Nicholas said himself that its raining outside. Yet during is carside meeting with April, he sat with his elbow leaning out the car window. You're gonna get that nice custom shirt wet, Nick! Excellent.

- Miss Ellie went to St. Croix to walk on the beach and "get away from it all". If she really wanted to take a trip, she should have gone to California to see Gary and pay a visit to her twin grandchildren, who are around 3 at that point. In fact, the beach she was walking on looked more like one in southern California than a tropical island. Hard to tell...but I'll take your word for it since you're closer.

- Nicholas flew to Chicago and drove right to his parents' house in Indiana. The car he rented had Indiana plates. If he rented the car in Chicago, then it should have had Illinois plates.

- I kept expecting Will Smith to pop out from behind the judge's bench and break into a rap song. That James Avery guy plays a judge in every show I've ever seen him in! I was thinking the same thing. Or maybe Hillary would come out and comment about Sue Ellen's hideous hair.

AHN Joe's corner:

- Not a nit, but it seems that Mavis has lightened her hair.  It looks blonder. I believe you're right.

- Today's Krebbs Pedophilic Line of the Day:  "I guess I haven't done a very good job with her."  --  Ray to Jenna, talking about Charlie. C'mon, Ray.   Give Charlie the "initiation" and slip her the ol' Krebbsoski so she can become a mainline character! Too late. I don't want to be accused of excessive spoilage here, but the entire Krebbs clan is slowly being phased out.

- Just a minor point of order.  I disagree with you that Ozwald is the most unlikable character in Dallas.  David (Laurel's artist friend) is, so far.  At least Ozwald had a sort of trashy endearment, but this David creep is nothing but a con artist -- pure slime! This is a tough call. I see your point. I never really cared for Ozwald's endearment, though.

- This was probably pointed out when it was first shown, but Bobby takes up four spaces when he parks his car to meet Jeff Farraday in the flashback. I'm not sure that it was! I'll have to check.

- I'm very surprised that Bobby and Lisa are in the same room as Christopher when he talks to the judge about who he wants to be with. Couldn't the presence of either or both parties conceivably influenece what Christopher says to the judge?  What's more, I remember that John Ross was spoken to separately from his parents during the second custody battle between Sue Ellen and J.R.. Yes. But this is Uncle Phil, so he doesn't take any guff from anyone.

AHN Jake's corner:

- The only reason they had Mavis say Punk cheated on her was to faciliate the story line and give Ellie something to think about.  I started watching DALLAS the episode after Jock died, and they never talked about an affair.  They just made it up on the spot. Yes they did. Although, in fairness to Mavis, it's not the kind of thing she would just blurt out for no reason.

- Ellie says that she thought Clayton would tell her about the woman he's seeing.   Why would he do that?! Because then it might be just what it seems. Or at least innocent.

- Ray expresses his belief that Charlie wishes to break apart his and Jenna's marriage.   Think back, Ray...Charlie is the one who pressured you to stay married!  She wanted you together!  Idiot. And then Jenna (about switching Charlie to a different school): "That's drastic, Ray."  She's getting 3 F's and 3 D's, for crying out loud!  What do you want to do? Morons. Jennaray is just pathetic.

- Why did it take so long for Nicholas and April to meet.  I'm sure April would have made it clear to him that she wanted to see him NOW, but it is clearly morning when she calls him, but only at night when she meets him. They mentioned it was raining...could be a dreary morning.

- If Nicholas is so concerned about April's safety and wants her to stay a hotel, why doesn't he DRIVE HER to the hotel?  Now that would insure her safety. Because he's got to go back and talk to Dad. I guess.

- Now J.R. is set on calling her Lisa Faraday.  He refers to her by that at some point later in the episode?  Why?  Very weird. I really don't know. It is weird.

- Although it was a funny line, J.R.'s saying (about his computer), "How'd you work this dang thing?" doesn't really make sense.  He seemed to have been able to operate his computer before.  Why the change? Just to be funny, I guess.

- J.R. tells Sly it's been a long time since she stopped dating Biff. How does he know about her?  She wouldn't tell him.  Very odd. Well, she's telling him about Casey. Maybe she mentioned it.

- Why wasn't Ellie at the trial?  I know she was away on a vacation for herself, but she cares about Christopher; she should have been there. For that matter, why isn't Cliff there. And of course, why the HELL isn't Pam there. But that's a different question.

Episode 273: Crime Story

Bonehead Dialogue Award: [courtesy of Rob]

>JennaRay: "I just caught Charlie sneaking out of the house...!!"
>Charlie: "I wasn't sneaking!"
>-- Help me with this one, kids: If you're exiting the premises quietly, without permission, shoes in hand, under the cover of darkness; that usually construes SNEAKING.

Bonehead Dialogue Award: [courtesy of Jake and Jason]

The entire conversation between Nick and April. Highlights:

> April: "What's wrong?". I don't know, April, what could be wrong?
> To this Nicholas responds "Nothing", then April says, "You look weird."
> And to this Nicholas says, "Well, a lot has happened."
He just said nothing was wrong!  Make up your mind!
>  Nicholas says to April, "I guess you squeezed the toothpaste out and now it doesn't want to go back in." Now that's the oddest thing I've heard in a while. 

Angelica Nero award: April for the wacky leopard outfit.

- April sure drinks a lot for a non-drinker, doesn't she? White wine almost all the time.

- When Nicholas arrives at April's hotel room, he turns around as if he's scanning the hallway. April comes to the door and looks through the peephole. Notice that Nicholas TURNS AROUND to face April when the door opens. It's fairly safe to assume he had his back turned the whole time. So what exactly did April see through the peephole? Nicholas' shaggy dark hair? Was this enough to make a positive I.D., given that April's living in fear of mob hitmen? I don't see this making any sense, coming from a semi-hysterical woman.

- I can't believe that Charles Grant is such a baby that he wouldn't even take a proper slap from Howard Keel. It's so obvious that the back of Clayton's hand doesn't touch David's face.

- I also can't believe that Kelly just walks in to Sue Ellen's office without asking permission first. Must be nice when your boss is your mom.

- When Ray catches Charlie trying to sneak out to see Randy near the end of this episode, he tells Jenna he CAME downstairs and found Charlie at the door. Wait a minute. Charlie just came down the stairs. As far as we know, those are the only stairs in the house. Ray comes out of the kitchen and finds her. So it appears to me that Ray didn't COME downstairs, he WAS downstairs. [Pick, pick, pick. As you can see, it's better that we ignore this whole dumb plotline.]

Tom Blackburn points out: Did anyone notice that after April left that ridiculous message to herself, it didn't play back with the rest of them? After the mobster call, she got the end of messages beep. She must have a weird answering machine. It still could be possible for this to happen, though unlikely.

AHN Kyle's corner:

- Clayton and Ellie are so pathetically lame (redundant? probably). Clayton is soft for not mentioning her unannounced excursion and Ellie is weak for not mentioning Clayton's "fling". I guess they deserve each other. Hey Clayton, maybe you could tell your wife that you love her (Ellie, too). Yes they do. I've been saying that since they got married.

- JR "you know I'm trying to get Ewing Oil back?" Wow JR! Way to maintain the secrecy (guess he's got John Ross syndrome). Yup. Sue Ellen knows how to get to him, I guess.

- Why doesn't JR just file for divorce? Like he doesn't know about Sue Ellen and Pearce. Sure he might lose the custody battle, but having her leave Southfork didn't work the other time. He may be powerful, but right now he's just lazy. I think he wants Sue Ellen to sue for divorce so that she kind of looks like the 'bad parent', walking out on the marriage. At least then it would be easier for him to face Ellie with it. "Well, mama, she's the one who filed for divorce. What can I do?" I agree that he's being lazy, but not for this reason. His laziness has to do with not being able to come up with a good plan to get rid of Sue Ellen. Instead, he just tries the same old thing he did in 1983.

- April leaving a message for herself is SO lame.  I was have expecting her to say "Hey Mobster, I'm about 5'8'', blond and looking for a good time" or "Hi me, it's me. I'm at the Saddletree Motel". I thought so too...but at least it gives her a sense of time, right? Now she knows that all of the messages that come after her own are later than 8 PM. I guess.

- I understand the LBJ statement here because he was a president form Texas. But contrary to what Kay [Welfare Mandy] says, charismatic he was not. He was a scary man, not a bad president, but scary nonetheless (ie. not charming). Sorry Texans!
I think most Texans would agree with you. Especially after Bush.

- The statement Booze, Broads and Booty would really only mean two things these days(if we interpret Booty to be as in "Booty call"). Oh well... (but what about Baseball tickets? Must have forgot that one). Yeah, I see what you mean.

- Never a good idea to threaten someone in a room full of people [of course we know why this is a bad idea this time] But in general, you really shouldn't...

- You've got thousands of things to tell Nicholas, Sue Ellen? I count two: you talked to JR, and you talked to Kimberly. Let's not get too hyperbolic here. Excellent call.

- When Ray catches Charlie leaving, did you see what was in his hands? A Beer and a glass of milk. Truly a lethal combination [you don't have to be a drinker to know that one]. Jason figured one was for him and one was for Lucas. But which is for whom?
Val responds: But if the milk was for Lucas, then why was it in a regular drinking glass? How old is Lucas at this point? 6-8 months at the most. Babies that small can't drink out of regular glasses without making a big, huge mess (I know this from experience). If the milk was truly for Lucas, then it should have been served in a bottle, of if he was truly advanced, a sippie-cup.

AHN Jason's corner:

- So why is suddenly Cliff with Lisa in what appears to be the few hours AFTER the court case.... He was AWOL DURING the court case...  Also why is Bobby packing to leave so soon afterwards?  Did he plan on leaving right after the case, regardless of the outcome?  Now that he won, wouldn't he want to spend time with his son? The last point was pointed out by Val. Good call about Cliff.

- How come April has at least one change of clothes at the hotel?  I thought Nick told her to go there directly after their meeting in yesterday's episode... He did. Maybe she got something from the hotel lobby stores.

- Nick's logic is flawed... If the mob just wants him (so April will be safe if she blabs), why did they kill her PI  ?  I find it hard to believe that he "withheld information" under threat of death... Excellent point. Or maybe he's braver than we thought. [Nah..]

- Nice party for Bob in DC.. Only see one guest...I bet he was at Cliff's shindig last week..

- I was surprised to see Dora Mae in the background of the OBC... She had no lines today so why spend money on her when extras could do her job... Also she seems to be standing behind a patron who is already seated, like she is taking an order.. Why? She is the hostess..  Oops, that is right, Cassie is still AWOL... Yeah, that was weird...actually, if I remember correctly, an actor/actress who plays a non-speaking part is considered a regular extra, so maybe the producers didn't have to pay her usual fee.

- Not that I have had a lot of dealings with the mob, but why would they leave that stupidly blatant message on April's machine?  Seems out of place.. Very out of place.

- Clayton says to Laurel that David is extorting $$ from him.. Actually he is blackmailing him... Yes, as Kyle pointed out last week.

- Kehli calls Sue Ellen  "Sue Ellen" and not "Mrs. Ewing"... what's next? "Mom?" I noticed that too.

- Did anyone else notice that during Laurel's dinner with Bret that her skunk streak seemed to have disappeared?  maybe it was the way she did her hair.... I think it was her hair...or the weird lighting.

AHN Joe's corner:

- Maybe I missed something but I don't get it...  I understand that J.R. is telling everyone who bought Weststar stock for him to sell so the price will drop and he'll hurt Dr. Styles....  What I don't understand is why J.R. doesn't let Cliff sell his WestStar stock.  Yes, J.R. would get the voting proxies, but wouldn't he also get proxies from the stock that April and Sly bought?  Or is J.R. just making a small sacrifice to make Cliff suffer? I believe the latter is correct...or it's possible [I don't remember all of the details] that he has a deeper plan.

AHN Val's corner:

- Bobby fought long and hard to keep Christopher from Lisa. So what does he do? He jets off to Washington DC THAT DAY. The judges ruling should have been cause for celebration for him and Chris. Father and son should have spent the rest of the day flying kites, racing go-karts, eating pizza, and watching movies. Yup.

- Brett says Laurel is surrounded by, among other things, people who "don't speak our language". What language does he think they speak in Texas, Mandarin Chinese? Well, I guess they don't say "blimey" and have bad teeth...I don't get it.

AHN Rob's corner:

- Nominee for the very first April Stevens Dummy Move of the Day Award (Formerly the Cliff Barnes Idiot of the Week Award...): Clayton "Dumb Ox" Farlow, for actually believing that David Shulton WOULDN'T try to hit him up for more loot.  He actually had the nerve to look surprised when Shulton asked for -- no, DEMANDED -- fifty grand... Dummy Move of the Day Award...I'll think about this.

- ...And speaking of That Idiot Barnes: Leave it to him to start up the parade of irate visitors barging onto JR's office again.  Sly is a sweet gal and all, but can be an extremely ineffective secretary when she wants to be.  Doesn't she know that JR was once
SHOT while in his office?  Perhaps JR should hire a personal body guard from that vaunted security agency the Ewings always use...

- Is it me, or is Kelly far and away the best secretary on Dallas as far as job execution?   I'll bet you'll NEVER see anyone flying into Sue Ellen's office unannounced anytime soon.... Except for HERSELF, man! She walked in without asking for permission from Mom.

AHN Jake's corner:

- Shouldn't Bobby ask Christopher if he wants to say goodbye to Lisa?  He might not want to. He cares about Christopher so much, so it only seems natural. You could be right...I suspect the producers' hands here. If they minimize Christopher's dialogue, they don't have to pay him as much.

- I don't understand why Jenna waited so long to ask Charlie about her report card.   She said it was a big deal, but this is not as big of a deal as Randy and her fooling around in the barn (according to them), and they talked to her about that right away. I don't either. Hard to tell exactly how much time elapsed, but it seems weird.

- Jenna's voice during her lecture to Charlie was hardly audible; it was very raspy and reminded me of a snake. I thought so too.

- That scene with Laurel and her ex-fiance was very odd.  She seemed to be very calm and willing to dine with him.  A big change from yesterday.  It seemed to me like there was a scene cut, or either the writer made some very odd choices.  It just was very different from their past meetings. I'm not too sure what to make of it either...he's all apologetic and everything, and maybe a scene was cut.

- It seems to me the only reason Dowling's assistant is doing this is because she likes Bobby.  She and Dowling are democrats, and democrats dislike (or don't really like) big-business and their practises, like what Ewing Oil did with the B.D. Calhoon thing.   Why they made them democrats was beyond me; Bobby and Donna were republicans. Yes they were. You are right in that it's just a way to give Bobby a lady to be with other than April.

- Before they cut to April's hotel, they cut to that old stock footage that they used for Paul Morgan's office last season.  Obviously the show is getting less and less of a budget as time goes on. Was it Paul's office? Good catch!

- When April lets Nicholas in, she only unlocks the latch lock.  I watched carefully, even rewatching the scene three or four times.  She did not unlock the deadbolt?   Why wasn't it locked?  She's scared for her life! This is a great one! Can't believe I missed it.

- Nicholas suggets April go back to her apartment.  Why?  The guys know where she is!  She shouldn't go to her apartment!  She should stay in the hotel, or keep going to a different hotel. Nicholas just wants to get on with it. Skipping between hotels is obviously just delaying the inevitable. I mean, the guys aren't just going to give up, right? Gotta face the music sooner or later.

- Bobby's sexually suggestive remark to Dowling's assistant wasn't that bad. And she threw him right out!  "Can you please leave?"  I think she's a bitch. Run while you can, Bobby. I agree. I don't like Kay. Unfortunately, Bobby does...

- Clayton doesn't pay for his drink during his meeting with David.  I know he has a tab, but still.  You know, people have gotten very lax with their paying on this show lately.  It's really bad. David said he was buying, right? Wasn't he serious?

- When J.R. comes to April's apartment, April asks, "Who's there?"  Why >doesn't she look through the peephole so if it's the bad guys she won't say anything?! Great nit. Of course, if it is the bad guys, they probably would have just broken down the door if she didn't say anything, but it's a good point.

- And when J.R. leaves, April doesn't lock the door.  Smart girl. HOW AM I MISSING THIS? I was paying attention, really!

- Laurel tells Clayton she's known David for 8 or 9 months.  That means she's been living in Dallas for at least 9 months.  And it took this long for her ex-fiance to find her?  Someone's losing track of time.  Time was never something the DALLAS writers dealt with well, that's for sure. I thought Laurel said something else about the time frame...I don't remember for sure. I'll check.

