Season 12 Summaries

Episode 308: Phantom of the Oil Rig Aired: Mon, Apr.26

NITPICKS for this episode

LINE OF THE DAY:  "While you are at it, book yourself on the Titanic..." - JR to April when she contemplates buying into Weststar again.

Rating [out of 10]: star.gif (13252 bytes)star.gif (13252 bytes)star.gif (13252 bytes)star.gif (13252 bytes)star.gif (13252 bytes)

The Lucy Award: Lucy.

JR gets Ratagan to help him search the studio's film vault, but is given a note from Sue Ellen who says he's wasting his time. He tells Ratagan to find Sue Ellen's film no matter what he has to do. April tells Bobby about the continuing crank calls and they both begin to be convinced that it's Tommy McKay. Ellie and Clayton take the mysterious key to a locksmith and learn that it would only fit a very old bank vault, somewhere in New England.

JR and Bobby prepare to head to Texas City to talk to a refinery owner named Shaughnessy about providing him with oil to keep things going now that Weststar's gone with the European deal. They're told that 200,000 barrels are needed, which Bobby feels is too much for Ewing Oil to handle because he refuses to cut off his existing customers, despite JR's protests. JR decides to hang around to see what other business he can find. After Bobby leaves, JR tells Shaughnessy that Bobby's hedging was just a business ploy and says it will be no problem to provide the crude he needs. He also makes arrangements to buy some smaller companies in order to make the deal work.

Cliff returns to Dallas and talks to Dave Wallace about what happened in Louisiana, and he is advised to just be patient until Afton surfaces again. Bobby tells Cliff he's going to have to decide whether he's really committed to Ewing Oil or not. Van Buren is traced to Charleston, South Carolina and Cliff and Wallace head out to talk to him again. They find he's in jail and so they'll have to wait another day.

That evening, Bobby is surprised to find a very nattily dressed Tommy McKay at the office, who shows him that he just got off a plane from Orlando a few hours ago and so could not possible have been making the threatening phone calls. He claims that he just got out of rehab and is clean and sober. He says he just wants a fresh start in Dallas and intends to stay away from April and the Ewings.

Tommy returns to see his father at home that evening, who is overjoyed to have his apologetic son back. He says he wants to work with his father at Weststar and do whatever it takes to re-earn his trust. Bobby tells April about the new development, and they head back to her apartment to get some of her things. They are surprised to find someone already there - a woman, who turns out to be Michelle, April's sister, who's moved in to her guest bedroom after quitting her job.

A phone call arrives at the ranch for Jock, to the surprise of everyone. It turns out to be the son of the man who sent the key to Southfork, who explains that Mallory and Jock were war buddies, and the key should fit a lock at a bank in Stockbridge, Massachusetts.

Tommy meets with Boomer, a pal of his, who turns out to be the one making the bothersome calls. Boomer's other talents include gun-running...and explosives. Tommy asks him to prepare a briefcase-size bomb for a "friend".

JR learns that one of the companies he needed to buy to satisfy Shaughnessy has decided to sell out to Weststar for double the price. He glumly realizes that he's in a lot of trouble.

Episode 309: The Leopard's Spots Aired: Tue, Apr.27

NITPICKS for this episode

LINE OF THE DAY:  "She has all the friends she needs." - Bobby about April. Nominated by Jason.

Rating [out of 10]: star.gif (13252 bytes)star.gif (13252 bytes)star.gif (13252 bytes)star.gif (13252 bytes)

The Lucy Award: Carter McKay is relegated to cheerleading duty for Tommy.

JR scrambles to meet Shaughnessy's deadline, which comes up in three days. Bobby continues to try and garner business on his own, and ends up making a deal which will tie up of most of Ewing Oil's excess crude. Cliff and Dave Wallace find that Van Buren's been bailed out and learn that it was Afton who did it. For some extra cash, the greedy bondsman agrees to tell them where Harrison is.

