Season 12 (1989 - 1990)

Episode 308: Phantom of the Oil Rig

Bonehead Dialogue Award: [courtesy of Kyle]

>Cally: "Hurry up, JR! It's [the water] getting cold!"
Oh EXACTLY is the water getting cold, Cally? It's a freaking shower! Just turn up the hot water!!! Dumb...

[courtesy of Jake]
>Bobby (to April and her sister): "Obviously you two know each other."

Angelica Award: I'd have to say Bobby wearing jeans to the office. Not much to pick from. Lucy's psychedelic look came close.

- Can't help noticing that Bobby's again making the bold fashion statement of wearing jeans to work. What CEO does this in real life? Give me a break.

- It's quite evident why Bobby is so hostile to the returning Tommy McKay, but why is Phyllis so mean to him? Has Bobby talked to her about April's nasty phone calls? I find that hard to believe.

- There's a continuity blip when JR and Cally are walking down the stairs. First, JR has his arm around his wife's waist, and then after a cut they are holding hands.

- There's also some bad continuity during Michelle's scene. During the wide shots, her red shirt is wide open, revealing a yellow top underneath; during the close-ups, the yellow shirt is not visible.

- When Tommy and Boomer are discussing strategy, they walk right through the outfield of a ballgame in progress. Maybe it's just a practice or something, but the kids are wearing uniforms so it looks like it's serious business. So why doesn't someone tell them to get the heck off the field?

From Dan Johnson:

- Now we are back to Lorimar Television being shown after the closing credits.  Looks like Worldvision demanded and got a refund.  That didn't take very long.  Just shows that we are all correct...the episodes are pretty bad compared to the good old days. Good analysis.

- "Last On Dallas' faux pas:  At the beginning of today's episode, during the 'last on Dallas' scenes, the one showing SE telling JR about her movie of him is different than the actual scene shown last Thursday...last Thursday SE never said "don't forget, I'll be back" like it showed her saying today.

AHN Kyle's corner:

- [Bonehead Move of the Day, sorry Rob]: Heaven forbid that Bobby should actually STAY with JR on the coast...that could actually result in Bob NOT getting screwed over for once. This is getting tiresome... Very much so. Only, as you can see, it's not working out quite as expected for good ol' JR.

- I know Carter McKay might be blinded by his love for his son, but come on! It's been like a month, two tops, and we're supposed to believe that Tommy is a changed man. That's incredibly stupid!. I guess Carter was one of the guys that believed Mike Tyson was a changed man, too. I bet he did. Very stupid.

- Whoa! Now I understand why Tommy knows so much about the oil business. He was picking Tracey's brain! And we all know what a veritable font of wisdom she is. Heck, she read 'Oil Business for Dummies' (maybe even twice). I agree. This is just stupid.

- Seeing Michelle Stevens got me thinking about April and her (not so) newfound wealth. Has there ever been any indication that she's attempted to do anything for her parents (maybe just her mom)? I don't think so. Come to think of it, this is strange... Yes it is. Of course, the writers only gave her a real (non-phone) family now.

AHN Jason's corner:

- The Phantom strikes again!!!   He unlocks the front door of Ewing Oil so Tommy can come in to talk to Bobby....  (By the way, he also covered so all four secretaries could go to that birthday party thing early last season when Tammy met Cliff.) I think Tommy picked the lock, but this is possible.

- Also I noticed that they had no problem showing Sue Ellen footage this season, even though she is gone...  Like last season, when they showed old Ray footage even though he had gone (for a while anyways..) but no Jenna... I guess if you leave on hard terms like VP and PP, they want to forget you, while the 'loyal' actors  (LG and SK) get to be remembered in the following season's premiere... While I agree with your analysis, I think this has less to do with friendliness than with [surprise!] contractual obligations. I have read things which strongly implied [but did not state outright] that when Victoria left the show, she stipulated that if the producers wanted to use her face again, they would have to pay her royalties for it. It's quite possible that Priscilla had a similar clause in her contract, while Linda and Steve might have foregone this. However, what you mentioned probably had a lot to do with it, too. Larry and Linda were very close; so were Larry and Steve. So Hagman might not have minded paying them.

- I noticed A LOT of guest cast members were credited but AWOL...  Dora Mae, Debbie, Sly, and Jordan Lee...  this suggests at least two scenes were cut today by TNN...   good to see some things never change... (snicker) I snicker with you.

- The curse of the new season hair do's is tough this season for a couple of reasons....First, with Sue Ellen and Afton not around, this cuts off two repeat offenders. Secondly, supporting cast like the secretaries (Phyllis, Kendall and Jackie) were seen at least 2 to 3 Dallas days ago, so it is possible to explain away their minor hair do changes...Kendall looks to have lost some weight though..  Cally and Lucy also look slightly different but explainable.  April's looks very slightly diffferent, like it was curled differently... but nothing major...  Too bad Sly's scene was cut, I bet her tom-boy cut had grown out a bit.. I actually suspect that much of the footage was shot last season. April is actually wearing the same outfit as last time, which is quite surprising.

- How would Ratagan know what the film looked like?  He didn't see, yet he seems to discard films very fast as he glances through them... I think he's just humoring JR.

- Cliff seems to make instant coffee for his PI, but he fills it will tap water.. Must be very hot tap water...this could explain why Cally's shower seems to get cold awfully fast.... Good one. Didn't notice.

- Harrison Van Buren beat up two guys...  yeah that is believable...  I could see with Cliff b/c his back was to him, but two guys in a drunken brawl...  sure... They might have been more drunk than he was.

- April has two bedrooms.. since when?  She has always lived alone in that apartment..  Oh,  maybe for when all of her friends come to visit. Must be. [snicker]

- Shelley didn't seem to call back to April when she announced she was home.. I found that weird.  And she didn't scream when Bobby pushed her to the floor. Very convenient on both ends. I don't know why she didn't call back to her sister. Knowing the Stevens sisters, I can understand why she didn't mind a roll on the floor with the Bob-man.

- There appears to be another maid in the Southfork dining room when JR and Cally are talking in the parlor.  I assumed b/c the producers were going to give Theresa the day off, but then we see Theresa later announcing the call for "Mr. Jock". I couldn't really tell about this...I seem to recall more hired help in the final seasons for some reason.

- JR's last line on the oil rig looked badly dubbed. He must have been hanging around the Russians too long. That was truly pathetic.

AHN Jake's corner:

- Exactly how much time has passed since Thursday's episode?  Did J.R. drive out of the studio where Sue Ellen showed the film, go and pick up Ratagan, and then go back with him to the studio?  Why didn't he just call Ratagan? Something just seemed weird. Apparently NO time has passed since Thursday's episode because April is still wearing the same outfit.

- Since when has Sue Ellen had this "attractive" assistant?  We never saw her before.  Wouldn't she just take Kehli when she sold Valentine? I have no idea how long this person's been around. Ridiculous.

- I didn't know Afton made records.  I thought I remembered hearing something a few episodes ago about how she was about to get a record deal. And the record Cliff was looking at had Afton with red hair -- which means he bought it after they originally broke up.  When?  Did he just go out and buy it to look at her? Good point about the red hair, which indicates that you are absolutely correct. Excellent call.

- Do they actually have a book which lists the serial numbers of keys? Sounds odd to me?   And if they did, how did that locksmith know all that info about that company just from looking at the book.  Maybe he's a lock-company-buff. A guy like that might know a lot about locks, but I also found it hard to believe that he would know so much about the key's history.

- Cliff has 37 messages.  Yeah, right.  Most of them are probably from him, checking to see if Afton called.  I'm still laughing.  37...give me a break.... I didn't catch that, actually...if it said 37 then that's a total joke.

- Why is April just starting to paint?  This is clearly more than a day after she said "I got up early to start painting."  Someone's slow.... Good point.

- This is the ultimate: Teresa calls him "Mr. Jock."  Now that's insulting. That woman needs to be fired...and fast! I totally agree. That is SO LAME.
Jason responds: Actually in the south, it is considered polite manners to say this. I taught a swim lesson with a mother and daughter from the south and she always referred to me as Mr. Jason, b/c they do it that way down there out of respect.

- Only 25,000 for Afton's ex-husband's bail?  This is 1989, and I'm pretty sure the bail for beating up two men and sending them to the hospital is more than 25,000.   I've seen "Law and Orders" from 1990 and it's way more than that.   But the writers were trying to be cute...and IRONIC. Ironic is the key here. Good point.

- Why did J.R. go all the way down to the oil rig to discover Carter swiped it from under him?  Why didn't that guy just call J.R. and tell him?  For some reason people in this show never do that.  Maybe he just wanted to see J.R. get mad.  Stupid. I think the PRODUCERS wanted to see JR get mad.

- Aren't Bobby and April wondering: if it's not Tommy who called, then who is it?   They seem to dismiss the problem.  Boy, those two are so wishy-washy.   They're really perfect for each other. Yes they are. That's what made Pam and Bobby so perfect too.

AHN Val's corner:

- April stated that whoever has been making the crank calls knows that she's moved to Southfork. Wait a minute...MOVED to Southfork?!?!?! Being a bit presumptous, aren't we, April? Well...temporarily moved. To have added the word "temporarily" would have seemed strained.

- While he was off in Baton Rouge, Cliff had his kitchen painted. It went from a bright lemon yellow to a soft, creamy yellow. Could be a new lens filter. Hard to say.

- Michelle Stevens' head is shaped like a light bulb--complete with a 25 watt brain. I figured you'd have something to say about that. What is your verdict on the younger Miss Stevens? More or less skanky than her sister?

- End of the show, there was a freeze frame, but no "Produced by" credit. I don't know whether this particular situation lasts or not. There were no "also starring" credits either, although they may not have been, they weren't. Still kind of odd.

AHN Rob's corner:

- From the ‘What the Hell Was That?!?!' Files: The entire first scene.  Can JR be any less tactful rummaging through Sue Ellen's secretary's desk drawer?  And didn't the film in that vault have ANY value at all?  No one -- from Sue Ellen down -- seemed to mind that JR and Ratagan were turning the place into a disaster area.   Strange... I didn't get it. It was cute but stupid.

- Another from the ‘What the Hell Was That?!?!' Files:  Cliff's private eye picking the lock because he didn't answer the door.  Just accept the fact the boss isn't home, man!  That guy would be SO FIRED if I were paying his salary... I think Wallace knows Cliff better than that. Especially since Cliff specifically asked him to come to his house. Actually, this is smart: if Cliff weren't there, Wallace might know that something was really up. Like for instance, someone might have been impersonating him on the phone or something. I know it sounds silly, but a good PI would consider these possibilities. Definitely not recommended by Sue Ellen.

- April is so pathetic.  Does she really think she's such a prime target that a stalker would call SOUTHFORK at all times of the day? If that sicko knows she's at Southfork, he should also know that at certain times of the day -- BREAKFAST for instance -- there would be a lot of people home.  That's less chance April would even answer the phone.  That's also more chance Ellie and Clayton would channel the spirit of Sherlock Holmes and Watson; or worse, Bobby would suddenly learn how to tap the phone and trace the call....

AHN Mike's corner:

- How does Kimberly Foster rate getting into the opening star credits without ever having appeared in an episode before? Others like Sheree Wilson had to EARN their way in over time. Foster was a nobody at the time she got this part. I checked her IMDB bio and she had done practically nothing before getting this gig and what little she did all appeared to be bit parts. Contract, contract, contract. Her contract says she gets to be in the mainline. And don't forget that Kim Foster HAS been on the show, as the nameless love toy of Nicholas Pearce in Episode 257.

- It's 1989, shouldn't a multi-freakin-millionaire like Cliff own a CD player instead of listening to Afton on 33 rpm vinyl? I noticed this too. I wasn't so perturbed until Episode 325, when Cliff suddenly has a very modern looking cellular phone.

- Where's Sly when Cliff returns to the office and is greeted (and nagged) by the other three secretaries? I don't know. She was in the credits so something must have been cut out.

- Was this the first time somebody had non-marital sex in the house at Southfork (Bobby and April) since JR nailed (was it Afton) during a Ewing barbecue? And somebody should tell April never to go braless, her chest disappears entirely. I believe the last non-marital sex at Southfork was when Bobby and Jenna conceived Lucas.

- I know it happened during the dream season and therefore didn't really happen , but can't the writers get a little more creative rather than resorting to the bomb in the briefcase sub-plot again? No.

- The locksmith Ellie and Clayton go to is still around today, though very old, and has appeared recently in a number of commercials.

- Was this the first time we actually saw an oil platform in an episode? Up till now they were just referred to. I believe it is the first time. I wouldn't swear to it though.

- I found it odd that Bobby and JR were trying to cut a business deal with that oil refiner and kept calling him by his last name (Shaughnessy) while turning their backs to his customers. There was a certain arrogance about the Ewing boys throughout this scene that didn't seem conducive to doin' bidness. Interesting spin on it. Maybe that's how they do things in Texas.

AHN Analise's corner:

- Why did Afton make an album in 1989?  My first boyfriend, (well 1st love actually) had a CD player in 1984 and we listened to CD's a great deal then. (Well I was 14, he was 16).  Anyway, we weren't buying LPs even in 1984.   So why in 1989 didn't Afton make a CD or at least a tape?  Is it because all of us had to be treated to seeing Afton's huge face all blown up??? Yes. Obviously it is so we can see Afton's face. I found this odd too, in light of the fact that in a few weeks Cliff will have a very modern-looking cell phone.

- Ellie asks Clayton how often to they get to partake in an adventure? Oh, wasn't the amnesia adventurous enough for you, Miss Ellie?  How about when Clayton was accused of murder?  Hmm, guess that wasn't enough for her either.  I guess it's hard to placate a woman who dresses in sack dresses!!!  This plot is sooo lame!

- How did Michelle get into April's apartment?  You'd think after having the place broken into by the mafia and by Tommy McKay, April might have added just a touch of security?  She practically acts like a blood-related Ewing! This one is a head-shaker. Maybe Michelle was able to convince the superintendent that they were related.

- If you put any more grease on Tommy McKay's hair, he should be made the newest T-Bird from Grease!  Would have looked cute with John Travolta! I'd say JR could get all of the oil he needs from Tommy's hair.

- Hey, it's a good thing Cliff doesn't have like a REAL job.  No company would put up with a person who drops his responsibilities for personal problems. I agree. How lame.

- I almost fell on the floor laughing when Tommy walked into his father's office saying that he would be happy to be his father's heir.  Well, gee, wouldn't we all.   Carter has got a lot of money.  Who wouldn't want to inherit it?  Tommy made it sound like he was telling his father that he wanted to dedicate his life to finding a cure for some deadly disease.  But no, Tommy with all sincerity wants to be the sole heir. HOW BIG OF HIM!!!!  I'm still laughing!!! I think the word "heir" is what tickles your fancy, huh? I see your point.

Episode 309: The Leopard's Spots

Bonehead Dialogue Award: [courtesy of Jason]

> Bondsman: Afton Cooper [bailed him out]
> Cliff : Who?
> Bondsman: Afton Cooper....
You know, Cliff, the lady you are looking for...

Angelica Award:   Afton for not only wearing a rhinestone top and jeans with heels, but the finale - gold earrings with little cowboy boots and long horn skulls! Suggested by Alett. Honorable mention goes to: Lucy's striped cropped t-shirt with linebacker shoulder pads, suggested by Val.

- Despite her poor choice of hairstyle, Sly really impresses me. When JR asks her to call Shaughnessy, she picks up the phone and dials the number from his office - without even looking it up! Not to mention the fact that she dials it without pressing the buttons [the sound is clearly dubbed] and she also manages to reach him [long-distance, mind you] despite dialing eight numbers!

- April says something odd during her conversation with Michelle. She tells her little sister that she can [in the sense of being allowed to] stay in Dallas for a while. Hold on a second; since when was it her decision? Suppose she wanted Michelle to leave...could she MAKE it happen?

- Let's talk about Afton for a moment. [Only a moment, though - I don't think I could stand much more than that.] What is with this girl and her love life? First she falls in love with Cliff Barnes, who at the time was a lovable loser. Then he became a success and Afton couldn't put up with his deception and blind ambition any more. Okay, that's a lesson learned - I can't blame her for that. But then what does she do? She ends up marrying Van Buren.  I don't see what ANY woman could see in this guy. He's a loser. He has ZERO ambition. He has zero assets. Oh dear Afton, what happened to the level-headed and sensible, if unlucky, person we knew you as? Did the henna rinse wash it out of your brain?

AHN Alett's corner:

- I was awaiting Tommy's "haircut" since this was his quick excuse yesterday to leave Carter. All he has done is slick it back, and considering his ears, it's not a flattering look. Since this hair thing is supposed to be the definitive sign he has changed, Carter will now have to follow him into the voting booth to make sure he votes Republican as he promised.

- Why would Cliff believe this new story about little Pamela's real father? Was Afton having her tested because her ex's family has the same genetic disorder as Cliff's? Since we were repeatedly reminded her name is "Pamela", he can't be the father because he keeps calling her "Pammie". Knowing what we know, I can't believe Cliff was dumb enough to fall for this. Certainly he should have pressed Afton about the clinic - she could have claimed that when she got the tests done, she wasn't sure who the father was, but learned the truth some other way.

- A final thought - this new opening seems dull except for Charlene. I would love to see Lucy in the sack dress and Miss Ellie in the jacuzzi! Funny how Charlene brightens the credits up.

AHN Jason's corner:

- JR says hi to Kendall and she just walks past him... not a smart move to do to a boss.. I have a feeling that Danone Simpson wasn't expecting that "hi". Otherwise, I have no explanation.

- Marilee is credited but AWOL   (Hmm maybe the Lucy Award?) I would have liked to have seen her scene. Very strange to cut her out...hmm.

- My pet peeve strikes again...  Shelley has a huge full ice tea that she leaves at the bar when she goes to sit down with April.  What a waste... and did you notice that during their REALLLLLLLLLY LOOOOOOOOONNNNNNNNGGGGG scene that no waiter comes over to see them? Didn't seem like a busy restaurant. Excellent points.

- Just a note... I REALLY dislike Shelley but she has a point. April is a major hypocrite to tell her not to lie and sleep her way to the top, when April (looking down from the top) did the same thing... I have to wonder what Jack would say to this if he was around now.  It's nice that they mention him again. I suspect that Val may have written this scene. I can't wait to hear what she has to say about it.

- Afton's hair has lightened up a lot.   And she sure didn't look too upset or surprised when Cliff walked into her apartment. I noticed the hair. I also noticed her responsed, or lack thereof, to his presence. In light of the next conversation with Harrison, it makes sense, but it's weird. Is Cliff so preoccupied that he doesn't suspect that something is up?.

- Ok, this whole Cliff/Pamela/Afton thing bugs me.   So apparently Cliffy is the father.... so what happened with that vasectomy that he had?  You'd think they could at least mention there was a screw up or something...  I could understand if there were different writers now so they were too lazy to research this subplot but shouldn't Ken Kerchaval remember this?   It's almost as bad as when Jenna (In 1987) said her daughter was still 13 when PP knew she had been born in 1970.... come on!! I would say that it's even WORSE. This is the kind of thing you don't forget...

- The paper in the second strong box looked to be in really good shape considering it was several years old at least.

- I really like Cally, but her paintings are not THAT special... come on they look like kids' work... I totally agree.

AHN Kyle's corner:

- What the heck was Bobby doing with the computer keyboard before his conversation with Shelly? It looked like he was just using the numerical pad, so I figured he was doing a spreadsheet. Yet he never presses TAB to move to the next column. Strange... It looks to me like he's using a mainframe system or something like that. Such systems don't usually use the TAB key. In most cases, they use the Shift key for Enter.

- Why doesn't Tommy have a REAL briefcase before he picks up the bomb triggered case? He's an executive, right? Maybe he does work in the mailroom... I guess it's his first day. Or is it? I forget.

AHN Val's corner:

- It was kind of funny hearing a priest say "whoopie cushion". Yes it was.

- I can't believe Miss Ellie doesn't know where Jock's first big strike occurred. I know it was before they were married, but geez!!!! Surely, Jock must have talked about his first big strike at great length. Oh, and of course, it came up yet again in 1985 when Cliff and Jamie were each claiming ownership of one-third of Ewing Oil. Say it with me now: Nacogdoches County. I remember that. It's possible she doesn't remember which boarding house he was in...that might be what she was referring to, but the dialogue is weird if that's the case.

- Afton has an awfully well-kept apartment for someone with a small child.

- Between Shaughnessy, Van Buren, Michelle, Tommy, and the rest, there aren't many likeable people left on Dallas. Today's ep should have been subtitled "Jerks on Parade".

- Once again, there were no "produced by" credits at show's end.

AHN Rob's corner:

- What an insult to the good people of Charleston, South Carolina! There's no such thing as the ‘Charleston Police Station.'  That implies that there's only one. There's not. Believe it or not, they'd progressed from that years ago... Not that I don't believe you, but do you know this for sure?

- The ‘Fresh Meat' approach to introducing new young female characters strikes again.   Did anyone catch the ‘booty shot' during the scene where April and Shelly have lunch?  This actually isn't a new tactic either.  As I recall, the cameraman seemed awfully fixated on Pam's gluts in Episode #6.  Not that I didn't like the view... I'm just saying... Oh, I remember the Pam shots. Classic line: "Buoys." And I noticed the booty shot. They have to do this because the Stevens sisters are so pectorally challenged - but they got much back.

- Two things I have to say on the Cally and Lucy scene in that frame shop: 1) Was that guy for real when he told Cally that her work belonged in a gallery?  Given some water colors and a day or two to work, I could come up with something comparable -- or even better.  And no, I DON'T have any plans of packing up and heading for the Guggenheim Museum anytime soon...
I know, I know. I am so amazed that the producers couldn't have come up with better pictures for Cally to have in her hands.

-And more importantly... WHO WAS THE IDIOT THAT DECIDED TO PUT THE TNN LOGO IN THE LOWER RIGHT-HAND CORNER OF THE SCREEN?!?!  IT COVERED SOME OF LUCY'S BEST PARTS!!!   HER BODY SEEMS TO BE ALL CHARLENE TILTON HAS TO OFFER THESE DAYS, AND TNN'S MESSING IT UP FOR EVERYBODY!!!  Oh my, was that a tantrum?  My bad... Hey, that's all right. What ever happened to yesterday when you said Lucy was fat?

- Watching Ol' Boomer give that briefcase to Tommy made me realize something: I've actually seen this storyline before!  It's called the ‘Marinos Shipping Saga'!   Oh well... At least this time the mastermind is better dressed.  Next we'll see Tommy kill one of his cohorts with a rolled up twenty dollar bill... Marinos Shipping? Never heard of it. Must have been a bad dream. :)

AHN Mike's corner:

- Nice touch in the bail bondsman's office: a cheap, sleazy lamp on his desk where the body of the lamp is a big-breasted hula dancer in grass skirt and skimpy top.

- April is wearing a brooch that is a key in a circle. Considering the theme of the episode, it's probably a safe deposit box key.

- The writers have been working hard for over a year to turn April from heel to babyface. So why remind us of what a tramp and gold-digger she was when she came to Dallas? To get Michelle over as a heel.

- In the Ewing Oil offices, one of the secretaries has a huge blue semi-circle (almost like a window) behind her desk. Any idea what that is? I think that's the new and unimproved Ewing Oil logo.

- I'm surprised nobody commented on Van Buren's breakfast of champions - an ice cream cone and a brown bag booze bottle. Van Buren says to Cliff "Call me in the morning." but never gives a phone number or even an address. And speaking of Van Buren, he left the door to Afton's apartment wide open after his little skit with her, so she could listen to his conversation with Cliff. Shouldn't Cliff have been suspicious at that point? Well, the whole point of the charade was so Cliff could overhear...I would think that AFTON should have been suspicious if she weren't working Cliff, and so THAT should have made Cliff suspicious.

Episode 310: Cry Me a River of Oil

Bonehead Dialogue Award: [courtesy of Jake]

Either Bobby or J.R. suggests to Ellie to call up Punk or Jordan and ask him about Jock's first strike.
>Ellie: "What a great idea!"
Yes, Ellie, it is.  Why didn't you think of it?  You know how to use a computer, but you don't think of that!!!

Angelica Award: Jordan "Gilligan" Lee's hat.

Carter's instant tantrum meter: 1. In his office with Brundin.

- JR's hired a new spot market broker. What happened to Mr. Slater, who was JR's old broker? Did he die or something?

- After Tommy predictably barges right past Kendall on his way into Bobby's office, he introduces himself to Phyllis. Shouldn't Phyllis know who he is, since she seemed to recognize him two episodes ago when he came to Ewing Oil? Tommy definitely remembers her because he calls her by name.

- While it is kind of cute [in a REALLY dumb way] for all four secretaries to be helping Ellie search through the records, is this really necessary? Only one of them can be banging on the keyboard at a time, right? This is egregiously lame.

- And now it's time for my favorite kind of nit: the changed premise. Ellie comes to Ewing Oil to search for records of Jock's first strike. But there's a problem: two years ago after JR took up with that Calhoun fella, the CIA saw fit to divest Ewing Oil of all of its assets, records, and what not. When Bobby got the Ewing Oil name back, the records were not part of the deal. So how is it that Ellie is able to track information all the way back to 1945? Did Sly, Phyllis, and Kendall spend nights retyping in all sorts of information from memory?

- This is one of those nits which is so blatant you have to wonder whether you need to give your head a shake. Tommy pushes Brundin into traffic on a busy street in broad daylight and NO ONE DOES ANYTHING? Is this Dallas or Manhattan? Give me a break.

- When JR visits Shaughnessy's refinery, he is wearing a "Ewing" hard hat. Shaughnessy's hat has no logo on it. Did JR bring a hard hat with him? This seems rather unlikely.

- Let's talk about Al the Pal, the used car...uh, tanker...salesman. I can understand the need to create a "used car lot" atmosphere, but these aren't exactly small vehicles that one can walk amongst. Why in the world would they meet down by a marina? Shouldn't they meet at Al's office? Let's put it a different way - if JR wanted to arrange an oil deal, would he meet a prospective client at his office, or at the Ewing refinery? The only reason JR would meet a client at a refinery is if the client wanted to see the operation. Since JR claims to know nothing about tankers, why would he be interested in seeing them?

AHN Alett's corner:

- The usually quiet Ewing Oil suddenly sounds like PBS during pledge week. Why can't any of them answer the phones just because Miss Ellie is there? Preposterous. Ellie shouldn't need all of the girls to help her out.

- If the hand-held camera work following Tommy on his first really lame bomb attempt was meant to suggest foreboding, it didn't work. I would have preferred this as an "over-the-shoulder" shot where we can't tell for sure who pushed Brundin under the truck. This whole thing is very poorly done. But wait until tomorrow...

- And a final thought on the opening credits - George Kennedy looks constipated. He ALWAYS looks this way. I wonder if he could hawk Breath Asure and Metamucil in the same ad?

AHN Jason's corner:

-  Bobby says that dinner is in one hour but it is already very dark out. Just how late do these Ewings eat? I have no idea. Really weird.

- Debbie has a new conservative uniform on now.  No more cleavage shots. Boo-hoo. But I guess the producers figure that seeing the Stevens sisters in various stages of undress is enough to keep the male fans interested.

- Just a note...  Cally seems to have become the new Pam.. very whiny about really outdated things.. I was half expecting to hear Pam's theme in the background. This is a VERY Pam-like gimmick.

- Just curious..  The 1.7 rating on the rustbucket... I mean tanker.. is that out of 10? I think he said 1.2, and I have no idea what this rating means.

AHN Kyle's corner:

- Tommy's ploy to blow up Bobby Ewing might have worked if he hadn't left the briefcase in plain sight (OK, not quite plain sight, but it was pretty much out in the open). As it stands, the whole thing was lame. Also, the show sure seemed to gloss over the whole "diffusing of the bomb" thing. Sure the guy told Tommy how to do it, but still... I actually thought Tommy did a pretty good job by hiding it under Bob's desk. Where else could he conceivably put it?

- Whoa, Tommy sure IS tough. That whole not shaking hands thing was sooooo cool. Too bad that Tommy's never actually met Brundin and only knows what Carter told him... God, I hate that Tommy McKay... I agree. And of course, Angelica Nero has nothing on him - pushing an old guy into traffic! Way cooler than the "find a space between the guy's ribs and stab him with a poisoned hatpin" thing. [Sarcasm, of course].

- Something about Bobby saying that JR would have to pay all the late charges didn't sit right with me. The fact that JR was able to complete the contract without Bobby's signature suggests that it is a valid (Ewing Oil) contract. Thus, any penalties incurred due to the contract would be paid by the company. They don't differentiate between JR's money and Bobby's money. Maybe Bobby could request that JR re-imburse the company for the fees, but I'm not so sure (and would JR agree to that?). I wondered about that too - obviously you're right that JR must have been acting as an agent of Ewing Oil, and therefore Ewing Oil is liable. Under normal circumstances, any executive who pulled such a stunt would be fired immediately. It's possible that you're right and Bobby will insist that JR will reimburse the company, but the way it came out sounded wrong.

- I noticed that Sly didn't have a purse when she left the office (before the first break). This seems unlikely...

- What was up with AIDS poster (product placement?). DALLAS isn't actually the best show for preaching safe sex... No it's not, but I think they seized an opportunity.

- Does anyone else find it offensive that Cally's art is constantly referred to as being done in a "primitive style"? Not really a compliment if you ask me. Well, I think they mean primitive as opposed to modern. Her art actually LOOKS like something.