- Laurel says to Clayton (about David's scheme), "That's blackmail!" You're very quick, Laurel.  (Oh, I don't like complaing about her; I don't think I have before) It's all right. Nobody's perfect, right?

- Why does Kehli come into Sue Ellen's office to tell her that Nicholas or whoever was there was there?  Yes, Sue Ellen was on the phone, but the intercom has nothing to do with the phone.  She should have just buzzed her. And then, when the door is opened again, we see Kelhi outside the office, filling some papers or something.  I think Linda Gray just wanted to get her daughter some air time. Absolutely. I wondered why she came in unannounced.

- When Cliff leaves J.R.'s office, they play some of that weird circus music again.   I even prefer the "Pam music." The music is just BIZARRE lately. I'm beginning to get tired of April's playfully sort-of-sexy saxophone.

- Charlie is pretty bad at making excuses.  I'm pretty good at lying, even though I hardly ever do it.  I would have said, "Oh, I heard a noise outside," or something like that.  Charlie needs some work on excuse-making.  Or as Elaine said on SEINFELD, Episode 4, "Male Unbonding," "make an excuse roll-a-dex." Charlie is terrible at excuses. Fortunately, we don't have to endure too much more of her nonsense.

- It took this long for Ellie to go and see Lucy?  Almost two years (or three with the dream season).  She loved Lucy and should have gone to see her more often. Well, as Val points out, her one trip to Atlanta is one more than she has taken to visit her twin grandchildren in Knots Landing.

AHN Mike's corner:

- Why is Christopher wearing a suit and tie in the opening scene at Southfork, especially since Bobby is leaving? Good point.

- You'd think Lisa would want to be as glammed up as possible to make Bobby realize what he's missing. Instead, she looks awful, especially with that Sue Ellen wacky hairstyle. She looks ordinary...I don't know if I would say awful.

- Bobby has obviously disciplined Teresa for past transgressions of familiarity. She is now calling him "Mr. Ewing" instead of "Mr. Bobby". She does that when other people are around...usually.

- Did I catch JR strongly hinting to Casey that he might get lucky with Kimberly by playing along and that it was OK by him? I think so. It's obvious he doesn't really care for Kimberly that much.

- Obviously, this episode and the previous one were written by the same writer, who doesn't have a clue as to how real people talk. April on Monday and Lisa yesterday both used the phrase "it started out as a lark...". Unless I've been moving in the wrong circles the few decades, nobody in real life EVER uses that term. I forgot that BOTH used the term...interesting.

- Jenna had her mandatory brooch on yesterday but no woman wore a tie, although there were some ridiculous looking bows (especially Kay's, which was off center). But I think April still deserves the Angelica award.

- What was Ray furtively scanning the rest of the first floor for after discovering Charlie sneaking out? Even Randy Haskell wouldn't be dumb enough to try to have sex with Charlie right in the Krebbs-Cleaver household. You never know...maybe he would.

- April's hotel ensemble was weird. I couldn't tell if it was a one piece with a fabric top over leather skirt or two pieces, but the top had all sorts of uneven edges where it met the skirt. I have no idea what she was wearing when JR came over but it was ugly. And by the way, if she's so rich and so scared, why doesn't she hire some security people to protect her? Oh, you mean she's lost faith in security people since watching the crack Ewing Building and Southfork security people in action (actually, NON-action)? That is a good point...Nick told her not to do anything of course, but she has a phone and this doesn't seem like an unreasonable precaution.

- I'm sorry but those mob guys looked more like a pair of accountants than actual mob guys. We NY-NJ Italians have a full head of hair and know how to look tough.

Episode 274: To Have and To Hold

Bonehead Dialogue Award: [courtesy of Kyle]

> Bobby to Phyllis: "Phyllis, you take care of things today."
Things? What things?? You don't DO anything, Bob.

Angelica Nero award: Bobby for the checkered suit when Ellie comes home.

- Absolutely everybody, including me, noticed that April's phone message has suddenly changed today. It's much more subdued than yesterday's message. Given that April obviously didn't have much of a chance to change the message herself, how did this happen?

- Ray gets his generic beer at the Oil Baron's Club. I'm actually kind of surprised the OBC stocks beer...doesn't seem like a very common request for that kind of establishment. Guess they don't have to serve overbearing neanderthals like Mr. Krebbs very often.

- Everyone knows that the writers are not noted for their subtlety. Little hints keep being dropped, and her name is being mentioned more often...Lucy's going to be a hotly-debated discussion issue over the next little while. To begin with, we'll have to get our family relationships straight again. Ellie tells John Ross and Christopher than she just visited their 'aunt Lucy'. Of course, Lucy is really their cousin, though it's not that unusual for a much older cousin to be referred to as an aunt or uncle. It'll be interesting to see how this changes. Too many people to list noticed this as well.

- On a side note: Jenna has gotten thinner. She's actually wearing a normal-sized dress! Good for you, Priscilla!

From the Ultimate Dallas site:

- When Nicholas and the thugs visit the graveyard, you can see palm trees in the distance. In Indiana?

From Adam Lafazan:

- Unless I missed something, isn't it strange that Bobby and  Kay Lloyd were dancing in a busy bar soon after (or seemingly so) after Kay arrived at Bobby's office during the early morning hours? It seemed so...but clearly it was later in the day.

- Casey is a big baby.  Not everyone who is rich was born rich.  There are people in this world who do make it on their own, you know, hard work, talent, possible coupled with contacts, etc.  And his complaining about dear old Dad.  Give me a break, like he was a saint doing dirty work for JR?  JR does reward the people who help him.  I would not be surprised if he threw $10,000 here and there for some of the business deals that old man Casey conducted (and that is such hard work). I agree with you. The writers make JR talk to him kind of rudely to try and get some sympathy for Casey, but it doesn't work too well.

- And another thing about Casey (who bothers me), if no one is supposed to know that he and JR. are working together, then why does Casey go up to his office?  Dallas is no New York City if you know what I mean. Yes, I see what you mean. I guess people in Dallas really do underestimate JR.

- To respond to AHN Val's remark about Miss Ellie shooing the boys away, if I remember correctly, I believe that she did so because did not want to talk about personal matters in front of the children.  This I liked because I found it rude when Lisa's lawyer had as little regard for Christopher as Jeremy did for John Ross. It's possible. Tough call.

Neat notes from Bruce Sinclair:

Well, I've come to the conclusion that the only answer is a group field trip to Texas as everyone seems to have various degrees of misinformation about we all...

- First stop would be the LBJ Library at The University of Texas Austin for background and then an afternoon at the LBJ Ranch in Johnson City (Lady Bird still in residence). Required reading will be Gov John Connelly's autobiography as he was Lyndon's second for years. .... LBJ was probably THE biggest charmer and arm twister in the history of Washington! He was absolutely FEARED in the Congress for his way of getting what he wanted out of people, often the opposition of whatever he was pushing for. Most of Central Texas loved him; he got electric power and public works that Texas needed to step into the 20th Century: To say he did not have charisma is ridiculous.... (end of LBJ101... And I'm not even a Democrat!)

-We'll finish up at the Oil Baron's for a couple of dozen Bourbon 'n Branch and then take a fully dressed dive into the Southfork pool (which is incredibly small in real life, by the way; wide angle lenses were the big thing for Lorimar).

- Did any one catch the "inside joke" about April staying at the Singletree Hotel? As you may know, the Doubletree Hotels are one of the finest and it is (coincidentally) a Dallas based corporation.... As the Dallas gang stayed at the Sheraton Park Central for years and years, I wouldn't doubt that there was some sort of bad blood with Doubletree and Lorimar; this always sounded to me like a subtle cut...

-Here we go again: What's with the snowballing anti-Kay movement within the AHNs? She is a babe in my book and is telling Bobby to hit the road because, she made clear, she has the same thing on her mind that he does. I've heard this routine myself quite a few times (generally this is a good indication that the next date or two is going to be a memorable one...Bobby seems to understand this as well...) But, in any case, I did not find it bitchy, rather real-life like. Kay can come over anytime ( although this applies to most of the females on Dallas; if not in fact, IN Dallas...) I don't mean to be "Anti-Kay" - she's got as much right to hit on Bobby as anyone else. I don't particularly like her, but I try not to let that interfere with my analysis. I think the backlash is because April is OH-SO-PERFECT for him and Kay is just in the way.

-By the way, the entire Weststar stock thing is a joke: Any major oil company like that would have HUGE institutional holders, Mutual Funds and such... Almost no single individual could hope to control it from the outside unless he was looking to pay BIG money for a take-over bid and this would need an investment banker (Nick? You listening?) to bankroll the deal.... (My finance classes were not wasted totally, I guess...) Very true in real life, of course...Kyle who is also a business major is researching reasons why this would not happen.

- Someone mentioned Clayton wearing his hat indoors: LOTS of guys in Texas wear their Stetsons damn near all the time... It's a macho cowboy kind of thing.. Maybe I'll add this to the Field Trip...

From Dave O:

- J.R. tells Sly to bring in her phonebook and get April on the line. Sly gets April's number on the first page that she turned to. It must be Sly's lucky day. Must be. Or else it's a real small phonebook.

- Both J.R. and Ray leave the Oil Baron's Club without picking up the check. I assume they would put the drinks on J.R.'s tab. I would assume so too, because Ray's probably not good for it.

- When Miss Ellie's limo pulls up on Southfork there are no cars visible on the driveway. So where on earth did Bobby and Sue Ellen park? They were both in the house. Yes! And I just realized's quite light out when Ellie arrives, yet the family seems to be prepared for dinner. What gives?

- For a second there I thought that Sue Ellen would go to a bar when Nick threw her out of his apartment. Her character has sure gotten strong almost overnite. Well, he's got a meaningful storyline, and he's done his thing quite well.

AHN Jason's corner:

The Pedophilic Line of the day... "I tried to love you as if you were my own daughter..."  Ray to Charlie... just something about this.... Today is the day I will officially thank God that we were only subjected to ONE season of Ray as a parent.

- Did anyone notice we were treated to TWO black cowboy hats today...  JR in his office and Kay when she was with Bobby.. usually they are grey or white...  Hmm. Interesting.

- Sue Ellen (appears) to be knocking at the door to Nick's house but the background looks like she is standing INSIDE his house as opposed to the front porch like she was earlier this season..  Did Nick move?  or are you telling me that a man who is paranoid of the mob would leave his front door unlocked? If so, would Sue Ellen just walk in and make a bee line to his study (living room?) ? I wasn't sure whether he was in his house or in a hotel room or something. I assumed the latter, because she talked about a 'hallway', and we'd never seen a hallway outside Nick's house before.

- Nice energy conscious mobsters.  They even shut the lights off in April's place when they leave.. And they cut down on gas emissions by car-pooling with her!!!! Very fine upstanding citizens.

- JR's logic is flawed in his argument with Ray to join him on the Weststar front...    He tells Ray to remember how much money he made off the sale of Ewing Oil..   Gee if I made a bundle because a company bought me out, You can bet I would want revenge and to make them suffer....  Seriously, JR should have deleted this tidbit from his speech.. Sentiment notwithstanding, I agree that JR's logic is terrible.

- I never thougth I would be saying this but I agree with Charlie...  having her move to Switzerland is a bit extreme...  Could be very traumatic for a "13" year old to move that far away from the life she has lead.... Absolutely. And just when Jenna starts being a little bit sensible, Ray smacks the whole thing down. I'm sick of him.

AHN Anne's corner:

- Miss Ellie tells the boys to go upstairs and open their presents. Well, she had two bags. Unless she marked them Christopher and John Ross, how on earth could they tell which presents were theirs? Maybe they're identical bags, including the presents. Hard to say.

- And what's up with J.R. calling Ray a half-breed? He does that a lot, but the term kind of implies that Ray isn't really a Ewing because Miss Ellie isn't his mother. Today, he kind of turned it around to say that Ray isn't really Jock's son because he doesn't care about the company. How does that work? Just trying to get under Ray's skin, of course...whatever fits the moment.

- I thought Charlie was grounded. Now her parents are letting her go out again? I think the jennaray has trouble sticking to its guns. I absolutely agree.

- When Clayton got home for breakfast, he greeted John Ross, Sue Ellen and Christopher. Did it seem strange to you that Christopher was not shown AT ALL during that scene? Did he greet Christopher? I don't remember seeing him...

- Okay, a few comments about the final scene. Clayton lost all my sympathy right away by continuing to lie to his wife until she told him that she had seen him and Laurel together. That's a bad way to start. And then he turned the situation around to suggest that Ellie drove him to an affair by caring about his health. And then his whole demeanor was so nonchalant that I just wanted to strangle him. Your wife's in tears here, you big ox! And because of you! You might want to act at least a little remorseful! I didn't get the last couple of sentences. Clayton says, "Let's go home and talk about this." What have they been doing for the last five minutes? And Ellie responds by saying, "No, you go home." Where is she planning to go instead? Just hang around the office until he's packed up? Good analysis. This was very weak on the ox's part. Kyle went so far as to say that Clayton was almost robotic in this scene. I wouldn't go that far but I see his point.

AHN Kyle's corner:

- Nicholas DOESN'T lock his door after his meeting with Sue Ellen. Odd for someone who's being pursued by the mob (although it is locked BEFORE Sue Ellen arrives). Yes. Good call. Unless he figured he was going to leave soon after anyway.

- Ummmm.... Weststar's stock fell 12 points in one day? That seems a little excessive. In fact, the whole notion of JR and friends bringing down Weststar is a bit ridiculous. This is a murky issue as no specific info is given. But, even with April, Sly and JR selling their shares, I doubt this would be enough to bring Weststar crashing down. This isn't too believable. No it is not.

- What is up with Kimberly's face right before the first commercial break? It's like Hagman was behind the camera shouting "smile. Now frown. Now smile again, quick!". Odd.

- By the way, selling a large amount of stock with the intent to lower the stock value and then re-purchase it once it bottoms out is NOT legal. I can't remember the term (I'll look...) but it's definitely not a legitimate practice. Certainly it doesn't seem healthy for the economy if this were to happen on a regular basis...I'm not sure what to say yet. I'll wait for your input.

- Kidney shots usually don't make so much noise. I think the sound effects editor was a bit overzealous during Pearce's beating.

-. How, exactly, does JR pique Ray's interest. Seeing as Ray is surprised when JR mentions business one can assume it wasn't that. Maybe he said "free beer". That would probably make him curious. More likely "If you meet me you can get away from your bloated wife". Free beer is most likely.

- OK, Charlie's flunking out and I guess I could understand private school. But.... in Switzerland? COME ON! That is soooo retarded. Does she like to ski, because she could ski in Vermont or New Hampshire. How would you even go about doing this? "Hello, Austria? Know any good boarding schools? No, OK." [HANG UP] "Hello, Switzerland....".

- Did they really have to be as specific to say Clinton, Indiana? This seemed odd. Yes it did.Whatever happened to those informative little subtitles like "South America"?

- But since they did.... This one took a little research. Clinton, Indiana actually exists. It's a small town about 60 miles west of Indianapolis. It's also about 250 miles from Chicago, which begs the question: why did the writers have Pearce fly into Chicago and then drive to Indiana (in a rental car with Indiana plates, mind you). It would have made a lot more sense to have him fly into Indianapolis, thus explaining the Indiana plates (which were clearly there yesterday only to show that Pearce's parents live in Indiana). Whoa! Good research and a fantastic nit.

- Pearce's parents house is either 15332 or 15532. Either way, the next door neighbor's address is 15520 and I'm not familiar with suburb house addresses which go up by 12's (or for that matter, 188's).

- Pearce does a pretty good job of being the "upset guy" except for the fact that it looks like he's smiling when he cries. That kind of took away from his credibility. Hard to say. Maybe people really look like that when agonizing.

- The limo driver backs into the Southfork driveway? That's really weird! It's a real long driveway isn't it? Strange.

- Aren't you supposed to refrigerate white wine? I don't think you're supposed to leave it at room temperature.

- Pearce's look was classic when the mob guys said they were going to research the death of his parents. Did he think they'd just leave town because two people said they were dead? No, probably not. I think it was just to create some suspense about whether he had really thought it through or not.

- I'm rather sceptical about the fake newspaper column that is created to show the Pearce's death. Sure I could make one, but it would look like just that, something I made to cover up a couple of deaths. Obviously this was a really good plan.

- Bonehead move of the day would have to go to dumbass Clayton. Come on, man. Ellie's staring at the painting crying "how could you", she OBVIOUSLY knows about you and Laurel! Just come clean. Dummy. Agreed and seconded by Anne.