April comes to Michelle's hotel where she finds her chatting up a couple of hunks. They rehash a whole bunch of sibling rivalry, old and new. Michelle reminds her of all of the dirty things she did to amass her fortune, which prompts April to respond that she's a much different person than she used to be.

That evening, the family cabbages what's been learned about Jock's mysterious key, and Ellie announces that she plans to head to New England with Clayton to investigate further. Lucy takes Cally to an art gallery after having one of her paintings framed, and Cally is told that she has real talent, which she should put to good use. He puts her in touch with a friend who can help her out. The friend tells her that he wants to display the pictures for a public viewing the next day.

Bobby and April take Michelle to lunch and bump into Carter and Tommy, bringing back some bad memories for the elder Miss Stevens. The McKays assure her that she has nothing to worry about, and Carter gets in a shot about stealing the Ramirez deal away from the Ewings. Michelle comes to Ewing Oil the next day to see Bobby, who turns out to be a confirmed one-woman man, devoted to her sister. While on her way out, she introduces herself to JR.

Cliff and Dave find Harrison again and the smooth talker tells him that he's willing to provide proof as to Pamela Rebecca's parentage - for an extra ten thousand dollars. To Dave's dismay, Cliff agrees.

The Farlows meet Mallory, who turns out to be a priest. They take a look inside the safety deposit box, which contains a very expensive bottle of wine, some photographs and papers, and some more mysterious keys. One of them fits a strongbox at Mallory's home, which contains a note alluding to a boarding house in which Jock lived when he struck his first well.

Lucy and Cally are introduced to Alex Barton, another gallery owner with bad teeth and a passing resemblance to Elizabeth Taylor. Barton seems even more interested in Cally's work than the other guys. Tommy gets his special briefcase from Boomer, which he's told is on a twenty-minute trigger.

Van Buren visits Afton at her apartment, with Cliff listening outside the door. They talk about all sorts of things and it comes out in the conversation that Harrison is really Pamela's father. Finally convinced, Cliff gives Van Buren his money and tells Afton the he still cares for her and wants to be with her. Afton says she's fed up with the lies and doesn't want to see him again. Cliff leaves as Harrison comes back in, thankful that their act worked. He assures Afton that as long as the checks keep coming, no one will ever no the truth about her daughter.

Faced with no other choice, JR goes to the Ewing refinery and tells them that Bobby has ordered the crude redirected to Shaughnessy's refinery.

Episode 310: Cry Me A River of Oil Aired: Wed, Apr.28

NITPICKS for this episode

LINE OF THE DAY: "You need someone to stab J.R. in the back?  I'm your man." Cliff (to Bobby, with letter opener in hand). Suggested by Jake.

Rating [out of 10]: star.gif (13252 bytes)star.gif (13252 bytes)star.gif (13252 bytes)star.gif (13252 bytes)star.gif (13252 bytes)

The Lucy Award: Clayton did nothing.

JR tries to buy the oil he needs on the open market, and is promised that he'll have what he needs by the time he needs it. Tommy visits Bobby at the office [attache case in hand] and reconfirms that the air is cleared between them. He conveniently leaves the case behind in the office and quietly leaves - until Bobby catches him at the elevator to give it back.

Rolf Brundin comes to Dallas to give Weststar a check for part of the OPEC deal. There are still hard feelings about the way the deal was handled, and Tommy seems even more upset than Carter about it. Tommy checks in with a rehab counselor and assures him that he's in no further need of help because he's devoted himself to his work with his father.

Ellie returns to Dallas and enlists the aid of all of the Ewing secretaries to check up on Ewing Oil records. Nothing is found, so JR suggests that she talk to Punk Anderson or Jordan Lee. Jordan Lee remembers that Jock's first strike came at a place called Pride, Texas. April learns from Bobby that Michelle came to see him. They discuss the Ewing Oil executives and April drops some hints that both JR and Cliff are off limits, piquing her interest.