- Bobby and April were getting pretty hot and heavy with that door open. It probably would have been wise to close it sooner (what if Christopher decided to take a Math break?) [btw, I was actually aroused by April's antics....for the first time since her bikini exploits when she first started on the show] It was sort of arousing...but kinda weird. I mean, the only time I have ever seen a woman move her hips like this without a partner or an audience is either when she's drunk or high.

- Christopher's Math problem was absurd. Why would they ask him to find the square root of 3288? It's not even a perfect square (somewhere between 56 and 57). Anyways, all he would have to do is punch it into his calculator. Quit your whining... It also seems way beyond the Grade 4 curriculum.

- I found Cliff's dinner making plan to be quite humorous. What a perfect plan. "You're not home so let's have dinner. I'm assuming you'll be there..." Funny... That was very bizarre.

- Great work by April not to pique Michelle's interest in Cliff. "Oh please Shelly, don't bother Cliff. He's far too RICH and VULNERABLE". Please... Ditto.

- I think there might be an editing problem when Jordan Lee is on the putting green. His first putt appears to be missing the hole wide right, but when it cuts for another shot, the putt sails by wide LEFT. Double break? Probably not. Continuity problem, I think [not sure though, didn't tape today's episode]. I thought so too. It looked weird.

AHN Val's corner:

- Tommy says Dallas is a small town. I know he's only speaking figuratively, but this really seems like an odd thing to say about the 8th largest city in the U.S. Good point.

- Nice how the phones stopped ringing long enough for Bobby and JR's conversation with Miss Ellie.

- Good Grief!!! April romances Bobby IN HIS MOTHER'S HOME!!! That's just sick in my book. If my son was seduced by a woman to whom he was not married while staying in my home, that girl would be persona non grata real quick.
What's more, they left the bedroom door open while Bobby unzipped April's dress! What if someone walked by, like Clayton, Miss Ellie, or heaven forbid, CHRISTOPHER? I'm REAL glad Christopher didn't witness this little display. April and Bobby need a crash course in discretion PRONTO!!! This was pointed out, but bears repeating. Very disturbing to say the least.

AHN Jake's corner:

- This just struck me...How does Ellie know how to use a computer? Even if someone showed her she wouldn't be able tp function that well.  She didn't look like she was having any trouble at all. Good point. She must be a fast learner.

- After Miss Ellie says that she is looking for the town where Jock first struck oil, Sly says the same thing.  I think we got the gist, Sly. Good one.

- What was that on Christopher's desk?  A laptop, or a WizKid? Looked like a old Compaq laptop. I remember these.

- And what was the point of that scene?  I couldn't tell. I have NO IDEA. I guess just to shock us by having April practicing her lap dancing right afterwards.

- Bobby says to Christopher he's going to get ready for dinner. Then he tells Christopher to be down in an hour.  He's going to get ready for dinner...which is in an hour.  Or did he read the script and realize he was going to make love to April and dinner would have to wait? I suspect the latter.

AHN Mike's corner:

- Didn't Tommy's new fashion consultant tell him a brown briefcase clashes badly with a blue suit? Obviously not.

- Brundin gets off a great line when Tommy is moaning about how Brundin screwed his father. Brundin says "Is this where we start playing the violin?"). Too bad. If Brundin hadn't been so busy playing the violin, he might have seen that truck coming.

- And one for the old JR (who shows up occasionally) to April: "I guess Bobby doesn't mind sleeping with my leftovers."

- What was that UFO on the back of April's blue outfit when she made JR a drink? I have no idea. This was a weird outfit, no question.

- I thought it was amusing that after finding out about JR and April, Cally put on this ultra-conservative nightgown with buttons up to her nose. Sending a subtle message? Good point.

- Will we ever find out if Michelle has eyebrows and ears? Yes. Today.

- I've said it before and I'll say it again: April you're a freakin' multi-millionaire. Change your phone number and hire a body guard. Well, I'm sure she'll change her phone number before long. The body guard is unnecessary with Bobby around, but I see your point.

Episode 311: Ka-Boom!

Bonehead Dialogue Award: [courtesy of Alett]

(After April's gift of a crystal ice bucket)

> Clayton: (with goofy enthusiasm) I like her!
> Bobby : Yeah, so do I.

Gee, Bob, I'm glad to hear it since you were sleeping with her right across the hall from your son.

Angelica Award: Couldn't find one today. (KIDDING!) Rose. Duh.

- When JR walks over to the door to leave April's apartment, he has his drink in his right hand. But by the time he gets to the door, it's magically gone. What happened?

- Theresa answers the phone by saying "Ewing residence". As I pointed out in the nits for Episode 289, it is NOT the Ewing residence. It belongs to the Farlows.

- Of course, they read the script, but it's ridiculous for Bobby and April to huddle fearfully BEFORE the bomb explodes on the sidewalk below.

AHN Alett's corner:

- When Rose barges in Carter's office explaining there was no one in the outer office, he says, "You'd think a bomb had gone off." Gosh, is that supposed to be irony? I think it is.

- OK, so Rose is flashy trash, but I do feel sorry for her. Amazingly her lipstick survived a whole breakfast of the world's best flapjacks just so Tommy could smear it all over her face. It must have been red tinted vaseline because I know my lipstick wouldn't have smeared that easily. I felt sorry for her too...and this is a good point.

- Waiting for that bomb to finally go off was mind-numbing. Dang I was actually hoping for Tommy to be turned into confetti. I guess is was another case of a balcony coming to the aid of the Ewings in getting rid of pesky problems. First Nicholas takes a convenient plunge and now this. It did seem very strained, didn't it?

- I suppose this musical necklace thingy is expensive and all, but it's clunky and not something I can see April wearing. I don't know...a season ago, it seemed to me like April would wear almost anything.

AHN Jason's corner:

- Cliff claims to be a partner in Ewing Oil. So does this count has having control of a piece of Ewing Oil?  Like on the tote board.  Also does Sue Ellen have control of a piece of Ewing Oil in WOTE? This is never made clear but it stands to reason that he "controls" something. And good catch about Sue Ellen.

- God, that art dealer looks so creepy.  Not at all young and charming like the old lady says. Did you know that he's Elizabeth Taylor's son? Spooky.

- The whole bomb thing was really poorly staged.  First, how is it that Bobby never opens his briefcase during the whole day and 1/2 from when Tommy plants it to when it goes off.  I mean come on- he is a business executive.  He must have some reason to open it. Are you insinuating that as an executive, he does WORK? :)

- Second, how is that Phyllis couldn't leave a message for Bobby at the car cleaning place?  She knew the car was there.  Surely they would take a message for Bobby about the jewelry defect. She probably figured it was something that could wait.

- Third, the way that Bobby and April wind up on the balcony looked so staged and artificial. 

- Fourth, with all the moving around the briefcase did that day, wouldn't it have triggered a "real life" bomb.  Seems that jolting it up and down and such should have triggered the fuse or whatever it was. Tough call. The trigger is the "mousetrap" effect, which requires some kind of rapid action such as opening the case or having it fall eight stories onto a sidewalk. I think you're right that it should have exploded at some point.

- This is a TNN nit.  They still show those commercials with Mon-FRIDAY afternoon line up of Dukes, Dallas, and Waltons.....  Um  I thought Dallas was off of Friday nights..... This is an OUTSTANDING nit.

AHN Val's corner:

Bobby stated that it was the four-month anniversary of the Great Waltz in Vienna...a night worth celebrating. Somehow, I don't think he was celebrating the dance, but the aftermath, and April's taste of Vienna Beef Sausage for dessert. I wouldn't have put it quite that way, but I see your point. And tell me if I'm wrong, but would April have felt the same if Bobby said "it's the four-month anniversary of the first time I banged you"?

- Carter stated that Rose can have her old room back. I find it hard to believe that she even had her own room the first time she stayed at Carter's. In fact, I thought the whole purpose of her being there was to warm his bed. So did I. Or maybe that IS what he means?!

- That pendant that Bobby bought for April looked rather something you'd find sold at a kiosk at the mall. I have no eye for jewellery, so I'll take your word for it.

- Some guy called Bobby and offered him and Christopher his two extra tickets to the Cowboys game. Wait a minute!!! I thought that the Ewings owned a box at Texas Stadium. In fact, JR used to entertain Mandy Winger there. So, why would they accept regular stadium seats from this other guy? An OUTSTANDING nit...except that Ewing Oil probably lost that when the CIA took the company away. Like the records that Ellie was searching yesterday, I kind of doubt it was returned.

- Also, Bob and Chris were gonna be wearing their suits and ties to the game. I know they had to hurry, but that attire seems rather uncomfortable to sit in for three hours, plus. Besides, how long does it take to throw on a pair of jeans and a sweat shirt anyway? Totally agreed.

- Carter said he's gonna warm up the car. I haven't spent much time in Texas, but I don't think Dallas has a reputation for being cold in the fall. Maybe Carter's taking the Hyundai Pony to work. [Did you ever have one of those? I did. It had a MANUAL choke. Piece of crap.]

AHN Mike's corner:

- Looks like Halliday bought Mark Graison's car. Or is the Graison estate still taking it out for regular drives based on Mark's will. Or is Mark not dead? Sometimes it all seems like a dream, doesn't it. Yes it does. That car seemed to be very similar to Mark's although Graison's looked much more classy.

- In the scene with McKay and Tommy's counselor, was something cut out? That line about Tommy's "father protector" role came out of nowhere. Yes it did. We've seen a lot of it, of course, but it's kind of abrupt to hear it summarized that way.

- Whose dog was that jogging along with the Stevens sisters? I have no idea. I wondered that too.

- Once again, Tommy shows no fear of getting caught. His fingerprints are all over Bobby's briefcase by the time the bomb is placed. The whole tension setup over when the briefcase would be opened was overdone to the point of being lame. And when the bomb goes over the balcony, dropping many floors below, we once again wonder how the hell Tommy escaped from Bobby by running out onto that balcony. I certainly wondered. The first time I saw this episode, the suspense already seemed strained. This time it seemed pathetic.

- John Ross finally appears (with a new hairstyle) only to be shipped off to England. Don'tcha wish Christopher would cold-cock him when he gets into those snotty moods? Christopher has too much of his [adoptive] mother in him. A damn shame because you're right - it would be cool if they had a JR/Bobby relationship.

- Besides McKay's "bomb" comment, there were a couple of other sly humorisms in this episode. Lucy says "Rambo (Dack?) couldn't keep me away." and Clayton says Pride Texas is near "Beaumont", a name we'll be hearing a lot real soon. Something about that "Rambo" line struck me as odd....these are very interesting! Thanks for pointing them out.

- Turn on the Cally "pleasures me" tote board, she said it again to the lady who bought her painting. And what happened to those "My Fair Lady" diction and grammar lessions she was taking? She sounds just as much a hick now as when she arrived. Must be the presence of the esteemed Mrs. Evander.

AHN Kyle's corner:

- Cliff just finished ordering his Chinese food when Michelle walked in. Unless they have the Flash working at the restaurant, it will take a lot longer than "a few minutes" for the food to get there. Chinese food seems to take forever to arrive (45 minutes to an hour). Cliff must have a special arrangement with them. After all, I'm sure that some weeks he keeps them in business.

Episode 312: Sunset, Sunrise

Bonehead Dialogue Award: [courtesy of Alett and Jason]

>April: Should we get married, Bobby Ewing?
>Bobby: Are you proposing to me?

Angelica Award: Michelle's tie-died outfit when she visits JR's office. Nominated by Jason.

- Another strike against Cally today. Alex Barton refers to her as Cally "Harper". As long as she's got that huge rock on her finger, her name is Cally Ewing, and Liz Taylor, Jr. better not forget it. Why doesn't Cally remind him that she's a married woman?

- I won't harp on the fact that Ewing Oil secretaries are totally pathetic today by allowing James to waltz into JR's office. But it deserves a mention.

AHN Alett's corner:

- At the funeral Boomer with baseball in hand says: "Hey, if there really is a Heaven, maybe we'll both play some ball." No, Boomer, you and Tommy will be heading the other direction tossing around a ball of plastique (sp?) explosive.

- Continuing in this spiritual motif, April tells Bobby: "I want to be with you from here to Heaven." Again, I don't see much chance those two will end up there either. Ouch! Why the venom for these two? Just because they've already done the nasty?

- So they killed off Tommy just to bring in that smarmy James Beaumont? If he's been hanging around the office for hours, why hasn't Sly asked his name? She probably tried but he wouldn't spill the beans. Perhaps if she offered to go out with him, he might have talked.

- I'll bet you're happy to see Vanessa will be back. Actually, aside from her very British teeth, I think she's a good "prequel" to Sue Ellen. They do resemble each other. Maybe subconsciously that's why JR was attracted to Sue Ellen. Remember she had bad teeth for a long time too. Yes, I do remember that. But Linda Gray is a lovely woman and a great actress. Gayle Hunnicutt [at this point in her life] is neither.

AHN Jason's corner:

- I noticed that JR did not invite Phyllis and Jackie to his celebration but did invite Kendall. Weird Maybe they're "busy" helping their busy bosses. [snicker] I suspect that Kendall's just a party girl.

- The police did not barge in when Tommy was shot.  I thought they would when they heard the gun go off. They sure should have. Lame.

- They also did not immediately question Carter.  They said something like they will quesiton him in the morning. Weird. Not impossible, but weird.

- The fact that JR would wear his business suit into the water was pretty dumb.  What a waste of a good suit. And how much fun would it be undress someone who is fully clothed in a pool? I don't think Marilee cares whether it's fun or not - she makes her own fun. I can't stand her.

- There is a nit when Marilee does her seducitve striptease.  She is clearly wearing a one-piece, not a bikini... So she pulls it down and then tosses it off but we don't hear a splash when she would have lifted her legs to get the suit off.. Unless it was made with a velcro lining, I don't see how this is possible.. Good nit. Perhaps she has some special skill we don't know about. Maybe her hips are so wide that she could just kick it off.

- Did Tracey wear the same outfit for 2 days?  It seemed in every scene she was in, she worn the same black dress. Not quite. The first scene, in Carter's office, the dress looked completely black. The one she wore at the funeral and the scene after that had white buttons down the front.

- How would Cally know what Marilee looked like?  They clearly had not met until today's episode. Maybe from photo albums...can't think of anything else.

AHN Val's corner:

- JR has a fax machine in his bedroom. This is odd, considering that a house the size of Southfork probably has a home least it did at one time. We'll have to see how long it lasts.

- When Tommy told the security officers that Bobby has a bomb, the guards were ready to haul him away. Bobby however ordered them to take him to Carter. They totally dismissed the bomb!!!!! Yeah, it's true that Bobby didn't have a bomb in his briefcase, and if he did, he didn't put it there. But the guards didn't know that. In fact, the guards had no problem taking orders from an ALLEGED bomber. At that point, they should have erred on the side of caution, and listened to Tommy. Perhaps things were different in 1989, but security personnel wouldn't be acting that carelessly today. Excellent analysis. Or maybe they're wise to Tommy's tricks - but unlikely.

- It looked like Carter put the palm of his hand right on top of Tommy's gunshot wound. I'm no expert on the subject, but this seems medically incorrect to me. Well, it's not the smartest idea...of course, it's good to stop the bleeding but this would be rather ineffective.

- After the funeral, when JR and Cally were walking down the tree-lined road, the grey sedan was following slowly behind them. I kept wondering: "Why don't they just move over and let the car pass?" When they stopped, the car stopped. When they walked, the car moved too. Then, JR and Cally moved back toward the car, and the driver got out, as if to open the back door for them. Wait a minute. JR and Cally drove themselves to the funeral. I plainly saw JR's and Bobby's cars parked amongst the limos. So why are they taking a limo? So they could have a nice touchy-feely scene, I guess. Still doesn't make sense, though.

AHN Kyle's corner:

- This opening credit thing has gotten ridiculous! Sasha Mitchell hadn't even been on the show yet and he was in the OPENING! What happened to standards people? Standards! Though I have no evidence of this, I would suspect that Sasha had been doing Patrick Duffy some very special favors. I don't know what Pat sees in this kid.

- My word...McKay's secretary is the whiniest person I've ever seen (yes, worse than Pam!). She's only been onscreen for 15 seconds and yet I instantly hate her.

- Marilee was definitely showing signs of aging in her pool scene, but one thing is timeless...her floating cooler! Sweet. Yeah, that was neat. Convenient that a cell phone was present.

- Come on, JR. You take of your watch, wallet, jewelry etc., but not your shoes? Dumb, dumb, dumb. I know she wouldn't let you take off the suit, but come on...

- OK, so JR can now deliver his shipment to Shaughnessy, but that's only 750,000 barrels. What about the other 1.25 million he owes him? Perhaps there was a cut...I don't know.

- Ken Kercheval looks so haggard these days. Hagman may have put on some (alright, many) pounds (whereas Bobby seems to be YOUNGER) but Ken is really starting to show signs of aging. Plus, he's super boring these days. FREE KEN KERCHEVAL society? Hmmm. I'll think about this.

- I noticed that the priest called Tommy "Tom McKay". Wouldn't that probably be THOMAS McKay? That makes the most sense. Good point.

- What the hell is wrong with Sasha Mitchell. It's like he's got this weird facial tic that makes him look really strange. I hate to break it to you...but that's not a tic. That's him reading the cue cards. The boy flat out cannot act. Wait until next season where he constantly talks like he's at a dress rehearsal.

AHN Rob's corner:

- I'm confused. Exactly how was it that Tommy ended up shooting himself? There wasn't much of a struggle for the gun -- which McKay never really grabbed for. And I don't see where Tommy was even afforded an opportunity to point it at himself. Even if he had, why? This looks like one of those hurry-up-and-get-that-guy-off-the-show-because-his-contract-is-up plot twists to me... Your final statement is the key here. Plain and simple.

- Don't look now, but that personal studio Alex Barton got for Cally is JR's old JRE Industries office...  Really? Not that I doubt you, but how can you tell?

- Has anyone noticed that Tracy has started calling her father ‘Dad'? It was always ‘Mack' before she left Dallas the first time...  It didn't register with me and no one else noticed. Good call.

- That was a really strange post-funeral scene between Bobby and April. People normally arent THAT horny after such a solemn occasion -- even if they hated the guy -- are they?   I wouldn't think so. I'm sure Val will have a snide comment.

- ...And the April-proposing-to-Bobby-with-a-rubber-band bit was cute also. There was just one thing: Engagement rings should go on the LEFT ring finger...

- DUMMY of the DAY RETURNS: JR again, for planning to send that barnacle barge -- I mean, tanker -- back out to sea without at least getting it checked out first. That's just asking for trouble...

- DUMMY of the DAY NOMINEE #2: Bobby, for not only insisting that he go to Tommy's funeral, but taking half the Ewing Clan along. Why not fly Ray in from Europe and REALLY have a blast for old time's sake...?  Yeah! And dig up Fred Hughes! That'd be a happenin' funeral!

AHN Mike's corner:

- The whole JR in the pool with his clothes on segment was another embarrasing example of what a loser they've made him. The only bigger loser seems to be Marilee who can't get laid unless she can extract it to get a deal. JR got off two zingers about her. First telling her "a woman your age shouldn't be running around without her clothes" and then telling Cally that Marilee "tried to seduce me with her fading charms". Good for a laugh, that's for sure.

- The one thing I didn't understand was why JR didn't take Marilee's oil reserves. He's got a long way to go before he can satisfy his Shaughnessy contract on an ongoing basis. I guess now the pressure's off...I have a feeling this little detail will be swept under the rug.

- Sly's hair is shorter yet. I hate it, but I like Sly. She looks better and better. By the way, Sly's new hairstyle seems to be the same as James'. Yes it does. Interesting.

Episode 313: Pride and Prejudice

Bonehead Dialogue Award: [courtesy of Alett]

>April's champagne toast: To us.
>Bobby: You mean we're alone?

This struck me as just plain dumb. Even if April's opportunistic little sister were there, the toast has nothing to do with how many people are in the room.

[courtesy of Jake]:

>Ellie (to housesitter): "You can go home now."
Let's see, Ellie, he's a housesitter -- he's looking after the house -- he obviously lives here! Duh!

Angelica Award: Alex Barton. First a butt-ugly brown shirt, and then a sweater which he must have procured at the estate auction of Nicholas Pearce.

- I don't want to waste all of my energy on Alex Barton, but...what the hell. His well-deserved Angelica award goes hand in hand with the "someone needs to be slapped" award. Who the hell does he think he is, prying into Cally's personal life? He sort of reminds me of Mark Graison, the way he's charmingly inserting himself into a married woman's life. At least Graison had some charisma and no gaps between his teeth!

- And calling Cally a "girl-woman"? What the hell is that? Here's reason # 254 that Elizabeth Taylor should have had her tubes tied at the age of sixteen.

- There haven't been many Ox moments lately because Clayton's been pushed to the sidelines. But there was one today! When Clayton realizes that the time on the cuckoo clock doesn't match his watch, he SHAKES his arm, including the watch, to try and get it started again. Maybe a watch is too advanced for him...I suggest he invest in a sundial. Yikes.

AHN Kyle's corner:

- OK, the backwater gas station. If you listen closely (when the man pumps the gas) the bell rings 6 or 7 times. It's fairly safe to assume that a ring is a gallon of gas (it sounds about right). The total then comes to $22.43. Using the six gallon theory, that the per gallon price was about $3.75. Even though I'm not familiar with the price of gas 10 years ago, $3.75 seems a bit much.
Actually, I thought the ring was supposed to signify each dollar...but perhaps you're right. There's no way in hell the per gallon price is $ 3.75. Even today in the States it's just over a dollar. Not even in Nunavut [or downtown Toronto, for that matter] is it that expensive.

- What does Clayton call the guy after he shuts the door in his face? Started with a C, I think. Whatever, certainly seemed to be outside the realm of the Ox's vocabulary. I didn't catch the word but I think it's a synonym of dastardly or caitiff.

- Whoa! When did James manage to set up this date with Kendall. Today was her breakout day. Sadly, this close look at Kendall was pretty disturbing. She's a lot older than I thought (also, fairly whorish...sleeping with him before they even eat!). I totally agree. Is this someone's idea of making a character multidimensional? Why does Kendall have to be James' sperm depository?

- How, exactly, does one go about buying a city? This was very strange. I think it was just an expression - Ellie probably just bought all the buildings.

AHN Jason's corner:

- JR being so cozy with James is too forced....  this may have to do with Sasha's poor acting.. I think you're right. SOMEONE has to make Sasha pay attention to the cue cards.

- So James is 21-22.. Hmm  that means he was born in 1968 or so.. Didn't JR meet Sue Ellen in 1967 at the beauty pageant? This is a good point...but they were married in 1970. It's unclear what transpired in between. We'll have to watch for more details about this.

- The sign in front of the boarding house "Rooms for Rent" looks to be in pretty good shape for how old it should be... The same could be said for the paper in the cuckoo clock.

AHN Val's corner:

- When Clayton drove into Pride, he carelessly sideswiped a few tumbleweeds with his car. Does that guy not care one iota about his paint job? Must be a rental.

- Bobby agreed to drive Chistopher and his friend to the skating party. He then invited April to come along. Don't tell me that all four of them are supposed to fit into Bobby's two-seat Mercedes! I know that there is a small area large enough for one child (namely Christopher) to sit behind the seats. Then, there's also Chris' friend. Bobby was quite worried about the two young kids getting too chummy too soon, but during the car ride, they must have really had to cozy up. Excellent point.

- Bobby and April appeared to be the only adults at the skating rink. Don't tell me those two are supposed to single-handedly chaperone half an elementary school. Another good one. Maybe the other adults are on the sidelines?

- A lot has been said about Cally's paintings. Most of it not good. I, for one like the bright colors and bold shapes. They exude an aura of simplicity and childlike innocence. In fact, that's the kind of stuff I'd like to hang in my new house. I don't think they're that bad...I think people singled out the one of Southfork because it really looked kind of like a finger painting. But I guess that's why we're not art critics.

AHN Jake's corner:

- The mountains in the background when Ellie and Clayton stopped at the gas station looked more like the West, like California or Nevada, not Texas. But then again, it's really not Texas. No. In fact, I daresay it's Montana, where the final bit of the episode was shot.

- I noticed that Ellie was biting off the cap of her Coke bottle...or trying to.   That's real nice.

- When Clayton laughed after the gas station owner said "We're all hoping they'll find oil and we'll all be rich," I just wanted to slap him.  It wasn't funny in the least. I guess not. This whole thing was weird.

- Clayton knocks on the door of the boarding house, waits two and a half seconds, then knocks again.  We're real patient, now aren't we, Clayton?

- Christopher asked a girl to go skating with him?  Come one!  He's like 8. 8 year-olds don't like girls...they think they're icky.  First Christopher is doing square roots of numbers in the thousands, now he's asking girls to go skating, before you know it he's going to be wanting birth control. Oh, yeah, and John Ross is like 10. Smooth my ass. Well put. I totally agree.

- Ellie and Clayton didn't think of the clock?  It had a keyhole.  Ah, but that was after they started looking through "Jock's eyes." And failed miserably at first. Funny how Clayton was able to channel the spirit of Jock and Ellie wasn't. That must be a result of Ellie selling out her family over the years.

- Ellie says, "Is it a map of some kind?"  Yes, Ellie, you're real quick.

- J.R. says John Ross will be coming home a few weeks.  That's not soon.   He's only been there two weeks...maybe even less. Well, it would have been kind of strained for him to say, "No, not soon..."

- Cally tells Alex she just came in to finish her painting.  She tells him she's done.  Then he says he's going to come to catch up on her later. Why? She's done! She won't be there! Outstanding! How did I miss that?

AHN Analise's corner:

- When Ellie and Clayton came back to the old building where Sparks was the next morning, she claimed that she bought the town of Pride.  Now I guess this means that she bought the main buildings there.  But here is the nit.  How could she do that?   Is she assuming that the titles to all of the buildings are in one central location and not with the actual owners?  Building owners, even those in a ghost town, usually keep ownership papers and copies of documents like records of property tax payments with THEM, in a vault or in some safe place.  There is no way that within one evening, she could have had access to all of them, including the owners (who are probably no where near Pride, would you be??), had the purchase papers drawn, and be able to get a certified cashier's checks to buy all of those buildings.  Not even Super Ellie could do this in the real world!  And we haven't seen Super Harve in a while either!  It isn't like Ellie could put all of these purchases on her American Express Platinum card!   This bugged me big time!  You can't close deals on real estate without the certified funds nor can you do this without the signatures of ALL of the owners.   Makes me realize that the writers must have majored in macrame in college! This is a good point. I assumed that the bank had foreclosed on pretty much everything of value in Pride, and so I graciously granted that one entity owned most of the stuff. As you've said, there's very little to interest anyone in this little town, so I would assume that they just turned everything over to the government or something. It's a stretch, though...I'm sure you're right about this.

AHN Mike's corner:

- Christopher's date: are we surprised those Ewing boys start early on girls. But wouldn't Bobby and Chris avoid the roller skating rink like the plague after the Lisa Alden affair? Looks like a different rink, but that's a good point. Jason reminds us that the other rink was an ICE rink.

- I know the scene with Kendall was to get James over as a young JR ladykiller type but they really destroyed her character, making her such a tramp. That's what happens when you get your one big break and you don't have contract control over your character. Besides, how smooth can James be after he fails to get over on Sly who admitted recently she has no man in her life? James is NOT smooth. Kendall must need it really bad. I can't understand that...that girl should be able to have any guy she wants, shouldn't she? She's BUILT! I'll light her fire any night...

- Miss Ellie must have been Kim Basinger's role model when she bought that town in Mississppi. But why buy the whole town? Wouldn't it have been easier and cheaper just to buy the boarding house. They would have jumped at any offer to unload it. Maybe she figures she might have to dig deeper than just the boarding house...or maybe it was a package deal, as I suggested. Buy the boarding house, and get the rest of the town for only a few bucks more.

- Only a farm girl like Cally would have understood that vague goose/gander metaphor Alex used, but I bet she ran for the dictionary after he left when he used the word "dichotomy". I will be the first to admit that I did not understand the part before "goose/gander". I totally hate this guy, more than Ozwald, more than Van Buren...more than even Mark Graison.

Episode 314: Fathers and Other Strangers

Bonehead Dialogue Award: [courtesy of me and Jason]

>Cliff: "If you see me there, I'll be there."

No comment.

Angelica Award: A tie between Vanessa's striped green jacket [nominated by Jason] or James's sweater also purchased during the estate auction of Nicholas Pearce [nominated by Val].

Carter's instant tantrum meter: 1. In his office again.

- Cally confuses the heck out of me today. She expresses surprise that Vanessa would come all the way to Dallas just to find her son. Excuse me, little filly...wouldn't ANY mother do this to make sure her son was all right? What's even more confusing is that in the next scene Cally says she understands that Vanessa must have been worried sick about her son. Make up your mind, Cally.

- During the "BILC" pool scene between Sly and James, during the moment where Sly is walking towards the pool and the cameraman can't seem to tear the lens away from her butt, her dialogue is very poorly dubbed. Same thing when Cliff is walking into his office after arguing with JR.

- James's statement that his accent was learned in New Jersey at the age of ten is ridiculous. Accents are learned at a very young age - during the period when a child first learns to talk. By five, you've usually got your accent. It can be modified later in life but traces will always remain. I would be remiss if I did not mention that Alett alluded to this yesterday, but I thought I'd wait until we got an official explanation.