AHN Val's corner:

- Nicholas' full name is on the parking space at the condo parking garage. In my pre-homeowner days, the apartment parking spaces were reserved by the tenants unit number painted on the concrete space bump. Plus, this is hardly a prudent move for someone as safety concious as Nicholas. Was this his condo or his office? It was hard for me to tell.

- In Indiana, the mafia thugs had the EXACT SAME rental car that Nicholas drove when he saw his parents a few episodes earlier. I suppose they approached the guy at the Avis Rent-a-Car counter and said: "Give me the Pearce-Lombardi Special". Not that I doubt you at all, but how could you tell it was the exact same car? Same plates?

- Miss Ellie gives the boys their presents and shoos them away to go open them upstairs. Seems strange that she doesn't want to see them open their gifts. That initial look of elation, the kisses, and the hugs that follow is by far the best part about buying gifts for children.

- Why does Bobby let Phyllis keep the kitchen door locked? What gives her the right to make that decision? She's just the secretary, she doesn't own the place. It's Bobby's office, and he should have access to every part of it--even the kitchen. And he should make that point clear to Phyllis. Maybe it's never been an issue until now. I don't know.

- During the bar scene, "Lookin' For Love in All The Wrong Places" playing in the jukebox. I kept expecting John Travolta to ride by on a mechanical bull. Sidebar note: this song was written and performed by Johnny Lee, who [at the time] was married to Charlene Tilton. Foreshadowing, anyone?

AHN Jake's corner:

- When Sue Ellen leaves Nicholas's apartment, he doesn't even bother to look through the peephole before opening the door for her.  They could be out there. And when she's gone, Nicholas doesn't look the door.  Boy, the safety measures the Dallas folk take are unbelievable...

- Ah, Nick has no blood on his face when the men are beating him silly. But I guess the censors of '88 were not as lenient as they are today. Clearly not.

- And why were the goons looking behind couch pillows?  Were they admiring the stitch work? Not too sure.

- Nick's crying was so fake.  And Jack Scalia's a pretty good actor.  So if he was doing his best to pretend to cry and not do it well, then he did a pretty good job.   I'm surprised the Mafia men bought it. I think Jack Scalia is a GREAT actor, and I'm kind of surprised he was a bit lame today.

- Jenna tells Ray the reason why Charlie's acting the way she is is because she's never had to adjust to a different environment before?  It's always been just her and Charlie...  Not quite: She lived at Southfork for about a year! She had to adjust to that. Well, I think that Jenna is trying to drop a subtle hint to Ray about where the REAL problem lies. Of course, that neanderthal would never understand.

- Casey tells Sly she must have known about his father because of all the deals they made?   I never remember Casey's father ever doing business with J.R.  And if it was before 1978, Sly wasn't the secretary.  I don't know when she joined J.R., but I just don't remember any deals being made.  The writers just probably just made this up. Season 4 [1981] is when Sly showed up. I think you're right.

- Clayton doesn't look too thrilled when Ellie comes back.  He says hello to everyone else first.  Come on, she's your wife.  Look happy. And is Clayton stupid enough to leave that picture in his office?  He should take it away!  Ellie might come up.  God, he isn't being very careful protecing the innocent friendship.

AHN Rob's corner:

- Ahmer, I know I'm beating a dead horse with this, but April's stupidity has now reached fantastic proportions.  Why would she play stupid when Nicholas/Joe had just told her to cooperate? And how many of us cheered our hearts out when that
Mob goon smacked her upside the head in the first scene?  That many, huh...? Well, I wasn't crotch chopping or anything...but this does reach the height of silliness.

- ...And speaking of poor ol' Nicholas/Joe, it must really suck to have not one, but TWO women in your life with the brains of motor oil.  (But then again, Ray does have Jenna and Charlie...)  After Nicholas/Joe specifically told her to stay away from
for a while, why does Sue Ellen go to the man's apartment anyway?! See, here's the thing...there's a hallway outside in which Sue Ellen is standing, right? So I don't think Nick's at home. I don't know what the deal is here.

- I'm not so sure about the sign in the garage that said "Reserved for Nicholas Pierce."  Is it really a good idea to have the person's name directly on the sign?  Shouldn't it say something like "Reserved for Director of Marketing," or whatever the hell
Nicholas/Joe's position is at the company he works for?  Let's ignore, for a moment, the fact that it gives those Mob goons a specific spot in which to wait for their prey.   On a simpler note, what if Nicholas should leave the firm?  Now they would have to have a whole new sign made, wouldn't they? Good call.

- The Mob goon who was supposed to be watching April was instead watching TELEVISION! WITH HIS BACK TO HER, NO LESS!!!  April could have easily clocked him with a flower pot or something and made a break for it!  It wasn't like she was tied up or anything.   Instead, April compounds the scene's confusion by not even attempting anything close to that...

- Why would Nicholas/Joe charge the Head Mob Goon when Mob Goon #2 is behind him ready to punch his kidneys out?  Sheesh! Both excellent calls. Good thing for the first guy that April is so damn clueless.

AHN Mike's corner:

- Biggest miss by the rest of the AHN's: for the first time in recorded history, Ray Cleaver-Krebbs turns down a beer. He simply walks out on JR and the beer when it arrives. And by the way, Cassie's replacement is much prettier, though not nearly as well endowed and eager to show it off by allowing it to hang out the sides of her dress. I think this is a first for Ray...maybe he just wants to stiff JR with it.

- Sly goes from looking absolutely foxy (skin tight dress in JR's office) to looking totally frumpy in her office scene with Casey (baggy shirt and shorts, sneakers and socks). I'm surprised nobody mentioned Nick's Saturday Night Fever-disco-mafia threads he wore throughout the show - black silk shirt, black pants and black leather jacket with belt. I kind of liked both those looks.

- Every female is wearing a brooch in this show. The wardrobe department must be getting a volume discount on renting brooches this season.

- Nobody noticed that when Kimberly barged in on her father's temporary war room that she rudely pushed aside the attractive blonde working there as she made a beeline to his wheelchair. I actually didn't find her that attractive.

- Even Kay knows Bobby doesn't have a friggin' thing to do at the office. She knows she can just hop a plane in the AM and leave at midnight, show up unannounced at PGD offices and Bobby will drop everything (everything in his case is nothing). And if she needed any assurance she was right, Bobby tell Phyllis to take care of things as he's leaving.

- Clayton must have gone to the Charlie Wade school for unconvincing liars. He was pathetic trying to lie his way out in his scene with Miss Ellie.

- Here's my take on the Nick Pearce home/office debate. The parking spot and the scenes with Sue Ellen and the boys were in his home, which is a condo. That would explain the reserved parking spot (since obviously it's a penthouse or very expensive condo due to the size). That would also explain why there is a hallway outside his door. But we've seen his house before, and when people have been standing outside, it's been OUTSIDE, not a hallway.

- If Clinton is 60 miles from Indianapolis, where the airport is, then how come a plane is seen taking off over the graveyard when Nick and the boys were there? I thought that was odd too, but I didn't know what to make of it.

- Every now and then you pick up a good piece of information on the wretched Dallas newsgroup. Somebody posted yesterday that the actress who plays Laurel was one of the three girls in the famous Robert Palmer "Addicted To Love" video. That would have been around 1982-83 and before she appeared on "Dallas".

AHN Joe's corner:

- So these two guys who are obviously with the mafia, and probably the same guys who broke into April's apartment, want to know where Joey Lombardi is, to which April says: "Joey who?"  Does she really expect her playing dumb is going to work?   They found the file on Joey Lombardi in her apartment!!!  Is April really that-- never mind.  The questions been answered already... Yes, they have. That's why I got it out of the way early.

- I find it curious that Dr. Styles is getting so many phone calls about the plummeting WestStar stock...  I can understand a few phone calls, but shouldn't Wilson Cryder be having to deal with the bulk of the complaints?  After all, he's the CEO of the company and bears more responsibility and day-to-day control than Styles. Yes, that is a good point. Unfortunately the producers don't want to pay Cryder to answer the phone.

- When Ray is at the Oil Baron's Club with J.R., he asks for "a beer." As I think another of the AHNs once said, this seems to be the major brand name of beer in Dallas.

- Wow... I'm surprised Ray wants to send Charlie to Switzerland after seeing her in that cute little number when she came back from being with Marnie.  WooHoo!  And besides, Charlie's a lot less annoying than Lucy was.  I guess Ray's just getting lazy.  Not only have his ranch foreman duties been completely forgotten, but he hasn't done anything with his cutting horse business for a while.  All he seems to do nowadays is sit around waiting for a meaningful discussion to happen. Jenna's emasculated Ray a lot more than Donna has.  With Donna, Ray was always kicking up a storm about how much more important Donna's working was to her than being a kept woman like Ray wanted her.  But with Jenna, Ray's tired of arguing and is too tired to chase adolescent skirts and just sits around drinking "Beer" Beer all day.  Come to think of it, if I was married to Jenna, I guess I would be too. I don't think Jenna's emasculated Ray...she's allowed him to have a power trip. Ray seems to me to be the classic example of a guy who inherited a family and became a parent without having to pay any of the dues normally involved therein. He's a terrible father.

- We can see that Sue Ellen sports the Pebbles Flintstone look at the Southfork breakfast table...  Was this style ever popular in the late eighties?  I don't remember. Nor do I. I think it was for a while.

Episode 275: Dead Reckoning

Bonehead Dialogue Award: [courtesy of Kyle]

> Clayton: "Next time he [Shulton] won't be so lucky"
> Bobby: "What's that talk supposed to mean?"

What's wrong, Bob, you got April Syndrome? He's not speaking in code here. I think the translation to Bobbyese would read "I'm gonna tear him apart" (except Clayton actually means it).

I'll leave it up to the AHNs, except for the following: there seems to be a very abrupt cut just before Clayton is arrested. The arresting officer knocks on the door and slowly turns to face it. Then there is a cut and he's standing completely in line with the door.

From Dave O:

- Charlie sure does not have much luggage for her trip to Switzerland. Just a little red bag. I would figure a normal teenage girl would have at least 2 suitcases. Maybe she doesn't expect to be gone long. Boy, is she in for a surprise.

- When Ray drives home from the airport he changes from the right lane to the left lane (without signaling) But a second later as they cut to Ray inside the truck he is clearly on the right lane again. Great one! How did I miss this? He must have a blonde sensor.

AHN Anne's corner:

- April seemed to put on her shoes about five times at the very beginning. The cuts weren't very effective, I guess.

- I thought that David's house was super cheap. Of course the writers were trying to convey that, but seriously, his stove and refrigerator were the equivalent of Play-School furniture. The whole scene was funny, nevertheless. Clayton just isn't a believable thug.

- How come Lucas is going to Switzerland with Jenna and Charlie? I understand that she might want to have him with her, but that seems to be an omen that she's going to stay a LONG time.

AHN Kyle's corner:

- Ummmmm, Jennaray? Charlie can HEAR everything that you're saying about her. It doesn't exactly lend credibility to your solution when she can hear you saying "maybe we're making a big mistake". I hope this scene was designed to make Ray look like a miserable parent, because that is the ONLY way I can think of him right now.

- I actually (kind of) felt sorry for Ray when Charlie shut down his gift offer. Weird, eh? I did not. I was proud of Shalane. That was such a weak gesture.

- During Pearce's entire hiatus, nobody called and left a message until April did that morning? That seems rather odd. He's a big time investment banker, you'd figure he'd get SOME messages (if only from his boss: "where are you Nick? There's blood all over your parking space..."). Must have been a weekend.

- Why does JR insist on pissing people off who work for him? It's one thing to have something to hold over their head (ie. blackmailing April and extorting from Cliff) but today he appears to rile up Casey for no good reason. Sometimes I just don't understand him. I agree. The only reason is that he must know that Casey's not really going to be able to do much about it.

- Clayton makes an excellent point (one that I hadn't even thought of) about Ellie and Parmalee. True, the situations were different (maybe it was Jock). Then again, we musn't forget that Clayton left Southfork that time, too. Sure, he says he was giving her time, personally I think he was just wussing out. Maybe it's not such an excellent point, after all. I'm of two minds about it myself...the situations are more similar than Ellie would like to admit. It's hard to feel sorry for Clayton because he's been such a moron about this situation; but as far as I'm concerned Ellie was very selfish and moronic about Parmalee.

- Clayton to Laurel "He [shulton] cost me my family". Come on now Clayton, he cost you a wife, not a family. I think all that anger might be affecting his memory. Well, in a sense, his wife is his family...that's iffy.

- There was something weird about Pearce's conversation with his brother. Are we to assume that they [the government or whoever's behind it] didn't hire anyone to play the part of the neighbour, or, failing that, didn't inform the neighbour about what might happen? This seems very risky. I guess they don't want the neighbour to know that her neighbours were in the WPP, but still... Also, did she really not recognize Nicholas? That's not how I remember it. Maybe she didn't at first. I'm sure they must have informed everyone involved about the Pearces' situation - a lot of times, such people are actually in the WPP themselves.

- I find it odd that Sly calls Cliff "Mr. Barnes" in ALL circumstances. I can understand in the office, but outside? Also, it's pretty tough to insult someone when you call them Mister (kind of like trying to mouth of to Juan Antonio Samaranch by saying "you're a horrible person, Your Excellency.") Well, when Sly does it, it comes across okay. I noticed the mock politeness.

- OK. How does Clayton get into Shulton's appartment?? He doesn't break down the door, nor does he pick the lock because it still works fine. This issue is, rather conveniently, not addressed. He's a sly ox, isn't he? Good question. Maybe he picked the lock and then managed to relock it somehow.

- In the future, Clayton, next time you try to kill a guy, try not to leave fingerprints all over the crime scene. This is a pretty good policy (I'm told).

- Teresa refers to Bobby as "Mr. Ewing" today, and there's no one there! I'm starting to think that they let Teresa ad lib her two lines per episode. I think you're right. I also have another theory: I know for a fact that an extra in a show gets more money if he or she has to say a "non-generic" line. So for instance, if Teresa's contribution to an episode is to say, "Mrs. Farlow, dinner is ready," that's pretty generic. Even "Hello, Mr. Ewing," is pretty generic. But "Mr. Bobby" might be more specific, so they may only allow her to say this when they're paying her full value for the episode anyway.

- Come on, JR. Maybe you do trust April, but get her signature!! What's that old saying: believe in God but lock your doors. This is such an un-JR move. Very much so.

- I wouldn't swim in the Southfork pool, Bob. It looks like a freaking swamp. I swear the water is black today. Didn't notice.

- Man, Cliff's addiction sure came out of nowhere. Typical Dallas. At least show him popping some pills for a few episodes [although he MIGHT have yesterday]. He did a bit yesterday, but this is kind of sudden.

- There a funny sound (or change in volume) during Bobby's conversation with Kay over the phone (I think it's during one of her last lines). Not sure what that's all about. Me neither.

- Is it me or are all the doctors on Dallas bit part kings?? Cliff's doctor certainly is, as is Clayton's troll like doc. Also, I remember another doctor who was on a bunch of shows (he was Principal Dewitt [or was it Dewey] on Growing Pains). That's sort of interesting. Yes. This is another guy who's been on every show imaginable. I don't know why Dr. Danvers decided he didn't want to be the full time Ewing seemed like a pretty good gig.

AHN Jason's corner:

- When Clayton leaves Shulton's the sound of the door closing happens before the door does actually close...

-  Connie is credited as Connie Hall but her last name was not mentioned during the episode... Also Kehli is credited but does not appear...

- Yikes!  Don't mess with Clyaton when he is angry....  first bitch slapping, then pounding  David....That was quite the thrashing. Impressive on the ox's part.

- Geez... Let the kids eat breakfast...  really poor that Bobby and Sue Ellen push the kids out the door before they can eat...  They are growing boys... Agreed. And who is going to drive them to school? Or is the school bus going to conveniently show up because they know Clayton's been kicked out of the house?

- If Jenna seems so against Charlie leaving, why does she let it happen? She is putting the luggage away for the trip while she whines about it.... I totally agree! Why doesn't she just slap Ray with divorce papers on grounds of general ignorance?

- Where did Nick get the cool leather jacket?  Did the mob guys buy it for him? He had one yesterday...but I'm not sure it was the same one.

- Clayton sure has a lot of booze in his hotel room bar.... Yes he does. Nice suite.

AHN Val's corner:

- Baby Lucas seems to be aging backwards. Back when Bobby and Jenna had their fight in the nursery, he was moving around, and being active. At that time he was around 6 months old. Today, he was swaddled in blankets like a newborn. I know some mothers who swaddle twelve-month-old children like that. Ah, yes, but do said children lie still???  I'll bet not.  Actually, I was thinking that TPTB had Jenna hold a swaddled doll or rolled up towel so they could avoid having to pay a baby actor.  Then, they edited in the goo-goo noises.  The more I think about it, the more I'm sure that's the case.