Bobby learns about the diversion of oil from the Ewing refinery to Shaughnessy's facility, and puts an end to it. He returns to the office, sends the secretaries home, and heads into JR's office to confront him about it. They argue about priorities and JR is told that if he defaults on Shaughnessy's deal, he's on his own because Ewing Oil won't cover the costs. JR tries to convince Shaughnessy to take higher-grade oil for the same price, if he can wait a while for it, but is turned down. Cliff returns to work and assures Bobby that his mind is focused on business now.

Lucy and Cally have lunch with Alex to discuss Cally's burgeoning art career and Lucy confides in Alex that she knows that Cally's marriage won't last long. That evening, JR and April talk about how Bobby has changed in both the boardroom and the bedroom, since he doesn't seem to be so scrupulous about avoiding JR's ex-lovers. Cally overhears from the hallway and asks him about it before bed. JR admits that he's been around but is totally devoted to his new wife.

Tommy McKay finds Brundin again out on the street and tells him that he plans to ensure that his father isn't hurt by anyone anymore - least of all some swishy European. He pushes Rolf in the way of a truck, causing his instant death. He then heads home to ask Boomer to make a new bomb for him.

April and Cally talk about April's past relationship with JR and Cally resentfully says that their friendship is over because she feels that April practically lied to her by not saying anything about it. April decides to leave Southfork and return to her apartment, despite Bobby's protests. Cliff leaves a message on April's answering machine asking to meet, which is intercepted by Michelle. The younger Miss Stevens shows up for their date. They get acquainted and seems to hit it off.

JR learns that his broker could only come up with part of the oil he needed, and he'll still have to get it tanked in. JR is put in touch with a guy named Al Halliday, who says he has no tankers for hire but is willing to sell one to him. JR is wary but the used tanker salesman says "Trust me."

Episode 311: Ka-boom! Aired: Thu, Apr.29

NITPICKS for this episode

LINE OF THE DAY: "Why do you consistently expect the worst in me?"  JR to Bobby.

Rating [out of 10]: star.gif (13252 bytes)star.gif (13252 bytes)star.gif (13252 bytes)star.gif (13252 bytes)star.gif (13252 bytes)

The Lucy Award: Tie between Lucy and Clayton.

Tommy visits Boomer to get his latest briefcase explosive, guaranteed to incinerate anything within 10 feet of it once it goes off.

JR tells Bobby he's got the Shaughnessy deal taken care of. April tells JR that she wants to sell the Ellis County land and end their partnership. Michelle questions her about the deal and April tells her that the deal was originally Cliff's idea. A fire alarm, pulled by Tommy and Boomer, empties the Ewing Oil office. Boomer sets the explosive in Bobby's briefcase, as Tommy pockets the pendant that Bobby planned to give April.

Rose Daniels [AAAH!] comes back to Dallas [wearing the WORST outfit I've seen since Pam woke up] and comes to visit Carter in his office. She tells him that she's started a beauty shop with the money he loaned her. He invites her to stay at the ranch with him, and she gratefully accepts. That evening, Carter takes her to dinner with Tommy, who seems to resent her return into his father's life.

JR finalizes the deal with Al the Pal to obtain his oil tanker and says he'll hold Al personally responsible if anything goes wrong. John Ross gets a call from Sue Ellen to visit her in England, and JR allows it. Bobby asks Christopher to go and get April's present from his briefcase but stops him just before he opens it to let him know he just scored Cowboys tickets. Cally learns from Alex Barton that one of her paintings just got sold to a very rich old art collector, who invites her over for tea and instantly puts her on the map.

April and Michelle go riding with Bobby and Christopher, and April offers the Ellis land to Bobby, who turns her down as JR predicted. Bobby asks her to withhold the news from Cliff until he finds the right moment to break it. Michelle visits Cliff at his place just as he's ordering Chinese take-out. She tells him about the conversation earlier, which gets Cliff predictably upset. He confronts Bobby about it the next day and Cliff glumly realizes he'll always be third best around the office.