- Ellie also suffers from the weird dialogue bug. She tells the waiter at the diner that the Ewing name is "special" to her. Well, I would hope so, Ellie! It was YOUR name for about forty years.

- Oh, boy. Now here's a really bad one. Ellie says that Jock's letter, ostensibly written in the mid-40's, is addressed "to his son". Very interesting in light of the fact that Jock had TWO sons at the time. JR was born in 1939, and Gary was born three years later.

From Emily: J.R. and Vanessa could not have had James.  They both have blue eyes and our young James has brown eyes!  I guess that the casting director must not have studied genetics! Quite an outstanding first nit, Emily!

AHN Kyle's corner:

- Why in the world would Bobby tell Christopher about Vanessa? "And then there was this lady that really, really wanted to do the nasty with Uncle JR..." (of course, she did warn them about the whole OPEC thing...)

- Cliff is prone to some pretty wild rants, but his suggestion of being a better oil man than Bobby and JR was absolutely ridiculous! Even he can't possibly believe that. Last time I checked, he has made one oil deal...ever. Give me a break. It is pretty lame for Cliff to try and say he's accomplished something.

- Phyllis tells the guys that a Weststar tanker has just crashed. Bobby then says "a Weststar SUPER-tanker!". I'm not too familiar with offshore operations, but how does Bobby know it was a super tanker? Phyllis never said that (did she?). Are all Weststar tankers super-tankers? I think the prefix "super" is somewhat arbitrary. I have less knowledge than you do about offshore operations, but I'd be willing to bet that there is no hard and fast demarcation line between regular tankers and super tankers.

- True, JR's celebrating over the oil spill was in poor taste, but Bobby and Cliff's preachings about the environment left a bad taste in my mouth. They're freaking oil men!! How many healthy acres of land have they pillaged? Millions, probably. Kind of strange. Well, as you pointed out in Cliff's case, no one can ever accuse him of pillaging land. Bobby might be a different story here.

AHN Jason's corner:

- The cafe owner tells Ellie and Clayton that he just got off the phone with the "Ewings and Mallories"....  So did these people have car phones?   Rather unlikely.. I know this is a moot point b/c it was a lie but worth mentioning... I don't think it was a lie at all - I bet Stanley Mallory called his folks and they called the diner back. Maybe they were at a hotel or something. Clearly the farmhouse is not very far from Kalispell, perhaps a few hours, so this seems plausible.

- Ellie seems rather rushed to get this plot over with...(Can't really blame her.) but she DID want an adventure so her sudden cold feet is surprising.. I agree. She seemed very oxy here.

- Sarah Ewing talks about how her brotherS and husband helped Jock and Tom escape.   Yet when Jock returns he only saved A brother, so did the others already die by that point? I guess so.

- Ok  on to my favorite type of nit...  the liberal use of time..  in this episode it is said that "Jock died 7 years ago"  and "John Ross is 11"   let's see...  it is fall 1989  Jock died in fall 1981 so that is really 8 years ago maybe 8 1/2 ..  John Ross was born in 1979 and should be 10 maybe 10 and 1/2.    We could argue that one year didn't exist b/c of the dream.  This could explain the Jock error but that would put the John Ross estimate way off..  and a few episodes ago, they were counting the Dream year in estimating the years since Jock's passing...  Anyone confused yet? I was going to do some math but you saved me the trouble. Someone is very confused here...perhaps more than one person. At this point, you can be sure that the writers are "counting" the dream season. Perhaps what Ellie meant was that Jock was "declared" dead seven years ago, but this is pretty dumb. And John Ross is definitely 10. This is egregiously ignorant from Bobby. Then again, he thinks his son is going through puberty.

-  Just a note..  Sasha uses way to many hand movements when he speaks... it is hilarious.. I suspect it's to draw attention away from his horribly delivered dialogue. Kind of like the way lazy wrestlers stomp on the mat for effect when they throw punches. The good ones don't have to.

- I think the Dallas writers could have made a better show of suspense on the revelation of James as JR's son if they did not have him say it to Vanessa before the commercial break. It could have come out for the first time at the end of the episode and worked (slightly) better. I agree. I don't know why they chose not to do this. Perhaps because it was so obvious, even yesterday, that James was his son.

- I found it really dumb for JR to think that Vanessa had given birth to James before they had their affair. It seems unlikely that she would have never mentioned him at all during the affair.  Also she would have been rather out of shape and -pardon my frankness-  kinda sore down there if she had given birth a few months before..not like the "babe" that stole JR's heart... I don't recall all of the details here, so I think you're right.

- Just a note.. did anyone else see a sexual connotation to Cliff saying to JR'mine's bigger than yours is' .. Definite pen..errrr   Manhood comparision.. Hmm  wonder what Marilee would say to this.. Marilee would want both "offices".

- I found it hard to believe that the "Ewings and Mallories" could not find Jock after the war..  I mean he was a millionaire.. and we know how much the media liked the Ewings.. Very true. Pick up a newspaper! Good point.

- Bobby gave a sex ed talk to an 8 year old.. Come on.. the kid is going to messed up.   No 8 year old thinks of sex.. more like 12-13 year olds.. I agree. Ridiculous.

AHN Val's corner:

- April's apartment has only one bathroom. ONE!!! Ok, let me get this straight...She's a mulitmillionaire. She owns the building. She even knocked down some walls to expand her own apartment. Also, with Michelle living there, she must have at least two bedrooms. So, WHY only one bathroom?!?!? Your guess is as good as mine. I guess even she's not megalomaniacal enough to have two bathrooms just for herself. Remember that Shelly's just a houseguest at this point.

- Why didn't Lucy summon Cally to the phone when Alex called? She was just upstairs. Too lazy to climb the steps, Lucy?'re right! Good point.

- Jackie stated that "dull is starting to sound pretty good" in reference to all the bickering among the Ewing Oil partners. Of course dull sounds good, Jackie!!! Dull means boring and boring means that you don't have to do any work. You can just do your nails. You mean she doesn't? Are you implying she does WORK? :)

AHN Mike's corner:

- Nobody noticed Sly wore earrings into the pool. I found that strange. That was an unflattering bathing suit, unlike the ones she wore at the pool when she was double-agenting for JR with Cliff. I did notice a hint of cellulite at the top back of her thighs. It wasn't a GREAT suit, but it was all right. And Sly can be forgiven for putting on a few pounds.

- James couldn't possibly be JR's son if all he has is that one stupid line about waking up with a smile on your face. I guess he kept using it till it failed - and it did with Sly. He's got a long way to go.

- Leave it to Miss Ellie to find the only Black man in Montana. AAP/EEO must have been coming down on the Dallas casting people during this season. We got Black actors as Cliff's PI, the gas station guy in Pride and the sole Black living in Montana. Thank goodness TV finally started giving Blacks significant roles in recent years or we never would have had the privilege of seeing great actors like Andre Braugher of "Homicide" and Steve Harris of "The Practice".

- I noticed Kendall had a new straight hairstyle. Must have been "scared straight" from her night with James. Doesn't surprise me one bit.

- I'm sure the Ewings of Montana were pleased that Miss Ellie left their fence gate open so the chickens could come in and crap on their lawn.

- And speaking of crap, Carter McKay threw another great "kill the messenger" temper tantrum but the censors must have gotten to him because he said "Don't give me that GARBAGE." instead of "crap". He'll be back to "crap" tomorrow.

- Back to Montana, what was with the miltary music when Ellie and Ox went to the back of the house? i half expected the third house on the street to have B.D. Calhoun on the mailbox. That would have been interesting.

Episode 315: Black Tide

Bonehead Dialogue Award: [courtesy of Jason]

>JR before McKay's conference: "Fasten your seat belts, Here comes the hot air."

Angelica Award: Michelle's cartilage-stretching earrings during her treasure hunt.

- The news reporter tells Bobby and JR that the Weststar press conference is supposed to be right after their "long" lunch. How long exactly is this lunch? When the Ewings settle in to watch it, it's clearly night time.

- During the final scene, we see Cally begin to walk back into her room and nearly disappear from our hallway view. When James calls her and she turns around, she's suddenly way in front of the door.

From Brian Coker: I'd like to submit a big nit that struck me, as a business degree holder and a law student, as being quite flagrant. Cliff announces that he will assemble a blue ribbon panel to investigate the oil spill.  Well that's kind of ironic, because as a full partner in Ewing Oil at the time the incident took place, Cliff can be found just as liable as Bobby or J.R. for the damages.  The fact that he resigned at the McKay's press conference does nothing to clear him of potential liability. This is a great catch, Brian! I appreciate you pointing this out.

AHN Alett's corner:

- When JR is on the phone with Halladay, he has his fingers over the mouthpiece. I was waiting for Halladay to say, "JR, is that really you?" Good one.

- During Carter's news conference, first the camera cuts back to Cally, and she's out of focus. Next Carter has already begun, and he conveniently pauses so JR can make comments to James. That was awfully convenient. Another good one.

- I thought the oil in the pool was a nice touch except for the barrel with "Ewing Oil" scrawled on it just for the camera's benefit. I guess the perpetrators set the scene like a political cartoon, but "Duh" do the Ewings really need this clue? Also JR's assessment that some "bleeding heart idiots" did this is more accurate than Bobby's idea that JR doesn't get it "When the average guy on the street is angry enough to do something like this." OK, Dallas is not some hick town, but my image of the average guy on the street comes closer to someone driving a pickup truck with a long neck beer on the seat and a dog hanging out the window. This pool stunt seems more likely the work of an environmental activist. I think you're right about it being the work of activists. Actually, the barrel is sort of a nice touch if you think about it. Suppose someone came to the ranch with the intent of vandalizing the pool. How would they get the oil there? In a barrel. What would they do with the barrel once they were finished pouring the oil? They would toss it in the pool. Certainly they wouldn't bother taking it with them as they left.

AHN Kyle's corner:

- Again, the Ewing tanker received a 1.2 rating out of what? 5? 10?? Either way, it's bad, and I guess that's all that matters. Agreed. Be nice to have a frame of reference, though.

- Very good scene when Cliff shows up at the Weststar press conference. So good that I really think it should have been at the END of the show. Tough call. Would have been difficult to milk a whole hour out of Bobby planning his PR moves and McKay planning his PR moves.

- Ah, the famous Ellie shuffle. Trouble strikes...time to sequester the mother! I can just picture Clayton during these scenes: "No, Ellie! Don't turn on the TV!!" I wonder what he does in these situations.

- Pretty crappy ending for a solid episode. I wonder why they deemed that James' closing scene to be worthy of a finale. I really think it should have been Cliff's defection (and then put all the other Cliff stuff in the next episode). Sigh... The ending totally sucked. Certainly they could have done better than this. Though I still think that Cliff's defection pretty much HAD to be in the middle.

AHN Jason's corner:

- How would Cliff know that JR and April have slept together? I can't imagine that she would tell him that. I'll have to do some research on this...I certainly can't imagine that April told him; other than JR and April, the only people who know are Cally and Bobby. Can't see it coming from any one of them either. Unless snooping Michelle found out somehow.

- So why is Jackie still at Ewing Oil if Cliff is gone? Cleaning out the office, I guess.

- Sly got Halliday on the phone really fast.

- Notice that there is a mob outside JR's office when Cliff comes in with the ugly painting, then when he leaves, they are not seen. Where did they go?  Did the Phantom expel them? Perhaps the secretaries actually did their job and cleaned house.

- James and Vanessa talk about going for a swim (in the park?) but they are both fully dressed up. That was bizarre. Totally didn't understand.

- Just a note, Cliff has now messed up his chances to bed BOTH Stevens sisters. Did he ever really have a chance with April? I suppose he had the opportunity.

AHN Val's corner:

- Only one nit today.... Bobby said he hoped this oil slick doesn't hit the Texas coast. Uh, Bob, what about the coasts of Mexico, Louisiana, Mississippi, Florida, etc.  Excellent point. Or maybe this oil has a homing device?

AHN Mike's corner:

- As you predicted, McKay got back to "crap" in this episode. I loved how the AAP/EEO lawyers had the camera pan McKay's employees lined up in his office to make sure they showed the token Black. It was a nice touch.

- As much as I hate the Michelle character, I have to admit she is the new "Tommy". Her heel personna and deviousness is driving just about every plot right now. But why does the camers show her from the kness down every time she enters a room? I suspect that without that stupid featherduster hairdo and the overabundance of makeup, she might be rather attractive. I know she eventually hooks up with James but I can't remember if they turn her babyface as well. That would be monumental turn worthy of Vince McMahon if they do it. I'll reserve comment for the "I think" this week.

- Money must cover a multitude of sins. Cliff is getting very old-looking. His hair is thin all over and requires a lot of coverup to make it look like he's not bald. His facial expression and other physical quirks are laughable. he's a whiner and a loser. Yet he still gets the babes. Incredible! Of course, if he keeps turning it down when it's offered...... I think that's where his problem is.

- A blue ribbon panel? Yeah, that'll be real effective. They'll probably determine it was a lone gunman who fired the single bullet that caused both tankers to collide.

- Where's the old JR? The old JR would have immediately sumised Al "the pal" had betrayed him and started planning his revenge. I forget whether Al the Pal gets away with this or not.

- The crack Ewing/Southfork security people failed once again as the pool gets "oiled".

- It was very unlike that weasel Cliff to come to the office after he backstabbed the Ewings on TV. He should have been afrai that Bobby, at a minimum, would beat the crap out of him (which he didn't and was out of character for fast-fists Bobby). It would have been more typical to just send Jackie to take the heat and to stay away. It's Michelle's influence I guess. I would have loved to see Bobby tank him.

- Carter McKay looked much thinner in the face in his scene with Michelle. Could that fat load have lost weight? By the way, George Kennedy gets more out of less hair than anyone since Harvey Korman. he has taken what little air he has, grown it very long, parted it at the ear on one side and artfully crafted it to look like a lot more than is really there. I think he did lose some weight. Good point about the hair.

Episode 316: Daddy's Dearest

Bonehead Dialogue Award: [courtesy of Alett]

>April: If ever two people deserve each other, it's you and Cliff.
>Cliff: Hey, that sounds like an insult.

You're sharp today, Cliff.

Angelica Award: Bobby's striped shirt and dotted tie don't match. Nominated by Jason.

Carter's instant tantrum meter: 1. At Ewing Oil.

- When Cally comes to the exercise room hoping to be alone, she doesn't really seem dressed for a workout. Was she just coming there to mope?

- JR suggests that James move in to Cliff's old Ewing Oil office. Wait a minute; wasn't Cliff's office bigger than JR's? Shouldn't JR move in there, and then let James have his office?

- Something James said rung a bell. When he's talking to JR about being devoted to a partner, he says that he wishes he was lucky enough to find a soul mate. Just kind of seems interesting...I can't comment further because of the "no spoilers" rule.

- Bobby also seems to suffer from situational amnesia. He tells JR that it looks like he's finally succeeded in burying Ewing Oil. Ah, not quite "finally", Bobby. He did it once before, remember?

Introducing AHN Alett's corner:

- April delivers Shelly's clothes in mostly garbage bags. Since they don't fit in her suitcases, she must have been doing a lot of shopping. I thought she was essentially broke. Or she's raking up one heck of a Visa bill to sport enticing gear like that little red number James (the method actor supreme) was drooling over.

- What's with all the crowd scenes? I counted seven golden opportunities for extras. In fact, that seems to be the only reason for the meeting with Harve Smithfield on the bridge. The air conditioning is out in his building. Please. Maybe there's another reason for the scene with Harve - It's time for the Ewings to get a new lawyer! No, actually that's not the reason. The real reason is to avoid getting another set for Harve's office. It's CHEAPER to shoot outside, even though you may have to pay a few extras.

- And one last thought - Sasha Mitchell and Keanu Reeves - separated at birth. Oh, definitely.

AHN Kyle's corner:

- Not much going on here today so I thought I do a little geography work. Although Lucy was speaking figuratively, London is NOT as far away from Dallas as possible. That distinction would likely fall to a somewhere in Central Russia or Western Mongolia. Any further East and you start to get closer. Technically, this is a nit, so I'll allow it.

- Cliff hasn't slept with Michelle yet?? HA ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! In the words of Eric Cartman "That is sooooo lame!". I totally agree. At first I thought she might just be lying, but on second thought, I doubt it. Cliff IS that lame.

- Although the scene with J.R. reading the letter was quite well done, I think that the letter may have been a little TOO relevant. I was half expecting Jock to write "...and don't let that idiot, 9-year old Barnes drag you down, either". Yeah, I agree that it seemed quite a bit prescient. But it doesn't matter because this is another example of how, in the words of Eric Cartman, "today I learned that Jock Ewing [yet again] KICKS ASS!"

AHN Jason's corner:

- Debbie has a new skimpy Oil Baron outfit.. what is with the dress code at this place? I have no idea. It looks REALLY good on her, though.

- JR tells John Ross that his fling with Vanessa happened long before he MET Sue Ellen.. not quite..  It happened in 1968-1969 or so . He met Sue Ellen in 1967... Your favorite type of nit, isn't it? However, I should point out that Marilee says that James could be Cally's older brother, which means that at this point he could be up around 24 or 25. In that case it would have been before meeting Sue Ellen, but not LONG before.

- How could Cliff be in the Senate's investigation committee? He is not a senator, or even that politically active, he was a partner in Ewing Oil and clearly has a vendetta...   Come on, hardly a wise choice.. From a politician's standpoint, this is absolutely unconscionable. Detractors would pile up on all sides. I guess at the time, public sentiment would be so completely against the big oil companies that it might not matter.

- Ahmer, do you have an official date as to when Gary was born?  Could Ellie have been pregnant when Jock left, so he didn't know?  That may explain this situation. I'm fairly certain about this...give me a minute to pull out the "Dallas" book...okay, here we go. It says here at one point that JR was almost five when Gary was born; and at another point that Gary was eighteen when Bobby was ten. Though the writers didn't hold true to the years, I'm certain that the point is that JR and Gary were born BEFORE Jock went to the war, and Bobby was born afterwards.

- As if I didn't have enough not to like about Shelley, she pulled out my favorite pet peeve again.. She barely wets her lips with her white wine then gives it back to James. I noticed.

- Boy, what that a hard scene to watch with her and James...  My two least favorite characters interacting.... Thank god JR was in the first scene because it was painful watching them banter in his office....  on the plus side, having those two in scenes together means that hopefully they will be in less scenes with characters I enjoy. I'd say that's true. Essentially, they will end up forming a wacky triangle with Cally.

- Listen to Ellie's footsteps when she leaves JR's office. She seems to have been walking on gravel. I'll take your word for it.

AHN Analise's corner:

-Big legal nit!  Westar can sue Ewing Oil, but they CANNOT sue Bobby Ewing personally no matter how red in the face McKay gets.  Ewing Oil is a corporation and all executives and or stockholders are protected by this entity being a corporation. Therefore Bobby cannot personally be sued for anything that Ewing Oil is accused of doing. This was a stupid nit. I realized this too. Thanks for confirming.

- Also, McKay looks pretty stupid threatening to sue for anything he can think of.   Too bad it wasn't recorded.  A defense attorney would have a field day with that. Thanks again. I had a feeling that this was ill-advised.

- Why didn't John Ross call James a Half Breed??  It would have been great!   Heck, I was waiting for it. That would have been a true mark-out moment! You're right.

- Hey Lucy, you aren't a surrogate mother!  Why the heck was she acting like that??   This is Cally's job. Probably sublimating her childlessness.

AHN Mike's corner:

- What is up with that glass display case on the left side of the screen when we're in the Ewing gym? They must be using a real exercise room at a hotel instead of a built set. Looks like the place where the attendant sits as you enter the gym. I didn't notice that. I'll have another look.

- I can't believe nobody noticed Lucy's black thong see-through tights workout outfit. Her butt cheeks were hanging out all over the screen. I'm surprised James didn't drop the barbell on himself when she came in. Not that it would have hurt him. Looked to me like he was doing 50 lbs. on a 25 pound bar - the wimp. Later he appeared to be curling a whopping 30 pounds on a light curling bar. If I was Sasha Mitchell I would have put it into my contract that i wouldn't have to do Ewing gym scenes with Bobby, who is the only really strong actor in the cast. Mitchell looks like a wimp by comparison. I would have liked to see Ray and James in a lifting contest.

- JR was going to need a rhinoplasty after all the lies he told John Ross about his environmentalism and his relationship with Ray. That's always good for a laugh.

- A good Ox moment when he roughed up the reporter at the airport. When he got home he was wearing McKay's leather vest in the bedroom scene with Miss Ellie. I guess it reminds him of the range war and gets him all hot and bothered. i wonder if Miss Ellie has a sack teddy on nights when she wants to get him frisky? That's rather disturbing. As Homer Simpson would say..."Ooooh...John Denver."

- The onceover James gave Marilee when she came to their table was priceless. Had to rewind and watch again. On the other hand, that visual mating dance with Michelle in JR's office was woefully lame and downright painful to watch. I think we're all agreed on that.

- Did they cut a scene out after Jackie is assigned to be James' secretary? Shouldn't she have been shown waking up with a smile on her face? The Jackie character is the least hit upon woman on this show. Even Miss Ellie gets hit on more. I don't remember the early seasons when Jackie and Pam worked together at The Store, but I can't recall any male showing interest in Jackie in the last several seasons. She's not unattractive and she has a good bod. She just needs a more normal looking hair color. Maybe it's just that nobody gets past Kendall at the reception desk. We all know what an easy mark she is for any enterprising young male with a decent line. Well, I think you know how I feel about Jackie...she's in my 5 group. I don't really find her too great. On the other hand, she does seem to be the quiet, mousy type - they're a lot of fun when you get them alone.

- In the Michelle scene in JR's office, Larry Hagman had a bad case of the shakes when he tried to hold up the bankbook. I guess this was the height of his drinking problems. Also, he's back to wearing a rug where there a bad color mismatch with his real hair on the sides. If I remember correctly, I read somewhere that Larry would often be tipsy on the set during the later years. Anything to combat the boredom.

- I could swear those toilet seat cover earrings on Michelle have been worn by other females on the show in previous seasons. I remember commenting on them. Man the budget must really be tight if they started recycling the jewelry!

- Can you say "Loser"? That's Cliff. He still hasn't slept with Michelle? INCREDIBLE! It's not like she's holding out or anything. She submitted in less time than most prostitutes in her scene with James. If we didn't have some evidence to the contrary, I would say that Cliff is gay. Here's an interesting question: does anyone remember the last woman that Cliff slept with [for sure]?

AHN Jake's corner:

- James says to Lucy about J.R., "You don't like him, do you?"  NO CRAP. James also says to Lucy about J.R., "Sue Ellen doesn't like him, does she?" Another no-brainer. Expository dialogue like this is always tough. But it is a nice way to recap the action for anyone who may have forgotten.

- J.R. tells John Ross he will explain about his new brother in the car. Yet he starts to tell him in the airport. This is's obviously uppermost on his mind.

- Michelle yells at April: "You ruined my clothes."  Not quite, darling; she WRINKLED your clothes! To some women, it's the same thing.

- Cliff says he can't stand messy.  That was almost funny.  It's more like he can't stand clean.

- Ellie says she got home just in time.  Not quite!  She got home at a bad time.   Maybe she means she got home before things got really bad, but it still sounded odd.

- Did they cut the scene where Ellie was introduced to James?  Or did they not film it?  I don't see why they wouldn't film it. They probably cut it out. I didn't notice.

- Someone comments on how if Cliff runs the committee, they will target Ewing Oil.   Like they wouldn't target Ewing Oil anyway.  Maybe not as much (seeing they're not obsessed with revenge) but they would be looking in to Ewing Oil.  Just seemed odd. I think they mean not as much without Cliff. 

Episode 317: Hell's Fury

Bonehead Dialogue Award: [courtesy of Alett]

>Alex: JR is a fool and an idiot.
Now the distinction between these two would be.....?

Angelica Award: The gregariously underdressed waitress at the Galveston bar, with that tight red top, her ample bust popping out and her bra strap showing. Nominated by Alett. Honorable mention goes to Lucy's pink, purple and blue exploding marble T-shirt, nominated by Val.

- I was kind of surprised by John Ross's statement that he wanted an older brother. Usually, aren't kids looking for baby siblings, since that's generally the only choice they've got?

- An interesting note: the producers managed to recycle a couple! Captain Bouleris is played by the same actor who was an oil market agent for JR in Season 3, and his wife is played by the same actress who was Sue Ellen's gynecologist in Season 1.

- After Cliff tells Michelle about the two troublesome committee members, Michelle is able to pick them out from a TV screen! How is that possible? This is obviously the first time Cliff has mentioned them. Is it simply because they are both the token committee members [African-American and female, respectively]? Alett pointed this out too.

- Kay tells Bobby that the Justice Department is considering taking back Ewing Oil's charter. But back in Episode 281, the DoJ dudes told Bobby and Dave Culver that the charter would be subject to review after one year. That year has expired, and since Ewing Oil is still in existence, I assume it passed the review. So why is the DoJ still involved? [That's a rhetorical question, by the way. I know the answer, and for the record, I do NOT like it. That troublemaking Kay should have stayed in Washington.]

AHN Kyle's corner:

- The GALVESTON, TEXAS by-line seemed a little unnecessary. I thought they only used that when someone was outside the state of Texas. For instance, I don't remember there being an indicator when Pam went to Corpus Christi. She just sort of said "I'm going to CC" and that was that. Ahhhh the good old days. It was totally unnecessary, as was the "Austin" by-line.

- How MANY times has this whole John Ross and Christopher melodrama been used? My word, it feels like at least a hundred. Apparently John Ross is playing the role of the happy child, whereas Christopher is stuck (yet again) with the role of the jilted lover. Time for some new issues for these two. Difficult without mothers. I never realized how much the kids' storylines revolved around the parents - until now.

- That scene with J.R., Michelle, and James in the hotel room reminded me of the very first episode (Digger's Daughter, I think) when J.R was watching Cliff head ANOTHER committee. Kind of has a neat symmetry to it. I noticed that too. It is very interesting.

AHN Jason's corner:

- Just a note James and John Ross on a motorcycle.. rather dangerous to take a young kid riding like that.. jut imagine if he was Pam's kid and James tried to do that... That boy would have the smackdown laid on him so fast it'd make his pretty boy head spin. He wouldn't be allowed to play with Bobby at Ewing Oil any more.

- Bobby comments that using a dart board to vent out on a person who has hurt you isn't a great idea Actually it is a pretty good way to let off some steam without hurting anyone.... and nice picture of John Ross. Looks like something an actor would give a casting director. It probably is. Good catch.

- How did Lucy know where Michelle was living?  She barely knows Michelle and apparently hasn't spoken to Cliff in a long time...and if I was Lucy I would have gone with Cally, if nothing else to make sure she didn't drive her car into a ditch or have an accident because she was so upset. Wouldn't it have been ironic if Cally's car had been hit by a car driven by Al the Pal, just as she was coming out of Southfork lane? Then Lucy would have been passively responsible for TWO such accidents.

AHN Alett's corner:

- It seems JR nominated Lucy for the "Lucy Award" when she complains that more families Jock saved might move into Southfork and he says,"Lucy, we'll give them your room. Lord knows it will be put to better use." That was a great zinger. Unfortunately, the Lucy award has to go to April today.

- And who died? Everyone at dinner at Southfork is wearing black. That was somewhat out of place. Could just be a coincidence.

- When the unnamed investigator wonders why they haven't yet questioned Captain Jack since he's a key witness, it's just more proof the Ewings need to fire Harve Smithfield. True enough. Poor Harve...he's losing his touch.

- Speaking of the good captain, I briefly worried he'd gotten a new job as that ice cream truck vendor. I was afraid he'd swerve and hit the kid on the bike.

- I had some problems with that "To Kill a Mockingbird" moment when Bobby, an Atticus wannabe, tells Christopher, "Walk around in John Ross's shoes." And finally a reference to Lucas. Poor kid. Out of sight, out of mind. It's also a sure bet Scout and Jem would never have asked their father if there were any older brothers hanging around somewhere. That statement struck me as very odd. Can Bobby say with even reasonable surety that Christopher has no older siblings? Can he be sure about who Pam hung out with before they were married? [Remember, she slept with Ray the stud...] What about Kristin or Jeff Farraday?

- I'm unclear on this whole thing with Vanessa's husband. James makes it sound like the guy was virtually non-existent. Did he die when James was really young, was he just a lousy father, or is it just his way of garnering sympathy? I think it's definitely number 3, and one of the other two...I forget which.

AHN Val's corner:

- Just a comment: With respect to the verbal exchange between John Ross and Christopher, I think JR handled it all wrong. He didn't make much of an effort to curb his son's behavior. His "John Ross, stop it" statement was weak and half-hearted...It was as if JR didn't mind his son belittling Christopher. Sure, they were both calling names, but Chris was only doing what any boy in his situation would do--defending himself. Anyway, if John Ross were my kid, that boy would be checking in for an extended stay at the Smackdown Hotel. Spoken like The Rock [a popular WWF wrestler]! Very nice. I totally agree. And speaking of questionable parenting, did you also find it odd that Bobby practically told his son that he would have to just sit back and take John Ross' ribbing because "that's life"?

- When Michelle and James were dancing, I didn't see a hint of clothing on that woman!!! It was as if she was naked! Perhaps she is used to dancing that way.... It did seem rather strange. I think I now realize why Kim Foster was hired - the producers needed a woman who wasn't afraid to take off her clothes.