- The tire on Connie's Alfa Romeo did not look flat. I thought it actually looked 'buried' in the ground, so as to appear flat. The spare tire certainly was not flat.

- Nicholas did a nice job of parking his Mercedes (NOT) at the loading dock. Obviously, he's not too worried about it being backed over by a forklift. There's just something about that model car that makes people park illegally.

- JR took off without April's signature--just her word. Yeah, right!!!! JR's sure getting dopey.

AHN Rob's corner:

- DUMMY MOVE of the DAY AWARD NOMINEE: This one was hotly contested today, but the winner again is Clayton (what do you know! A three-peat!). This time it's for tipping his hand about his intentions with David Shulton -- twice!  If he doesn't do that, the police probably doesn't come looking for him so soon after Shulton's death -- if at all.   Idiot. Absolutely. Good call.

- Also, let me officially say that I'm glad this Nick-The-Mafioso storyline is about over.   Not that it wasn't interesting; it's just that it was driven almost solely by April's stupidity.  Perhaps now she could stop at the pit stop for her common sense fix... No chance, dude. Of all things, she's going to insinuate herself into a Cliff storyline.

- When the woman climbed into Ray's car I don't think she locked her own car up.   Also, shouldn't she have tied a rag or something to the door handle? Good points.

- Bobby does an interesting about-face today.  At a time when Clayton is suspected to have been cheating on his mother, Bobby doesn't see fit to "tear him apart."   For a change, he's actually willing to listen to reason.  I like to think I'm somewhat less hot-headed than Bobby is, yet under the circumstances I'd probably have a nice Grade-A smackdown for Clayton the next time I saw him. Strange... An interesting analysis...Bobby has been doing nothing more than jumping to conclusions all season.

- ...And speaking of "smackdowns," it's nice to see  that Clayton tried to get it right this time when he finally caught up with David Shulton.  (He actually used CLOSED FISTS with more evident impact.) The irony of it all is Dave actually held his own for a few seconds this time around.  By the way, Ahmer, that "candy ass" remark you used to describe Schulton was dead on...

- The latest from the "What the Hell Was That?!?!" Files: What's up with Clayton tearing a page out of Laurel's address book like that?  I know he's upset, but he should still have some better regard for the property of others.  I'm also pretty sure there were other numbers on that page she may have wanted to hold onto.  What a nimrod...!

- Do physicians really give out prescriptions that are supposed to last four months, as Cliff's doctor suggested?  The most I've seen at one time is about three weeks... Some prescriptions last that long...not many.

AHN Mike's corner:

- After carefully examining the cuts of the outside of Nick's home, I'm convinced they are large, luxury townhomes or condos, not one house. I guess you're right.

- In the limo scene with Kay, why is Bobby's shirt unbuttoned all the way down? Does he use the same breakaway shirts Casey does? I think he was the pioneer of these shirts.

- In the hostage scene, April looks like her hair got caught in a blender. Are we to believe that she wouldn't even comb her hair? It's not like she was tied up or anything and she does have a huge ego. It's possible she doesn't have a comb. Unlikely, but possible.

- Three mafia guys all wearing suits and ties in these two episodes. I have seen enough pictures and surveillance tapes of real mafia soldiers to assure you these guys don't wear suits and ties or white shirts. Yes, John Gotti, the dapper Don was an exception, but even his soldiers didn't wear suits.

- Jenna is wearing yet another brooch.

- Let me get this straight, Casey wonders why JR doesn't trust him? First he tries to deal behind JR's back and then he starts dating his sceretary to get information. He's a dummy all right. Adam made this relatively clear, I think.

- Nick is really letting his Italian background out in this episode. First he bites his hand to control his anger with April, then he uses all sorts of Italian slang with his brother, including inviting him to "mangia" (eat). Returning to his Bensonhurst roots. Good to see.

- Clayton is surprised when the police show up and doesn't understand why they are there? Guess he thinks it's OK to beat a guy up as long as you don't kill him. In the mood he's in, I think you're absolutely right.

- In one scene, April is wearing long earrings with three black and one white ball dangling from them. The white ball is in a different sequence on each one.

AHN Joe's corner:

- It would have been funny if John Ross and Christopher protested to Bobby that they wanted to finish their breakfast.

- Another interesting observation...  Nick has a Macintosh. While everyone else in the world has a Compaq! Nick must have some artistic roots or something.

- When Ellie storms back into the house after her fight with Clayton, she takes absolutely no notice of Bobby and the fact that he overheard the conversation, as if she knew he was behind her all along, but didn't care...  She must have read the script. Agreed.

- I've stayed in top-class hotels before, and I don't remember them being quite so well furnished and decorated as the one Clayton is staying in.... I seem to remember them as somewhat plainer... Maybe it's just the particular hotels I've stayed at.  Unless this is all of Clayton's furniture...?  Hmmm.... Maybe it is. I don't get it.

Episode 276: Never Say Never

Bonehead Dialogue Award: [courtesy of Nitpicker Redux Jake]:

- When Bobby goes into the Justice guy's office, he asks Kay to wait outside. Then she says to Bobby, "I'll be outside."  Yeah, he knows that.

Angelica award: Laurel's silly gloves ruin an otherwise lovely outfit.

- The hurt on the wardrobe budget is evident in this episode. Jackie is wearing the same Victorian dress as Lisa Alden wore in Episode 266.

- Ellie never ceases to amaze me. She tells Clayton that the Ewings have always banded together against outside trouble. HUH? What about the DoJ thing last season? When Ellie basically sold out her family, her dead husband, and everything that Ewing Oil ever meant? Give me a break.

- The brooch recycling continues. I know I've seen Kimberly's big lizard brooch before on another woman.

- A minor nit, but worth picking. Sue Ellen tells Kelley to "send" Nicholas in when he arrives. Kelley decides to ad-lib and "bring" Nicholas in. Anything for some TV time, huh, Kel?

- The computer beeps were rather odd today. I remember having some keyboards that used to beep every time you hit a key, so I don't mind this that much; except I would like to know what Dr. Styles is doing banging on his keyboard's Function keys? Must be some wild macros going on there.

- I think we can assume that Kimberly and Cliff arrived at her father's house together. After all, people don't drive from Dallas to Austin every day [or do they?] So why is it that Kimberly sticks around after Cliff [who is presumably her ride] leaves?

Concetta pointed out: Did you notice that after Connie and  Ray had dinner, they started cleaning up the table, then Jenna called and then Ray & Connie went out for a drink, but they hadn't finished cleaning off the table, as they leave the house you can see the background and I'm sure there were still glasses and things on the table. Also just a side note, did you notice that JR's new office door is just like Dr. Evil's door in Austin Powers?  Only in Austin Powers, the door slides open and shut while JR's open the traditional way?

AHN Kyle's corner:

- Connie: "It's Connie Hall"
- Ray: [after a long pause] "Who?"
Oh, come on, Ray. Either he's pretending not to know her (which is stupid) or he has actually forgotten her name. Either way, Ray's an idiot. Excellent call. Maybe he has long has it been? Ray seems to me to be like those guys in the Saturday Night Live "Super Fans" sketches. You know how sometimes you get a glimpse of what they're thinking and they just say "Bulls....Bulls....Bears...Bears...."? I bet Ray's mind is like, ""

- Wilson is Kimberly's.... ex-husband?? Aren't they still technically married? I know there seperated but I heard nothing of the actual divorce. This is the first mention of this. Must have happened off screen.

- Come on writers, shape up! That Senator in Washington is not BLACKMAILING Bobby. He's not making Bobby pay to cover up deep dark Ewing secrets. What Shulton was trying to do to Clayton, that's blackmail. The Senator is really EXTORTING (or possibly coercing a bribe) from Bobby. That's twice this has happened, back to Shady Business Tactics 101 for them. Something struck me as wrong about this. Thank you.

- The new Dallas craze has got to be Impatient Ringer Syndrome. Connie rings Ray's bell (doorbell!) once and then maybe waits 2 seconds before ringing again. Come on, at least give the person a chance to answer (or maybe she knows about the "one ring- not important, two rings- urgent" policy). I assume that all guest stars are indoctrinated about this when they sign their contracts to appear.

- Clayton's strong (when he's not backhand slapping) but is he really strong enough to kill a man by punching him? Yeah, I know he hit some cabinets, but shouldn't Harve key in on this aspect of their defense? Unfortunately, the prosecutor will point out that Clayton had the strength of a raging ox against the poor helpless slacker.

- I've NEVER seen Ray drink imported beer (contrary to his comment to Connie). It must have been that 'Eau de Budweiser'... Must have been. He probably tried it once and then didn't like it.

- Jenna calls from Switzerland and they only talk for twenty seconds? Plus, they've decided to leave the school (a fairly big decision). What's up with that? I know it's tough because Priscilla was not on the show, but that was just dumb. Should have done it off-screen, if you ask me.

- Taking Charlie to go see Naldo's family. OOOOOH! That's a good idea. Because Jenna's never been accused of killing him (oh no, wait! She was... rats). That would be quite the reunion, wouldn't it?

- Dr. Styles office sure is set up funny. He's got the keyboard right in front of him but the monitor is off to his left. That sure would be awkward. It would if he was actually doing something.

- This lack of stock information is maddening! MADDENING!! Anyways, how much stock can Cliff possibly have? He has a limited cash flow, inasmuch as it could only come from the $56 million he got for Ewing Oil. So let's say he bought 25 mil worth of stock. Is that really the deal breaker? Is it Cliff's share that's going to ruin Styles? I don't buy that. See the I think column for my take.

- Who cares if JR runs Weststar? Styles will still have his 14% of the company. JR can't take it away from him. You can buy a lot of oxygen with 14% of Weststar. Yes you can... but I think the implication [not well-stated] is that JR's fight with the doctor has become personal. He probably intends, if he gets control of the company, to find a way to completely get rid of the doc's influence. How this might happen, I'm not too sure, and in the real world it would be almost impossible, I suppose.

AHN Jason's corner:

- What's with the limo at Southfork?   Doesn't Bobby or Ellie have a car to pick up Clayton in? Certainly Bobby would have driven [I would think.] Good one.

- Laurel is walking out of her apartment when her ex pulls up, then they talk and then they head back up to her place...  So where was she going? I noticed this too. Not sure.

- I am surprised they didn't insert a Jenna scene when she was talking to Ray.... I mean, she is under contract right? Yes, she is, but Dave O told me that this might have been around the time when they were filming the first Naked Gun movie, so maybe this explains it.

- Kim's hair sure looks flat during her talk with Cliff.... It changed several times, and it was quite disturbing.

- I don't see the problem with Bobby paying a measly $2 million to get back the name...   I mean he has plenty of money and  that is peanuts..... maybe it is an honor thing, but he has already been bribing other government officials..... As Bobby said, he was just kind of surprised at the Senator's frankness about it. I don't know why it should shock him, though.

AHN Val's corner:

- Cliff must have turned into a doctor shopper after his doctor turned down his refill request. Today, he's got a fresh supply of pills. You could hear them clinking around in the bottle when Casey left the office. Maybe he found a pharmacist who owed him a favor. This is very strange.

- Ellie said they were going in to talk strategy with Harve. How could he possibly help? He's a corporate lawyer. They really needed Scotty Demarest. Oh yeah! I completely forgot about this. Harve should be RECOMMENDING someone...perhaps his long-forgotten partner Kyle Bennett, who defended Sue Ellen very long ago.

- When Laurel arrived, Ellie closed her book without first marking where she left off. She did, however, look as if she was looking for a bookmarker. But when she didn't find one, she jsut shut the book without first at least dog-earing the page. Guess she read the script and realized the producer never intended for her to finish it.

- For the first time ever Kimberly Cryder has a decent hairstyle that doesn't make her look old. But what was that hemline on her skirt? I know it was supposed to angle up like that, but it only achieved the effect of looking like it was stuffed in her pantyhose. She had about five hairstyles today! Every scene it looked different. And I too noticed the skirt thing. [I'm a guy. Shoot me.]

- Exterior shot of the Oil Baron's Club building is shown. Next shot is Sue Ellen's office. Did I miss something here? Since when does Sue Ellen work in the OBC building? Didn't notice. Good one.

- Who was Ray possibly yelling at on the phone? Certainly not Jenna. No, not Jenna. Probably a ranch hand or something, although I wish he had given us a name.

AHN Rob's corner:

- By the way, did anyone notice the great lengths the writers took not to mention the NAME of the senator Bobby and Kay went to see?  Not only do they both refer to him simply and generically as "Senator," but the name plate on the senator's desk is completely and totally BLANK.  Strange... Not true. Kay called him Senator Henry Harrison O'Dell. Why the name plate was blank is another question.

- Don't look now, but I think Ray is channeling April's stupidity in her absence.   (As if he really had that far to go in the first place...)  Most of us would have smelled "Fatal Attraction" the moment Connie showed up on their doorstep with groceries.  Ray's response: "Come on in!!!"  Didn't they just meet the day before?!  Then when Jenna calls and tells him she's going to stay in Europe for a while, Ray thinks the worst and takes Connie out on the town!  What was that supposed to prove? How lonely can a person get only day and a half after their spouse leaves town, anyway?  I guess Ray was tired of Clayton hoarding all of the DMotD trophies.... I guess so. This is a dumb storyline which gets worse.

- From the "What the Hell Was That?!?!" Files: O.K., JR, we all know you don't like Clayton.  Never did.  But to bad mouth him in front of Ellie because of his cheating after all you've done to shame the family yourself has got to be questionable at best. What the hell were you thinking?!?!  Amazingly, JR STILL doesn't get today's Dummy Move of the Day Award, though he came awfully close.... Well, he got smacked down for his pathetic efforts.

- One more from the "What the Hell Was That?!?!" Files: Did JR just ask Laurel out on a date?!  Is he for real?!?!  Though it was never seen on the show, I'm pretty sure Clayton told her what an ass JR can be... Clayton said a few times he didn't want to talk about his family...that's kind of iffy. And Laurel didn't know who JR was when they met at the ranch.

- And now, for the moment we've all been waiting for... DUMMY MOVE of the DAY AWARD   The winner and NEW DMotD Champion is: Bobby "The Saint" Ewing!!!  He dethrones three time winner Clayton by strongly implying that he was
willing to scratch a few backs in DC for the Ewing Oil name.  Then, when the nameless senator attempts to blackmail him he gets all high-and- mighty.  What did you expect, Bob? These are POLITICIANS  you're dealing with...! Heartily agreed.

AHN Jake's corner:

- How do the reporters know about the painting?  It's in Clayton's office? Who would have told them?  Makes no sense. The police, perhaps. They would have gotten a statement about how Clayton and Shulton met, and Clayton obviously said that he bought the painting from Shulton.

- Clayton asks Ellie why she turned up at the police station.  Well, duh. Yes, she's mad at you, but she doesn't want to see you go to jail.

- Everyone finishes dinner at the same time.  Very odd.  Creepy, actually. I can understand not getting up from the table until everyone's done, but it seemed like everyone finished EATING at the same time. Good call.

- One second J.R.'s typing on his computer, the next second the screen's off. And he never pressed a button. One for the toteboard. Thanks.

- That whole scene with Harve explaing Clayton's situation was weird.  It was almost as if it was their first meeting, yet this was supposed to have been their second or maybe even third.  He tells Clayton what charge he could get him to, like he never told him before.  Very odd. I completely missed it. Excellent.

- Harve says Clayton could be tried for involuntary manslaughter. Incorrect. Involuntary manslaughter is defined as the unintentional killing of another without at any time using force on the person or trying to harm the person; a complete accident.  An example would be running over a kid running across the street.  Clayton would be tried for VOLUNTARY MANSLAUGHTER.  That's when you are doing harm to the person at the time you killed him.  It's much, much more serious, expecially in the first degree, which Clayton's was. WHOA! Where'd you find this out? I'm very impressed!

- Connie (who I dislike very much), says to Ray, "You miss your family, don't you?"  No, Connie, really?  Very astute observation. I dislike Connie too...but you might like her better next week. If you dislike Ray and Jenna [and who doesn't?] then I daresay you'll REALLY like Connie next week.

- What's with all the beeping computers?  When Dr. Styles is typing, every click on his keyboard makes a "BEEP" sound.  I had a computer (or rather, my dad) back in the late 80, and it didn't make loud BEEPS.  This is just some TV myth. You know, mine did! I had an old computer with a keyboard that would beep every time you hit a key. You could disable it if you wanted but this was the default. It was really dumb, though.