That morning, just after breakfast, Tommy angrily confronts Rose about latching on to Carter. Messing up her makeup, he tells her to get out of town if she knows what's good for her. Getting impatient about his bomb going off, he calls Ewing Oil, posing as a jeweler, telling Bobby that the pendant he purchased may be flawed and should be checked immediately. Rose decides to cut her visit short and return to her beauty shop. Tommy's counselor warns Carter that the younger McKay still has deep-rooted psychological problems and is capable of anything.

Bobby visits April at her apartment with his briefcase, still believing it contains her gift. April gets antsy over seeing it so Bobby holds the briefcase away from her, and they chase each other over to the balcony. The briefcase drops to the sidewalk below and explodes before their disbelieving eyes.

Episode 312: Sunset, Sunrise Aired: Mon, May 3

NITPICKS for this episode

LINE OF THE DAY: "Just when did you graduate from Charm school?"   JR to Shaughnessy. Suggested by Rob and Jason

Rating [out of 10]: star.gif (13252 bytes)star.gif (13252 bytes)star.gif (13252 bytes)star.gif (13252 bytes)star.gif (13252 bytes)

The Lucy Award: Lucy, Ellie and Clayton.

There's worrisome news in Dallas - Bobby Ewing hasn't exploded, to Tommy's dismay; and a tropical storm endangers JR's tanker. JR figures he might have to buy Marilee Stone's company, despite the high price. Cally worries about Marilee's habit of chasing after every man in her sights.

Bobby and April want to tell the police about Tommy, but realize they have no proof of any wrongdoing. Bobby formulates a plan by getting another briefcase made. He takes it to Tommy's office the next day, under the guise of presenting a business opportunity. Tommy calls security, but Bobby manages to get to Carter and warn him. Carter returns home with police, and finds Tommy searching for a revolver, determined to kill Bobby. They struggle and the gun accidentally goes off, killing Tommy.

Bobby tells JR that he wants to attend Tommy's funeral and he thinks JR should be there too. Tracey Lawton returns and finds that Carter has returned to his old habit of suppressing his emotions and immersing himself in his work. Alex Barton continues his societal education of Cally, and gets her a studio with a great view to do her painting.

JR is forced to write Shaughnessy a million-dollar check for being late in delivering his oil. He visits Marilee that evening, who offers to give him her oil reserves in exchange for sex. Faced with no choice, JR heads out to embrace her - until he gets a call from Sly saying that the tanker has just arrived at the refinery.

JR celebrates the next day with Sly and Kendall until Michelle crashes their party looking for Cliff. She ends up heading to lunch with JR, who confides in her that he would be very grateful to anyone who helped get Cliff out of Ewing Oil. April tells Cliff that her sister has been known to be a user and asks him whether they've slept together. Cliff angrily responds that it's none of her business.

Tommy's funeral passes quietly. April tries to offer her condolences to the McKays but finds Carter aloof and Tracey still bitter. Boomer places a baseball on the grave. JR tries to whisk Cally away to avoid Marilee but is unable to. She makes a subtle reference to the incident of the previous night. Cally asks him about it and JR tells her that Marilee tried to seduce him but he turned her down.

Tracey warns Bobby that her father is capable of anything at the moment and he would be wise to stay out of Carter's way. Tracey tells her father she'd like to stay with him, but he says he doesn't want her or anyone else around. Bobby takes April home and she puts a rubber band on his finger, asking him whether they should get married. Bobby says he'll think about it.

That day, Sly finds a very unctuous and persuasive dude in JR's office, who says he insists on speaking to the man himself. JR arrives after the funeral and the guy introduces himself as James Beaumont, Vanessa's son.

Episode 313: Pride and Prejudice Aired: Tue, May 4

NITPICKS for this episode

LINE OF THE DAY: "If you were a son of mine, you wouldn't be able to sit down for a month." JR to James.

Rating [out of 10]: star.gif (13252 bytes)star.gif (13252 bytes)star.gif (13252 bytes)star.gif (13252 bytes)

The Lucy Award: Lucy, Michelle and Cliff.