- Bobby stated that Christopher had found his old dart board. OK, maybe, but how did that little boy hang it up? You need more than a thumbtack to hang up a dart board. It's got to be held firmly in place. Among the tools used is a power drill. I doubt Bobby would let Chris use one of those by himself. Good call.

- Why were JR, James and Michelle holding their business meeting in a hotel suite instead of at Ewing Oil? Sniff, sniff...I smell plot convenience.  Very convenient. I'm not sure whether I would call it a "classic" plot trick - maybe the TVs haven't been installed at Ewing Oil. This is kind of a tough one.

- In the chew-out scene with Cally, Michelle appeared to have yellowish brown smoker teeth.

- It was odd that Bobby didn't step out of his office when Cally was ranting and raving at the Sly. Certainly, he would have heard that, and would have emerged to see "what the hell is going on here?". I mean, he DID hear Kay Lloyd get off the elevator. Awfully convenient. I totally missed that.

AHN Mike's corner:

- Lethal Weapon Safety Hazard: Cally sleeps with a huge diamond ring on. As active as those two have been in bed, she could poke JR's eye out with out, or worse, give "little JR" an accidental vasectomy. Scary to think about.

- Let's get this one out on the table for Christopher. It's not about John Ross having a new brother, it's because you're adopted.

- So Christopher wants to punch out John Ross? Maybe he does have some of Bobby's genes after all. But Bobby gets the Hypocrite of the Week award for his counseling Chris not to punch out John Ross, How many times has Bobby cold-cocked, roughed up and attempted to drown JR over the years? This struck of hypocrisy and bizarreness.

- Maybe Bobby is just mellowing. Aren't we all amazed that he went into that red-neck bar in Galveston, got confrontational and managed to leave without having to fight his way out? Perhaps he was mesmerized by the cleavage on that porky 50'ish bar maid. She was definitely my nominee for casting coup of the week. I couldn't take my eyes off her. It was as mesmerizing as watching a train wreck.

- James beds Shelly in Cliff's apartment. Thank goodness somebody is getting sex at Cliff's because Cliff sure isn't. Getting cuckolded in his own apartment by his worst enemy's half-breed son only confirms Cliff's status as the world's biggest loser. Correct on all counts.

- How did you like those phony fireplace effects? We could hear a fire crackling and see flickering lights on James and Shelly but they never showed us the fire. Well, there's no fireplace in Cliff's place, so far as we know, so I was wondering about that.

- Every woman in this episode was wearing huge hoop earrings. The Dallas wardrobe people must have gotten a volume discount. The ugliest of them all were Shelly's - which looked like stuffed brown fabric pods with brown spots.

- JR's strategy to bribe the committee members who weren't in Cliff's pocket seemed misguided. They were already giving Ewing Oil a fair hearing. Wouldn't it make more sense to try and turn one of the ones leaning against him? The worst possible case scenario was that he would piss one of the neutral people off and, of course, he did with his lame bribe attempt. The old JR wouldn't have been that stupid or bumbling. He was a master of bribery and extortion. Agreed. Seemed very poorly done.

- Cally's hurt little girl, woe is me personna has become so annoying that I actually enjoyed the way Shelly stuck it to her by lying about sleeping with JR. It's not clear to me why she did it but we can't get rid of Cally fast enough to suit me at this point. While I disagree about getting rid of Cally, I COMPLETELY agree that this insecurity angle has already gotten old. BTW, Shelly did it because James said he wished Cally would "just go away" and this seems like a good way to do it.

- I'm surprised nobody mentioned Phyllis' weird dress for the Angelica award. It looked like an Indian sari with a multi-psychedelic wrap on one shoulder. I noticed but I thought she looked cute.

- One of my favorite Dallas pet peeves showed up. Kay who couldn't ever find time to visit Bobby when they were in love, takes a day off from her job and flies to Dallas without an appointment or even knowing if Bobby was there to deliver a 25 words or less message she could have easily done by phone. Good one.

Episode 318: Cally on a Hot Tin Roof

Bonehead Dialogue Award: [courtesy of Alett]

> Alex to JR: "You don't know your butt from a bucket of paint stripper."
At least the original - you don't know your ass from a hole in the ground - makes visual sense. This one is just weird.

Angelica Award: For lack of a better suggestion, April's dinner outfit. Nominated by Jason.

I'll leave it to the AHNs today. In case any one is curious, I am deliberately foregoing any discussion on the Kay vs. April controversy that is developing. This one is best left until tomorrow.

AHN Jason's corner:

- JR in a mini bathrobe again.. yikes... thank god they were careful not to show TOO much of him when he steps into the shower.... I think I would rather see Ray Krebbs mooning us again.. I'm still deeply disturbed by that one...and it wasn't a potential moon; it would have been the Big Krebbsoski.

- Cally says to JR that she was not going to be like Sue Ellen so she "slept' with Alex for revenge... Humm Cally that is very much like Sue Ellen to use men for revenge.. even though you didn't really sleep with Alex, you flaunted it to JR like Sue Ellen used to... This is a tough one...I think she meant that she wasn't going to be a doormat like Sue Ellen was; as far as we know, Sue Ellen didn't start sleeping around until seven years of marriage had gone by.

- Carter's PR people look and sound so artificial.. Their drawings (pics?) look like Cally painted them and their "slogans" ideas are too artificial to be believeable and likeable... Totally. This was so lame.

- Why does April go to Sly's desk to see about Bobby.. Phyllis is his secretary... although she seems to have gotten the day off. Must be why.

- I found it stupid that Bobby did not hear his door open but heard April's slight cough.. come on.. Maybe since Jackie has nothing better to do, she's oiling all the hinges.

- If JR never met Alex before, who did he know what kind of porn actor he needed for the fake tapes. He might have found a picture or something but I'll bet you the tapes were blank.

- Boy was that "we will frame you" scene badly staged and acted..  might have been funnier if Ratty had pulled a Harry McSween and brought out a blonde, brunette and redhead and said to JR which one he wanted to use.. (They discussed something similar when Harry was framing Alan Beam at the end of the second season) I remember that scene because it was so fantastically done [compared to this]. JR said, "Harry, do we have a woman yet?" Harry responds, "Blonde, brunette, or redhead?" If they had brought out three girls like that I would have totally marked out.

- When JR drives home at the end it looks like they speed up the film rather fast... like on fast forward... I noticed that! It looked like he was driving the Batmobile! I half expected the Carter to come out of the Southfork kitchen dressed as the Penguin and go "THWAK!"

AHN Alett's corner:

- When JR wants to know from Diana if Cliff has convinced her to be part of his lynch mob, she says, "I'm not that easy." Later with JR in the shower she proves she is! It was really hard to tell whether this conversation was just an oral footsie or not.

- Concerning April, Bobby tells Kay, "I think you'll like her." Right Bobby. All old girlfriends are instantly chummy with new ones.

- After Cliff talks to Keanu, whoops, James, he's suddenly amenable to Shelly's suggestion they see a movie. "Son of Dracula" Nah -"Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure". Or "Point Break."

- How dare JR be so condescending toward Cally about her vegetable garden. No one thinks anything of Miss Ellie always puttering with her pots of flowers. She can certainly afford to have all the landscaping hired out. Something about this scene reminded me of the old JR/Sue Ellen scenes. Not quite as good as some of their spats in the bedroom, and there's no way that Cathy Podewell can carry a scene the way Linda Gray could. It was a nice symmetry to the old days.

AHN Kyle's corner:

- Mannnnn. Stop showing that damn AUSTIN, TEXAS by-line. We all know that the committee meets there (the second time was particularily frustrating).

- Something was seriously wrong with that tennis court today. The one camera shows the ball machine resting just at the end (or possibly in the middle) of the service box (the "T"). But then when we see J.R talking, there are NO LINES on that side of the court. At first I thought that this was because he was behind the baseline, but since he's standing next to the machine, we know that he should be approximately in the middle of the court. There's not much point in practicing your forehand if you have nothing to aim for. DALLAS budgetary cuts strike again! Can't even afford some white paint. A sad day... I have a feeling that this scene was shot in two parts; one with Michelle talking and hitting balls back; and one with JR talking and dodging balls being thrown by a stage hand off-screen. No way in hell Larry would take that kind of chance. So I think that the scene with Michelle was shot first, and JR walked over to the ball machine; then the rest of the scene [with JR's dialogue] was shot with the ball machine moved back beyond the baseline. They hoped no one would notice. :)

- Ummmm, why are the Westar PR people storyboarding the actual oil slick?? And why does Carter nod (apparently giving his sign of approval)?? What kind of ad would show just the oil slick?? "You see that oil slick? Well it's not OUR fault. WESTAR: the company that's not to blame." Very lame, but not quite as bad as... "Sayonara, Ewing Oil". Oh man, did that ever suck. What was worse was McKay laughing at his own pitiful attempt at humour. Sounds like Saturday Night Live commercial spoofs, doesn't it?

- Isn't Alex Barton super rich? Why is he allowing himself to be bullied by J.R? I mean, he's not exactly the Alan Beam type. In the words of Homer Simpson "Stand up for yourself, Poindexter". I think JR is right that the scandal would ruin him. The artsy-fartsy tapes frown on that kind of thing.

- The end of the dinner scene with Kay and Culver was really just supposed to be a distraught April shot but did you actually listen to Culver's story? From what I could understand: Congressman throwing appetizers at the VP's Press Secretary.... Ummm, OK. That sounds normal.... And why exactly would Bobby and Culver have to LOCK THEMSELVES in a closet?? Very strange. I honestly was paying more attention to April. I haven't seen an actress be so funny at a dinner scene since Sue Ellen made fools of the Cryders two seasons ago.

- Whoa, whoa. April and Bobby's relationship has been a struggle?? Where did this come from? The whole getting together thing was a bit complicated, but once they actually hooked up, it's been picnic's and ballroom dancing. This whole thing seems all too conveniently altered by the writers. I guess April is totally bewildered by the fact that Bobby doesn't realize they're perfect for each other.

- Why would Cally and Alex keep the lie going for soooooo long? This makes no sense. Why wouldn't Cally tell JR right away instead of doing the whole "woe is me" thing? And why wouldn't Alex say something when JR tried to ride him out of town? Why wait until it was too late?? Really strange. Needed to keep the plot moving I guess. Kind of weird.

- I noticed that Marla Maples (Mrs. Donald Trump, or in 1989, just Trump's mistress, I guess) was listed in the credits (end of show, obviously). Who was this Maggie character? She was the blonde Weststar PR person.

AHN Mike's corner:

- Kay looked good today. Somebody must have realized she looked old and haggard without the bangs in the prior episode because the bangs are back. I've never had a problem with Kay's looks...I'm still trying to find the words to respond to this.

- The Southfork breakfast table was empty except for Bobby and JR. Where was everybody? Cally is absent for a reason; the kids are probably at school because they're not allowed to eat breakfast; the rest of the family is in the budgetary crisis void.

- Cally continues the hoop earring theme form yesterday's episode.

- My guess is Shelly is pretty hard to beat at tennis when she's wearing that low cut blouse. I'd lose to her. :)

- Another double-meaning line: James to Cally: "Vegetables are boring.". A reference to his recently cuckolding Cliff? Quite possibly. I'm still searching for the symbolism here. And by the way, technically speaking, you're not a cuckold if you haven't actually consummated a relationship.

- You know Dallas was desperate if they had to cast Marla Maples. And the guy with her was named Brick. Two lame cliche PR agency characters. Brick? Yeah as in "dumb as a ...". And McKay's executives were no better. Obviously the way to get ahead at Weststar is to be a yes-man, a suck-up or a sycophant. Above all, you must laugh at McKay's bad jokes (which come in between the temper tantrums). I completely agree. Jason already commented on how pathetic the campaign looks.

- Wow, a big scene with meaningful dialogue for Jackie and an outfit that shows off her nice figure! I thought you'd like that.

- They mention and finally bring in Dave Culver but no mention of Donna by anyone. did she leave the show on bad terms? Jeez, even Lucas got mentioned the other day. I think Donna left the show on a bad CONTRACT. Probably any mention of her earns her some royalties or something.

- Fashion notes: Ratagan seems to have gotten into the Punk Anderson collection of ugly string ties with huge unidentifiable but gaudy stones at the top. Once again, James dips into the Nicholas Pearce sweater estate. Alex Barton appeared to be wearing eyeliner in the airport scene.

- Shouldn't Bobby be wising up to the fact that April has a real bitchy personality facet that comes out a bit too often and that she has a potential drinking problem? She's been a pretty heavy drinker since she arrived and always turns to the bottle when she gets depressed. So I take it this is a vote for Kay?

AHN Analise's corner:

- April is back to being an insecure bumblehead.  Everybody knows that Bobby is the most loyal boyfriend out there.  So why does she ask for a break?  She essentially gives him permission to flirt with Kay.

- Alex Barton calls JR a bastard and then says that JR is a bastard of the worst kind. Oh really? Do bastards come in categories?  Is there a bastard of the best kind?  Puhleez! Maybe JR thinks that James is a bastard of the best kind.

- Here I am taking poetic licence.  I need to make a nit about the preview of the May 13 episode.  [The writing is so bad that we can notice it even the previews!!!]   They showed James/Keanu saying that JR is a fantastic father but a lousy husband.   Doesn't this sound familiar?? Well it should!  Sue Ellen said this directly to JR in the upstairs hallway at Southfork just outside John Ross' room during the Dream Season.  I know it was a dream but we still heard it.  Are the new writers borrowing from the old writers??  I hope James cited Sue Ellen as the source of that statement, even though he never met her! This whole episode had a lot of recycled elements in it. It's almost like the producers are reinventing the show with a JR/his wife infidelity angle, Cliff lambasting the Ewings, Bobby having woman trouble...

Episode 319: Sex, Lies, and Videotape

Bonehead Dialogue Award: [courtesy of Alett]

>As Kay's saying goodbye to Bobby, "It's tough separating my personal life from my private life when I'm here."
Huh? What does this mean? Sounds like a dialogue slip nobody caught at the time.

Angelica Award: Duh. Rose, of course. James's wacky horizontally striped pants deserve mention.

- Carter McKay channels the spirit of Bobby...almost. When he parked in front of Rose's salon, I almost thought he would stop right in front of the fire hydrant! He came close, and I still think he'd get a ticket under normal circumstances.

- When Bobby knocks on April's door, she tells her visitor to "go away". If she really doesn't want to be disturbed, why not just be quiet and pretend not to be home?

- This is a joint nit with Jason: April's number has changed! In Episode 310, it was 555-6885. Now it's different. [Shocked, he thought to himself...did April actually do something smart, like change her number because of the crank phone calls? Realizing that she's not that smart, he proceeded with the other nits.]

AHN Jason's corner:

- Where the heck was Lucy during the last episode?  JR calls through the house and no one answers yet she is there at the start of this episode.  Also where are Chris and John Ross when the EMTs arrive.. I would think they would be around with  all the excitement.. and they were in the end credits. Lucy might have arrived in the meantime [and of course, her room is in the never-seen "other wing"]...and I have no idea where the kids are.

- Guess Dr. Danvers won't be needed to give Cally a sedative. Last night's cliff hanger would have been better if they didn't show Cally sleeping peacefully in her own bed as part of today's trailer. She already took too many sedatives. Damn those producers for killing a tote.

- Nice hotel room for Kay.. VERY nice. Who's paying for this?

- Well, I guess we now know Cliff is not impotent.. He scores with that babe Rose. No one ever said he was impotent. His boys just can't swim because the river's been dammed, or so we have been led to believe..

- The whole Carter blackmail thing is pretty weak.. Cliff slept with Rose. So what? If he does find evidence on Weststar and turns it over, it won't look bad on him.. and if Rose and Carter got married recently (when did this happen?) it won't look the same in the public eye as if they had been for a long time and were a well known couple.. If anything, it would look bad on Carter for sharing his wife so soon after the wedding. This is a tough's that whole "appearance of impropriety" thing. Carter could spin it several different ways. If he were as devious as JR, he would say that Cliff tried to blackmail HIM with the tape.

- Ok on to what I am gathering is becoming a big topic of conversation... Kay/April...   I will admit that I wished Kay hadn't come on so strong with Bobby at her hotel room and I commend him for staying true to April  but I still feel that even after this incident, they remained on good terms and left with little hard feelings.. Much better (and not forced) chemistry.. I can NOT say the same for April.. I mean WHAT THE HELL was that last scene about..  she pouts and Bobby not only puts up with it but asks her to marry him?   He looked totally bored!! Like he was doing a chore more than being caught up most exciting moment of his life.. and more importantly why? What has April done in the last few episodes that makes him feel ANY closer to her?   She pouts, she ignores his calls, she is rude to his old girlfriends, she refuses his flowers and basically acts like a 9th season Pam (and Jenna for that matter--what is it with Bobby and his fiances?) basically they remind me of the dreaded Ray and Jenna coupling of season 10..  no charisma and annoying to watch.. I mean come on Bobby drop this PMS attack on 2 legs and head to DC for the best thing to happen to you since Pam.... I'll admit that I'm of two minds about's a very difficult call. While I cannot bring myself to like Kay [just something about her...I'll let you know when I figure it out], I am just as tired as anyone of April's lonely girl act. She's a whiner, a pouter, and a jealous bitch sometimes. But then again, so was Pam! It's all very complicated...give me till tomorrow to put it into words.

AHN Val's corner:

- When JR found Cally unconscious, she was dressed in street clothes. After the paramedics left, she was dressed in a nightgown. Did the medics change her into her jammies? Is that a part of their job, too? I think it's called a fringe benefit. Where do I sign up? :) Good call.

- April is losing her touch. When the building manager offered her the smaller office suite..."more suitable for a woman", she neglected to lay the smackdown. The old April would have bought the building, demoted that guy to janitor, made him clean all the toilets with a toothbrush, then fired his a$$. You are quite right. See...she has changed!

- Jackie's mistaken about her place in Cliff's employ. Cliff did not "take her over" when Pam left. She merely stuck around because she would have been hard pressed to find work elsewhere. I'll have to review the history text for this's true that while Pam was on the show, Jackie worked where she worked; then when Pam left Barnes- Wentworth, Jackie stuck around. You are correct, ma'am.

- The brunette in the pool borrowed her floating lounger from Marilee Stone...It's the same one.

- Lucy got her EWING 5 license plate back for her Saab. How? Did she hunt down the current owner of her old Porsche? I haven't seen her car this season until now. Perhaps when she moved away she sold her car but the Ewings kept the license plate because they knew she'd be back.

AHN Alett's corner:

- I don't want to sound morbid, but a true suicide attempt by Cally would seem more plausible than her apparent inability to read a warning on the label. This seems like a last minute change that turns the scene into a Public Service Announcement to prevent anyone from getting any similar ideas. I'd say you're quite right. You almost expect Larry Hagman to step away from the set and deliver a "Just say no" speech.

- That spinning plates analogy James uses is so lame, but what's worse is Bobby sounds like he's never heard of such an act. Geez, this was a staple on the Ed Sullivan Show! I had a hard time following it too, but I at least clued in to the idea.

- Another accent problem. There's no way Rose grew up in the middle of Iowa. Amarillo maybe, but not Iowa. I thought there was something wrong here.

- I'm sure it won't last, but I kind of like James now that he has a conscience. What bugged me about this though, was that in about 10 years a "dirty old man" JR will be saying the same thing to John Ross sending him out to "score" for Ewing Oil. James's conscience will last longer than you would expect. And JR's double standards, while charming to the character's persona, are sometimes disturbing.

- OK. "Down the Hatch", "Here's mud in your eye", and in German, "Prost". Will someone please tell me what the heck is "Gin, Gin"? I have absolutely no idea.

AHN Kyle's corner:

- Um, you're the one with the medical background, Ahmer, but don't most people who OD stay overnight in the hospital? Isn't that where they go to get their stomach pumped in the first place? Cally's lucky they brought the pump with them. Since Val points out that the paramedics were lucky enough to get to undress her and put her in her nightie, I bet they wouldn't have minded reaching down her throat and pulling the pills out if necessary.

- Man, where are Ellie and Clayton? They haven't been around in days. They will resurface in Pride, Texas in an episode or two. Word is that they are WALKING for budgetary reasons, and that's what's taking so long.

- I've mentioned this before, but I don't think the word "fluid" can be substituted for "liquid" in the financial sense. Sue Ellen said this once, and then Bobby did today. If it were a matter of chemistry, I wouldn't have a complaint, but I really don't think that "fluid" is right in this situation.

- From the I think I'm going to puke files, how in the world did Rose Daniels succeed in seducing ANY man (that isn't blind?). Yuck, yuck, yuck. Maybe Cliff realizes what a loser he is by blowing his chance with both Stevens sisters. That was quite disturbing, though. Even from a real life perspective, the thought of having a love scene with Jeri Gaile bothers the hell out of me.

- The little secretarial spat today got me thinking. For the first time in a long time, I'm finding Phyllis to be more attractive than Sly (must be Sly's boyish haircut). I think you're dead on. I've always liked Phyllis...something about those quiet ones.

- [I know you're not a drinker, but...] Martini's should really be poured into a (gasp!) Martini glass. It's not mandatory, but it's preferable. Rose seems to be drinking hers from a scotch glass [FYI, Martini's are completely disgusting...]

- (sigh) Mentioned before (I think) but no one says "and I, you", least of all Bobby. I knew you'd point that out.

AHN Mike's corner:

- James' pants were not only ugly but joined the brown pants/grey shirt don't go together club, which is a pretty big one on this show.

- Inane dialogue from Bobby: "I guess I'm just an old-fashioned guy who likes to take his time." Yeah Bobby except when it comes to hustling everybody into bed on the first date or showing up drunk and univited at a girlfriend's apartment looking for sex. Absolutely correct.

- James tells JR "Michelle is ripe." in defending his sleeping with her. I guess the implication is that Mrs. Farrington is spoiled or rotten? That comment left a ringing in my ears, but I didn't know what to make of it.

- Bring back the old JR. He never would have had any pangs of conscience for sleeping with Mrs. Farrington for business purposes. You're right. This was very troublesome.

- Bobby finally wears a suit to the office instead of wearing jeans and a sport coat.

- This episode gives us a new view of April's building. It did? I guess I wasn't paying attention.

- McKay stepped up a whole notch on the heel meter by having his wife sleep with Cliff. Even the old JR wouldn't have done that! Well, he came close...remember the Gil Thurman incident? The implication was that Sue Ellen was supposed to "entertain" him. I very distinctly having a discussion with Dave Shardell about why JR was prostituting Sue Ellen when he had Serena and other girls at his call.

Episode 320: A Tale of Two Cities

Bonehead Dialogue Award: [courtesy of Alett]

> Lucy: "Look at all these checks. What are we going to do with these?"
Gosh, I don't know. Roll them up and smoke them. Remind me to never go into business with Lucy.

[courtesy of Val]

> JR: "You gotta offer 'em something for nothing. I call 'em 'freebies'".
That's a real clever name, JR. Did you make that up?

Angelica Award: I tried really hard to justify others, but Rose wins again.

Carter's instant tantrum meter: 1. Talking to his tanker captain.

AHN Kyle's corner:

- Is Bobby listening to those Vocabulary Builder tapes while he sleeps? Suddenly he's Joe (or James, I guess) Intellectual. "Supposition and innuendo"?? While not overly wordy, why not 'assumption' or 'guess' (or 'theory')? Also, what is up with quoting W.C. Fields. Bobby is a smart guy, but I think the writers are being a tad excessive. This is probably Patrick exercising his creative control. As for the vocabulary, obviously nuzzling with April isn't intellectually stimulating enough.

- Diction Police! McKay says he's waiting until the committee "makes its DETERMINATION". Not totally wrong, but I think that 'decision' or 'ruling' would be better in this instance [aren't I just a barrel a fun today?] This is good stuff, man! Don't knock yourself.

- How, exactly did James get "hurt by telling the truth"? He NEVER told the truth today, except for when it was too late with Michelle. When he thought it was Cally at the door, he covered for J.R. Where's the honesty in that? If he had been honest initially than he WOULDN'T have been hurt. I see what he's trying to say (that covering for J.R. has cost him), but he's not saying it correctly. Excellent analysis.

- I'm not sure about this but can people from the Coast Guard actually be court-martialled? They're not technically Marines, so I'm not sure if they would have to face a tribunal. If he was in the Navy or something, then I could see him facing a court-martial, but I'm not so sure w/r/t the CG. Tough call. I'll throw this out there for our friends down south. I don't think that the Coast Guard is a military establishment is it? Obviously, you can't be court-martialled if you're not part of the military, so I think you're long as my assumption is correct.

AHN Jason's corner:

- Just how many people are on this committee?  4 or 5  I would think 5 b/c of the need for a majority but it sounds like they only talk about 4... They talked about four, and Diana is the fifth. There's Cliff, Diana, the token black guy, Senator Lee, and good old Billy Joe.

AHN Alett's corner:

- From green globs to portraits - suddenly Cally can paint. So JR looks a little putty-faced like the Wizard of Oz, but it's still too good a likeness to be Cally's work. That studio did wonders, I guess.

- Carter's comment to Rose: "What the Hell did you do to yourself?" It's not like she went platinum blond. It's just a couple
of shades different and the same style. Actually, I think it's an improvement. I think he means the hooker get-up. Rose is usually [ahem] flamboyantly trashy. Today she's just trashy.

- When Rose wants the tape destroyed, Carter says, "You have my word." If she didn't have his "word" on something as important as their wedding vows, why would she believe him now? So "poor dead Tommy" will be Carter's excuse for everything, but I wish dim-bulb Rose would grab the tape and hit him up for a hefty divorce settlement. I know - she probably signed a pre-nuptial and Carter already has copies of the tape in case she tries this. I just wish they'd put a little spin on this and have her do something surprising, even vindictive would be nice. That would have been a great idea. At least let her do SOMETHING.

- So now James can get the sympathy vote, but please something more original than "I can explain this....This is not what it looks like." I did enjoy the slam to the floor though rather than the usual slap to the face. It was a new twist. Amazing how James has changed people's feelings so quickly...I daresay he's become a babyface.

- There is no reason for James to have a baseball at the office. It must have been the director's idea to give Sasha something to do with his hands! Very true! I hadn't considered that.

- Knowing Cally's energetic libido as demonstrated so often before, when she tells JR, " I have a powerful need to go up to your room to celebrate right now," I can't believe she so easily acquiesces to his suggestion they go back to Southfork. Must be JR's imposing personality. Good one.

AHN Val's corner:

- Bobby approaches Michelle and says "hello?" if he's answering a phone. I guess he just noticed she was off in space or something.

- Both Bobby and Michelle park carelessly in the middle of the street. Even if it is a small street, they really should pull off the road. Good one. How did I miss that?

- The ensign was very emphatic about wanting Cliff not to tell anyone the truth about the tanker crash. So what was the point of him even confessing? He sort of reminds me of that high-pitched teenager who does odd jobs on the Simpsons. "I'm not authorized to answer that question."  This was pathetic.

- Also, he stated that he could possibly be court martialed. What for? Staying on duty after the Weststar tanker passed the checkpoint? Good point. But I think he's more worried about the macho military code.

AHN Mike's corner:

- We may have to retire the Angelica Award for the season in Rose's name. That leopard skin outfit! And then lounging around the house in the middle of the day in a psychedelic teddy when Bobby arrives. Like April who always complains she's lonely but does nothing about it, I don't see where Rose should feel uncomfortable being made to feel like a whore. If the teddy fits...

- By the way, Bobby botched the whole tape deal. How naive to think he could talk Rose into turning on McKay. If Shelly had told JR, he would have had Ratagan show up at McKay's house with a search warrant while Carter wasn't there and seized the tape. Or he would have hired somebody to steal it. No question. Bobby needs a reality check.

- And speaking of the McKay residence, how come nobody noticed they suddenly have a maid? I believe he had a very quiet maid before - can't be sure.

- Yes, McKay threw a nice tantrum with his captain but I especially liked the little sneered, toothy smile he forced just before the end. It was such a condescending look of disgust and revulsion for the captain.

- And speaking of facial expressions, what was up with James' bug eyed looks when Cally show up at the front desk? Sasha Mitchell must have gone to the Buckwheat School For Method Actors. Whomever directed this episode was stealing the money if they let this hokey crap pass for professional acting.

- I noticed JR was running around in a black cowboy hat, but it will take more than that to return the old evil JR to us instead of this goody-two-shoes twin. I know. I totally agree.

- The whole post-art show scene was lame. More so for the fact that Lucy and Cally were all excited over the money they made. Excuse me, but they're both filthy rich. Shouldn't they be more excited over the the response to Cally's work and the successful opening of the gallery? The Lucy character is totally useless this season. I hope you're not implying she has been USEFUL in other seasons.

- Also, Miss Ellie and Clayton were once again completely absent, along with both boys. We don't even see Teresa this season since very little of the action seems to go on at Southfork. And can anyone remember the last time Raoul got screen time? I don't think he's been seen this season once. I believe Raoul has been "swept into the closet". Don't think we'll see him again.

- My pet peeve is back. Instead of just telling Bobby about the videotape on the phone (which would have taken all of about 30 seconds), Shelly insists on traveling back to Dallas and meeting Bobby in person. Good thing Bobby has nothing to do at the office. Otherwise this is hardly a productive use of a CEO's time. Somehow this seems a little bit different than the usual "I wanted to tell you in person". Maybe Michelle only has one quarter left and doesn't have time to explain the whole thing over a long-distance pay phone.