AHN Mike's corner:

- I see Teresa is back to being a bit too familiar, calling Ellie "Miss Ellie" instead of "Mrs. Farlow". They're alone... maybe Teresa's just being informal.

- A stretch limo to bring Clayton home from jail? I'll bet even Mike Tyson doesn't take a stretch limo every time he's bailed out of jail. Ah, but Mike Tyson is not an ox. He's a jackass, but not an ox.

- Every time Casey says "Sly", it comes out "Slah".

- Nice cheesy touch with Harry McSween wearing Sansabelt slacks while at home. When Harry balked at picking up Laurel, I was surprised JR didn't remind him that Harry was sitting in his home which was paid for in cash. I knew you'd say that.

- Cleavage award for this episode goes to Kimberly who had three outfits with a jacket over a very low cut top. In retrospect, when Dr. Styles was gasping for air, it probably wasn't advisable to push his head into her cleavage to comfort him.

- Miss Ellie dipped into her sack dress closet a few times in this episode.

- Sue Ellen is wearing a brooch in her office scene that looks like a key chain with all kinds of junk novelty items dangling from it. Well, she gave Kim that lizard brooch. Guess that one had to do.

- Ray starts clearing the table of dinner when the phone rings. As he walks to answer the phone, the gauche brute wipes his hands on the sides of his pants. What would you expect?

AHN Joe's corner:

- Ah, yes, the Return of John Rettino, who was nice enough to stop by and break into Ray's house and plant some well-placed photos of Jenna and Charlie.  These pictures may have been around before, but not necessarily. Good one.

- Er, how does Connie know Ray's phone number...  I could be wrong, but if I remember correctly, she gave him hers, but not vice versa... Can you spell "psycho"? She must have looked it up. Good one. Or maybe she saw it when she was in the house.

- Clayton doesn't seem to be remembering something that would help his case:  David Shulton was in fact conscious when Clayton left his place. If you'll remember, when Clayton stopped beating him up, David had his eyes open, was blinking, and shaking his head looking dazed.  Out of it maybe, but not unconscious.  It's possible Clayton didn't notice though, I suppose. Quite possibly.

- Didn't Cliff sign over the voting proxies to J.R.?  Even if he wanted to help WestStar, how could he? I have no idea. The implication might be that Cliff could renege on his word and Weststar would help him out by getting his right-of-way or whatever.

Episode 277: Last of the Good Guys

Bonehead Dialogue Award: [courtesy of Nitpicker Redux Jake]:

> Clayton: "Ellie, why haven't you said goodnight to me?"
HMM, maybe she's VERY, VERY MAD AT YOU and wants nothing to do with you.

Angelica award: April's gold lamé outfit, which has become the new standard for tackiness. Unanimous decision.

- Bobby. I understand you're under a lot of stress, man. That's okay. But take a memory pill, please. You're asking Phyllis to look for evidence of past Ewing dealings with O'Dell. Now let's see...where would this information be...where, oh where... oh, yeah! Now I remember! It's in the Ewing Oil files! Well, let's just go over and have a look...oh, wait. The Justice Department has all that stuff now. Too bad.

- I found it very strange that JR has to knock to get into Laurel's place, while Brett walks right in. If Laurel as is perturbed by reporters as she claims, shouldn't she have LOCKED the door after admitting JR?

- Ellie for some reason gets some very bad dialogue today. She tells Clayton that "it will take time to heal the scars" that he has caused. Uh, no, Ellie. Scars do not heal. Wounds heal, and leave scars behind. At least on this planet.

- As I pointed out in the "I think" column on Friday, the use of actual figures in the Weststar takeover storyline is getting ridiculous. Are we supposed to believe that Sue Ellen's $ 30 million dollar purchase of Weststar stock is going to make the difference in who controls the company? That amount of money, with difficulty, could effect some change in the power structure of Barnes-Wentworth, but certainly not a multi-billion dollar corporation like Weststar. Heck, for sake of argument, this amount of money would have been chump change back in the Ewing Oil days!

- I have to very careful how I phrase this. Let me start out by saying that I don't believe that any woman, through her actions or her attire, is ever "asking for it". That said, if being near JR disgusts Laurel as much as she claims, why does she dress like a hooker whenever she's around him?

From Steve Hall: I don't know if anyone has caught this, but I thought I would write and find out. Is the the exterior shot used on Nick Pearce's apartment the same building used for Alan Beam's apartment in the late 70's, early 80's? Just wondering. Quite possibly.

From Dave O:

- Kimberly comes into Sue Ellen's office with a pair of gloves on. Just as she sits down she subtly takes off only her right glove. At the end of the scene she shakes Sue Ellen's hand with her bare right hand. I guess Kimberly read the script and knew she had to shake her hand at the end of the scene. Excellent point

- If I was Sue Ellen I would be very suspicious that Kimberly coming to her office was a setup by J.R. She seems very trustworthy. You mean, a little too accommodating? I agree...Sue Ellen must have read the script too.

- I think that Ray and Connie have gone out more in the 2 weeks that they have been involved then the 2 years that Ray and Jenna have been together. I don't even think there was ever a scene that implied that Ray and Jenna went out to eat at a restaurant. 2 weeks? More like a few days! And Ray and Jenna seemed too busy abandoning Lucas and being bad parents to eat out.

- The exterior of the condo that J.R. got for Laurel is the exact same one that Kristin, and Lucy+Mitch lived in.

- Laurel reads the morning headline that states "Freak Snow Storm hits Dallas". The night before Ray and Connie went out without a coat or even a jacket. Same goes for April when she visited Cliff. I know they said Freak Storm but Jeeze! Excellent point. Didn't even clue in to this.

AHN Jason's corner:

- The actor who played Shulton was in this episode with new footage but he is not in the credits...Jackie is credited by AWOL. Jackie was probably a cut victim. The footage of Shulton must have been filmed previously.

- Bobby's whining about the $2 million dollar tab got a bit old....  Come on, he can afford it.. Agreed.

- Sue Ellen, Kimberly and Kelley all have flat hair today... Kelley has also dyed her black.. It wasn't black before? Sorry I haven't noticed, but when Kelley is around, it's hard not to pay attention [for me at least] to her heaving chest.

- Did anyone else catch the play on words.... JR says he wants a "piece of the action" when he really meant a "piece of A%%"..... I caught that.

- So was the land trust that Bobby set up for the castle that the senator wanted.. This was not well established.... I guess I mean did Bobby buy the castle and is giving the good old Senator a 99 year lease?   What exactly is a land trust?   I didn't quite grasp the meaning of what Bobby did...... I'll have to look this up. I think it's not quite like a straight purchase or ownership of land. It's more like Bobby has bought it and is the actual "owner" and the Senator just gets to use it, as if he's a tenant or someone 'entrusted' with the land.

- Ray is such a slimy hypocrite.. Jenna is away for 2 days and he shacks up with another blonde.... too bad it wasn't April.... Agreed. While it was very uncharacteristic for Ray to turn down a beer a few episodes ago, at least we know he'll never refuse cheap sex. The spirit of Dallas lives on...

- Was anyone else bothered by JR  partically raping Laurel......  Not up to his usual wine and dine style....  He forced himself on her.... I was kind of bothered by it...reminded me of Holly Harwood.

AHN Val's corner:

- For all Knots Landing viewers, the self-portrait of Senator O'Dell is the very same one of Paul Galveston that Greg Sumner had in his office. But then, both characters were played by the same actor (Howard Duff). Ah, yes. I remember reading about Howard Duff's double duty.

- Were Ray and Connie doing the "naked nasty" in his bed or hers? It looked like Ray and Jenna's room, but the opening exterior shot was one of the city (I assume this is where Connie lives). Plus, when they woke up in the morning, Ray was dressing to leave, while Connie languished in the afterglow. Again, this implied that they were at her place. There's no way Connie and Jenna could have the EXACT SAME bedroom decor. SAME blue walls; SAME white brass headboard. There's no way!!! Well, before you say that, wait until tomorrow. Then you might change your mind.

- I always thought that the Ewing children were mindless drones. But today, John Ross was proved otherwise. He was actually brazen enough to announce that dinner was boring!!! They get much better. John Ross and Christopher become quite outspoken and active after this season.

- Sue Ellen was awfully friendly with whoever she was talking to on the phone. I thought it was Nicholas. But then, Kelly announced Nick's arrival!!! This has me wondering: exactly who was Sue Ellen talking to on the phone? Someone in the Miami office, I think. That's how it sounded.

- Phyllis commented that she had "been in the oil business for a long time". OIL BUSINESS!!!! PHYLLIS????? This is awfully big talk for a secretary. You'd be surprised how much secretaries know. It is kind of out of place, though.

- Was that the same Ewing Condo in which Kristin, Lucy, and Mitch lived? It's in the same building, but this one is bigger, has a different layout, and is A LOT better decorated! No, it's a different condo. Guess they upgraded.

- How is it that Ray thinks things are "up in the air" with him and Jenna? Puhleez. She and Charlie simply had a change in plans that necessitated prolonging their trip. My husband travels for business, and sometimes emergencies come up that require him to stay an extra few days. I would NEVER call this cause to question the future of our marriage! Well, we can't have Ray go a whole week without cheap sex, right?

- That gold lamee headband looked like it was squeezing April's brains (it wouldn't take much). Say it with me now: "Wonder Woman!!!" I'm having Lynda Carter flashbacks. Unfortunately, there's no way they could get Sheree to fill the top half of the Wonder Woman outfit. They might have to let out the tights, though...

- What was JR's motivation in keeping Clayton out of jail? He had him where he wanted him (at odds with Ellie), then he sought out the evidence that would put away the real killer. Why? Was he really that horny? Did he want to bed Laurel that badly? Yes. Oh, yes. Oh, GOD, yes. Laurel is worth it. He probably figured that Clayton would get off the hook anyway, so might as well get the best sex in Dallas while it's still on this side of the ocean.

AHN Jake's corner:

- When Bobby tells Phyllis to look in the files for info on the justice department guy, I was wondering what they said later in the episode: Wouldn't J.R. have those?  I mean, if they were deals Jock and J.R. put together, then why would Bobby have them?   Really, what did he expect to find? I agree. Actually, I'm making the point that these should really be EWING OIL files and so they should be sitting in a CIA vault right now, and some Man in Black should be sitting in the cafeteria saying, "Yep, those Ewing files are long gone..."

- Brett's an idiot: First of all, if he wants Laurel, he should be really nice to her (which he's not being when J.R. stops buy), and secondly, he should keep his voice down so J.R. doesn't overhear. Brett is the quintessential jobber. I agree.

- The little bit of information that J.R. got listening in on Brett really wasn't enough to suspect he commited the crime.  And J.R. only seems to eavesdrop when the writers need him to. Well, in fairness to JR, NOTHING happens unless the writers need it to happen. It is a bit far-fetched, though.

- Why does Bobby comment on how it everything is nice and quiet (John Ross said it first), saying it in a sort-of-displeased way, like he would rather there be talking going on, then he says he likes the quiet. Just to highlight the discomfort at the table, I guess...not sure.

- Again, Kehli walks into Sue Ellen's office to tell her Nicholas is here instead of buzzing her.  Air time, air time! Yes...but is this a bad thing? I don't know where she got it, but Kehli has a monstro rack that is mesmerizing to look at.

- Another scene, Sue Ellen's intercom buzzes.  She presses it and starts to talk, then halfway during her conversation, releases the button and keeps on talking.  Now, if you don't need to press the button to talk, then why was Sue Ellen holding it for the first half, and if you doneed it, then why did Sue Ellen release it half-way through? This is a great one! This is, believe it or not, the ORIGINAL TV nit. Phil Farrand, who began the Star Trek nitpicker craze which inspired me, started with this very type of nit. It happened once when someone tapped their communicator to start a conversation and then DID NOT tap the communicator to end it, and said something which should have been quite embarrassing if the person on the other end had been listening.

- Laurel says champagne gives her headaches, but she'll have white wine? I know nothing about drinks, but it would seem to me, how can champagne give you a headache but not white wine? I will have to ask Kyle and Jason, who would know. I don't drink and clearly neither do you, so I have no idea.

- Bobby thanks J.R. for getting him to start doing business again?  What business has he been doing?  Bobby's in denial. I noticed.

- When Bobby comes to see the the Senator, he doesn't press any button on his intercom and talks with the secretary.  These writers need to make up their mind. I didn't notice this. Good one.

- When J.R. tells Laurel he can get Clayton off the hook, she says "You're not kidding."  Shouldn't it be, "You're kidding?"  If she's surprised, she should have said this. This might be the British way to put it...not sure.

- We see Brett open the door to David's apartment without gloves and without his cloth, leaving fingerprints all over the door.  So if his fingerprints were on it, then they should have suspected him just as much as Clayton.  I assume they got Clayton from the fingerprints, I really don't know. I wasn't paying attention to this. Thanks a lot. Actually, the question of how Clayton became a suspect is never addressed. If not the fingerprints, then someone must have seen him at Shulton's apartment, right? So how come it's never mentioned?

- First of all, if witnesses saw Brett near David's apartment, why didn't they tell the police in the first place?  And why did Brett admit under such lame, circumstantial evidence? So that JR could have what you and I can only dream of.

AHN Kyle's corner:

- Ray leaving Connie the money was just the most ridiculous thing ever. Even at his advanced stage of aloofness, you would think there would be something in his head that would tell him not to "assume" that Connie was a whore. Bonehead move of the day seems to be Rob's thing, but this has to be it today. I see where you're coming from...but Ray is obviously quite used to cheap sex. While I can't imagine him ever forking money over, he must have woken up in several such rooms in his time.

- How could Ellie NOT flip out on JR when he says "he [Clayton] hasn't been happy since he sold the ranch in San Angelo"?? Hmmm. Let's see what happened since this move: he moves into Southfork and marries Ellie (they've been together for like 3 years). My word that is a HUGE insult (the old Ellie never would have stood for that). Yup. I thought this was strange too... Ellie's clearly preoccupied.

- Speaking of Presidents, the one time JR says "thank you" today he sounds exactly like Bill Clinton. Kind of funny.

- Has Kelly always called Sue Ellen Mrs. Ewing (on the show, I mean)? I thought she called her Sue Ellen, maybe not. She has said both. I'll have to review the tapes.

- Sue Ellen's 3 D's were freaking painful (especially the third one, how long was THAT??). I swear, I was holding my head during that entire piece of dialogue. Absolutely pathetic.

- Kudos to Phyllis for laying the ethical smack down on Bobby. Talk about someone who has job security-- she laced into him! Phyllis rocks. No question.

- To quote Seinfeld, Ray is a mimbo (as in male bimbo). Man, he just gives it up at the slightest sign of affection. Bob Saget he is not. No he is not. I'm developing a theory about Ray, after Dave pointed something out. Did you ever see Ray and Donna go out together while married? To a restaurant, or dancing, or something? Never. Have you ever seen Ray and Jenna go out together while married? Uh, no. But Ray doesn't have a problem going out with his playthings.

- Ah, yes, April pulls off the double ring today. Notice that there's about a two second gap between ring one and ring two. Also notice that there is about a ten second pause between the second ring and when Cliff answers. Hmmmm. April must've read the script and known Cliff would answer.

- Ummmmm. Wouldn't the coroners office be able to determine that Shulton had died from asphyxiation? Wouldn't Harve be able to do something with this. That seems like a key point and is mildly sloppy on the show's part. This should really be my department - but I'm a bit rusty. Without any reason to suspect otherwise, a coroner would look at all of the hits Shulton had taken and said "well, it looks like he died from being repeatedly hit in the head by an ox." I'll see if I can find one of my medical books to investigate further.

- Notice that there's no music playing when Styles goes into cardiac arrest. I found that odd. How do you know when something bad's happening on the show? Answer: The soundtrack plays the "disturbing" or "crisis" music. I'm lost without it.

- So Bobby jumps all over JR when JR says he has a solution to the Lisa Alden problem, but everyone today seems hunky dory with JR resolving the Clayton affair. Huh?? Granted there not exactly the same situation (JR asked Bobby for a favor), there's still enough here for accusations to start flying that JR set this all up, isn't there? Strange. Bobby must not be wearing his thinking hat. And of course, no one knows that Laurel's just spent an hour on her back.