JR rehashes his old relationship with Vanessa with her abrasive son as the two try to size each other up. Cally is disturbed by the news but allows herself to be convinced to go to dinner with JR and James. Meanwhile, James enjoys drinks with Kendall and gleans some inside information about the power structure of Ewing Oil. For some inexplicable reason, Kendall agrees to spend the night with him.

Ellie and Clayton head towards Pride, Texas, and are told by a gas station attendant that the town is relatively abandoned. They find Jock's old boarding house, which has been foreclosed on by the bank. They find the bank's housesitter, Mr. Sparks, unwilling to let them in. Clayton is frustrated by his attitude but Ellie formulates a plan. The Farlows return the next day after buying up all the property in the small town and begin a thorough search of the place.

Carter finds April in the midst of a jog and says he wants to buy the Ellis County land. She tells him to take a hike at first but then he makes an unrefusable offer. When she tells Bobby, he's angry at first but realizes that it'll work out in Ewing Oil's favor.

Cally starts up her painting at her new studio and tells Alex Barton about some of the things that happened to her in Europe. During the dinner with James, Carter McKay stops by and starts to rub the deal with April in, but James slyly hints that the planned supercollider project has been cancelled by the government. JR starts to worry that Cally's been spending a little too much time with the wacky Alex, who continues to fill her head with ideas of becoming the next Picasso.

Bobby and April accompany Christopher on his roller skating date and Bobby channels the spirit of Pam and gets all worried about how fast his little boy is growing up. He decides that it's time for "the talk", especially after Christopher and his date kiss each other goodnight.

Clayton and Ellie continue to tear up the boarding house but find absolutely nothing - until Clayton spots a tiny lock on an old cuckoo clock into which the key fits. The cuckoo reveals a miniature map of the area near Kalispell, Montana and an indication that the object of the search lies near there. The Farlows make plans to head out immediately and find some small farmhouses in the area - with mailboxes indicating that the "Ewings" and "Mallorys" live there.

As JR and Cally head out to enjoy a Sunday together, they are surprised to see a limousine pull up, bringing Vanessa Beaumont to Southfork. She says she's come to Dallas to collect her son. 

Episode 314: Fathers and Other Strangers Aired: Wed, May 5

NITPICKS for this episode

LINE OF THE DAY: "I just lost my appetite." JR after Lucy says they should have lunch. Nominated by Jason.

Rating [out of 10]: star.gif (13252 bytes)star.gif (13252 bytes)star.gif (13252 bytes)star.gif (13252 bytes)star.gif (13252 bytes)

The Lucy Award: April, though Lucy was close.

Ellie and Clayton find no one home at the farmhouse, and Ellie thinks it's all a hoax, but she gets convinced by Clayton to stick around for a while and investigate. They learn from a waiter that the inhabitants have gone into town for a day. Once they leave, the waiter tells a fellow named Stanley Mallory about it.

JR tries to find James at his hotel, but learns that he's out. Turns out he's sunbathing with Sly and propositions her just as he did Kendall, but to no avail. Kendall worries why James hasn't been calling her.

James returns to his room to find his mother there and Vanessa wonders whether James has informed JR that he's his biological father. James says he hasn't, but is considering moving to Dallas permanently, despite his mother's apprehension about it. Cally is forced to miss lunch with Vanessa because of her tea with Mrs. Evander.

Bobby and Cliff both arrive at the Stevens apartment and the two duelling couples argue for a few moments before going their separate ways. Cliff doesn't show up at the office next day, so James gets to accompany Bobby to the Ewing refinery. They talk about JR and his drive to be just like his father - for the sake of leaving a legacy for his son.

The next day, Ellie and Clayton return to the farmhouse where a woman suddenly comes out and gives Clayton a hug. They end up walking into a surprise party - where Jock and Ellie are the guests of honor. The woman says her name is Sarah Ewing and the whole group is shocked to learn that Jock and Tom Mallory are dead. Sarah tells the Farlows that Tom Mallory stumbled upon them during a hunting trip four years ago. It turns out that during World War II, Sarah's family, who were hiding from the Nazis, saved Jock and Mallory after their planes were shot down. Jock managed to return to mainland Europe and bring the family to England. Sarah's last revelation is that she has kept a letter from Jock to JR from those many years ago.