Episode 321: Judgement Day

Bonehead Dialogue Award: [courtesy of Alett and Kyle]

> J.R.:  "It's [the deciding vote] is not up to Barnes, is it?"

The question is, how obtuse IS J.R? Let's see, there are five people on the committee. Diana and that other guy are voting J.R's way, Lee and Middleton are voting the other way. 2-2, thus a fifth vote remains to be cast. 5 voters. 4 votes cast. Cliff. Hmmmm....I just can't seem to piece it all together...

Angelica Award: Since Rose is so subdued, we'll give it to April's wacky fringed skirt.

- Cliff accuses Diana of sleeping with JR as part of their deal. What has led him to believe this? Michelle said that Diana slept with James. JR wasn't even mentioned.

AHN Kyle's corner:

- Time for Clayton's "their lives, our lives" speech. This speech has been so oft-repeated that you could probably tote it. I was thinking the same thing. I will.

- Good show, Bobby. Good show. Numerous scintillating scenes for the Bob man today. With McKay. With Cliff. Well done, Mr. Duffy. OH HELL YEAH! I was SO PROUD of that boy when he slapped himself upside the head and reminded himself that he's Jock FREAKIN' Ewing's son. And don't you ever forget it, Bob! Or else you're become like your brother Gary.

- I noticed that Cliff got a haircut (maybe not today, but a couple of days ago). It certainly makes him look less haggard. For a while there, he was looking pretty decrepit. Why have been using the word "haggard" so much lately? Not that it's inappropriate or anything.

- Not sure what to make of this, but that video tape really should have caught fire...big time. I'm not sure why it didn't (fake fire? fake tape?). Probably fake fire. The plastic actually probably wouldn't burn in a small fire, although the tape would definitely be ruined.

- A little trivia. Cliff declares the tanker accident to be an "act of misadventure". The word "misadventure" always makes me chuckle (actually, chuckle might be the wrong word). In medical examiner terms "death by misadventure" is the classy way of saying "died by choking on his own vomit" (a distinction that is held by three classic rockers: Jimi Hendrix, John Bonham [drummer for Led Zeppelin], and the original lead signer for AC/DC). I haven't followed metal that much...AC/DC had a singer before Phil Rudd? Interesting.

AHN Jason's corner:

- Digger's grave in the opening scene is much different than the one that Cliff goes to in the Who Shot JR cliffhanger.. That one looked like it was in the middle of a park, where as this one is in a real cemetary..and we don't see Digger's name so it probably was a real tombstone..  What did he do?  Move "Up town" after Cliff struck it rich? Hard to say...bear in mind that in the cliffhanger, Digger had just been buried, so he might not have had a tombstone yet. Also, new burials are usually towards the outer parts of the cemetery, so this may be possible. I'll have to check the tape.

- There is a sharp continuity cut.. When Michelle pours JR a drink, her black ring earrings are going front to back , when the camera shows the next angle, they are   going side to side... Didn't notice. Good one!

- I liked it how Cliff is "shocked" that a lady friend would betray him to another man..... Would never happen...  Oops  Julie, Afton, Rose, Marilee,   April,  Mandy (I think), and Lisa Alden...  Hmm except for Lisa, I see a pattern here....  Did Sue Ellen ever sell him out to JR? A VERY interesting pattern. I don't think Sue Ellen ever really sold him out.

- Ok, Cliff has Diana come in AN HOUR early to chat with her.. My that was a quick hour meeting... the boys stroll in after maybe 3 minutes..

- I am a bit confused about the scene where Phyllis leaves and April appears in the Ewing Lobby.   You see Phyllis head out and the lights go off.  The elevator opens (off stage) and then a few seconds later, April appears from the lobby area.. So did she get off the same elevator that Phyllis got on.  If so how come we don't hear them interact?  Like "Hello" or "Good evening"  If they took separate elevators, we should  have heard two sets of doors open... Looks like the Phantom is at it again... It's possible that the glass doors prevent us from hearing the interaction, but you're probably right.

AHN Alett's turner:

- Miss Ellie's scene at the original oil well was superfluous at best. It was nothing she hasn't said before. Considering all this hardship oil has brought to her family, why give that drilling equipment to Pride? Her whole speech suggests oil is an evil. She never considers there could be some moral flaw in Jock. The same thing could have happened if he'd been a shoe or insurance tycoon.  I totally find these sorts of Ellie tirades to be ridiculous. If nothing else, she should remember that the evil black stuff saved her daddy's ranch. I'd like to have seen Jock sell enough insurance to have kept the foreclosers away. Interesting how in the same episode where Bobby remembers what it is to be Jock's son, Ellie forgets what it was to be his wife.

- First Bobby's playing out borrowed moments from To Kill a Mockingbird and now It's a Wonderful Life. Carter's move to buy him out is essentially Potter's speech to George Bailey. There was no way he'd accept. I was just waiting for Bobby to call him a "spider".

- Actually Cliff's final decision could help him out politically. Since everyone knows he condemned the Ewings from the start, he'll be seen as fairminded. It would be a unique attribute for a politician. Yeah, that's Cliff's next angle in a nutshell.

- Carter tells Rose: "You made a great change in me. Old Mac is back in town." This doesn't seem like much of an endorsement. Rose seems to have forgotten the "Old Mac" was the one she walked out on in the first place.  Maybe that was the "New Old Mac"...or perhaps the "Old New Mac"? [Kidding. I know what you mean.]

AHN Mike's corner:

- I would offer this alternative for Dumb Dialogue. During their argument about returning to Southfork, Miss Ellie says "I'm their mother!" Overly emotional rather than dumb, I would say, but a case could be made.

- I know there are about a dozen episodes left to this season, but this episode had the feel of a season-ender with the way several sub-plots wrapped up. At this point, I'm astounded to find myself saying that this season isn't as bad as I remembered it during its original run. After the first few episodes, it actually got fairly interesting. Yup. This is the "mid-season cliffhanger" which marks the point where [normally] guest star contracts would be terminated and/or renewed. And Jason comments that this season is much better than last season. No doubt in my mind.

- I have to say that the new JR is pretty dopey. Did I actually hear him suggest to James that some flowers and candy could get him off the hook with Michelle (before he came to his senses and suggested the new car)? Yes you did. He's lost his touch.

- I must admit I'm baffled by McKay's apparent babyface turn just when victory appeared certain for him. He criticizes Bobby for not knowing a good businessman cuts his losses but McKay makes a similar mistake by offering to pay Bobby more for Ewing Oil than he could get it from the government for later. Good point.

- Do we ever find out what Billy Joe wanted from JR for his committee vote to go JR's way? Nope. Given how slovenly and disgusting the guy looks, I'm glad.

AHN Analise's corner:

- Michelle's black eaerings she wore in the scene with JR made me laugh big time.   At one point they were afixed next to her neck that made her look like she had long ears like Droopy the cartoon dog!

- April certainly knows what kind of footwear to have when she wants to find her sister.   She couldn't have run with her as far as she did, had she worn 3 inch sling backs! Good thinking to wear top-quality sneakers! Excellent point.

- Where did Michelle get the money to get an apartment already decorated?  And did she have speed movers not only move her belongings but buy furniture and what nots and unpack them for her?  This had to cost money.  I thought she was going to be a kept woman! Where did the money come from? An outstanding point! Can't believe I didn't clue in to that. Maybe she just said she's April's sister [and as we all know, EVERYBODY loves April.]

- I know this was said before but I have to add my 2 cents. HOW DARE ELLIE CHASTISE JOCK'S LIVELIHOOD!  HOW DARE SHE TURN HER BACK ON HIM! She had no right!  She is quickly becoming the joke of Dallas.  What an ungrateful woman!  She is becoming more and more like an ox....hmm, just like her current husband. Does that make her an oxxess? I've always referred to Dusty as an oxling...

- Why the heck is Miss Ellie so taken aback by the death of a tanker captain?  She acts like this is the first time someone has died in the oil business!  She acts like she knew the man personally!  What's up with that? Wasn't the BD Calhoun thing a little more earth shattering? Why wasn't Ellie so distraught when Walt Driscoll, Mickey Trotter, or others have died? Exceedingly true. I'm just so bored with Ellie that I can't really pay attention to her.

- If James is so put off by JR's ways, why doesn't he move out of Southfork? Hypocrite!

- I had to laugh when Diana Farrington stood up on her high horse of equal rights to justify corruption.  It was great. Well, everything she said was true. If she were a man, Cliff wouldn't talk to her the way he did.

- Nobody has said this yet, but I will.  Rose, shut up!!!!!  Nobody forced her to sleep with Cliff Barnes.  McKay didn't point a gun to her head.  She did it.   She agreed to it.  Rose is a whore not because of her husband, but because of Rose.  She needs to take responsibility for her own actions!  Gimme a break!   She may have said that she is to blame, but I don't think it really has hit home to her.  The whining and moaning have got to go! That holds true for several other characters too. As I told Mike, if Rose doesn't want to feel like a whore, then she should stop dressing like one. As you astutely point out, perhaps she should stop BEING one too.

Episode 322: Unchain My Heart

Bonehead Dialogue Award: [courtesy of Mike, a new submitter]

> April: "I didn't think [McKay] would buy the leases".

She must be suffering from amnesia since he just offered to buy them for 20% more than what she paid.  He was rather persistent about it so it is obvious that he would try to buy them.

Angelica Award: Rose. Again.

- There are nits from the opening bell. The host of "Austin Today" says that the committee found [and he quotes] the accident to be a "misadventure". That's not true. The committee found it to be an "act of misadventure". There's a difference.

- I found it odd that after Ellie cursed out the hated Ewing Oil yesterday, she allowed any findings from Pride to be part of Ewing Oil. Why not start "Ellie Oil"? It worked for Donna and April.

- I had to laugh when Jackie told James she never discusses her boss's business with anyone. At least once, in Episode 278, she told April about Cliff's tranquilizer habit. But maybe she doesn't mean personal business.

- I wish I had a propmaster like John Rettino. I would know who I'm supposed to be angry at by looking at the pictures on my desk. Today, Bobby suddenly has a picture of his ex-honey right in front of him.
AHN Joe responds: Just wanted to point out that  John Rettino was no longer property master at this point, but an associate producer (check the end credits).  The property master in these episodes of   Dallas is a man by the name of David Scott Knerr (or something like that. I'm definite on the last name, anyway).

AHN Kyle's corner:

- Something just ain't right with Cliff's use of the speakerphone. Does he actually hit a button to activate the speaker function? He might have, but I didn't see him do it. Also, does he put the phone back on its base? It sort of looks like he puts it down NEXT to the phone. Our speakerphone only works if the phone is placed on the base. So does ours. Frankly I was impressed at the fact that he had a speakerphone, when three weeks ago he was playing vinyl records.

- I fail to see how 3 oil fields, that probably aren't worth more than 50 million (seeing as April probably wouldn't be willing to risk more than a third of her fortune to bail Bobby out) could totally screw up Ewing Oil. Why doesn't Bobby just use that cheque to buy more fields? I think, as JR is finding out, oil fields aren't out there to be purchased. It's not like the wildcatting days...all the good spots are already taken. He could go out and look for more, I guess, but he'd have to pay more for them. And I also think this isn't Jock's oil company - the one that was worth 2 billion or so depending on the day of the week. I think 50 million bucks is a big deal to this Ewing Oil.

- Hmmm April, here's a good way to avoid McKay: go eat dinner at the freaking Oil Barons Club! She's is one bright light. Bobby must have suggested it, and she didn't say no because she didn't want to make him suspicious. Lame.

- Shouldn't McKay have to hit Line 1 or something when he picks up that phone at April's office? I'm assuming that she would have installed multiple phone lines (no matter how crappy her company is). It would appear that her phone supports multiple lines, but I don't think even April is so gregarious as to order more than one line for her [snicker] business. Hard to say for sure.

- The whole April-McKay thing will probably go down as the stupidest thing...ever. April: "There's no way I'm EVER going to sell to you, McKay". April, two seconds later: "Hi broker, it's April. Sell those three oil fields, I don't care to who". I thought they would at least go through the whole "dummy company" ploy (which is pretty stupid, too, but it would have something). Dumb, dumb, dumb. Not just that, it was unrealistically dumb. I don't like April, but there's no way she's THAT stupid. I got news for you: she is. And she always will be.

- I think that the vacuum noise was added later. It was clearly fake. It could have been in the scene, but it was fake nonetheless. A vacuum is loud enough to make a conversation difficult to sustain when it is on. I didn't really understand the point of the vacuum being in that scene (to prove that April is angry?). I just assumed she would vacuum up the engagement ring, in a rare moment of DALLAS symbolism. Alas, no. For sure the noise was added later. I was also looking for symbolism here - perhaps vacuuming is a way for her to "wipe the floor" away of every trace of Bobby? A "clean slate"?

- Since when is Phyllis Bobby's social advisor? She doesn't usually mention personal engagements (except lunch), does she? Perhaps he asked her to make the reservations. Ordinarily, I'd say you're right.

- Oh yeah, my kind of show. J.R. looks like a big fat loser, and McKay comes off like the brilliant businessman. If Hagman lives long enough to do another interview, someone better damn well ask him why his involvement in the production of the show was inversely proportional to the amount of success he enjoyed onscreen. That was so well I could not have put it better myself.

- Today's show was another example of how a bitchy April is as equally as bad (if not worse) as a whiny Pamela. When they are bad, they are soooooo bad. All April needs is her own incredibly lame (and frustrating) sad (or angry, I guess) music. Then, it wouldn't even be close. Yes, I would totally agree with you. Pam was a real bitch when she wanted to be, but she was SO DAMN cute when she did it. April's kind of annoying when she's like that. I think being pectorally challenged doesn't help.

AHN Jason's corner:

- Man, the beginning credits seem to go on and on... with 12 people in them this is the most ever in a season of Dallas.. It is
painfully obvious that the opening theme is played over and over to fit everyone in.... Who's being put in tomorrow?  Theresa the maid or Kendall?  wait I know..the waiter who brings Cliff the tray... LOL! Good one. But if I remember correctly, the 86-87 season had this many people in the mainline, didn't it? BBG, Duffy, Gray, Hagman, Howard, Kanaly, Keel, Kercheval, Presley, Principal, Rambo...darn, that's 11. Too bad Charlene wasn't around then.

- There is a sharp cut when Cliff gets his close up in his interview..  His head tilt changes direction between cuts.  Right when he says  "I'm afraid the public.....

- I am sure I am not alone in thinking how lame it is to add a new "mainline' character for half a season.  This is the third time this season that the credits have to be done to add in a brand new character. Doesn't this cost a lot of money?  I thought it was one of the reasons (AKA the producers are cheap) that they keep certain   characters in the credits last season even after they are gone.  I think you were right about Dallas having to bribe people who should be "also starring" stars with their names in the credits. I'm sure I'm right. I'll grant the producers that this episode is the beginning of the "second half", where traditionally guest star contracts are terminated and/or renewed. In past seasons, Steph would have been an "also".

- Ewing parties are getting pretty sad now that everyone seems to be leaving.. Jr comes home to two people at his "party"... not like the good old days when everyone seemed to be around. Yeah...where's that party girl Lucy? And Christopher? Even John Ross came home from England for this.

- Rose had no lines yet gets pretty high up in the end credits. I know it is a contract thing, but I am kinda surprised they didn't
introduce April and her at dinner or have her say something during Carter's chat with Bobby. Strange. She must have a weird contract.

- April and Bobby... the new Lucy and Mitch..They fight, they make up, they fight, they make up...And I am getting rather disturbed about how Ray-like Bobby acts... his wife needs to be there for him but can't move forward on her own... and the only way she can support him is to stand behind him...  very chauvinistic and rude... I expected better from him. They're more like Itchy and Scratchy. Interesting comparison between Bobby and Ray...hadn't thought about that before.

- Notice Stephanie says tash instead of dash... Didn't notice because I find it hard to care about her.

- April and Michelle talk about opening a singels club where ladies can go not to be hit on... Don't most ladies want to be hit on that go to a club.. at the very least, don't women who go there want to meet new people? I think they're talking about making an Alanis Morissette-type shrine, where men are declared wholly evil. Or maybe it's a club where women can find other women? I don't know...

- I could be wrong but it seemed like Sheree J Wilson seemed to be reading lines off a cue card as she gives her "man hating" speech to the would be date.. Quite possible.

AHN Val's corner:

- Cliff looks like he continues to "read" the 'Texas Monthly' magazine, even after he discovers it's full of empty pages. That guy must really be bored. He continues to look at thing instead of reading the rest of his mail. What a narcissist.

- In the scene where Carter blabs April's secret to Bobby, there was a section of chrome decorative molding behind his head that made Carter appear to have horns. For a minute there, Carter really looked like the devil.

- JR, Cally, and John Ross drove all the way to Pride in JR's 2-seat convertible. That had to be REALLY uncomfortable for John Ross. Good one. That must have sucked.

- Cally had her easel set up at the Pride drilling site. Ok, first, did she really expect that they would be staying in Pride long enough for her to do some painting? Second, if she did, how did she fit her art supplies in the trunk of JR's car. I suppose Cally could have bought new art supplies in Pride, but I really doubt that a town as desolate as Pride has an art-and-craft supply store. I totally agree. That Mercedes must have some really sweet trunk space.

- Michelle was able to walk into April's unlocked apartment. My stars, after everything that's happened to that woman in the past, I would think that she would have the presence of mind to lock her door!!!! Maybe April deigned to allow her to keep a key.

- Stephanie stated that Cliff is the "right age, religion, and party" to win political office. RELIGION???? Please enlighten us, Steph...Exactly what religion IS Cliff???? I think he's probably a Methodist or something. In Texas [being part of the Bible belt] they take that kind of thing seriously, or so I understand.

AHN Alett's corner:

- There seems to have been a little glitch in the opening credits music. It sounded like they replayed some of it to have enough music to squeeze in Lesley-Anne Down's name. For sure. No other way.

- On "Austin Today" Atherton opens the show by saying, "Good evening." Sounds like the show should be called "Austin Tonight". And Cliff is such a political weasel, he lost any credibility he had. Well, you and I know that, but I'm sure the public was duped.

- This Marushka doll was such a surprise to April. Not likely. Monkeys in a barrel anyone. Then Bobby says, "Don't expect life as Mrs. Bobby Ewing to be predictable." His reaction to the leases was already predictable to her. Interesting spin on it.

- This selling of the leases was annoying. 1) The office is quiet. April should hear the click that someone picked up the extension. 2) She's determined not to sell to McKay, so why not just tell the broker to sell to anyone but him 3) Later, she tells Bobby she didn't think McKay would buy them. He's made his intentions pretty clear. Everyone's pointed out how stupid this was. At the very least, you're right about #2, which McKay could circumvent by using a dummy corporation. But at least that would have required some effort on his part.

- After the little cowboy encounter at the bar, the look on April's face suggests she's considering Shelly's idea that someone could make a fortune owning a "no hassle" place for women to go. Maybe she'll open a lesbian bar. Her current company is "April Oil". I wonder what she'd name this new business venture! Maybe the "Calendar Girls" could come up with something really neat. "I'm April, she's May. June's around back."

- James and Shelly were on the express elevator. Man, that reconciliation was fast. Yes it was. Must be that smooth Ewing touch.

- It's 1989. JR needs to be more up-to-date on his insults. He implies the chemical engineer can't solve their problems with a slide rule. This guy probably hasn't touched one of those since high school, if then.  I never touched one. I think he's just trying to make a point, but it's lame.

AHN Rob's corner:

- That scene where Cliff is enticed by the mock magazine cover with his face on it was a little confusing. Stephanie Rogers tells him to grab a pen and some paper -- then refuses to give him the address at which to meet her. Instead she says "I assume you know where [it] is..." Well, why the freakin' pen and paper, then...?! Good one. I totally missed that.

- When McKay visits April at her new offices, her stupidity shines through again. If she's not going to hire a secretary, why even bother having a phone in the outer office? But then, how else would McKay find out about the oil leases being for sale?

- I suppose Bobby followed that delivery guy to tell him where to deliver that huge postcard. Lord knows, the address written on it didn't tell him much. ‘Ms. April Stevens, Dallas TX'? WHERE in ‘Dallas TX'? I'm sure there's more than one April Stevens in Dallas. I think you're right. He must have followed him.

- Have Texans never heard of air conditioning? When Clayton pulls up with Gardener, they have both the car windows down - despite the fact that dust was flying all over the place.

- No wonder those ‘ten-cent Texas studs' caught a smackdown when they tried to pick up the Stevens sisters. They were so obvious! I mean, offering to buy them drinks when the bartender had just served them five seconds ago? Lame...

- In his smackdown attempt on James, Bobby says he won't allow any deals made in Ewing offices he doesn't know about. Is that a fact? I suppose that's how Ewing Oil bought that ill-fated barnacle barge two weeks before you knew about it, eh Bob? (Sorry about that, had to get at least one dig in while Bobby was so wide open...) Oh yeah. I forgot about that.

AHN Mike's corner:

- Cally looks like she got into April's ugly fringed jacket collection.

- Ya gotta love the way McKay stuck it to Bobby at the OBC in front of April. That scene was worth of the old, long-lost JR. Too bad he's such a comedy figure when he walks. He absolutely waddled into April's office. Maybe Breath Assures are high in calories. I'm sure they are. He could be a decent actor if he didn't look like such a buffoon.

- What does Clayton know about drilling for oil that he thinks he can advise JR? I thought his only connection to oil was refining it. Obviously he was feeling his oats because he was once again wearing his pink striped "range war" shirt. He probably picked up a few things here and there, but he's not an "oil man". Good call.

- Shelly's date may have been rich (he certainly wasn't good-looking) but obviously his company had neither dental or hair replacement benefits. He must work for Alex Barton.

- April had a new and interesting hairstyle in the postcard scene. Am I the only one disappointed that the postcard wasn't delivered by a one man band? And how about those heavy metal earrings she was wearing? I was also disappointed that Dick Winslow was not brought back.

- Now that April sold her oil fields, what exactly is the purpose of the April Oil office complex? No need. I don't remember for sure but I don't think we see it after today.

- The scene with Shelly and April not only had a prominent product placement for Budweiser but also a "don't drink and drive" PSA. And yuck! They start out drinking Buds and then move on to Tequila Sunrises? What an awful combination. Not being a drinker, I wouldn't know.

- Stephanie Rogers must have been dipping into the leftovers from the wardrobe department's Angelica Nero hat collection. For sure. The producers must have thought having this wacky wardrobe was a great idea at the time.

AHN Analise's corner:

- It's a good thing April had that big fight with Bobby.  Did you see her carpeting?  It looked quite dirty, so it needed a good vaccuuming.  Her cleaning lady must come once a season. I wasn't looking very closely, I could you tell it was dirty?

- It's the middle of the day, what is April doing at home and not at her office?  She runs April Oil like Bobby ran PDG. Or like Cliff ran Barnes-Wentworth. My poll of the week question couldn't have been better timed.

- In most offices, calls cannot be overheard on other extensions as they can be in someone's home.  I guess April with her business acumen asked Southwestern Bell to give her business residential phone service! Excellent call. Mike astutely pointed out that since April has no other workers, she really doesn't need this phone either.

- Hmm, open a bar where women can't be hassled.  What an idea!  Gee, what about April's restaurant from a few seasons ago.  She bought it so no single lady would be hassled about getting a table.  Are patrons being hassled at the bar of her restaurant??  Must be! Ah, the restaurant. Whatever happened to it?

- Again, Clayton is such an idiot!!!  He complains to Cally that JR is only searching for oil because he only wants to make a profit and not because he wants to be Santa Claus for the town of Pride!  Gee, most businesses survive because they make profits.   Hello Clayton, what a dumb thing to say!  I guess he wanted Farlow Refineries (when he owned them) to NOT make a profit either? Ox extraordinaire! The oxiness of this didn't strike me at first, but you're right. I saw it as Clayton just being fed up at JR's pig-headedness, but I think you're more towards the mark.

- Why does Bobby remain seated when he thinks he sees his ex-wife, the love of his life?   I would have thought he would have jumped up and yelled "Pam!"  Must be the old crazy glue stuck on the bar stool again. I certainly would have. Good call.

Episode 323: I Dream of Jeanne

Bonehead Dialogue Award: [courtesy of Val]

> Cliff's detective: "Are you talking about the JR Ewing with Ewing Oil?"
No, he's talking about JR Ewing the astronaut.

Angelica Award: Michelle's "I'm wearing a black bra in public, y"all" outfit. Nominated by everybody.

- Cliff tells Stephanie that he's impressed she was able to arrange a prime-time interview "in color". Well, Cliff, it won't be in color for those of us who have black and white TVs. What does this comment mean?

- I'm curious as to why there was no number on the hotel room where Blackie got lucky. Doesn't make sense.

- Bobby takes the cake in this episode again. He refers to his mother, the owner of Southfork, as "Eleanor Ewing". Uh, no, Bob. She married that dumb ox Clayton, remember? She's Eleanor Farlow now, as everyone should know. How gimpy.

AHN Jason's corner:

-  Cliff is such a pig at breakfast...never noticed how much junk food he ate before.

- I still don't get how the Stevens sisters singles bar is different than a regular one.. at least the concept seems the same.. I think having the "private phones" gives the illusion of control - much like having the pull-arm on a slot machine, even though it's all computerized.

- I found it kinda creepy for Bobby to bring Cliff along on his "date" with Jeanie to the restraurant. I think he's hoping that Cliff will offer him some support. I don't get it either.

- I think it really would have been cool for Bobby to have flashbacks of Pam but shoot the footage with Margaret Michaels.  They really do look a lot a like. Complicated from a real-world standpoint. Certainly they could not have shown flashbacks with Victoria Principal without sending her some royalty cheques; and re-shooting with Margaret would have been difficult because Patrick Duffy's lost a lot of hair.

- I find it interesting that Jeanne's friend knows so much about the Ewings but not that Pam looked just like Jeanne... I mean these are the equivalent to the Kennedys.... Well, Pam was a Barnes for most of her life...this is iffy.

- There is a continuity cut when Bobby and Jeanne talk in their last scene. A few strands of her hair are in front of her shoulder in one shot, then all of her hair is behind her in the next one. Good one.

- I found it kinda funny that Cliff tells Jeanne that Pam looked just like her after she was in a fire accident and had lots of
plastic surgery... what a compliment... When you put it that way, you're right.

AHN Alett's corner:

That sure looked like a pay phone April uses in the bar, but she can place her call without putting in any cash. I wondered about that too...for some reason I had it in my head that the scene would cut to Ewing Oil so we wouldn't be able to tell, but obviously this was not the case.

AHN Val's corner:

- They've got Denver Pyle in the "also starring" credits. That's gotta be a low blow, considering that Leslie-Anne Down gets go be in the opening. Personally, I think TPTB got it backwards!!!! Denver was a bigger star than Leslie-Anne could ever hope to be. After all, he was Uncle Jesse of the most loveable TV characters in recent memory. Contract, contract, contract. I have a feeling that the producers were expecting Stephanie to be a major player, but her character ends up being so lame that they dumped her and took whatever losses were coming. Uncle Jesse obviously didn't want anything to do with a long-term commitment.

- Meg Callahan said that Blackie went wildcatting with Jock and Digger Barnes. Wait!!! What about Jason Ewing? Are we supposed to conveniently forget about Jason's branch of the Ewing family since they don't play any part in the current storylines. True. But it's possible that Blackie joined that after Jason went to Alaska in 1932. I'll have to revisit my Alaska Ewings history.

- Why would Bobby be wearing a wedding band? I'm sure he kept it on shortly after Pam divorced him, but I would think he would have taken it off when he got more serious about April. Certainly, Bobby would have removed the band when he and April got ENGAGED!!!! Well, as things are turning out, it's a good thing he didn't. From a personal standpoint: if I was married to someone like Victoria Principal, I wouldn't take my wedding band off.

AHN Mike's corner:

- We've been seeing an awful of that beige safari jacket on JR the last few seasons. It's clear he doesn't have much in the way of casual clothes. We've been seeing it since the very beginning. I remember seeing this as early as Episode 6.

- That new wedge hairdo on Sly causes me to ask if Sly and Vanilla Ice were twins seperated at birth? No, because the hair is new...but maybe Sly was trying to cash in on the Ice Ice Baby craze.

- James continues his charter membership in the grey doesn't go with brown club, wearing a grey jacket over a brown shirt.

- I've seen hookers on 42nd Street in New York dressed dressed more modestly than Michelle's black bra outfit. Maybe we should institute a second fashion offense category and call it the Rose McKay Cheap Ho' award. And too bad JR wasn't around when she was exulting in how good she looked. "Yeah, darlin' but you're still a money-hungry bitch!" That would have been classic.

- I'll bet JR has not only never had a liverwurst sandwich but that he doesn't even know whether it's meat, fish or fowl ("foul" would be more like it). I agree. Ugh.

- This Pam- look alike sub-plot is SO lame. OK it was cute to scramble Bobby's brain for a few moments when he thought it WAS Pam. But what's the point now that he knows it isn't? This woman is a dog compared to the real Pam and doesn't have much of a personality to boot. The writers weren't content to ruin the JR character, now they're destroying Bobby the last few episodes. By the way, is this the same actress who played the "real" Pam when Cliff went to see her at her doctor's? Yes it is...and I think she looks rather good! The hair is quite nice, if nothing else. And I'll have more to say about this subplot [respectfully disagreeing with you] in the I think.