AHN Rob's corner:

- DUMMY MOVE of the DAY AWARD: The winner and NEW DMotD Champion is: Ray   "Half-Breed" Krebbs!!!  (Or should I say "Half- Brain"?)   When Connie asks him if Jenna was back  yet, he says "NO!"  And when she follows it up with
"do you know when she'll be back?" he again says "NO!"  (Come to think of it, that may be a strong candidate for Bonehead Dialogue Award as well...)   Ray...if you're really trying to get rid of this woman, perhaps a white lie or two will do wonders for you and your safety.  What SHOULD have been said was:

Connie: Is your wife back?
Ray: Actually, yes!  She's upstairs in the hall closet loading the shotgun right now...

See?  It's simple.  But look on the bright side: You're only two behind Clayton now...

- I'll ignore the obvious nit of the headline "FARLOW HEARING SET" emblazoned across the front page  of the newspaper Clayton was reading.  However, I can't ignore the fact that the story seems to take up the ENTIRE PAGE.  What else could possibly be reported other than when and where the hearing will take place? Other than the whole sordid story and speculation as to what happened? I don't know.

- ...Which leads to another nit on the media's love-in with the Ewings. When JR visits Laurel, he mentions in passing that there is a throng of reporters waiting outside her apartment building.  Oh really, now?  I suppose we're to believe they let YOU into
> the building unscathed?  I would think that JR COULDN'T be in Laurel's apartment just yet, for fielding a ton of questions on the Ewing take on the situation.  Or even better: What the hell are you doing there in the first place?! Good call.

- Sue Ellen...Sue Ellen...Sue Ellen...Sue Ellen.... Please come back to us, Sue...!   I'm trying to work with you.  I really am.  That's why I didn't say anything about some of those atrociously gaudy outfits you've worn over the years.  I also didn't
mention the hairdos apparently designed by Edward Scissorhands, or the linebacker's shoulder pads from a few episodes back.  But why -- oh why -- the earrings that look like sculptures from the Guggenheim Museum?  Are you THAT starved for attention, sweetheart...? At least she let Sheree have the gold lame outfit. That was pathetic.

- Also, Sue... the Westar thing, babe.  Are you THAT desparate to get back at JR that you're willing to throw away THIRTY MILLION DOLLARS?  Why not just divorce the man and move on...?  Just let the big boys fight for Dummy Move of the Day until you get some experience, OK? Don't worry. She'll get an AWESOME scene tomorrow.

AHN Mike's corner:

- Obviously, all the AHN's agree Ray is a boor and a mimbo. Personally, he deserves whatever grief Connie causes him from this point on. This will be my second Mike Tyson reference in two days, but his boorish behavior which will now cause him grief is very similar to the Tyson camp's side of the Indianapolis rape story. They claimed she willingly had sex with Tyson but
was furious when he just sort of kicked her out afterwards like yesterday's garbage, refusing to even walk her down to the lobby. She certainly got her just revenge if that's the way it went down.

- Even JR must realize by now that his act is well-known among the family and those around it. How could he deliver such preposterous lines like "I'm doing this for Clayton" and "I'm playing straight with you" with a straight face? Because he's good ol' JR. This was great, wasn't it?

- Stop the presses: the brooch collection must have run out because nobody wore one today, even though Sue Ellen and Kimberly wore eminently brooch-able outfits. Didn't notice. Good one.

- And speaking of outfits, although April's has been critiqued to death, here are a few different observations. My first impression was that it looked like the kind of uniform crew members or aliens wear aboard their space ship in science fiction movies. Then I realized that this was where Intel got the idea for the the shiny outfits in their TV commercials where they dance to funky disco tunes. The only thing missing from this outfit was a crystal ball to go with the turban. It wasn't really a turban...her hair just made it look that way.

- Another stop the presses: for the first time in the history of Dallas, somebody realizes that something could have just as easily been accomplished by phone instead of traveling for an in-person meeting - as Sue Ellen tells Nick when he arrives to take her Weststar stock order. I think this has happened is very rare.

- Clayton is surely an ox. He left the door upon upon leaving Shulton's apartment. I guess he figured the fresh air would revive him. And speaking of air, Lomax seems to know little about a body's requirement for air. He smothers Shulton for all of about ten seconds. Surely it would take longer than that to kill him. People call hold their breath without dying for a couple of minutes! I guess David is the dumb one here because he should know that he could live a little longer.

- What is Kimberly wearing in her scene with Dr. Styles? It looks like an orange Mexican serape. And if Styles is having a heart attack (which is what it appears to be) why give oxygen? Wouldn't a nitroglycerin pill be more appropriate?
It's quite possible that it's not just oxygen - perhaps adrenaline or something to open up those airways and blood vessels. BTW, nitroglycerin would not be effective here because it would take a long time to have any effect. Nitro is for control of heart trouble, not for acute attackes.

AHN Joe's corner:

- Nick advises Sue Ellen against buying WestStar stock, as she's buying "at the top of the market." Whoa! Hold on! Just yesterday (Dallas time) wasn't J.R. telling everyone to buy WestStar stock again, as it had "bottomed out?" What gives? Are you sure it was yesterday? It was last episode, or so I thought.

- How did Sue Ellen know that Kimberly was on the outs with J.R., so she could strike a deal with her for revenge on J.R.? What made her think Kimberly didn't like J.R. anymore? Was there a cut??? Dave O tells me that a few Sue Ellen/ Kimberly scenes have been cut.

- This whole Ray/Connie situation where Ray is telling Connie he doesn't want to sleep with her and Connie's not taking "no" for an answer reminds me of Seinfeld. Specifically, it reminds me of the Seinfeld episode where George wants to break up with his girlfriend, and presents a very convincing case for doing so (i.e., she talks to her food), but then his girlfriend says "No, we're not breaking up," so George has to keep going out with her. George then goes so far as to go out with another woman who he doesn't like, then set things up so the two women find each other and then expects them both to dump him, but they both want to stay with him, so George is stuck with both of them now. I can just imagine Connie both wanting to stay with Ray, while poor Ray wants to be free from both of them to pursue other interests (i.e., <ahem> Charlie)..... Excellent analysis.

Episode 278: Top Gun

Bonehead Dialogue Award: [courtesy of Rob]:

> Ray: How did you get in here?!
> Connie: The door was open.
> Ray: ...So you just came right in?!
- Funny how that works, Ray.  She did come to see YOU didn't she?   I suppose she should have just left the door open for the Friendly Neighborhood Burglar...

Gaudy Nicholas Sweater Meter: 1. Another inexplicable gray one.

Angelica award: April again for her wacky dress at the restaurant. The braless look from Laurel was close.

- Let's start with Jackie. Aside from the obvious and egregious unprofessionalism she displays today, I found it really hard to believe that she knows about Cliff's little habit. I find it more amazing that she has done NOTHING to help him through it.

- There seems to be a continual problem with the use of the term "blackmail". As has been pointed out, today we saw a clear cut case of EXTORTION, not blackmail. When April tells JR she wants a seat on the Board of Directors of Weststar in exchange for her continued support, she is extorting a favor from him.

- When Cliff comes to JR's office, Sly brings him in almost immediately after getting the word from JR. Then later, JR asks her to come in with her dictation pad. This time, we don't even see Sly, even after about fifteen seconds of conversation. Why is it taking her so long to find a dictation pad, which she must use almost every day?

- Ray and Connie have their bedroom tussle, and then we see JR and Clayton arguing. So JR and Clayton are up and wearing suits AFTER Ray's bedtime? Seems unlikely.

- So today we finally get some real numbers about who runs Weststar. JR says that he controls 34% of the stock. If we use our very conservative estimate that Weststar is worth 10 billion dollars, and we go by our analysis of how much JR and his cohorts should control [which is in last week's I think], that means that JR has managed to get an extra 20% control through other members of the board [who I guess decided to be very, very quiet during the meeting today].
So now I think I understand JR's plan, although I'm still skeptical that it could work in the real world: he figures, quite correctly, that if he becomes the major controlling stockholder in Weststar, he could then be voted Chairman of the Board. That wouldn't mean the he would control the company; but very slowly, I'm sure he would find ways to garner enough support to influence policy and divert assets towards himself, as Chairmen of Boards are wont to do.

- Laurel must have had a moving sale, because she certainly seems not to have any clothes other than slinky dresses. Or was one of JR's conditions for helping Clayton that Laurel fork over all of her bras?

AHN Val's corner:

- April, Jackie, Cliff, and Casey all in one place at the same time. It's the Dumbbell Convention!!!! Lots of nuclear science going on there. They should have brought Mandy back for that scene.

- April and Casey made formal introductions at JR's office. Why didn't they do that at Cliff's office where they first met? Oh, yeah...See above.

- JR asked Sly to draw up a document. Dammit, JR, she's a secretary, not a lawyer!!! Well, she drew up his first agreement with Cliff...not sure about this.

- The entry door to Nicholas' condo is now an indoor hallway instead of the outdoor porch that it once was. This has been going on for some time now. I'll have to review the tapes.

- Bobby's been spending a lot of time in Washington DC and with Senator Culver. He should pay Donna a visit. Those two used to be close friends. They wouldn't even have to actually show such a meeting. Just a generic shot of Bobby talking to Donna on the phone ("Yes, Donna, I'm looking forward to dinner at the President's Club at 7") would suffice. At least let us viewers think that out-of-town relatives care enough for each other to make contact when they are in the same city. Another case in point: Gary in California. Very often, a Ewing (usually Bobby) has gone to Los Angeles for some business. But we almost never see them at least call Gary and Val (or Gary and Abby) and try to set up an evening of dinner and catching up. For obvious reasons. The last thing the writers need is for people to remember the good old days, because by default it makes these the bad new days.

- Why did Laurel arrive at the restaurant in a taxi? Did she not want to be seen at that fancy place in her pickup truck? I have a feeling that in exchange for arranging Clayton's freedom, JR took both her truck and her bras. Or maybe she had a moving sale and figured that since she was going back to England, she didn't need anything except her slinky dresses.

- Bobby left his office door open, allowing Phyllis to listen in on his personal phone conversation with Kay. I noticed.

- That armoire in Ray's bedroom is the VERY SAME one that was in Pam's office at Barnes-Wentworth. In Pam's office, I believe it was a liquor cabinet. In Ray's bedroom, it's probably.....still a liquor cabinet. No......he's probably got an Igloo cooler under his bed for that. Good catch!

- April told the waitress to let Bill (?) deal with unruly customers. That's a mighty nice place to be needing bouncers. The chef must use A LOT of cooking sherry in that scampi. Plus, April was awfully bitchy to that waitress. I'm not sure whether she said Bill or Basil. And it's surprising that customers would get out of line in that place. April must be developing a touch of Leona Helmsley.

AHN Jason's corner:

- Lack of security at Southfork strikes again.. Ray leaves his front door UNLOCKED when he goes to sleep.... 

- Just a note.. I wished Clayton slugged JR during their argument.... to defend Laurel's honor... I agree. This was very unoxy.

- Connie rules!!!  It is time that Hypocrite Ray gets what he deserves... Wait till tomorrow. If you think she rules now, you'll coronate her as your eternal empress.

- Yikes. Look at Sly's flat hair...  what did she do?  Iron it? Yes...with a real iron. I guess.

- Sue Ellen's reason to stay with JR (all this time) to hurt him is ultimately a very selfish and abusive act......  not only does it consume her with bitterness but her son, John Ross, will see his parents both unhappy and unable to more on to loving relationships..... As long as Sue Ellen wants revenge she can never be happy with Nick   and a child can sense this in his parents, no matter how they try to hide it.. You called it. Guess what the next Sue Ellen/JR storyline is all about?

AHN Rob's corner:

- Has anyone noticed that even now, Bobby's still  wearing his wedding band? Mike normally notices these things. He's pointed out that Sue Ellen seems to be flashing hers around to Nick all the time,.

We now have a third consecutive day with a new champion, and this time JR breaks through!   He gets the nod today for his continued arrogance at the board meeting -- even when it was clear his world was crashing down around him.  Hey JR, wasn't it obvious it wasn't your day when NOT ONE board member voted in your favor?  So why vote to disband the same committee whose support you seemed desparate for not five seconds ago?   Is there any wonder you walked out of that meeting wearing buckass horns? You have touched on a disturbing theme: the growing bumpkinism of JR. It just gets worse and worse.

JR, when Sue Ellen walked into that board meeting. Was that classic or what?!  In the words of Bart Simpson: "You could actually see the exact moment when his heart began to break..."  As much as I like JR (and hate it when someone places undue smackdown on him), I just COULD NOT STOP LAUGHING at that last scene. Me too. Linda Gray is the best actress at doing these type of scenes. She has that gloating smile that is absolutely perfect.

AHN Kyle's corner:

- Boo hoo, Kimberly. If anyone's to blame for you Daddy's death, it's you. You're the one that wanted to see the strong men fight. Be careful what you wish for next time.

- What was up with Bobby's "when your irresistible, you're irresis tible" comment? I think he's being self-deprecating, but it's still weird. Very weird. I just hate Kay so much that I can't really get interested in this.

- And what's with Bobby acting like the jilted lover? Silly if you ask me (just when you thought Bobby's plot lines couldn't get any lamer...). She works for Senator Dowling! (and lord knows he couldn't come over to her place... then they have to hire him). Very silly. What happened to the "I miss Pam, so I can't really be with you, April" line? Unbelievable.

- Just a thought about all of Bobby's travels to DC, why is he constantly flying commercial airlines? Don't the Ewing's have a jet (or did they sell this during the EO debacle). Maybe I'm thinking of the helicopter. If they do have a jet, why doesn't he just fly in it. Sure it would be more expensive, but they're the freaking Ewing's, why not splurge a little bit? Ah yes...the jet. Well, it was a Ewing Oil asset, so the DoJ probably took it away. They could have bought another one if they wanted, I suppose.

- Question of the day: how desperate for work do you have to be jump at the chance to play "Ray's stalker" on DALLAS? Pretty desperate is my guess. The only thing worse would probably be "Raoul's significant other" (notice the lack of gender specification). I don't know what Michele Scarabelli's situation was at the time. It is pretty sad.

- In the words of Cartman "son of a bitch!". Where in the world does Clayton come off with his "I want to run this family" tirade? Give me a freaking break. What happened to his not wanting to replace Jock? Whatever happened to Ellie's position of leadership in the family? She gets steamrolled constantly these days. Clayton's speech left a bad taste in my month for many, many reasons. It bothered me too, but more because Ellie just played cheerleader and said "Yup."

- The autopsy proved that Shulton from asphyxiation? The what? Ohhhh, the autopsy!! You mean the thing they conduct AFTER the police have wrapped up their investigation?? Whatever. This is just dumb. How, exactly, does this work? Shulton dies in his appartment, and then the cops flag down Clayton without establishing cause of death? Give me a break. Clayton should sue. (it would give him a plotline at least).[BTW, I guess the autopsy thing clears up are discussion from yesterday].
Well, it sort of does...again, this could happen in the real world. Maybe not in a case like this, but occasionally a murder will happen and it turns out that the victim died because of an overdose or something, after they've been bonked on the head. Someone just looking at the body would say that the cause of death was the head shot, and the coroners won't test for drugs
because they figure there's no need.

- During the Westar meeting at the end of the show, I almost fainted from sheer surprise. They actually used numbers!! Confusing ones, but numbers nonetheless. The Cryder clan has 31% (more on that later), JR: 34% and the general public has... 50%?!? Alright, I realize that there will be some overlap in these figures (not from the Cryder number because then Kimberly would have adjusted the #'s accordingly, but I guess from JR). Does April count as part of the "general" public? Casey? Sly? Cliff? JR? All very difficult. BTW, Styles managed to double his share (and then some) of Westar stock. How exactly does he do this (w/out selling HIS initial 14%)?? Its all very strange and confusing because we've been in the dark for so long.
No, not exactly. The public doesn't have 50%. What Kimberly said was "assuming a 50-50 split among public shareholders..." she would win a fight. The public has whatever's left. And Styles would have had his 14%, plus the support of other shareholders who would have 17% amongst them. That's how I read it.

- How, how, how does JR not know that there could be (gasp!) OTHER dummy corporations than his? Did he go to Nicholas Pearce Research Academy?? "Hmmm" he says, "3% owned by a man named Weremy Jendell.... ok, next... 2% by a women named Eue Sellen Mewing....". Come on JR! Generally speaking, a deceiver is not often deceived and yet... Just another example of JR's bumpkinism.

- Does JR actually think that Styles stock would be up for auction? Has he ever heard of tort law? This is silly. Why WOULDN'T he think that Kimberly would get it? He probably did figure...but didn't imagine that she would know the first thing to with it.