When Cliff finally arrives at the office, he and JR get into an argument about his truancy and offers to buy him out of the company, but Cliff says he wouldn't give him the satisfaction. News comes over the wire that a Weststar oil tanker has crashed in the Gulf of Mexico and is heavily leaking oil. JR is thrilled at the news, while Carter is predictably livid and orders a full investigation in his inimitably special way. He later learns some more disturbing news which causes him to storm out of his office.

At the Oil Baron's Club, Michelle advises Cliff to leave Ewing Oil despite the joy it would bring JR. The Ewing clan happens to come by as well to have dinner with James and Vanessa, and Michelle tells JR that Cliff is as good as gone. JR proposes a toast to Jock, and Bobby reminds him that there are other Ewings not present, including Ray. JR starts bad-mouthing Ray for being illegitimate, which prompts James to pipe up and tell everyone present that he also happens to be an illegitimate son. Needless to say, everyone is rather surprised.

Episode 315: Black Tide Aired: Thu, May 6

NITPICKS for this episode

LINE OF THE DAY: "I'm glad I kept my ticket stub, because it looks like there's more show." Cliff as Carter walks into the Oil Baron's club. Nominated by Jason and Val.

Rating [out of 10]: star.gif (13252 bytes)star.gif (13252 bytes)star.gif (13252 bytes)star.gif (13252 bytes)star.gif (13252 bytes)

The Lucy Award: Ellie, though Lucy was close again.

Vanessa confirms that JR is James's father. Cliff rubs it in on JR as well as April for being part of JR's stable, which earns him a slap. Cally grows more and more uncomfortable by the moment, figuring that Vanessa had it planned all along to steal JR back from her. Carter McKay arrives a few moments later with reporters hanging off his tail. He tells everyone that the Coast Guard says that Weststar's tanker is leaking oil as a result of being hit by JR's tanker. JR tells Bobby to stonewall everyone until the damage can be assessed and is shocked that Bobby wants to pay for the cleanup effort, and Cliff gets upset at being continually left out of the plans. JR tells Halliday to accept public responsibility for the sub-standard tanker, or else he'll make Al the Pal's life a living hell.

Vanessa comes to Southfork which initiates a shouting match with the vulnerable Cally. Cally tells her that if she really's not out to cause trouble, she should take her son and leave Dallas. Vanessa counters that the ball is in Cally's court, because JR will listen to her. JR gets miffed at Cally's whining when he returns home the next morning after a long night and tells her that he can't deal with her insecurity right now. James advises Vanessa that she is really the woman that JR wants and she should stay in Dallas to make him see it. She declines but he insists that he wants to stick around.

McKay mobilizes his public relations troupe and gets a visit from Halliday. Al the Pal says that in exchange for a retirement fund, he'll provide Weststar with very useful information about the tankers. Cliff reaffirms to Michelle his desire to quit Ewing Oil for good. Weststar holds a press conference in which Carter makes public the information that the Ewing tanker was unseaworthy and its captain had been reprimanded several times for heavy drinking. He introduces Cliff as the man who's going to be heading a committee to look into the accident and make sure that the guilty parties be punished.

Cliff comes to Ewing Oil the next day to clean out his office and gets an earful from the Ewing brothers. Bobby even goes so far as to say he wants Cliff to stay away from Christopher. Michelle is next to come to the office, expecting her reward for getting Cliff out of Ewing Oil. JR declines because Cliff defected to Weststar's camp and Michelle tells him that he'll regret spurning her. She then heads over to see McKay for a reward. Carter says that instead of money, he'll offer her one open favor whenever she decides to call it in.