- Looks like James is getting weaker from all that heavy duty method acting his doing. I'd swear there's less weight on the bar than the last time he was working out. Give Cally credit for guts, even my own wife won't hug me after I've been working out. But then I actually lift enough weight to get sweaty. James, by the way, is a lefty (football-throwing scene).

- I won't buck the tide on the Angelica Award for Michelle, but I think Cally's country and western shirt with the cacti should get runner-up. Second runner up would be the hideous gold top of April's that had the cape thing around the shoulders. This is getting too easy nowadays, but there seem to be more and more candidates.

- JR and Blackie. Cliff and Dandy. See any similarities there? The writers were sure getting lazy.

- How come Cliff didn't hire the Black private investigator again? He did a great job and he was amused by Cliff's vulgar habits and poor manners as opposed to the obvious revulsion from this new PI. That guy was a missing persons expert but he was damn good. I agree.

- Lesley Anne Down was an attractive woman at this time. However the Dallas makeup people seem to have found hairstyles for her that are most unflattering. I really don't care at all for this subplot.

- And speaking of flattering, what a horribly unflattering freeze frame of JR at the end. Have you noticed they are not flashing credits any more on the freeze frame? They suddenly changed this in mid-season. The last few nights it left us wondering if maybe the episode wasn't over yet. I noticed the weird look on his face. I think this "not flashing credits" thing changes before the end but I don't remember for sure.

Episode 324: After Midnight

Bonehead Dialogue Award: [courtesy of Rob]

> James: "...I don't even use oil in my car anymore..."
- So what ARE you using these days, James? Maple syrup?

Angelica Award: Jeanne's "every inch of her" western garb. Nominated by Alett. Honorable mention goes to some of April's wacky outfits.

Before we get started: I would be completely remiss if I didn't give a Jock Ewing salute to Owen Hart. Thanks for the memories, Owen.

- I only found one significant nit: when James talks to JR in his office, after coming in from the rainy outdoors, there's a continuity issue. When James is seen from the back, his hair and jacket are not wet; when seen from the front, he's drenched.

From Mike Monroe:

- April and Shelly seem to require one certain building for their singles bar or else they absolutely can not do it.  I am in Dallas now and I can tell you that there are several warehouses in the West End area that have not been developed.  They could easily find another. Oh...a ringer! Great to have you aboard! Unfortunately, none of the AHNs are in Dallas so we don't know too much about the local happenings. Thanks for this tidbit.

- This is a general nit that I have noticed recently.  On last Tuesday's preview for Wednesday, they showed Bobby seeing the fake Pam.  That then gave away the "cliffhanger" end of Wednesday's show, which was Bobby seeing the fake Pam.   Then we saw the same clip in the recap on Thursday.  First, why did they spoil the show's ending and second, why do we need to see it three times? I have wondered myself why the producers didn't milk the "Is she Pam?" angle for a while...and I don't know why they're recycling footage. It's possible that during the times these episodes were actually aired, they were shown a few weeks apart, so it was necessary to remind people about what happened.

- Is this the first time that a hallway received the freeze frame?  Perhaps a tote is in order for the number of freeze frames that didn't include people. That is a VERY interesting tote idea. I'll see if I can think of others...the only one that springs to mind is the Season 5 ender, which showed Southfork in flames.

From Pamela:

- When Bobby gets to Jeanne's house at the end of the episode, right before the "night of passion", he just kind of opens the door. He really doesn't knock. He's half way in before he calls her name and mentions that her door is open.   What kind of an idiot is this Jeanne person to leave her door unlocked??  I mean of course she knows that Bobby is supposed to be coming over, at "9 o'clock sharp", but even so, what a moron!!  What if he ran in to traffic and was late.   OK, it's done for effect, he's obviously "seduced" figuratively and literally in to her house for their romp.  But come on, this is RIDICULOUS!! Those were different days. This would obviously be unheard of in the 90s, but back in the 80s we were more laid back, I think.

AHN Jason's corner:

- That Duke guy was really weird..  some really bad vibes during his opening scene with James... Can't tell if it was meant that way or if he is just a really bad actor.   And whoever plays his daughter is horrible... Makes Lucy look like Meryl Streep by comparison. Duke is meant to be this way; Melinda is just pathetic.

- What is with these cowgirl boot close ups? Maybe Ken Kercheval [the director] has a foot fetish or something.

- I am amazed to be saying this, but I actaully think Sasha Mitchell carried himself well today..  Then again compared to the poor-quality actors on the show today, he looks pretty good. I think that's the key. He can hold his own in these situations. If the producers were smart, they'd give him more air time with guest stars so that he doesn't appear to be such a stiff.

- Cliff is AWOL but Ken Kercheval directs... Couldn't he give himself some plot?  I mean this is never a problem when Larry, Patrick or Linda direct. No, but this was Kenny's first go at it - maybe he wanted to take it easy.

- No Sly at the party in JR's office?  Did she ask for the day off? I wondered about that too.

AHN Alett's corner:

- That poster of Salzburg in the warehouse seems to be just a convenient prop for a flashback. The only other poster in the place is one of old cars. No question. Very convenient.

- Boy, rain is such a big deal in this episode. All that foreboding of the big storm went nowhere. About all it established is the people of Dallas are wimps when it comes to weather. I believe that's true. They're totally unprepared for it most of the time.

- Just when I thought Jeanne might be a decent character with some depth, she turns into a rather warped manipulator of Bobby. So many of these women seem one-dimensional like little Melinda. I don't know if I'd go that far...but I see your point. Jeanne does lose some credibility here, but I didn't hear Bobby complaining. I'd think twice before saying she's as one-dimensional as Melinda, who makes Kay seem dynamic.

AHN Kyle's corner:

- Is April wearing a Cadillac-emblazoned jacket when she and Shelly are looking at the warehouse? Why have such an obscure product placement? I didn't notice. Unfortunately, I didn't tape it so I can't review.

- James mentions to Duke that his company is "very well diversified". The word "well" seems unnecessary here, and makes the sentence quite awkward. Good catch.

- How many episodes has Ken Kercheval directed? Far fewer than Duffy or Hagman (or even Kanaly, I think). I guess what they say is true, you CAN'T act and direct at the same time. I believe this is the first. Don't know for sure.

- Has J.R. used that oil sniffing insult that finishes off " dipstick" before? I seem to think he has. Possibly. I remember him telling Cliff that he "couldn't find oil in his crankcase."

- Why did James make that "predicting rain" statement? Did he and Duke HAVE to work outside?? IS he trying to be funny? Because he ISN'T. Agreed.

- You've got to hand it to the DALLAS writers, nobody can do the one-dimensional character like they can. Duke's daughter was like a Bond girl, minus all that emotional depth (snicker).

- Those were some real nifty lightning effects. Kind of look liked a scene from Ghostbusters. Yeah. That was totally bizarre. It's like they can't even make a real storm.

- All I ask for is a little bit of realism in the character development. Since when does James hate all things oil (not to mention all things J.R.)?

AHN Rob's corner:

- O.K., JR has just driven 700 miles? On the whim of Uncle Jessie Duke -- I mean -- Blackie? And JR hasn't strangled him YET?! Hard to believe... He was on the brink. You could tell.

- DUMMY MOVE of the DAY Returns: The stupidity of the Stevens Sisters reaches new heights (or lows) with each passing episode. Why the hell would they TELL Inagaki exactly how desperately they need his property to start their singles venture?! Is there any wonder he said ‘no'? Idiots!

- DUMMY MOVE of the DAY HONORABLE MENTION: That whole "Wait For Me" scene with Bobby and April. The eerie part was April actually made the most sense...  Yes! I noticed that too. Very surprising. But with the gimpy way Bobby was acting, it wasn't too surprising.

- WAIT A MINUTE!!!! Jeanne took off that dress in the last scene! But when Bobby picked her up to carry her off to a night of endless boinking, she's got the dress on again! Did it fall all the way? Hard to be sure...

AHN Analise's corner:

- We have seen Duke Carlisle before haven't we?  Didn't he play the fraternity brother of JR's who owned the Olco company in Oklahoma?  JR asked him to set up a dummy executive job for Cliff when Cliff was dating Sue Ellen during their first divorce.   Aren't I right? Wally Hampton? He was much fatter....I'll double check that...yes! You're right.

- Michelle is as much of a business dummy as April! Obviously in the genes. When she called in her favor to McKay, all she asked for was to have McKay force Inagaki to sell to her. She didn't specify a price. What an idiot!  Inagaki, knowing how desperate she is, could agree to sell it for 10 times the market value. Can we say, LOSER??? I thought about this too - I would assume McKay is smarter than this, but anything is possible.

- When Bobby stopped by April's condo, it was obviously in the middle of the night and he woke her up.  So why is her makeup perfect?  And why doesn't she at least yawn? I noticed the hair, but not the makeup. Good one.

Episode 325: The Crucible

Bonehead Dialogue Award: [courtesy of Alett]

> James to JR: "To Hell with you and the horse you rode in on."
(so does this weird insult make him a Southerner now?)

Angelica Award: Michelle's cat fight outfit. Nominated by Jason and Val.

- I'm not sure why JR is so surprised that Cliff has been nominated to head the Oil Regulatory Commission. If memory serves, he did it before. At the time [1980], it was called the Office of Land Management, but the idea was the same. Maybe JR should consider the fact that Cliff has experience on his side, not just a good PR agent.

- The first time Carter visits Inagaki's office, his screen saver kicks in very quickly. He's analyzing some projections on a mostly bluish screen, and then suddenly you can see that the screen is black. It hasn't even been a minute!

- What would such a good episode be without an ox moment? Here it is: when Curley Morrison collapses, Clayton feels his neck and declares him to be pulseless. With a guy as obese as Curley, there's no way Clayton could have found his carotid artery that quickly. Even with my [albeit brief] medical training, I have difficulty finding it in infants. Here's a hint, Mr. Farlow: try the wrist. Much easier that way.

- Speaking of Curley: the producers must have a thing for Klingon Chancellors from Star Trek. First they had Gowron as Tommy's drug dealing buddy, and now they bring in K'mpec to play Curley! Amazing how he's almost unrecognizable without the beard and makeup.

From Pamela:

- My big nit is Bobby and this whole stupid Jeanne plot.  HOW STUPID IS HE??  It takes CHRISTOPHER to explain to him in a round about way that he never said goodbye to his pookie bear Pam??   What an idiot!! Another thing, at the beginning of the episode when they're all having breakfast, doesn't Christopher tell Bobby that family night at school is NEXT week??   Then later in the episode he asks Christopher in his room (during the big "I never said goodbye" revelation) if he's pissed because he attended family night alone.  Now, this may not be a nit, not sure, because it's kind of unclear exactly how much time has passed, but it seems in the rest of the lives of the Ewings  that only a day, maybe two has passed.  Does time fly faster in Bobby's world??  Maybe so, after all, he seems to be living in the "Fantasy Pam" world.  Either that, or the TNN slasher strikes again. Both of these are very valid points. I suppose, since Bobby is completely in the "discombobulated gimp" mode, that he's so off his rocker that it takes Christopher to figure out what's going on; other than April and Cliff, no one else even knows about Jeanne, so no one else could help him. The second nit is much better. Time flew very freely here, that's for sure.

- Also, you would THINK Sensitive Guy Bobby who is supposed to be such a great dad and so "close" to his son would know something as big in his life as who his best friend is (which he somewhat questions when Christopher mentions the kid's name) and also the fact that he's moving to Houston.  What gives??  Again, he must be so wrapped up in his warped fantasy to notice. Possibly. Then again, sometimes kids aren't exactly forthcoming about all of these things.

- I also found it very convenient that McKay just happen to remember that he knew the CEO of the Japanese company.  Did he suddenly find his name in his address book after the weasel refused to sell??  Why didn't he just go that route in the first place?? Why did he deal with Inagaki ? This way would've been much easier. For one thing, the producers needed to fill time. For another, I think Carter didn't want to have to call in this rather expensive favor. He might have been able to save it in order to get something even better.

AHN Jason's corner:

- I found it stupid that JR would go all the way to the top of the Oil Baron's and then finally figure out that he couldn't go in to eat b/c of the party... I mean all Debbie told him was that stuff on the sign... There must have been on downstairs so why didn' t he either make a stink and demand a seat or simply not bother to go up at all... I would assume there was a sign downstairs...I didn't get this either.

- Oh my. April and Michelle finally realize how dumb their singles club is... Of course their idea wasn't original or even that
interesting.. Totally. But the one with the idea is always the last to know.

- Nice slam by Stephanie to JR about the two things she won't be doing, and great cat fight scene between the 4 blondes on the show... All blonde...yes. How 'bout that. I hadn't noticed before. I just wish Lucy hadn't held Cally back. Having her knock Michelle silly would have been a true mark-out moment and a great way to generate more family in-fighting, because James would have come to Michelle's defense...or maybe not! Maybe it would have broken them up...hmm.

- Ok,  who here DIDN'T think Curly was going to buy it by the end of the episode.... I think there might have been a viewer in the Ukraine who didn't see it. [TO Viewers in the Ukraine: nothing personal.]

AHN Kyle's corner:

- I wouldn't have thought it possible about a month ago, but the writers have succeeded in making (innocent, sweet) Cally into a completely undesirable character. Man...she's falling hard AND fast. Now she's just so dull (esp. w/r/t the April thing).

- Does J.R ever say who he is calling to find out about Stephanie Rogers? I just assumed it was Ratagan, but maybe he doesn't say. He didn't say, but you have to assume. I would say it's NOT Harry McSween.

- OH, good lord! This be the Clayton and Ellie Murder Mystery that everyone speaks so highly of (ha ha!). Man, it almost feels like a plotline from a cheesy (redundant?) episode of Saved By The Bell...oh wait, there WAS a SBTB Murder Mystery episode (when Lisa wins the tickets on a radio show). I swear, they've started exactly the same way. The lights go down and
someone dies (but then again, I guess all murder mysteries start like that). I have a feeling this whole thing is going to be a laugh and a half. You said it. Good for a laugh, with Ellie as Angela Lansbury and Clayton as an oxy Matlock. about Oxlock?

AHN Val's corner:

- The cowboy themed party seemed so out of place at the Oil Baron's Club. They should have moved that party to the Longhorn Bar. No, on second thought, the Longhorn is probably long out of business with Ray Krebbs in Europe. I think so. Ray probably took a lot of Braddock businesses out with him.

- The wedding picture shown of JR and Cally was....different. That is, Cally's hair and dress looked VERY different than what she actually got married in. The dress shown in the photo was a Victorian style that buttoned way up to the neck. Cally's actual dress was a more modern off-the-shoulder style that was a little less modest. I believe that this picture is from their FIRST Haleyville. I recognize Cally's hair circlet of flowers. The question is which Harper brother owns a camera - and can afford film.

- JR complained that he couldn't get into the OBC because of a private party. So he had to go somewhere else and "drink bad bourbon". Wait a minute!!! Does the OBC hold the monopoly of fine dining establishments in Dallas? I don't think so. He could have gone to Scalini or Madisons.'s a novel thought: JR could have gone home, eaten dinner with his wife and son, and had as much of the good bourbon as he wanted. Ah, but then we wouldn't have the in-fighting, would we? I think some scenes of Cally nagging JR were [mercifully] cut out.

AHN Alett's corner:

- A hygiene nit. No one at Southfork ever makes Christopher and John Ross brush their teeth before going to school. Not only would their scrambled egg breath be bad, but they've all witnessed Vanessa's smile. If this continues, the next time John Ross visits his mother in London, he'll fit right in. I guess now we know why we haven't seen Christopher's girlfriend Ivy lately.

- (with acknowledgements to the AHN who first brought this one up) They're recycling awkward lines. This time McKay's conversation with Inagaki produces the lame, "And I, you". Yes. That's Kyle. Surprised he didn't mention it today.

- In the kitchen confrontation between James and JR, I lost track of how many times Sasha looks into the camera and also seems to be reading cue cards. Maybe someone should have poisoned his milk. That would have been cool. But alas, someone needs to fill time next season...

- And in Bobby's parting thoughts to Jeanne, "If there's anything I can do for you..." Yeah, Bobby, how about buying the two houses from her you said you were going to earlier. Maybe he already did. Who knows?

AHN Mike's corner:

- Inagaki was half right in calling McKay a "dinosaur". McKay weighs about as much as one. That's an angle I hadn't considered.

- Carlisle's daughter looks very nice from the neck down but they ought to get her a big cowboy hat that covers her face. The actor who plays Duke sounds like he's doing a bad Andy Devine imitation with that high, raspy voice. I totally agree on both counts. Who cast Shawn Modrell? And what's with that name?

AHN Analise's corner:

- The writers must have a fixation on the name "Hutch".  Rabbit Hutch and Hutch McKinney (Pam's biological father).  What's up with that?  Is Hutch such a great name? Don't know. They did this with the "Farraday" name too. Back in Season 1, Pam's ex-husband Ed's middle name was Farraday; a guy named Farraday was a partner in a construction firm Bobby dealt with; and of course, there was good old Jeff.

- Big time nit!  The ORC is supposed to be a government agency set up and funded by the state of Texas which means that it is funded by the taxpayers of Texas.  There is no way that the ORC would have the audacity to spend the kind of money (all public) it takes to rent out the entire Oil Baron's Club for a private party!  Not in a million years.  There would be such huge public outrage because of the waste of taxpayer money.  Truly pathetic. It's possible [but unlikely] that is was privately funded...hard to say.

- Somebody please help me out.  What is the difference between the OLM (Office of Land Management) and the ORC?  Seems to me they both regulate oil production in Texas.  So why have two state agencies doing the same thing?  Isn't this redundant?  Did the writers forget about the OLM?  Or do they have different roles? The OLM was dissolved back in 1980 because of its "corruption". Then do-gooder Donna's four-person committee took over for a while. I don't know why they just didn't resurrect the OLM.

- If James hates the oil industry, why is he keeping his office in Ewing Oil? Because it's free.

Episode 326: Dear Hearts and Gentle People

Bonehead Dialogue Award: [courtesy of Alett]

> Clayton to Rabbit: "What are you afraid of?"
The guy's the prime murder suspect. What do you think he's afraid of - the orange jumpsuit might clash with his complexion?

Angelica Award: A tie between April's polka dot outfit [nominated by Jason] and Cally's denim collage jacket [nominated by Val]

- Ellie tells Bobby that Clayton tried to give Curley Morrison CPR before the paramedics arrived. Why? The first thing Clayton did was to feel for his pulse and say, "He's dead!". Why would Clayton have given CPR to a dead guy? Or was Ellie just trying to prevent Clayton from looking stupid in front of Bobby?

From Pamela:

- Ellie is a super-sleuth!!!  When it is mentioned that Curly was just fine until the lights went out, she comes back with something to the effect of whatever happened, happened when the lights went out. DUH!!  "Miss Murder She Wrote's" got nothin' on this one, she's SHARP!!

- Why is Cally setting the dining room table for dinner?? HELLO??? Don't they PAY Theresa and Raoul to do that sort of thing???  Guess they're slacking again. Or Cally is missing her servile roots.

- April's answering machine now says the Stevens residence.  OK, her number has changed before, but it's never said the Stevens residence.  She also says, "we" are out.  Who exactly is "we"?  Michelle doesn't live there.  April's not married, and even if she were, it wouldn't be the Stevens residence.  This is weird. Michelle lives there now, by all evidence. I wonder what happened to her apartment.

- Bobby's psychic abilities are really kicking in again in Ohio!!  He seems to know exactly where April's mother lives and how to get the park AND find his hotel all without any assistance from anyone.  I mean, unless this town is about two streets, usually you at least need to ask for some kind of directions. He probably did. Very resourceful of him, but there's probably not that many Stevens in the Springdale phone book, and he can afford a map. Rather quick, if you ask me, though.

- When Serena comes in to J.R.'s office, where is Sly? Kendall? Phyllis?  Or even the incompetent Jackie??  She just walked on in.  Also, unless I am mistaken, isn't J.R. SHAVING in his office??  Doesn't he have a suite at the Singletree??   Doesn't that suite have a BATHROOM with a MIRROR??  Also in reference to the suite, if I'm right about this, I think the bed that he and Serena use is the same bed that is in Bobby's bedroom at Southfork, not sure, but the headboard sure looked familiar! You're quite right an all accounts. Can't believe no one noticed Serena barging in.

AHN Kyle's corner:

- JR: "I'll change for a woman when the Dallas Cowboys are in the Super Bowl". Whoa...J.R. So not for another 3 years, at least? That's funny. I think they were 1-15 this year, but then the Aikman age began. I love things like this, when someone says something in a 1990 context that has a completely different meaning 9 years later. Good stuff. Definitely funny in retrospect.

- Whoa...Channel 12 must be really popular at Ewing Oil. Convenient that J.R. didn't have to change the channel. Maybe it's one of those magic TV's. Maybe. Or maybe it only gets Channel 12. [Yeah, right.]

- Should they really have all the suspects in the same room at the police station? This doesn't seem to be the best idea. Isolation seems to be more fitting in this case. For sure. But that would have meant more rooms and more sets.

- Apparently, the new goal for DALLAS writers is to make J.R. as un-P.C. as humanly possible. I'm getting rather tired of J.R's macho-rhetoric. It's pretty ridiculous. This is a tough one. Apparently Larry must have felt that this was the easiest way to become the "old" evil JR, which is something the show is greatly lacking. But this is not the way to go about it, to be sure.

AHN Jason's corner:

- Theresa is back with a vengeance ... three scenes today and two different outfits ... what's with the blue one minute and the black one the next.  Does she change after every meal? I would assume she does. Or perhaps Raoul has been feeling frisky lately...

- April's answering machine message changed again.  Now it is the Stevens' residence.   Did Shelley move in?  What happened to her place? I don't know...we saw it once and then it disappeared. Bizarre.

- The Oil Baron's Club's uniforms have changed again.  Debbie has a short skirt again. Yay! It's about time.

- Mr. Beaumont?  Why not Mr. James...  Theresa seems to call all the residents of Southfork by their first names... Mr. Bobby,  Mr. Jock even Mr. Mitch. Well, it used to make a little bit of sense when everyone was a Ewing. But the "Mr. Mitch" thing killed that idea. So you're right...makes no sense.

- I had a hard time following the logic of James' argument that Cally should try to beat JR. at his own game.   Why resort to cheating and lying?   It didn't make Sue Ellen happy and Cally Is a LOT more innocent and sweet.  It could only hurt her in the end to stay with someone who is treating her cruelly. I totally agree. I think, in his gimpy way, James isn't inciting her to be a sneak - not deliberately. But that IS what he's implying.

AHN Val's corner:

- For someone who's "not in the mood", Cally is wearing some rather alluring lingerie to bed. She really ought to be thinking t-shirts and sweat pants. Or at least that full-length button-up nightie that she has.

- Ellie said she'd call her attorney and get a recommendation for a good criminal lawyer. Wait a minute!!! What about Scottie Demarest? He's supposedly the best. Ellie ought to know that more than anyone. After all, Scottie did help her first husband...what's-his-face????...beat a murder rap. And even Jenna, who was guilty as sin. :) A great point.

- April's mom took two hot dishes out of the oven and put them right on the counter without so much as a towel underneath them. Putting those blistering hot pie pans in direct contact with a formica countertop will literally ruin the countertop.

- What would fingerprints on the milk carton have to do with Curly's murder? If he was indeed poisoned, the assailant would have laced the milk cup during the blackout. Had he laced the whole carton of milk, he would run the risk of slaying some other innocent who might happen along and help himself to a drink. Well, perhaps not. Who else would drink milk at a gathering like this? Certainly all the people who were at the will-reading would know about Curley's habit, and obviously counted on it.

- JR just happens to keep a gold colored marker in his desk. This was almost the perfect color to blend in with the background of the painting while crossing out the "Ewing" at the end of Cally's name. This is hardly plausable, unless JR keeps a doodling pad and colored markers in his desk so John Ross has something to do when he visits his dad's office. Although this too seems unlikely. You're right. It wasn't a perfect match, and I'm sure the camera angle was adjusted to make it look better than it was.

- And while I'm on the subject of Cally, why does she use the name "Cally Harper Ewing"? She's supposedly so very devoted to her husband...So, why not drop the "Harper", just like Sue Ellen dropped her "Shepard"? No idea. I can see you had no problem in doing so.

AHN Alett's corner:

- I can see taking multiple pictures of a body, but the police photographer keeps snapping away at just the outline even while a cop walks through it with evidence.

- There seems to be some cost-cutting going on. Instead of using the town's name, it's just a generic "Police Station" and "Police Dept." car. Seems to be? It's been going on for two months now.

AHN Mike's corner:

- Have you noticed that real ugly and humongous sculpture sitting on a table in JR's office? It appears to be four cowboys riding horses side-by-side with pistols in hand. Haven't noticed. I'll have a look.

- Why would Bobby look for April at the offices of April Oil? It's not like she's in the oil business anymore. Did he say that? I missed it.

-Rabbit may not have committed the murder but he is sure enough guilty of one heinous fashion crime - wearing a light blue jacket over dark brown slacks! And one could also argue it's a fashion offense to hang yourself with one boot on and one boot off. I think that's quite accurate. When you kick the chair, your boot falls off, right?

- Now I'm sure the old Bobby is gone. When he drives to the park to see April he passes up a fire hydrant and two driveways to park legally!!!!! I was tempted to point this out.

Episode 327: Paradise Lost

Bonehead Dialogue Award: [courtesy of Jason]

>Clayton: I don't think Curly and Rabbit appreciate being murdered.

Angelica Award: Michelle's red and black looked like a high schooler's geometry homework, according to Val. Seconded by Pamela.

- I've just got one nit for today. If JR is so intent on finding dirt in Stephanie's past, why doesn't he get Ratagan to do it? Why hire a private investigator?

From Chip Rickard:

- I've been thinking about this angle with Rabbit, Curley, the Ward Brothers and Ellie and Clayton and I realized that Carter knows all these friends of the Ward Brothers but only last season, he had never met Clayton who was also friends of all these people. I can understand how this could be possible but this seems like such a coincidence that Clayton and Carter had never met before especially since Carter used to be a honcho at Weststar and Clayton owned many refineries. One would think their paths would have crossed in the past. HEY! This is an outstanding point...I can't believe I didn't clue in to this. Thanks so much for pointing it out!

From Pamela:

- Our super-sleuths are at it again.  Now that Ellie and Clayton have figured out that Atticus has killed Curly and Rabbit, they decide to take matters in to their own hands and confront him themselves.  Dunno about anyone else, I think I might go to the police considering what happened to the other two. That would be the smart thing to do. I guess they're secure in the fact that mainline actors/actresses never get horribly hurt except as part of a cliffhanger.

- April's mom claims that family is the most important thing.  But when Bobby suggests she moves to Dallas to be near her daughters, it seems her committees and friends are more important.  Nice contradiction there.  Way to go mom!! Excellent point.

From Regan Parker: I know I am late with this, but I am behind on my viewing.  On Wednesday's episode where Bobby and April are in the park, I swear I saw a mountain in the background.  There aren't any mountains like that in Ohio!

AHN Kyle's corner:

- I must confess that I'm not too familiar with the zoning aspect of city planning, but it seems to me that if some places are delegated to be daytime places, they are likely close to a residential area (maybe even a suburb). The warehouse district just doesn't seem like a heavily domesticated area. Thus, it strikes me as odd that it would be dubbed a "daytime" area. They really shouldn't have any trouble getting a liquor license. Agreed. I don't know whether we ever find out but I think that Carter was behind the whole thing, and convinced someone to dream up this zoning.

- While the children in the swings do seem to be tightly strapped in, I am going to question the parenting skills of April's friend. First of all, I'm pretty sure that the infant should not have its head swinging back and forth. Neck support is quite important during the early years. Also, when April and the mom walk away, the children are left completely unsupervised. And if you watch closely, the mother never checks to see if they are safe. Not very responsible... Yes. You're right.

- The strings on the soundtrack before the first break was really quite weak. Reminiscent of Pam's sad music, I think. A little bit...but nothing is THAT depressing.

- Now, I know that the murderer in this Clayton and Ellie plot isn't a pro, but come on, poison then hang? They have to know that an autopsy is very likely. That's far too obvious. Why not choke the guy and then hang him? Doesn't take a genius (or a sociopath) to figure that one out. It's a modus operandi. It's easier to poison someone. Also, in a case like this, it's possible that an autopsy might not be performed, if someone were convinced that it was an "obvious" suicide.

- I know that April's friends marriage is meant to represent April and Bobby's possible future, but that one scene at the BBQ was just plain stupid. The rapid transition from "lovey dovey" to "broken home" was hardly necessary. About as subtle as a dumptruck, too. But I suppose it is realistic in a contrived sense [does that make sense?]

- Stephanie tapes all her conversations?? My God, she IS Leslie Stewart! Fingers crossed that her departure is in the same vain as Ms. Stewart's (ie. quick and painless).

AHN Val's corner:

Just one significant nit today...That raw steak was on the grill for not more than one minute. Certainly that's not long enough for it to burn to the crisp that it did. Good one. Kyle also noticed this.

AHN Jason's corner:

- The Abandoned Lucas meter lives on!!!   Beth sure was negligent with her kids...   Didn't look at them once after she walks away with April. Leaving a baby swining while she walks off...  tisk tisk Must have been friends with Jenna in a past life.

- JR's teeth look really yellow in the last scene.