- Styles has been running Westar from Austin??? Ummmm, OK. So THAT's what all those computer beepings were about... I don't buy this, BTW. I guess it explains the beeps - I don't buy it either. Certainly he can't make day to day decisions from there.

- It was good to see Wendell again, but I've never been angrier. I HATE, hate, hate when JR loses. As far as I'm concerned, this is the beginning of the end for Dallas. Once JR starts losing, that's when you know the glory days have passed.

AHN Mike's corner:

- In one scene, Sue Ellen appears to be wearing miniature toilet seats for earrings.

- The brooch is back! April wore one. Speaking of April that was quite a lusty look she gave Casey when he passed her in Cliff's office. Also, for the first time in a long time, the hard-drinking April actually turns down a glass of wine in the scene with Casey at her restaurant.

- JR not only did Clayton a favor by bedding Laurel, he did one for Bobby. With Bobby's inability to cope with attractive women who have careers, he's better off not even getting involved with the Bonsai Beauty. And, of course, he can't because now she's been soiled by JR.

Episode 279: Things Ain't Going too Good at Southfork, Again

Bonehead Dialogue Award: [courtesy of Anne]:

> Ellie: "Then a man came to the house."
> Clayton: "Garrison."
> Ellie: "I felt that I should give him what was rightfully his."
> Clayton; "Southfork."
That Clayton is so quick, isn't he? :)

Angelica award: No one today.

I'll leave this one to the AHNs today, except for a brief note: did anyone else think that Nicholas sounded a little bit like Val Venis today with his "Heh, heh, heh, heh" laugh? I was expecting to hear him say, "Hello, ladies..."

AHN Anne's corner:

- First, when Sue Ellen comes to get John Ross, nobody else is at home. It's not a big deal, but that kind of suggests to me that it's a school day and Sue Ellen's out of it to expect her son to be there. Minor point. Secondly, when she left, she didn't even attempt to bring her things. What's the point of having Theresa pack up everything if she's not going to take it? Hmm. I'm not too sure about point number one. Who else would be home, ordinarily? Bobby's in Washington, Ellie and Clayton are always somewhere...maybe Christopher should be around.

- Okay, question: how come Ray didn't take Jenna's picture away from Connie? I would have snatched that thing and run! Which brings me to another issue: what is up with Ray leaving his door open? That makes two nights! He obviously inherited the Ewing indifference to safety. Yup to both.

- One last thing. Did you notice how Clayton wears his watch and Ellie wears her bracelets to bed? I don't know anyone else who does that. I wear my watch, because it's not that heavy or inconvenient...bracelets would be, though.

AHN Jason's corner:

- JR seems to have taken a really long time getting home from the Weststar meeting..   Did he get stuck in traffic?   Sue Ellen was already home and packing....   (a rather small bag by the way...) Sue Ellen must know a shortcut.

- Why did Connie take Jenna's pic but not the frame?  weird.. Because it's very difficult to demonstrate to the audience that an entire picture w/frame is gone, but easy to show that a picture has been cut out.

- Garrison's grave says that he died in 1979...  I thought for some reason it was 1978.. It was in the middle of the 78-79 season when his episode aired. This is okay, I guess.

- A technical nit.... When Sue Ellen walks up and down around Southfork, her steps don't seem to match the footstep sounds I heard.... Didn't notice. Good one.

- When Connie comes into Ray's bedroom, she seems to take a pillow, possibly to smother him.  It seems to disappear, then she is seen raising the knife..... Could have been staged better.... I agree. This seemed very weird. I thought she was going to use the pillow to hide the knife, but she changed her mind awfully quick.

AHN Val's corner:

- Miss Ellie told Clayton that when Garrison came back, it wasn't to reclaim Southfork. Of course Garrison wanted the ranch! That's exactly why he came back in 1978(?). He wanted the ranch indeed; so he could die there. Since everyone seems to be rewriting history, I guess Ellie should be allowed to join in the fun. And if I remember that episode correctly [I have it on tape and will review it to be sure], everyone ASSUMED that Garrison wanted the ranch, and he got so upset at the accusations that he decided to come out and say so. But in the end he revealed that his original desire was simply to return to die there.

- Connie's stucco walled front porch is the exact same one that USED to be doorway to Nicholas condo.

- After Kay spilled her drink, Bobby just stood there and wiped his mouth with the towel. Neither of them even attemped to clean up the mess. They just continued talking, thereby allowing a carpet stain to set in. Some hotel worker is going to be really upset. Jason points out that it was club soda she ordered...  Does that leave a stain?... I always thougth
you used that to get rid of a stain so I don't think it would hurt anything..

- Miss Ellie files her nails in bed. Obviously, she doesn't care about getting fingernail dust on the sheets.

- After Debbie the waitress took Jeremy and Cliff's drink orders, she told them to "have a nice evening". This was odd; as if they were leaving. Or as if she had no intention of coming back to the table...weird.

- With her hair pulled back, Connie looks like Andrea Zucherman from Beverly Hills, 90210.

Episode 280: Pillow Talk

Gaudy Nicholas Sweater Meter: 1. AHHH!

Angelica award: No one today.

Bonehead Dialogue Award: [courtesy of Nitpicker Redux Jake]:

>Clayton: "Your mother and I are co-owners of the ranch."
>Bobby: "Could you clarify that?"
- OK, Bobby... Should it go this way? "The ranch is co-owned by your mother and I."  Bobby:  "OK, now I got it."

Suggested by me:

> Bobby: If it makes you feel any better, the pain is mutual.
> Kay: It doesn't make it feel any better.
> Bobby: I know.

Suggested by Kyle:

> Jenna to Bobby: "Oh my god, Bobby, there's blood everywhere! Is Ray with you?"
Yes, Jenna, Ray is with Bobby, they're playing checkers on the back patio. OF COURSE HE'S NOT WITH THEM JENNA! Buy a clue.

- At the beginning of the episode, Ray calls the police, gives his name and asks them to send an ambulance. Hope he's the only Ray Krebbs in Dallas, because otherwise the hospital is not going to know where to send the ambulance. I'm sure that for some reason, all hospital nurses' stations in Dallas have a sticky note on them telling them the exact address of the Krebbs household, just in case he's attacked by a deranged woman. Jason wondered whether they could have traced the call. Well, I guess they did, but would you want to trust your life to that?

- I'm going to talk in the "I think" column about Larry Hagman's "booking". For those who don't know, "booking" is the term used to describe the scripting of an episode - who gets how much air time, what they get to say, whether they have good scenes or filler time, etc, etc. At this point in the series, Larry Hagman has a lot of control over what his character says and does. It's amazing how he agreed to job to Sue Ellen on Tuesday, and then books himself to go into a tirade in this episode when he hears that Clayton is co-owner of the ranch.
Here's the point: JR is allowed to speak unmolested and really boggles the facts. He says that his outrage over Ellie's decision is due to the fact that the ranch is a "Ewing birthright." Uh, no. It's a Southworth birthright [say that three times fast], and it only belongs to the Ewings because Ellie married in to the family. Why Ellie would not protest at JR's characterization is mindboggling.

- JR also seems to overstep his booking bounds later in the episode. He asks John Ross if he remembers when Jock was alive. John Ross says "sort of". Huh? John Ross, you were two when Jock left the could you possibly remember?

- It seems [and I don't remember if this is permanent or not] that the lovely Debbie has replaced Cassie as the designated Ewing-and-friends waitress at the Oil Baron's Club. Side note: she'll do just fine.

- And the geeky guitar player makes an appearance at Cliff's party! Hey, pal, how you doing?

AHN Jason's corner:

- I could be wrong but Lucas's nanny today looks a lot different than the one that Jenna had when she and Charlie left last week.. Must have left the other one in Europe.

- Jenna actually looks good today and she has lost all that weight... Yes! Much like the good old Jenna who toyed with the Ramboski. I liked her a lot. Too bad she's only got one more episode.

- Did anyone notice that the US marshalls kept saying the same thing over and over   "Come on Mrs Ewing"   Like three times... The same with Jeremy's secretary  "Yes sir, Yes Sir" Must be Linda Gray's direction - don't know.

- Ellie is seen behind JR during the fight with Sue Ellen at the ranch... She seems to rush inside and doens't appear again during the scene ... It looks weird..  why have her there...  I didn't see any plot development because of her involvement.. Agreed. I found this weird too.

- I just realized who Kay reminds me of.. Erin Gray from Buck Rogers... (I, for one, will admit... I kinda like her...  She may not be Pam but that is a big bra to fill.... She is however, Pam like.. (In a good way)  She has a moral code, is smart, stands by her ethics, has a drive and a career, is attractive (ok she is no Marilee but she can't be EVERYTHING), and basically a really nice person... To be honest, I hitnk she is a LOT nicer and deserving of Bobby than April at this point...  I just don't understand why no one seems to have anything nice to say about her....) I can't really think of anything good to say about her...she seems so...contrived. Like a cardboard cutout, almost. Nothing to do except be a love interest for Bobby. That's how she strikes me, anyway.

- Ray sure healed fast...  The doctor said he could go home in a few days yet he is home what looks like one day later..... He definitely healed fast.

AHN Val's corner:

- Jenna arrived home with Lucas and a baby nurse. I don't recall the baby nurse leaving for Europe with them. Also, Jenna seems to have brought home more luggage than she left with. Maybe she brought back some of Charlie's stuff. Who knows? Jason suggests she spent some of Ray's money and did some big-time shopping.

- It's puzzling that April cared so much that no one came to Cliff's last party when she herself wasn't even there. Also, why did she hold the party at the Oil Baron's Club. She should have had it at the restaurant that she OWNS. April is so dense. Once again, she's trying to eat herself out of business. I noticed the final part. Perhaps, like the dumbass he is, Cliff didn't invite her to the first party.

- Clayton and Ellie have meen married for "a long time". Huh? Since when is THREE YEARS considered a long time? Depends on how good the marriage is, I guess.

- Ray said that he met Connie when Jenna was in Europe. No, no NO!!! He met Connie when he was on his way home from taking Jenna and Charlie to the airport. So they weren't in Europe YET. They were merely en route. Excellent nit! This is outstanding!

- For someone who admires his daddy so much, JR has that picture in one ugly frame. Oh, it might just be old...who knows?

- JR was in his bedroom packing to leave Southfork. Then, Bobby came in, sat on the bed, and the two of them talked. At the end of the conversation, JR walked out. Wait...I thought it was JR's room. So why did he walk out, leaving Bobby lying amongst all his luggage? Guess he didn't feel like hanging around any more...he did ask Bobby to send the stuff over to the condo. This is kinda weird.

AHN Kyle's corner:

- I guess Ray was fairly heavily sedated but "plane flight"? Come on, that's awfully redundant.

- Sue Ellen the Sheriff?? "Book Mr. Ewing boys" and they try to. If I worked for the police, I be pretty damned pissed off if she told me what to do. They must be new to the force.

- Nice fake peephole look by Nicholas. His face gets about a foot away from the peephole when he decides to open the door. It seems to me that you have to get real close to see out the door. Must be a mafia thing.

- Did anyone else find Cliff's party exceedingly weird. Who the hell were those people?? I recognized Leo, Jackie and April (who were all at Cliff's other party-- no, except April). Everyone else was an extra. This was very funny. I guess Cliff doesn't have any real friends we need to care about.

- Finally, Bobby's acceptance of this whole co-ownership of the ranch thing is just so pathetic. Stand up for your father, man. The only thing Bobby tears apart these days are his BBQ ribs before he eats them... I guess he respects Clayton...but you're right. This is ridiculous. He should be made to stand in front of the portrait for a whole week.

- A good scene between JR and Bobby reminiscing about times past. I missed these kinds of scenes. Let's not beat around the bush: Jock is DA MAN.

- Does Southfork have a basement? If I moved out of my house about half of my stuff would come from the downstairs area. If there is a downstairs, where's the door?? No idea....this would be a great Geraldo special. "Tonight...what's underneath JR Ewing's bedroom."

- I'm not sure which was lamer: Christopher not recognizing Lucy or Lucy saying "you must be Christopher" (like she's never seen him before). It hasn't been that long (if you ask me, it certainly hasn't been long enough. Lucy!!). Hmm. Three years...No, not long enough.

- Downsize Westar? This seems a little bizarre. They're just getting rid of some middle management.

AHN Rob's corner:

- I don't know about you, but I thought Jenna stumbled across some AWFULLY FRESH blood on the stairs.  The way I got it, Ray's encounter with PsychoConnie occured sometime during the night. My guess is about 4 a.m.  Jenna returned home, juding from how high the sun seemed, at least during the late morning -- 11 a.m. perhaps. Shouldn't the blood be more of a brownish color, or at least DRY? I believe someone pointed this out last year...but you're the first this time. Good one.

- DUMMY MOVE of the DAY AWARD: Believe it or not, I couldn't find anything significant today.  But I will give honorable mention to TNN for their scheduling faux pas... Well earned, I must say. More than any one else.

- BONEHEAD LOOK of the DAY NOMINEE: Pay back is a mother isn't it?  One day after Sue Ellen puts "The Look" on JR's face, he returns the favor. It all went down when Sue Ellen proudly serves JR with court papers -- only to find JR has already had them rescinded. I agree with you.

AHN Jake's corner:

- When Jenna notices the stairs, there is way too much blood on them. More blood then when we saw Ray running down the stairs at episode's beginning. Obviously added after. And quite fresh too, as Rob points out.

- Sue Ellen isn't stupid enough to file for custody of John Ross (or whatever she did) in Dallas instead of Bradock county.  She's filed before. Yes she has, and I am certain that the venue is irrelevant from a legal sense. JR just got a judge to make up a good excuse in order to stall Sue Ellen. If Sue Ellen were to take this to court, JR would lose and be forced to turn over his son. But possession is nine-tenths of the law in this case.

- J.R. asks the cops to escort the lady off the premise.  They can't do that. It's not even J.R.'s house; it's Ellie's.  And why would she allow J.R. to throw Sue Ellen out? JR threw Sue Ellen out of the house yesterday. She no longer lives there. His family would be witnesses to that effect.

- J.R. order gritz?  Gritz?  Ugh.  Even J.R. wouldn't eat that; he's never eaten it before.  And yeah, like Theresa already has it prepared.  No one else eats it. I bet Theresa just went into the kitchen and started laughing.

- Why is Bobby surprised that the justice department will be checking Ewing Oil's books in one year.  Last year, when Ewing Oil was taken away, they told both Bobby and J.R. that the justice department would be keeping an eye on any company they started. Excellent point.

- Christopher tells Lucy that everyone's out for the day, except Uncle J.R. Well, he is out; he moved.  Why not just tell her he moved instead of beating around the bush in such an odd way? Because he's six years old and obviously likes to play games with people.

- Casey is so stupid.  Cliff shows him the papers about the sniffer test with Casey's name on it and Casey can't figure out what it means.  "So?" he says. God. Agreed.

- Jeremy tells his secretary to sign the letter "Jeremy Windell, Chairman."   Ah, I think she knows that.  A boss usually does not have to tell his secretary whose name to sign. Good call. Maybe she's new.

AHN Joe's corner:

- The restaurant Bobby and Kay are eating at is a restaurant in Dallas we've seen before.   Did Bobby really get to Dallas that quickly with Kay?  Or were there a bunch of cuts that we missed? I don't think it's SUPPOSED to be in Dallas, although it probably is a restaurant that has been used before.

- In trying to "explain" to Jenna, Ray says to her about Connie something along the lines of "I didn't know she was a crazy person or a psycho."  Oh, that's real good Ray.  So what you're saying is that if Connie wasn't a psycho, you'd have no problem with boinking her.  Yeah, Ray... That's REALLY gonna help smooth over the situation with Jenna.  Well, I suppose it's good to know the neanderthal has SOME standards, anyway... I think he's sorry he got caught.

- And the neanderthal Ray is just too much about continuing to lie to Jenna when he told Jenna that he didn't sleep with Connie in his house. Well, actually, I guess that's TECHNICALLY true... they weren't actually SLEEPING..... They kissed...nothing happened.

- Didn't Lucy leave Dallas while on good terms with J.R.?  I remember J.R. wishing Lucy and Mitch the best of luck and being very nice to them (even if it was only out of gladness to see Lucy go, Lucy didn't know that).  So why does she act so spiteful about J.R. today in her conversation with Christopher. I don't know. Good point. I think it is just to foreshadow things to come.

AHN Kyle's corner:

- Man, talk about your ultimate flip flop. Today (which really should have been Wednesday) JR is crazy for Southfork. Yet on Wednesday (actually Thursday's episode.... sheesh) he can't get away fast enough.