AHN Mike's corner:

- Did I miss something? What was Arlen/Atticus doing in Dallas at the OBC? I thought he and the others lived in San Angelo. Did you notice his babe, Honey, looked like Serena's sister? And speaking of Serena, I have never found her all that attractive. In fact, she'd have to pay me, not vice-versa. I wondered about this too...but maybe they've all moved from San Angelo to Dallas. At least, the rich ones.

- Oh those savvy Stevens sisters! $16M for a warehouse and they didn't check the zoning or liquor laws? JR is right. They should be home making lunch for their husbands in some hick town in Ohio, not "doin' bidness" in Dallas. I suspect that Carter had a hand in this, despite his protests.

- This show was on overloaded with sappy violins. Witness JR's apology to Cally and Bobby and April pondering their future. I know. It's a good thing JR didn't mean it or this episode would have sucked worse than it did.

- Poor Howard Keel. At this point he's sunk so low on the pecking order of the show that the wardrobe and makeup people don't care any more. The pink striped range war shirt is back again for the umpty-umpth time and most of this epsiode it looks like his hair was combed with a towel.

- On the one hand ,it's mighty shrewd and worthy of the old JR to hire the counselor to convince Cally to end the marriage. On the other, my wife said she thought it was sweet JR would go through all this trouble to not hurt Cally. The old JR never would have engendered those kinds of feelings in female viewers.. Very interesting spin on it. He's letting her down easy but it's all for his own good.

Episode 328: Will Power

Bonehead Dialogue Award: [courtesy of Jason and Val]

>Miss Ellie about Carter: "What is there about that man I don't trust?"

Let's see...he dammed up the river through Southfork, tried to blow up your ranch, and nearly got your grandson killed in the process. He sounds trustworthy enough to me, Miss Ellie.

Angelica Award: Michelle wins again for her wacky dress which looks like a cricket sweater superimposed on a towel.

- When Clayton was talking to Ellie about Atticus's will, I could have sworn I heard him pronounce the "H" in heirs.

- When the Ewings are having breakfast, Ellie and Clayton's chairs are not present. Bobby says they left early...but why would the chairs have been removed? This hasn't happened before.

- And in the most ridiculous nit of the day: if Cally was gracious enough to accompany Lucy to the talk show, why didn't Lucy return the favor? Why does James get stuck with this task? Was Lucy busy at her [snicker] successful art gallery? I'm beginning to get the feeling that Charlene's contract has incentive clauses NOT to appear on the show.

AHN Alett's corner:

- Maybe John Ross's friends would watch the Lizzie Burns show, but only if it were consistently a cheap thrill. That being the case, why wouldn't she have gone for the jugular when Lucy was on? This sudden blindsiding for Cally's appearance seems unlikely especially when the next show is about men who married prostitutes. Totally. Seems completely out of place. Of course, they couldn't have known that they'd be predicting Cally's future. Lucy's episode must have been a ratings-killer. Everybody else noticed this, too.

A ongoing nit - the police are so unrealistically slipshod depending on Clayton and Ellie to do the investigating that would naturally be done by them. That detective is totally pathetic. This totally stretches the limits of imagination. Then again, CBS created a whole other series out of this gimmick...

Ratagan shouldn't have the blowtorch still on while JR has been reading Stephanie's diary. He said he would make a small hole in the back of the safe, so how did JR get that book out anyway? I wondered about that too. He seems to be acetylene-happy. And that must have been some small hole..

Since Larry, Patrick, Linda, and Ken have all had their shots at directing, I think it's time they let Charlene take a crack at it. She always has plenty of free time. That's for sure. I can just imagine her directing debut: everyone does nothing for a whole hour. Kind of like the Itchy and Scratchy episode written by Marge Simpson.

AHN Val's corner:

- At the car dealership, JR had to ASK for assistance from a car salesman. YEAH, RIGHT!!!! That never happens. They usually descend like a pack of vultures when you first pull into their parking lot. Maybe not at snooty Jaguar dealerships. I have no first-hand experience. Speaking of which...shouldn't JR be buying American?

- The front entry hall of Arlen's house is the same as that of the Krebbs/McKay house. I know better than to argue interior design with you.

- The bedroom set at the photo shoot is the same as that of Sue Ellen's old bedroom at Southfork. See above.

AHN Kyle's corner:

- The cop in charge of Clayton and Ellie's "murder mystery" is none other than the Chief of the BPD (Baltimore) on TV's Homicide. Yet another actor gets his (or her) start on DALLAS. I don't get the opportunity to watch the show. Thanks for this tidbit.

- Is it me, or is Cally's accent LESS evident during her session with the marriage counsellor? Maybe because she was angry, but she certainly sounded much more like Cathy Podewell, and less like CAlly Harper Ewing. Very much so. Linda Gray was great at this - sometimes she would lose Sue Ellen altogether and become Linda. Not coincidentally, that's where she did some of her best acting.

- Also, although I can't prove this, I swear that the tape recording of Cally's marriage session is NOT the same as what is being said during the actual session. Much twangier on the recording. Is it possible that they did this twice (or more?). It's quite possible. I was looking for discrepancies but couldn't prove them. I'll review the video evidence.

- Clayton does NOT take his golf clubs when he leaves the driving range. I guess he could have just taken a driver to the range, but is that plausible? I'd have to say no. Excellent one. I totally missed it.

- What's up with Serena trying to bring the adoption lady coke bottle glasses back into style? That was funny. Yes it was. Serena would make a fine Nitro girl. Just something about her face that bother me, and the fact that she's a total slut. Otherwise she's a very attractive woman.

- Another thing about The Lizzie Burns Show. What is up with the apocalyptic skyline in the background??? Blood red with black (and lightning)?? You would think that Lizzy would push for a quainter backdrop. Scary. Good point.

AHN Jason's corner:

- Why is Jackie sorting the mail for the different secretaries?  Isn't that Kendall's job? I don't know what to say. What crack can I make about Kendall's "job" that hasn't already been made?

- Gosh it sounded like that Murder She Wrote theme when Ellie visits Atticus's lawyer. I thought it was a verbatim copied script.

- Stephanie's secretary sure got that stain out fast. And with not a spot! Quite impressive.

- Shelly is in her old apartment again.  I thought she moved back in with April.   At least April's machine said "Stevens' residence". Did we see her apartment?...Oh yeah. How 'bout that. Although it COULD be April's place too. We've never seen the kitchen.

- Gosh, April's surprise in Bobby's office was lame. Even after everything I have said about April, I will be the first to admit that today she doesn't deserve to be Bobby's girlfriend. Today she was nothing more than a teenager with a crush on the captain of the football team. Seriously, Bob-man, I hope you didn't throw away Jeanne's number..

- Sure was a small studio audience on Lizzy's show. This was before talk shows became huge, I guess.

- I could be wrong but did Carter say to Ellie and Clayton that he didn't know Attticus's friends?  Something doesn't seem right about this.. I agree. There was something very weird about what he struck me as odd too. I'll review the tape.

- The lie detector guy asks Arlen if he knew who killed "Mr Curly" (whatever his last name was) and "Mr Robert Hutch". Why isn't it Mr Rabbit Hutch?  I can't imagine that Curly was his real first name.... so why one nickname and one regular name? Who knows? Maybe Curley was his name.

- Arlen seems to call himself Arnold at the police station.  At least it sounded that way.

- If JR and Ratty are so busy burning a hole into Steph's safe, why do they bother with a mini-copier? Why not use hers?  I don't think they had codes on them back then and I hardly think JR is concerned for using her property without her permission.  For that matter, wouldn't she notice the hole in her safe?  I open one every day and would be sure to notice it. Good points. I think this is a BILC - so we can see Ratagan with a blowtorch and that cool laser-like effect created by the copier.

AHN Mike's corner:

- Arlen's mother's maiden name was Haley according to his lie detector test. Maybe his family is from Haleyville. A name Atticus fits very nicely with names like Japhet and Boaz. That's right - I didn't make the connection at first. He says he was born in San Angelo so his mom must be a Haleyville transplant.

- Clayton has a new hairstyle - combed back and wavier in the front. I've never been able to figure out if that's Howard Keel's real hair or a hairpiece.

- Good thing Bobby didn't see April at the airport, she looked like roadkill. He would have been glad to be leaving. What's with the bugeyes on April's mother in this episode? Most of the time they look to be about ready to pop out of the sockets. K Callan has always looked like that - even in "Lois and Clark".

- No surprise here: Bobby returns to Ewing Oil after several days of ignoring business in Ohio and Phyllis tells him he has no urgent messages. Speaking of Phyllis she looks downright emaciated in this episode. I didn't think so. Good point about the slowness of the oil bidness.

- Cally seems to have a new lighter hair color and has gone to a straight look with bangs which is very flattering for her. Kind of a Morgan Fairchild look.

- During Clayton's scene at the driving range, there is a bozo in the background wearing red pants that stop at the knee and knee socks. He looks ridiculous.

- Is it any wonder the construction workers are having problems at the warehouse? How can they concentrate when Michelle is running around in a lowcut top and push'em up bra the whole time? I would think it would motivate them - no?

- JR is really slipping. the old JR would never have accompanied Harry McSween on one of his covert operations, yet he does the breaking and entering thing with Ratagan. Given Ratagan had the hand-held copier, there was no reason for JR to take such a foolish risk. And how do two guys wheeling around blow torch manage to break into an office building undetected? That's the Ratagan touch. Good point about JR's sudden commando mentality.

- Did you see JR at the breakfast buffet? After Lucy used the spoon to get herself a sausage, JR stuck his fingers in twice to pull out a sausage! Didn't notice. Thanks for pointing it out.

- That spoiled dilletante brat Lucy needed a good swift boot in the ass after her little boasting about going on that show to talk about how she spends her inherited money. Is it any wonder viewers take such glee in her hooking up with one loser after another and getting her heart broken over and over? No. No wonder at all.

Introducing...AHN Pamela's corner

- Michelle's apartment is back!!!

- The secretary's blouse sure dried quickly! There was one small spot that looked barely wet when she came back from the ladies room.  A spot that large would take a while to dry!  Also, if Stephanie's business is so important, why didn't she lock the office when she left since there was no one else there, or at least close the door. I think the first point was mentioned. The second one is good one.

Episode 329: The Smiling Cobra

Bonehead Dialogue Award: [courtesy of Val]

> Lefty about Arlen: "May he swim in peace".

Not only is it dopey, it's most insensitive. I'm sure Miss Ellie was most disturbed by that statement, considering how she lost Jock.

Angelica Award: Michelle's 'Flashdance' outfit from the Jamie Collection, or James' giant houndstooth print sweater from the Nicholas Collection. Both picked by Val.

- There's a lot of weirdness with sounds in this episode. When JR listens to the taped session of Cally, it doesn't sound like a tape. It sounds like she's standing in the room!

- Also, it's obvious that John Ross' voice is dubbed when he and Cally are walking into the house at the end of the episode.

- Just a note for the OX-files: Clayton gets SECURITY after he learns he may inherit Atticus's estate! Shows that he's DEFINITELY not a Ewing.

- This one could get me into some trouble from someone who knows better, but I think now is a good time to point it out. The image of someone keeling over dead after taking a drink is a really neat one, and it looks great on TV when executed properly. But it's completely ridiculous. For any lethal poison to be effective enough to kill, it has to enter the bloodstream. In order for that to happen by way of a drink, the poison has to be digested. Even something as lethal as strychnine would not kill you instantly - it would take at least a few minutes! If the poison were INJECTED, that would be a different matter.

From Mike Monroe: During the scene with James and Shelly, James is hit by a tennis ball.  As he first starts to walk away from the machine, he is hit in the leg.  The ball can be seen hitting him and bouncing away for just a second before the camera switches to Shelly.

From Chip Rickard: At the end of Episode 328 I noticed that when Arlen was sleeping with the fishes, his right hand seemed to be clutching something - that alarm deal? - and was up around his mouth. At the beginning of Episode 329 - where they show scenes from the day before - they showed the same scene but Arlen's right hand was limp and empty. It could be my imagination, though.

AHN Kyle's corner:

- I'm starting to notice that the "who shot J.R" camera angle (ie. through the person's eyes) is being criminally overused. That's at least the fourth time the show has used it. And what purpose did it serve today? Seconds of tension?? Whoop-ee!

- Atticus owns 25% of Westar's stock??? Give me a freaking break!! We went through this a couple months ago with JR's takeover attempt, but to re-hash, it would take HUNDREDS of millions of dollars to obtain this much stock. In two seconds, Atticus went from a modest millionaire to a freaking billionaire! He would probably have to be one of the richest men in the country to make such a move. I don't buy this....AT ALL. Maybe he was involved with a consortium of some sorts, but from the sounds of it, it's just Atticus. Whatever. This is absolutely pathetic, in every sense of the word. Even the esteemed Dr. Styles, who pulled the company's strings, only owned 14%. Ridiculous.

- Bothering me for a while, but more so today: who leaves a will with an inheritee and then like 25 alternates? This is ludicrous. Sounds more like a sqaush ladder than anything... That's exactly the point.

- Since when are Christopher and April so tight? I don't really remember them making a connection. Oh well, it's not like I enjoy seeing little Chris act like a huge suck. Just looking for some semblance of consistency. Well put, I must say. I think Christopher has an Oedipal thing which has been repressed since he lost his mama.

- Yet another crap-tacular plan by J.R. Almost as good as the scheme with Lisa Alden. So, he messes up the warehouse deal, and then James and Michelle become estranged? Sure...I see the connection. Now, based on tomorrow's preview, it looks as though something does come between them, but I seriously doubt that it'll come from JR's so called manipulation. Lame, lame, lame. You called it very accurately.

- Didn't it seem weird that Atticus' lawyer left HIS OWN OFFICE to go on a vacation....while everyone was still there? What's up with that?? That was just bizarre. That was a bit weird. He could have at least helped them out of the office. Maybe his show contract was per minute and so he was whisked away by the money-conscious producers.

- God help us all! I don't think I can take much more of the Cally-J.R. saga. Why couldn't they just end it today?? Why (why, why) does Cally forgive J.R and move back in? Maybe he didn't mean what he said, but she still thinks he's having ANOTHER affair, doesn't she (thanks to Serena's call)? This blows. Totally. It was a neat way to further the plot, but for the first time I was kind of disappointed in John Ross. This is the kind of thing I'd expect from Christopher.

AHN Jason's corner:

- What the hell was that scene with Michelle exercising about?  What a waste of an extra/actor.. no plot development.. That was totally pathetic.

- The Dallas time distortion device strikes again... Clayton (after finding out that he is next in line for the money) says he
has to wait 48 hours to get it.  Yet it said in the will something to the effect that it would take a month for Curly to get the money.  And they said something today about Ellie being with Clayton every minute for the last week (as an alibi for the murders.)  So wouldn't Clayton have to wait a few more weeks at least? I see your point. Maybe Ellie is just talking about Arlen's murder when she provides the alibi, or perhaps the terms of the codicil are different [i.e. only 48 hours rather than a month].

- It cracked me up when JR says to Bobby that the marriage counseler isn't doing it (meaning helping with the marriage.).  To Bobby, this is suppose to mean the marriage isn't working out.  But to JR, it means the opposite... Double entendres used to be the show's strength.

- For someone who has been stranded on an island with little food, Atticus looks rather plump. I half expected the newscaster to say he was stranded with Julie Grey and Sheriff Wyatt Mansfield. Then we could assume he ate the other castaways.

- How rude of Atticus!  He takes Clayton's glass.  Then again, if he hadn't, look what would have happened.   Close call, but it is a good thing that Clayton is in the Main line credits.  They tend to be immortal. Awfully convenient. Guess he figured since Clayton wasn't really into the toast, he wouldn't mind.

AHN Val's corner:

- John Ross called Clayton "grandpa" JR's presence, no less!!! I'm surprised he kept quiet about that. I believe this is only the second time. I wonder what brought that on.

- Lucy seemed elated about Bobby and April's engagement announcement. Wait a minute. What about the catfight a quatre in which both women participated? Yeah, I know the main quarrel was between Cally and Michelle, but Lucy and April WERE on opposite sides of the fence by virtue of their respective club-hopping companions. Yeah, but I think the main contention was with Michelle. April was sort of collaterally involved.

- When James crossed the tennis net to make out with Michelle, the ball machine was left on. James and Michelle should have thereby been pummelled with tennis balls. It seems like Michelle was practicing her shot close to the midline. Lucky for them the thing wasn't moving, I guess.

- Clayton claims he's not gonna drink anything for 39 hours. Not only is that not healthy, it's not necessary. I seriously doubt that any would-be assailant could poison Southfork's tap water. I think he was kidding, but I see your point.

- Flattening your rocks, James? OUCH!!! I'm sure that hurt. ;-))) I wondered about that too. Rough image.

AHN Alett's corner:

- Shelly to James: "I guess that's why they call your daddy the smiling cobra". (Am I wrong? Has anyone ever called JR that?) Nope.

- Too bad Tommy is dead. He'd be the perfect suspect bumping everyone off for his dad. He'd love killing Clayton, and working behind a bar is Tommy's kind of job. Yeah! What a great angle! Tommy takes his revenge on the guys who are trying to take his dad's company away! Cool!

- Once again, all TV commentators are commanded to halt their speaking long enough for those watching to be able to make comments.

AHN Rob's corner:

- When McKay offered Bobby a list of "more approachable" city planners, Bobby turned it down, saying he'd had that list long before McKay hit town. I was all set to agree with Bobby. After all, he HAD dabbled in construction some ten years earlier. But then I thought to myself: Isn't this McKay's SECOND tour of duty with Westar? Isn't it possible he was around even BEFORE Bobby's attempt at construction? And from another angle, is it not likely that McKay would have a more up-to-date version of this precious list anyway? Possible on both counts. But McKay's first tour of duty with Weststar had him travelling a lot - Tracey said so, remember?

- First nit on that "celebration" at the Oil Barons': Exactly why would the waitress order a tray of drinks then turn her back completely away from the bartender? No wonder someone got poisoned... Stupid Debbie. At least she should wear some of Cassie's outfits to make up for it. 
Val responds: I'm not sure about this one...First of all, Debbie is a waitress. Basically, her job is tending to the culinary desires of rich restaurant patrons. So, when she turned away from the bar, I think she was scanning the room to see if any of her customers may need anything. She was simply plotting her course to her next stop after delivering drinks to the Ward party. Second, since she is a waitress, I doubt Debbie is on the lookout for poisoned drinks.

AHN Mike's corner:

- Didn't anyone else notice that Shelly's dance instructor looked like Tony Orlando? I noticed that there was a passing resemblance but I don't see the point of this character's existence.

- I finally figured out the difference between Shelly's whining and Cally's. Shelly is an abrasive whiner. Cally is an annoying whiner. Kill 'em all!

- One of the buddies in the lawyer's office for the codicil reading was named Murray Zuckerman!. What kind of a name is that for a Texan? Murray Zuckerman is the name of a New york City deli owner.

- Product promo: John Ross is clearly drinking a can of Pepsi.

- Atticus invites everyone to a party ot the OBC but he never says what time. Yes, I noticed that but let it go. I supposed it was supposed to be an all-nighter.

- More ruination of the JR character: knuckling under to a few tears from John Ross when he has Cally on the run. Yup. Sad to see.

AHN Pamela's corner:

- Michelle was 'working out'?  I know her heart wasn't really in it, but it looked pretty high impact just the same and she looked like she barely broke a sweat!  I must find out where she buys her makeup, it didn't even smear! Good points.

- I am really getting tired of April and her business ventures.  First off, if someone were trying to screw me out of a ton of money, I'd sure want to know who they were.  Second, the only time April takes an interest in business at all is whenever she's pissed at Bobby.  Lame lame LAME.  Grow up April!! Yes, I agree. I've often defended April in the past, but I can't now. She's just a churlish teenager at this point.

- It's after hours in the Ewing building, somehow the P.I. gets up to the Ewing offices.   I work in an office building and also know that other office buildings require you to SIGN IN with security after hours and then they CALL the person to announce the visitor.  This is just stupid. I think JR has a deathwish. This is laughably ridiculous.

- OK, I could be mistaken, at the Oil Baron's Club when Atticus orders champagne, and I'm sure he said seven glasses.  When they brought the tray around I could swear I only counted five. I'll check this.

- This is petty and I've been holding it back for awhile, but I just have to mention it.   There's a couple of strands of hair on Bobby that hang down they're in front and very short, it's annoying. Today, late in the episode, he finally combed them back.   Good for you Bob!

- In reference to Michelle's 'work out', exactly how is it that she can afford a personal trainer?  I mean, it's hard to figure out where she gets all the money to support her apartment, let alone a personal trainer.  Have we seen her do ANYTHING lately to earn money?  I guess when she said the other day that April gave her 'free reign' she must have meant for every aspect of her life. Watch your checkbook April! This is a good point. I suppose she might have NOTHING else to spend it on, though.

Episode 330: Jessica Redux

Bonehead Dialogue Award: [courtesy of Jason]

> Clayton: "I know who would know. Jessica."
> Ellie: "Your sister?"

No, Jessica Fletcher your alter ego.

Angelica Award: Whatever Michelle was wearing during her argument with James.

- I found it interesting that Stephanie has suddenly developed a "Rock" eyebrow, which can she can raise at will.

- Ellie tells JR that Clayton is refusing special security because he's stubborn. No, Ellie...maybe it's because he's more of a Ewing than I thought.

- I also found it strange that Ellie would have a picture of Jessica handy to give to Detective Marshall. Did she dig the old picture box out of the attic?

AHN Kyle's corner:

- What was the deal with James' sweater during his first scene of the day (outside the new club)? It looked like it was 3 sizes too small. It seem to be almost skin tight, especially near his hands, where it looked to be tapered. Odd. I wasn't looking that closely. I don't know why he's inherited Nicholas's wardrobe.

- Something was up with TNN during the morning showing. The TNN logo kept coming and going throughout the episode. The entire first 15 minutes were shown sans-logo. Very weird.

- James and Michelle have to be the dullest couple ever. Run (don't walk) to that casino, Shelly, because I don't think I can take anymore. And what was up with the "McKay instant tantrum" on her part? So very frustrating. They are exceedingly dull, and are relatively clear winners in the Dallas Poll. Only Jennaray was close.

- Atticus's estate is worth a cool 200 mil, eh? Surrrrrrrrrrre, he could easily takeover Westar with that kind of money. What a freaking joke. Agreed.

- Wouldn't Phyllis recognize that the note on her desk (that is supposed to be from Jackie) is NOT written in Jackie's handwriting? It seems to me that this note would merely arouse suspicion. Why wouldn't J.R just write the note himself? I guess that would be strange, but the whole Jackie guise seems pretty dumb. I thought so, but maybe Phyllis just isn't very smart or observant. My guess: Jackie rarely needs to write memos because the person she works for never DOES anything.

- Ummmm....seems to me that they can't just release Jessica from the asylum. She's....freaking....bats. But the writers don't seem to think that they need to explain this incongruity. Sigh.... I believe this gets explained very soon. Something weird which I can't remember.

AHN Jason's corner:

- I would NOT drink anything at a club where someone was just poisoned.  Yet Carter, Clayton and Ellie all have coffee like it is an afternoon cocktail party.

- Bad dubbing twice today.  Once when James and Michelle walk to the club.   Another time is when Michelle opens her door to have JR leave. Also notice that the door is opened TWO times during their talk. Good points all around.

- Horribly painful scene with James and Michelle arguing.  Bad acting at it's worst. No. That's next season.

- Clayton sure got to the "bottom line" of the will really fast.  The page he read from was not at the end of the will but he seems to home in on it.  That will was huge and he was reading by flashlight! Yup. Except that in most such wills, everything is triple-spaced and written in big print.

- OK my favorite type of nit.  The Dream season.  Ellie states at least twice that Jessica 'visited' Southfork five years ago.  It was 6 (1984 and this is 1990).   So now they ARE NOT counting the dream season. Or maybe they aren't counting the Donna Reed season.  I give up. Truly a head-shaker. I agree.

- Theresa has a new white uniform. I think it looks half-decent! Raoul must have suggested it for their role-play:
"Okay, tonight I'll be Miss Ellie and you be Mr. Jock..."

- What was up with Cliff?  He drinks right out of JR's glass. Good thing JR wasn't listed in Atticus's will. That was disgusting. He obviously never met Curley Morrison.

AHN Alett's corner:

- A grammar nit - Cliff's the one this time who says, "I could care less". So I guess he's not too bothered by it after all.

- OK, so Shelly's between a rock and a hard place, but why didn't she tell James about JR's deception. And Inagaki's offer is so conveniently timed after JR's visit she should be suspicious. James knew all about it from Tuesday, remember? The latter point is a good one.

- I wouldn't be surprised if cops all over the country had boycotted this show. That guard at the hotel room would surely have seen the picture of Jessica. Barney Fife would have been sharper than these guys. Ah, yes. The picture...that Marshall guy must have forgotten to circulate copies.

AHN Val's corner:

- Clayton, Miss Ellie and Carter continue to dine at the Oil Baron's Club even after Atticus keels over dead. Good grief, that is morbid!!! They should have closed the restaurant for the police investigation, clean up, etc.

- In Clayton and Ellie's hotel room, the close-up shot of the alarm clock showed it tilted to the right. Yet, the extended shot showed the clock--on Clayton's side of the bed--tilted to the left. Great one!

AHN Mike's corner:

- Another boring episode. Can't believe they brought Jessica back. They must be desperate. Also can't believe that nobody else on the show figured out Atticus was Dusty's father. We figured it out as soon as Clayton read the will. It does get tiresome when characters are forced to rehash the same thing over and over again. It makes them look really dumb.

- Do we ever find out if Cally's appearance on that talk show was engineered by JR? The way it turned out, it sure looked like it was a set-up. No, I think that was Lucy's idea. Don't think it was a JR thought.

- Another of my favorite Dallas misconceptions occured in this episode: just because you happen to be married to or dating a millionaire, you are qualified to start or run a business as CEO, President or some other high level position with no experience or education. As if every lame brain who thought they had a good idea and the drive to execute it is going to know how. What was even more baffling is that Inagaki though he was getting a good deal by taking Shelly off JR's hands! That's an interesting way of looking at it. Of course, this sort of thing has happened before, but Michelle hasn't even paid her dues on the show, which is why it seems more lame.

AHN Pamela's corner:

-  Bobby's hair is at it again.  Those two strands are just sort of hanging there.  Will somebody puhleeze get this guy a comb!

- Jackie is showing her incompetence again.  When J.R. tells her Bobby wants to meet Cliff at L'Orleans, she doesn't even question it.  Now, OK, J.R. is Bobby's brother, but I would imagine he just told her himself that he wanted to meet Cliff at the other restaurant.  I would've at least checked with him before telling Cliff for sure.   Speaking of which, why is Jackie calling for Bobby??  Where is Phyllis? Lunch?   After all, J.R. did get Jackie to go get him a sandwich.  On this point, J.R., go get your own sandwich this is the 90's! Then to top it off, J.R. leaves a note for Phyllis telling Bobby that Cliff has changed the meeting place.  Wouldn't Phyllis find this a bit strange?  Can't she tell the difference between the handwriting of Jackie and J.R.??  If so, wouldn't she find it a bit strange anyway, since when has J.R. EVER answered the phone, let alone take a message for Cliff. The whole thing is ridiculous. Yes, you said it. Everybody noticed some part of this.

- When Clayton and Ellie go to bed, the clock reads 10:50. Then we see Jessica outside with the security guard where she hands gives him the coffee.  Then we see the clock again and it's 11:02.  Twelve minutes have passed yet Jessica seems like she just walked in after handing the guy the coffee.  Did she come back or did she simply stand around chatting to the guy waiting for the drugs to take effect. I think cutting to another scene would've been a good idea here, of course maybe they did, this could be the work of the TNN slasher. Possible. I suspect Jessica just waited around the corner for the guy to pass out. Too bad he didn't pull an Atticus and keel over immediately. I suppose that's reserved for people in wills.

Episode 331: Family Plot

Bonehead Dialogue Award: [courtesy of everybody]

> Jessica to Clayton - "It would have been painless (the poison).  I would never hurt you."

Angelica Award: April's gold jacket. Nominated by everyone.

From Dave O: The newscaster on the TV in Cliff's condo sounded exactly like the voice of Paul Morgan. I am almost convinced it was him, although I did not see his name at the closing credits. Matt pointed this out too.

From Matt: If Arlen was really Arlen, why did he have Atticus' twitch? It seems like they were making it up as they went along. Just to establish some suspense and ambiguity, I guess.

AHN Jason's corner:

- Jessica apparently only drugged the guard.  She did not poison him.  What gives? I guess she only poisons people she believes are 'targets'. I guess the guard didn't have anything to do with Dusty in her mind.

- I found it strange that no one noticed Jessica at the funeral.  Even in that veil, she is a stand out. Leave it to the Bob-man. Good thing he was there.

- Stephanie did not figure out JR read her diary until the very end.  Come on.   I can't believe she didn't notice her safe had a hole (or at least a big burn mark) in it. I have no idea what the deal was with that.

- I am really surprised JR didn't ask for sex from Stephanie. He usually does this to women he has an upper hand with. (Holly, Katherine, Laurel, etc.) I don't get that either. Maybe he knows how dangerous she really is. She might pull a gun on him like Holly did, only she would mean it.

- How come Curly's poison took so long to kick in while Atticus's did not? Because Atticus only had twenty television seconds to die.

- Bobby had the police number speed dialed into his cell phone.  Wow. I guess this is one way to avoid having to dial the correct amount of numbers.

- The police sure got to Jessica's hotel really fast.  They arrived right behind Bobby. I was really impressed with that, especially given the fact that Bobby clearly made a LONG-DISTANCE call.

- Just a note.  I know that you dislike Stephanie but I actually liked her a lot better than Michelle or James.  At least she had some charisma about her while James and "Shelley' are just plain annoying. Stephanie has an edge to her...I see your point.

- Patrick sure got that tape in the right spot really quick when he played it back for JR.

AHN Val's corner:

- When JR phoned Sue Ellen in England about having John Ross for a visit, she seemed reluctant. Now granted, the viewing audience couldn't hear her end of the conversation, but I sounded like Sue Ellen was questioning JR's motives. WHY???? I would think Sue Ellen would be more, ELATED at the idea of having her son with her for awhile. That would be a normal mother's response. But then again, nothing to do with JR is normal.

- Michelle leaves the goodbye note for April in her own apartment! It seemed so far fetched that April would have received that note in a timely fashion, if at all!!! Shelly should have mailed it. Not her style, I think. She wants April to make an effort for her.

- The liquor cabinet in Stephanie's office is the VERY SAME one that was in Pam's office at Barnes-Wentworth. Except in Steph's office, the panel doors were opened, and the inside was lit up to display all the fancy bar ware. When Pam had it, she always kept the doors closed. This piece was also used in Ray and Jenna's bedroom, possibly as a dresser or TV cabinet. I'm not sure what Pam used it for, though. My guess is that was a catch-all for the hot-and-cold running pictures on Pam's desktop (Bobby, Christopher 1, Mark Graison, Christopher 2.......). Now, how's that for multi-purpose furniture!?!?!?!?

- What kind of flooring was in Stephanie's office? Most offices are carpeted. Yet, when she dropped the vase, it sounded like it was hitting something hard, like tile or wood. Also, I REALLY hope that wasn't a real Lalique vase that Stephie so casually discarded. That part made me cringe!!!! That was kind of weird. It might have gone in a garbage can or something.

- Also, during the Stephanie-JR conversation, JR seemed to develop an identity crisis..."You belong to me". So, JR now thinks he's Carly Simon. This must be a sign of things to come.

- Cliff came home with a bag of Chinese take-out in his hand. Then, after a brief stop at the TV, he goes to the kitchen, where grabs a Pepsi and not one, but TWO bags of potato chips. Man, what a PIG!!!!! He then cracked right into the chips, allowing his kung-pao to get cold! Also...Chinese food with POTATO CHIPS??? I don't know for certain, but this sounds like a big culinary no-no to me. (I had been getting over a weekend bout of food poisoning, and this scene was enough to send me back to the toilet. Thanks, Cliff!!!!) I was just totally shaking my head. This was totally ridiculous. I've been known to be kind of a weird eater too, but I'd never go there.

AHN Alett's corner:

- More wardrobe problems - With all McKay's money, he should buy suits that fit.   These look like they're off the rack.

- Stephanie looks like an elementary school principal with her 123, ABC, 456 jacket. She has always struck me as the vice-principal type. The no-nonsense type.

- So many contrived coincedences - the phone call that stops Jessica, the phone call from JR in Inagaki's office, the open door and forgotten purse at the counselor's office. Geez. Yes...but not totally egregious. They have to wrap all of these plots up.

- Man, Jessica is stronger than Xena.  She lifts Rabbit into the noose and tosses Arlen into the fish tank.  And if she's so crafty, why leave her finger prints on the milk carton? I suspect that the first two can be attributed to adrenaline rushes. People with neurochemical imbalances often get sudden rushes which give them almost superhuman strength. And for the final point, I think that being crafty is not on her mind. She's not worried about getting caught because she thinks she's doing the right thing.

- The inept cops strike again.Wouldn't they logically have been scoping out anyone at the cemetery? Very true. Incomprehensible. Can't believe I missed that.

AHN Kyle's corner:

- What was up with the use of the handheld camera during the scene in Cliff's appartment? It didn't seem totally necessary (allows for more movement, but the quality suffers). Odd. A very weird perspective, given that we've always seen his apartment from the front.

- How old is Dusty. The fact that the will says he is not fit to control his own finances makes it sound like he's 12. Clearly he is of age and of sound mind, so why wouldn't he be given control of the Westar stock? A little TOO contrived for my liking. I think it's probably because he has neither the desire nor a fixed mailing address.

- Patrick, Patrick, Patrick...would it have killed you to have until 5 minutes after Cally left your office? Sigh... What a lamo. He's probably Franklin Horner's first cousin.

- I wonder if the production staff even bothers to workshop new ideas (and characters) any more. How exactly did Stephanie Rogers find her way onto the show. Good God! She's awful... (and no, I didn't just realize this). Someone pointed out something interesting to me. Apparently in the later seasons, American ratings were flagging but British ratings were still pretty good. So the producers decided to bring in relatively well-known British actors and actresses to keep those ratings up.

AHN Pamela's corner:

- Bobby's playing super-hero again by going to protect Clayton and Miss Ellie.  I guess he must believe Clayton is a 'true' Ewing, or a stupid wimp that can't take care of himself. Or maybe he realizes he's the only one who can spot Jessica across the cemetery.

- When do private citizens ever get to sit in during questioning? Not only are our super-sleuths accompanied by Bobby sitting in on the questioning, they are DOING the questioning.  Must be great to have someone do your job for you.  This is totally stupid. This has happened before, when that Andre Schuman guy was questioned. Great point.

- When did Shelley give April keys to her apartment. If April had them all along, why didn't she use them the day she came by during the workout?  Her hand was specifically cupped to knock that day and she and Shelley hadn't been on good terms since then.  Maybe she left them so April could find the note. Another excellent point.

- Hard to believe that all of James' clothes, especially all of those hideous sweaters, suits, etc. would fit in a garment bag and a couple of suitcases. He could've at least given the token line 'I'll send for the rest of my things'. You're really on the ball today!

-  Incompetent Jackie is at it again.  Since when do any of the secretaries answer the phones in the Ewing offices "Hello"'s a good one...."Good morning, Ewing Oil.".  We'll give her the benefit of the doubt and say that MAYBE it was a private line that James had installed. She still should've at least answered "Good morning, James Beaumont's office." Gimme a break! Something struck me about that as well but I forgot. Thanks!

- J.R. tells Sue Ellen on the phone that she should let John Ross think it's his idea to come for a visit. Then when John Ross comes bouncing down the stairs with his 'shadow' Christopher, he says that J.R. suggested he call her and ask to visit, so what's the deal, who's idea is it supposed to be now?? Christopher also says Bobby was right and that he could go visit too.  Convenient how everybody is leaving so J.R. can put his big plan in to action. You noticed too, huh? Is it that obvious? :)

- Again, the tape sounded like Cally was right in the room making her little speech the audio couldn't have picked up that clearly considering where the two were standing during the conversation. Standard fare.

- James specifically tells Cally that he will call her to let her know where he'll be staying.  Yet, we see them in the restaurant together.  Is she psychic? Did we miss a scene?  Or are we to just assume he called her. I guess so. Maybe he got Cally's message when he went to the office. I guess that's what we're to assume.

-  Is it me, or did the entrance to Stephanie's office look different this time, it didn't seem to look like the office Serena visited.  This looked like it had glass doors in the lobby, don't remember those before. I noticed the "Rogers and Associates" sign. Val pointed out that Steph's furniture looks sort of like Pam's office at Barnes-Wentworth, but I'm fairly sure they gave up that set.
Val corrects me: Dude, that's not what I said. I merely pointed out the ARMOIRE in Steph's office was the same as Pam's, not the whole set. I'm sure the set designers struck the "Pam's Office" set long ago. They just kept that one piece of furniture (and maybe a few others) around for future use.

AHN Mike's corner:

- I think Ellie needs some time in the sanitarium too. She thinks Jessica would try to hurt the boys to get at Clayton? They're not even related to him. They're like step-grandchildren or whatever you'd call that tenuous relationship. She obviously doesn't understand Jessica's weird mind [who does, I guess?] but you're right.
Val responds: I don't think so. Frankly, I think Ellie did the right thing by warning Bobby to keep the boys under close watch. I don't think that Ellie thought Jessica would try to hurt the boys, but that's not a chance worth taking with CHILDREN!!!! Jessica is looney enough where anything is possible. She obviously doesn't need much justification in picking her victims. If it was me, and anyone in my family (immediate, extended, step, or otherwise) were in danger such grave danger, you'd better believe that my boys and I would be on the next flight out to LA for some time at the amusement parks (a la B.D. Calhoun).

- The whole murder mystery came off as a bad "Murder She Wrote". Jessie slipped once during her interrogation scene and called Steven "Dusty". Never heard her call him anything but Steven throughout her appearances. I believe you're right. At first, Clayton didn't either but he quickly learned.

- James may be quitting Ewing Oil but he's still in the oil business. His hair was really slicked for this episode.

- Jackie seemed to be wearing her wedding ring in her phone answering scene, despite the fact that her character is single. Bad continuity blunder by propmaster/husband John Rettino. Good call. But as Joe reminded me a few days ago, John Rettino has been promoted from propmaster to executive producer.

Episode 332: The Southfork Wedding Jinx

Bonehead Dialogue Award: [courtesy of Pamela]

Cliff - "What's that? A gun?"

Angelica Award: A tie between April's shirt (Jacket?) when Amy arrives and James' "Nick" sweater.

- Shouldn't JR already know that a spouse can commit his/her partner to an asylum’s protective custody? He did this to Sue Ellen on more than one occasion. The first was back in the ‘78-79 season, when Sue Ellen was pregnant with John Ross but drinking heavily [of course, JR had other reasons]. He made arrangements to do so in the '79-80 season, just before he was shot; and then again after she had gone on that horrible drinking binge in ‘85-86.

- John Ross and Christopher, spying on the bridal shower, still call Lucy their ‘aunt’. This has happened before, of course; and we all know that Lucy is their cousin, not their aunt. It has been pointed out that it is not uncommon for a much older cousin to be referred to in this way.

- I’m the first one to admit that I don’t know much about giving bridal showers. But does it seem reasonable that April should only have a few of her relatives and friends, augmented by the Ewing Oil girls? For someone who always complains about how lonely she is, she hasn’t done much about it.

Ed Quinn points out: When Bobby and April are in the hotel room after they got married, April only has on her engagement band, no wedding band.

Paul Childs points out: Whilst I was off work the other day, I had the old repeats of Dallas on the TV, and I noticed a technical mistake that nobody else on the Nitpicker page seems to have picked up on. Cally miserably walks out onto the driveway at the front of the house. We can clearly see that it is daytime, however, Cally casts two shadows (like on a floodlit football pitch) which suggests that the lighting manager made a little bit of a mess up.

AHN Jason's corner:

- It seemed to me that April and Bobby's wedding vows were abbreviated. So who are all the flower girls?

- I know the real reason but why aren't Ray, Gary, Val, Sue  Ellen, Jenna, Donna and Jack at the wedding?  At least mention them sending their best.  On second thought, forget about Jack and Jenna. Yes, I think that would be for the best.

AHN Joe's corner:

- The guy marrying Bobby and April is obviously a priest, as can be told by  his collar. So when he says "By the powers vested in my by the County of Braddock and the State of Texas," shouldn't he also say "by God" as well, being a man of the cloth?

- Liz Adams certainly doesn't look old enough to have gone to school at the same time as Bobby, J.R., and Cliff. Nor does anyone else they'd want to have on the show.

-  Did we miss a scene or two?  Since when was Lucy going to Italy, and what for?  And why would Alex be there, as Lucy mentions to Cally. Wouldn't Alex be in England? I think the producers were trying to save themselves a nit. If Alex were in London, then Lucy would probably have to be on the same plane as Bobby and April.

AHN Val's corner:

- In the poolside scene with Miss Ellie, April is obviously pregnant. That yellow legal pad was just not enough to hide her big belly. SJW used plenty of other belly-hiding props throughout this episode...a purse, the bridal bouquet, strategically-placed gift boxes.....I'm sure there were others.

- Just an observation: The exterior of the mental hospital looked more like that of a suburban high school.

- The overhead footage of wedding guests arriving at Southfork was obviously recycled...either from Mitch and Lucy's wedding, JR and Sue Ellen's wedding, or even a barbecue. It looked like circa 1982-83. Either way, the telltale sign was Bobby's old red Mercedes convertible carelessly parked halfway in the grass near the valets.

AHN Analise's corner:

- Nit about Liz Adams.  Her flimsy excuse about why she carried a pistol in her purse was laughable!  As a New Yorker, I was in hysterics! First of all, concealed weapons are illegal in New York.  Secondly, I doubt that a woman like her worked in a neighborhood that would justify carrying a weapon.

- Why at the last minute do Ellie & Clayton, John Ross & Christopher, and Lucy give Cally a last minute invitation to travel with them?  Does that sound too sincere?  Not one of them thought of that in advance? They read the script.

- I was waiting for a male stripper at April's bridal shower.  Would have been funny to see Ellie stick a $100 bill in someone's jock strap! I would have marked out for that. If I had known that Sly and Phyllis were going to be there, I might have volunteered.

AHN Pam's corner:

- I am disappointed in all of the secretaries.  Who gives a baby gift at a bridal shower!  I would expect this from Kendall and especially Jackie, but certainly I thought Sly and Phyllis would be smarter than this.

- Cheesy alert!  That conversation between Cliff and Bobby while about him not trusting another woman in Bobby's office was so lame!  I know it was to introduce Liz, but couldn't they have found a more interesting way to do it?  This is certainly not the old Dallas!

- April kisses Miss Ellie before she walks down the aisle.  I find it strange that she didn't say one word to her own mother.  I guess in the end Kay realized that her friends and commitees were far more important and that she wouldn't be seeing much of her daughter anyway.

- Again, the Ewings have the most amazing sense of timing.  They were all able to get flights out of the country close enough in time to ride to the airport together. They must have read the script and knew that J.R. needed to get started on his master plan.

AHN Alett's corner:

- At April's bachelorette party Christopher and John Ross get a little thrill from Lucy's present.  The problem is they're on the stairs, everyone else is in the livingroom and April has her back to them, so there is no way they could see the lingerie.

AHN Kyle's corner:

- Ah yes, one of my favourites: It's the "window view from Bobby's office has a night skyline yet Cliff is all set to go off for lunch". A classic.

- Interesting jump cut right before the first commercial break (from the Ewing living room to the Sanitarium). I'm not sure if maybe they edited something out. If they didn't, than it was very un-DALLAS like quick change. Effective though...

- I think I'm going to nominate that bridal shower sequence as THE lamest scene (dialogue wise) that I've ever seen on DALLAS. "I heard that JR's baby shoes had spikes on them....HA HA HA HA HA!!" Wow, does that ever suck...

- If one actually does the math, I doubt that it would match up in terms of Cally's pregnancy. Last time was in Pride, eh? Well how long ago was that? Seems like ages. She'd certainly be past her first trimester (ie. I think she would have known sooner).

- I can understand spelling Montfort incorrectly, but Jessica??? Come on now. They were playing the scene for laughs, but that's a little TOO far-fetched. And why wouldn't he just check the patient registry if he wasn't sure how to spell it?? Too logical, I guess.

- Do you Bobby James Ewing take April...Stevens to be your lawful wedded wife? I guess the writers didn't feel the need to give her a middle name (although one must assume she does have one).

AHN Mike's corner:

- You know, I think the Dallas writers were making it up as they went along at this point and not thinking any plotline through. The whole idea of JR tricking Jessica into signing that paper is ludicrous. She is obviously insane and incompetent. She's been insane and an attempted murderer and was committed in the past. Sure, they let her out, but they were wrong because she went right out and killed people showing she's still insane and now she's back in. Any sharp lawyer for Mckay could have this document thrown out it in court in no time. JR might find a way to push it through. At the very least, it gives him an angle to tie things up in litigation for a while and prevent Clayton from getting his hands on it.

- The idea of everybody leaving the country at once except Callie who's pissed off at JR is also a joke.  But they had to do it so nobody would be around once JR gets stuck in the nuthouse. I'm surprised they didn't put Teresa and Raoul on a turnip truck and say they were going back to Mexico to visit relatives. After all, you can't be too careful about who JR will call if he's desperate. Ordinarily not, but given JR's lackluster ability to get himself out of trouble, maybe it wouldn't have mattered.

- Nobody noted the all-girl band at Bobby's bachelor party. Of course they were dressed in pants, long-sleeved shirts and hats.So why would you notice? Would have been better if they had been a band of strippers! And that first stripper was a knockout but never took anything off.

- Loved the don't drink and drive PSA at the end of Bobby's party. Especially since noted drinker Larry Hagman supposedly provided the limos.

- People noted all the cast members missing at the wedding. What about Bobby's bachelor party? A bunch of strange faces. Where was Ray, Jordon Lee, Punk, etc.?

- James is repeating Nicholas Pearce sweaters again and once more violates the brown/grey rule with a grey jacket and brown slacks which I also believe is a repeat outfit. Budgets must have been tight this season.

Episode 333: Three-Three-Three, Part One

Bonehead Dialogue Award: [courtesy of Val and Alett]

James to Cally: "Will you quit being such a butter heart?"

Ok...would you like her to switch to margarine, James?

Angelica Award: Sly's leather vest with the tassels. Nominated by Val and Mike.

AHN Kyle's corner:

- I find it a little odd that the patients in the mental institute are allowed to wear their own clothes (see Morrissey's red and black shirt, plus jeans, JR's bathrobe, etc.). If they are loony shouldn't they have their belts and other sharp objects taken away? Shouldn't they be wearing institution-issued jumpsuits??

- How, exactly, does JR know where to go to get to the women's wing? All Morrissey does is tell him to go through the corridor. I guess JR just guesses the rest of the way.

- Note that the post-freeze credits have returned. Yippee!! It took them almost the whole season to bring them back, but here they are. Good.

AHN Val's corner:

- Cally has pregnancy-induced food cravings for tomato juice and shaved ice. So she sends James out to get these items for her. I can understand him picking up tomato juice, but shaved ice????? Please. I'm sure April has a few trays of ice cubes in her freezer and a blender in the kitchen. That's all one really needs for shaved ice. It's that easy...anytime, day or night. And you don't even have to send your stepson out for it!!!!!!

- Where did Cally learn to type? Yeah, she said she took typing in high school. Haileyville High School must have devoted all their resources to the Typing Department. Cally was quite good for a novice.

- JR has a big, giant suitcase with ONLY the Weststar documents inside. No clean clothes...not even a toothbrush!

AHN Jason's corner:

- If Morrissey considers the women his harem, why does he show JR the way to get to them?   Dumb.

- OK, was it just me or did anyone else find it really annoying that JR  walks down that same f&^%ing hall to get to the "ladies' section" FOUR TIMES in a 45 minute episode!!!!   I never thought I would say it, but thank GOD TNN cut this episode.  He probably tried it 6 or 7 times in the CBS broadcast.

- James and Cally talk about how they want to make the divorce public to hurt JR.   Well, he already has survived (quite well) TWO divorces and numerous other incidents.  This would hardly scathe him. True of the old JR. Not so sure about this guy.

- I am a bit confused with security at the sanitarium.  I am under the   impression that dangerous inmates are separated from the others. So why is JR trying to get to see Jessica in the "normal" inmate section.  And why is she at the "social" since she is so dangerous.  Surely, she would be considered dangerous after her recent crimes. No more so than anyone else, I would imagine. Look at Anita. She's murdered four times too. Dangerous is a relative thing.

- I know I have seen computers at Ewing Oil. So why does Cally use a typewriter there? And would JR really type a letter to Sly as opposed to writing it out? An outstanding point which I completely overlooked the first time.

- JR wears a suit jacket to bed?  Rather uncomfortable looking.

- Can't believe the doctor would discuss the "Black Widow" case with JR. Hasn't he ever heard of doctor/patient confidentiality?

- Shouldn't James swish the powder around in Sly's drink?  It may not mix well without some help.

- It is almost fitting that the worst episode of this season would have  the tackiest ad I have ever seen.  Did anyone catch that laughable Cow-Sprinkler they were selling?  Only $24.99 and the tail swishes.  What is next, Pink Flamingo fountains?

- Cliff calls Rose "Rosie".  Kinda funny how chummy he pretends they are. Then again, he denied his affair with Marilee when she bumped into him and Tammy on a date.

- I was just thinking...  Texas has capital punishment.  So how come Jessica, who killed 4 people recently and almost killed two more just got a sanitarium sentence? I'm not sure whether Texas had capital punishment back then.

AHN Alett's corner:

- The guy wearing a hat with a feather sticking up is just too much.  I guess after One Flew over the Cuckoo's Nest, it's obligatory that every asylum has an Indian.

- James takes all that time in front of the mirror getting his hair just right, and then it's all mussed at the bar.

- Cally is a pretty speedy typist.  It did seem that there were fewer clicks from the keys than needed for that letter though.

- I guess plot supercedes doctor-patient priviledge in Anita's case.  All JR has to say is that he won't write a book and the doc spills the beans. Speaking of the  good doctor, if all his sessions with his patients are as short and superficial as those with JR, those real patients are doomed.

AHN Pamela's corner:

- What was the point of the conversation between Jackie and Bobby?  What relevance did it have to any plot development except to let us know that he wasn't going to be around for awhile.  Bad idea relying on Jackie of all people to relay a message, he should know better. Also on the honeymoon subject, where exactly was April?  Out shopping I assume. 

- I was a little surprised at how friendly McKay, Cliff and Rose all were...very interesting, except that we get to see Liz and McKay recognize each other.

- I can't believe Sly would even mention the envelope to James.  J.R. is very private about his business affairs, even with his own family i.e., the red files, the Asian wells, B.D. Calhoun - shall I go on??  Why would she think J.R. left such strict instructions if he wanted her to blab it to anyone, including his own son.  Sly should really know better than this.

AHN Mike's corner:

- Oh hell yeah, now we're getting into the plotlines I really hated during the last two seasons. Watching that asylum plot unfold was astonishing as to how bad it was. Harold Gould as a psychiatrist? I think not. Black widow with an insatiable sex drive? Dumb. Dance with inmates? Beyond dumb. The whole execution was like a bad sitcom with no laugh track to tell you what was supposed to be funny. The whole thing could be called "One Flew Over JR's Hairpiece"

- And speaking of JR's hairpiece, it was hanging by a thread when Morrissey had him on his back, choking him. i wonder if Mitch Pileggi leaves this appearance off his resume?

- Liz Adams has to be one of the least attractive girlfriend characters ever on Dallas. She does absolutely nothing for me. She did however seem to inherit Sue Ellen's shoulder pads collection though.

- Doesn't Haleyville have a bank? Why does Cally have to cash the $200,000 check and stuff the money in a suitcase? Am I having a flashback? Why do I think Cally eventually gets Japhet and Boaz to get JR out of the asylum? I think that the First Bank of Haleyville might cause trouble in cashing an out-of-state check. They'd probably want to see two pieces of ID.

- When James was conning Sly into a date, from certain angles there appeared to be sequins embedded in his sweater. Definitely not one form the Nicholas Pearce collection. No self-respecting Italian male mafia member would ever wear sequins.

- Two days in a row where Rose McKay is dressed normally. I'm actually disappointed.

- To the naked eye at normal speed on a small TV, it looked like James and Sly were drinking Budweiser long necks. But something looked wrong to me, so I ran it back and freeze framed it. These were gimmicked labels to look like Bud but the first three letters were clearly "Bod" and I thought the fourth letter was an "a"

Episode 334: Three-Three-Three, Part Two

Bonehead Dialogue Award: [courtesy of Kyle]

- James: "You're in a high security sanitarium".

HA!!! The only place that is less secure is Southfork. Funny stuff.

Angelica Award: Cally's heart shaped blouse and her "Rose McKay" blue dress.

AHN Kyle's corner:

- Cally appears to be reading USA Today at her (April's) apartment. I've never noticed a cast member reading USA Today. It always seems to be a local paper (which would explain all the Ewing-related headlines). Good old product placement, I guess. Also, what would possess Cally to read the MONEY section of the paper?? The price of cattle? Give me a break.

- There's that DAMN Halleyville Honky Tonk music again. Revealing blue dress or no revealing blue dress, I HATE that damn music! [Maybe not to the same extent as your hatred of the "sad Pam" music, but close].

- A curious (read: retarded) decision on Mr. Burman's part. Let me get this straight: instead of releasing J.R. from the sanitarium and maybe getting in trouble for some pictures (which would certainly look set-up, why does Burman look so angry? why is someone in Cally's appartment taking photos?) he STRANDS J.R. in the sanitarium and skips town! OOOOOOO.....good plan. I guess he read the script and realized his contract ends with this episode.

- What is the deal with this pre-dating crap?? OK, J.R. pre-dates those documents to a time before Jessica was what? Does he really think that will hold up in court? "I know it's three months later now, Judge, but I swear she signed them along time ago....I mean, look at the date! I couldn't possibly have made that up!!". Please! Also, James pre-dates the documents that J.R signs. So freaking what? Does he also pre-date the divorce papers (because otherwise the agreement would have been reached before Cally filed for the big D). And wouldn't it seem odd to Cally's lawyer's if J.R signed the property settlement BEFORE he (the lawyer) allegedly created it??? Stupid, stupid, stupid.

- But the real question is: how stupid IS J.R. He signs the property settlement w/out really taking much of a look at it (a la Wendell signing the natural gas sale from J.R). Also, why wouldn't he wait until James signed the release papers before he signed his? Why not do all this IN the admissions/check-out office? Why have no witnesses? Why threaten James BEFORE he signs the release?? It's all so very, very stupid and not consistent at all with J.R's typical behaviour (although he IS falling quite rapidly into full-fledged Buffoon-dom). It's very upsetting.

AHN Jason's corner:

- I noticed that Barbara Stock is credited "and BS as Liz Adams" just  like Amy Stock was credited "and AS as Lisa Alden" a few seasons ago.  Do you know if they are related? As far as I know they are not.

- I have to wonder why JR is using Berman as a lawyer. Where is Harve? Oh, you know Harve. He's such a fuddy-duddy because he has these notions of doing things right. He would have told Ellie or Clayton about the divorce and ruined JR's plans. Also, Harve's a business lawyer, not a divorce lawyer.

- Don't they ever lock doors in sanitariums? Not this one.

- OK, I played back my tape a few times.  As we face him, James has one set of papers (Property settlement) in his left pocket and the other (release) in his right pocket.   There is a continuity error when he takes back the property settlement papers.   They seem to go into the same pocket where he had put the release papers (right).   Then as the camera switches back to him, he appears to have his hand in the left pocket again.  Then it appears that he removes the settlement papers from his pocket and rips them up instead of the release papers!  Now that may have been a more entertaining cliffhanger.....

- James' hair looks a lot different in the last scene.  Hard to describe but it looks different.

AHN Mike's corner:

- Some cliffhanger. Anybody with a double digit IQ could have figured out three episodes ago that JR was going to be stranded in the asylum. Have to admit it was fun though to see James stick it to JR at the end.

- James has apparently run through the Nicholas Pearce wardrobe bequest and has now started wearing the Don Lockwood collection, starting with what appears to be the same leather coat that we all thought was welded to Lockwood.

- Poor Sly. She finally gets a date with James and instead of waking up with a smile on her face, she gets a headache and a hangover.

- Is this a new Cliff? He dates other much, much more attractive women (Jamie, Afton, Shelly and even Tammy) and gets no sex and now within a couple of days he's threatening to have sex with Liz. Must be have been inspired by seeing her love gun. 

- In a variation on the eternal Dallas theme of having characters order food/drinks and then not touch them and leave, Cliff literally rips the hotdog from Liz' mouth and throws it away because he's in a hurry. She should have retieved it from the garbage either shoved it in his face or down his pants.

- Best episode highlight was Mckay to Liz: "Don't give me that crap!". It's been too long without hearing that classic line.

AHN Pamela's corner:

- In the first scene, they show the outside of the sanitarium, it looks like that time of day after the sun has gone down or before it is about to rise, it is definitely not dark.   In the last episode Anita, the psycho sex-fiend clearly tells J.R. to come right
after midnight.  They show the inside of the sanitarium, which is dark, of course at midnight, it would be DARK. They could have at least found some better stock footage.

- I know Cliff is trying to be 'funny', but give it up!  During his conversation with Liz he says he'll go get the champagne, which is imported, from California. How lame!

- James and Cally tell the attorney, after the big sting, that they have tickets for him on a cruise, and that he can take someone with him if he wants to. Who? Tickets are issued by NAME, they could send the attorney, but who's name would they issue the other one in?  

- This is more of a comment than a nit and should've been mentioned yesterday, but today is fine.  After living at Southfork and knowing how much $$$ the Ewings have, why oh why Cally would you even think of being content with a $200,000 payoff?  She should really thank James for telling her to get all she can!

AHN Val's corner:

- James went into Cally's kitchen for a cup of coffee, and came right back out. Did Cally make that? If so, she shouldn't be drinking it...she's pregnant!!! Maybe, as Jason suggests, it's decaf.

- The card-playing mental hospital inmates talk EXACTLY like four-year olds. "I'm not cheating!" "Yes you are!!!" "I do not like playing with cheaters!"

- In the sanitarium, I noticed that JR had to share a room with several other inmates. Yet, Crazy Anita appears to have her own room at the sanitarium. What kind of special treatment is this? Is this so there aren't any other inmates around when she has the sex that she's not supposed to be having?

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