- Again, apparently the Ewings keep all there worldly possessions in their bedrooms (Today it is Sue Ellen). Basements people, basements! Maybe there is no basement...who knows?

- What can I say about Kimberly that hasn't already been said. How about this? She's a whore. Incidentally, they sure did show a lot of back in that scene... nice. Whore might be too strong a word...see, without being too misogynistic [I hope], I think it can be said that a woman can be a whore at heart but be in a position where she doesn't actually have to sell her body. If we call Kimberly a whore, what does that make Jenna? A married whore, I suppose.

- BTW, is it me, or was there a nearly identical scene with Mandy in the place of Kimberly (except I think Mandy was giving, not taking away). It's not you. That happened.

- Although she was wearing nothing underneath, wearing a fur coat in Dallas would be an uncomfortable experience. I've been to Texas, and it is (master of the obvious) freaking hot!!

- Getting Ewing Oil back is the "best news I've heard in years" Bobby? What about when Pam accepted your (re-) marriage proposal? That must have been nice. What about when the judge ruled in your favour in Christopher's custody battle? That was probably pretty nice, too. He clearly got caught up in the moment. Clearly. I would think that laying Pam down would be on the top of my list.

- This one goes way back. Remember when Clayton and Ellie went on a vacation after the whole BD Calhoun thing? Well the one scene has Clayton shaving and Ellie in bed with a cold. Clayton walks over to serenade Ellie, who is clearly resting on the RIGHT side of the bed(check the tape, man). Today, however, we are treated to another Clayton/Ellie bedroom scene (whoopee!), and we see that Ellie sleeps on the LEFT side of the bed. Generally (and I can't speak for everyone) people tend to have a "side preference" (esp. married couples-- I asked my parents). Thus if Ellie sleeps on the left side at Southfork, chances are she would do the same in any other bed. Yes, I remember! Excellent call...can't believe Val and Mike missed this.

- I'm sure JR made a sizable donation, but a new gymnasium costs some serious coin. Like millions... I doubt there was enough cash in there to pay for a gym (... in cash). Maybe it was a bunch of postdated cheques or something.

- Way to go Casey. It's about time somebody lay the smack down on April. She's getting a little to preachy for my liking (all she did was bang a judge...).

Episode 281: The Fat Lady Sings

Gaudy Nicholas Sweater Meter: 1. A recycled purple one.

Angelica award: Lucy's ridiculous hat at the Oil Baron's Club.

Bonehead Dialogue Award: [courtesy of Kyle]:

> JR: "You've got quite a mouth, probably from your tramp of a mother."
> Lucy: "Considering that you're the expert, I'll take that as a compliment."
Ummmm... Lucy? That means that your mom IS a tramp. Maybe you should think before you open your mouth. Why waste time talking when you could be eating? (ouch...). Oh, that was cold, man. Even I was going to lay off Charlene, because she looks quite good right does Priscilla, actually.

Abandoned Lucas meter: 2. During her chat with Ellie at Southfork and during her and Ray's make up in the barn.

- I find it somewhat difficult to believe [although explicable by the fact that this is a Sue Ellen storyline] that the dumb PI can't figure out by himself that JR would have enrolled John Ross in school using a different name. It takes the brainpower of three for this? Come on.

- There's a continuity blip during the scene at the Oil Baron's Club. At one point, Lucy and Casey are shaking hands while introducing themselves, and then after a cut they are suddenly not.

- Ellie asks Jenna how Ray is recovering. Does she mean she hasn't visited him or even called? That is very un-Ellie-like.

- The dumb PI must be radiating vibes. When he locates John Ross, he tells Sue Ellen, who says that "tomorrow we'll go get John Ross." Nicholas tells her, "Okay." Wait a minute: didn't Nick say in the last episode that the one thing they absolutely could NOT do is take John Ross away from wherever he was, because it would be considered abduction? Did Nick's awesome research find a loophole around this?

- I'm also very surprised that the Ewing condominium is not on the top floor of its building. Couldn't JR have afforded the penthouse? Same goes for April, come to think.

- As pointed out below, the writers are trying to create some symmetry between the Season 8 cliffhanger, where Pam found Bobby in the shower, and this episode, where Bobby learns about Pam's purported reappearance while he's in the shower. That's kind of a neat effect. But there's one problem: Christopher just walks in to the bathroom and Bobby opens the shower door while stark naked? Is there no sense of shame amongst the Ewings? No wonder this kid is so traumatized. Psychiatrists would have a field day with this. Begs the question of whether Christopher ever saw his mother naked too.

- Ray asks Clayton to sell his ranch for him. Why in the world would he do this? Why wouldn't he just sell it back to Ellie [and Clayton, who now owns half of Southfork]? And if this brainstorm doesn't occur to him, why doesn't Clayton suggest it? Surely Ellie would jump at the chance to buy back the land that was her family's to begin with. [Come Monday, we'll know the REAL reason why, but at least this question should be addressed.]

AHN Mike's corner:

- Nobody talks like that in real life dialogue of the day:
>Ellie: I've missed you.
>Jenna: And I you.
How about "I missed you too, Miss Ellie"? They don't even say stuff like "And I you" in those arty British films anymore.

- If you're known by who you hang out with, Casey should have run the other way when he saw Lucy was a friend of that slut/bitch Mary Lou's. Somehow all that trading of bodily fluids with Ray during her developmental years must have transferred some of the Krebbs genes to Lucy, as she conveniently forgets she is married and makes a play for Casey (who also seems to have conveniently forgotten about "Slah" (Sly). Lucy appears to have gotten an eyebrow makeover as her eyebrows have an extreme arch to them as she shifted from the previous natural look to a plucked one. Good analysis.

- When Lucy and Casey are at Southfork, that is one mighty phony looking backdrop beyond the swimming pool toward the fences and field. Yup. Painfully obvious even on my little TV.

- Nice continuity touch: At the dinner table scene with Ray, the word "Paris" is clearly visible as a logo on the front of Jenna's shirt. She also later wears a brooch that appears to  be a coiled snake.

- Talk about Ray's self-esteem problem, even he can't help but refer to himself as a halfbreed and a failure in his conversation with Jenna.

- Wendell and JR both fail to initial the two crossouts of the Ewing Building and the Weststar stock in the memorandum of agreement, instead simply signing the bottom. Without their initials acknowledging the change and the date, these could have been put in by anybody at any time and could be challenged in court. Excellent catch.

- JR must have Sly confused with Teresa. Even though the champagne is right in front of him, he orders Sly to pour Bobby a glass. Well, if Teresa is going to be like a Ewing secretary and allow people to barge in to Southfork, it's only fair.

- What does Bobby think he's going to do with the Ewing Oil name? The only oil he's got right now is in the crankcase of his car. Oh well, maybe he assigned Phyllis to figure it out for him. I think so. This is merely a set up for next season.

- Ray got a real bad haircut. In the past they've always done a good job of keeping the hair in front long so he could comb it across the sparse patch up front. This time it's too short and too thin and Ray's follicle deficiency on top is exposed. that's another reason Jenna should have headed for the door - a future being married to a bald half-breed loser who looks old enough to be her father.

- Did you ever wonder why with all their money the Ewings can't afford a hat rack at Southfork? Everybody comes home and puts their cowboy hat on the phone table at the base of the stairway. Maybe they likes it better that way in big T.

- JR somehow changes ties between the office and his trip from there to Southfork to try and con Bobby. It's the next morning, right? His talk with Bobby was an evening one. I thought he went directly from the office, especially since he was wearing the same grey suit.

- Nick's psychedelic sweater of purple shades is back. I guess they figured since he was going off the balcony, why invest in new sweaters? Have we seen this before?

- Someone's sense of humor was at work in having Bobby in the shower when he's about to receive news of Pam's re-appearance. Or maybe he just dreamed he was in the shower.

- JR gets a call from the boys school head master while it's pitch black outside his office. Then they cut to bright sunshine at Southfork. They're messing with our minds, man.

- In the final scene, Sue Ellen has a new severe dark brown hair color. This went right over my head. Good one.

AHN Joe's corner:

- Ray has his own ranch?  When did this happen?  I always assumed he was using Miss Ellie's property for his cutting horse business.  When did he get his own ranch?  Jock didn't leave him THAT much land, did he? Ray was given his own land by Jock in Season 1, and built a ranch of some kind there. Details are sketchy.

- Lucy is wearing the same outfit and hairstyle in her scene on Southfork with Casey Denault as she wore when she came to Dallas at least one day before.  What makes this even more egregrious is the fact that she had a completely different outfit and hairstyle in her previous scene at the OBC.  So the logic that follows is that on her first (or possibly second) day back in Dallas, Lucy got a new hairstyle (a curly do).  Then, after meeting Casey, on the way back to Southfork with him, she got a old hairdo back while he waited patiently for her outside of the salon, and then when they went to Southfork, she changed into her black dress from the day before while he waited outside for her so they could finish their conversation. It's possible that it's a new day...hard to tell for sure, I think. I'll check.

- Well, Bobby does it again.... Consider: "Don't worry about Momma and I."   No no no!!!  How many times do we have to tell you, Bob?  It's not I!   It's ME!  I don't suppose it's that much of a nit, though, since a lot of people don't know the correct usage of I and me (for instance, the Dallas writers). Good one.

- The set used for G.D. Ballard's office at the private school looks tremendously like a condo used in the eighth season.  I'm pretty sure it was the one Dusty stayed at. I'll check.

-  Maybe it's just me, but the incidental music used in the outdoors scene with Clayton and Ray sounded suspiciously like "Tomorrow" from Charles Strousse's musical, Annie.  I knew it!  Dallas is gradually turning into a musical! You got me. I can't tell from music.

AHN Jason's corner:

- Ray's speech pledging his reasons why he cheated on Jenna borderlined on the lamest "I'm sorry"  I have ever heard...   Saying that b/c he always feels inadequate around people as an excuse to cheat is true pathetic....    Jenna accepting it is worse... Donna would have never accepted this...oh, wait, she did. More than once. Oh, well.

- JR has 2 two for him and one for Wendall.   He edits one to cross out the Ewing Oil buildings, but  not the other one...  Jeremy only signs one and rushes off, so the bottom one  (Jr's copy) is not signed or valid...

- Due to a TNN cut I couldn't be sure, but it looks like JR gets the call to get John Ross from the Ewing Condo, not his office... So how come he has the future phone from the office at the condo?  Does he own two of those tacky phones? He must. Good one.

- REALLY  fake and poorly staged fight between JR and Nick... you can tell when JR's body double is used b/c of the bad wig... (when he runs up the stairs and  Nick jumps on him....  The way JR pathetically pushes a chiar in front of Nick's path was classic..... had this been done properly I would have given this episode an extra star... I guess I wasn't paying proper attention. Totally missed it.

AHN Kyle's corner:

- Nice try Clayton. Like his pathetic attempt to scold JR (at the beginning) was going to have any effect on JR returning John Ross to Southfork. Cause JR has soooooo much respect for him.

- Why, exactly, does John Ross belong with Sue Ellen again? I know we went through this before, but: SHE's the one having the affair, SHE's the one who's an alcoholic (albeit recovering). JR truly loves John Ross and I find it upsetting that the only apparent reason for Sue Ellen to be more worthy of her son is the old fashioned notion that women nurture, whereas men work (oh, and the fact that JR's the devil...). This is a tough one, I guess...I'm so used to JR being a heel that when he told John Ross that Sue Ellen left them for another man, I automatically thought of what a bold-faced liar he can be. But then I's true. Well, not quite. She's leaving HIM, but not her son, for another man.

- I really could have done without the Krebbs family history. Ray's attempt at self-pity is shameful. Good riddance. OH HELL YEAH. Stone Cold himself has never said anything so true.

- The whole Ray and Jenna thing shares many similarities to the Ross and Rachel break-up on friends. I kept waiting for Ray to say: "We were on a BREAK!". Didn't see it, so I can't comment.

- You know what would have been funny? If when JR was showing Wendell the deed to the land and then dropped it on the table, Wendell picked up the document ("zoink!") and ran out of the office giggling. That would have been great. I don't know if it would have mattered because I'm sure it needs to be legally transferred or something, but you're right.

- Since Wendell DIDN'T resort to stealing it, he really should have read through the contract much more thoroughly. JR could have written that Wendell had to give him his kidneys (although liver would be more appropriate, I guess...). Good one.

- And didn't Wendell acquiesce just a little TOO easily here? He really didn't even put up a fight. Guess he knew there were only forty television minutes left before everyone goes home for the summer.

- If Walter (JR's Washington guy) really thought that Bobby was fronting for JR, shouldn't he have called JR to confirm this? Clearly a bogus story. This is could be true.

- Ray says he wants to move to a place where nobody's ever heard of the Ewings. As we all know (see toteboard category), that is simply not possible... Maybe Jupiter. Or Papua New Guinea.

- Something... strange... about.... Sue Ellen's.... call to the police.

AHN Val's corner:

- Were Lucy and Mary Lou really old friends? Or was Mary Lou merely a catalyst for introducing Casey and Lucy? Probably yes [since they're both rich bitches] and definitely yes.

- Again, Jenna goes to visit Miss Ellie without bringing Lucas to visit his grandma. What's more disturbing is that Miss Ellie doesn't bother to ask Jenna why she left the baby at home, or even how he is doing. Ellie must know about the Abandoned Lucas meter.

- Jenna says that what Ray did is not the worst thing that could happen to a man and a woman. Of course it is!!!! Short of battery and murder, adultery is by far the worst thing that could possibly happen to a marriage. It's Jenna's decision to want to stay with Ray, and try to make their marriage work. I'm just not so sure I would be so accommodating if I were in that boat. You've made that very clear. I agree that it's the worst possible thing that could happen to a marriage.

AHN Rob's corner:

- Dumb Question #11: Hasn't it been established that Jock was a World War II veteran? If Jock was a WWII vet, he  couldn't possibly have served in the Air Force, as it wasn't founded until 1948 -- three years after the War ENDED.  Perhaps Ellie meant he was in the NAVY, because that's who was doing most of the flying, back then... Well said. Jason found that someone else pointed this out too. Thanks.

- I know someone has mentioned this before, but it's actually gotten WORSE.  Where is all this hatred between JR and Lucy coming from?  Not only was their relationship downright amicable before her first departure, I don't think the animosity between the two had EVER been this keen.  If the writers think this is a good way to get Lucy a good storyline, it's not going to work.  Face it, the woman is about as useful to the show's premise as a BLACK HOLE... Well, give her a chance. We'll see.

- Has anyone noticed how much more goon-like JoeNick had been acting lately?  Kinda made his departure a little easier to take, didn't it?. "Excuse me, Sue Ellen, I have a flight to catch... Or rather, THIRTY-TWO of them..."    =o)

- And speaking of JoeNick's swan song (...and if I'm not mistaken, swans really CAN'T fly...=o)...), did you guys get a load of that music?  For a moment, I thought I was watching a "B" movie on the USA network.  I still loved the scene, though...

- ...And another, more conventional, nit on that last scene: What was with the glitch in the film right  after JoeNick went over the railing?  ("Look at me! I'm Kristin Shepard!!"  O.K., I'll stop it...)  You can see where the frame freezes while JoeNick is in mid-air.  I thought the credits would roll right there, but then JoeNick's free-fall resumes.  Strange... I think they couldn't decide where to cut the cliffhanger. At first, I think they wanted to create suspense - who went over, JR or Nick? But then they thought better of it. I believe this has to do with a similar Dynasty cliffhanger in which a similar thing happened.

-Um, Sue Ellen... So you want to report a double murder, eh?  How do you suppose you're going to explain this scene to the authorities, seeing that you're the ONLY PERSON ALIVE!  And besides, I'm not sure this could really classify as a "double-
murder."  Sue Ellen only "killed" one person.  If JR could have been guilty of anything, the worst he could be charged with is Voluntary Manslaughter. (See?  I was listening, Jake...) True enough. I don't know what she's thinking.

- DUMMY MOVE of the DAY AWARD -JR wins his second for his decision-making during that fight scene.  After firing his gun, he breaks away  from JoeNick and escapes -- to the BALCONY!!! Where the hell are you going, JR?!?!  So when an irate Sue Ellen picks up the gun he dropped, JR now has NO CHOICE but to take three rounds of hot lead to the gut...

AHN Anne's corner:

- Okay, when Ray called his home "my ranch," did he mean that literally? I mean, I thought he was living on Southfork, which is actually Miss Ellie and Clayton's ranch. Not too sure. If it is "his ranch", it's on land that Jock gave him, so this if iffy.

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