After hearing about the potential dire financial straits, April offers to help Bobby out with some cash but he declines. Bobby asks Clayton to keep Ellie away from the ranch for a while until he can straighten things out. Heading out to work, he finds that the Southfork pool has been vandalized and dirtied with oil. After JR surveys the mess, he says that he no longer feels that he can be a part of Ewing Oil. Bobby laughs it off and says that there's no way he'd let JR squirm out of the mess he created. April berates Cliff for abandoning Bobby and learns that Michelle has decided to move in with him. Many of Ewing Oil's customers come to see Bobby and tell him that unless he manages to salvage the situation, they may have to take their business elsewhere.

As Vanessa plans to head back home, JR asks her to stay and work out some of their unresolved issues. She painfully tells him that he's got her son now and hopes that James won't take his knocks the hard way from now on. James moves into Southfork and JR reconfirms that he's glad to have another son around. Cally predictably seems ambivalent about the new arrival.

Episode 316: Daddy's Dearest Aired: Mon, May 10

NITPICKS for this episode

LINE OF THE DAY: "I'll never let those bastards get me down." - JR after reading Jock's letter.
Honorable mention: Almost everything JR says to Marilee, especially "She's Dallas' answer to Vampira!" Nominated by Susan.

Rating [out of 10]: star.gif (13252 bytes)star.gif (13252 bytes)star.gif (13252 bytes)star.gif (13252 bytes)star.gif (13252 bytes)

The Lucy Award: Cally.

James tries to fit in to life at Southfork and gets a short introduction about JR's past from Lucy. He also worries about what's going to happen when John Ross arrives at Southfork later that day. After coming home, John Ross is a bit perturbed at having to stay home while James heads off with JR to Ewing Oil. April brings Michelle's heaps of clothes over to Cliff's place and says she doesn't want to have anything more to do with either of them. Clayton and Ellie return to Dallas and are harassed by a reporter until the Ox summons his strength and threatens the guy.

Bobby calls in some of his markers in Austin to try and keep Cliff off of the committee investigating the tanker crash, but finds his old buddies cold to the idea. Hate mail continues to pour in to the office, and Jackie talks to Bobby about her future at the company. JR suggests that James take over Cliff's office and she stay on as his secretary, which she graciously accepts. Carter McKay arrives and presents the brothers with an all-encompassing civil suit for everything they're worth.

John Ross worries about his role in his father's life with James around. JR tells him that he'll eventually stop resenting his new brother, and become as close as [ahem!] JR and Ray were. Bobby and James talk in the exercise room and they agree to remain civil as long as each knows the others' role. Bobby and April have a picnic the next day and continue their discussion of marriage.

Marilee bumps into JR and James at the Oil Baron's Club and they take predictable jabs at each other. JR and James head back to the office as Michelle stops by. James seems to be smitten with her at first sight, as they ask Michelle to be a spy in Cliff's home. Michelle declines for the moment but leaves possibilities open. James visits Michelle at Cliff's place the next day and a cheap porn scene ensues.

Cliff [did you guess?] is named the head of the Blue Ribbon committee and says he'll ensure that justice is served. Cliff and Carter discuss future arrangements for Cliff's political career and McKay says he'll only continue to back him if Weststar comes out smelling like roses.

Bobby tells JR that if there's a Ewing Oil left after the committee's findings are made public, he'll be turfed. JR returns home and tells Ellie that he thinks Bobby is right - he's not fit to be a part of Ewing Oil. He heads back that evening to gather his things and Ellie follows him with the letter that Jock wrote to him from Europe. In it, Jock tells JR that the real test of a man is to succeed when failure seems certain, and exhorts him to never tire of continuing the Ewing legacy. With renewed resolve, JR ends with the Line of the Day.

Episode 317: Hell's Fury Aired: Tue, May 11

NITPICKS for this episode

LINE OF THE DAY:  "They are such bleeding hearts, I am surprised they are not hemophiliacs." - Cliff about the two hold outs on the committee. Nominated by Jason and Val

Rating [out of 10]: star.gif (13252 bytes)star.gif (13252 bytes)star.gif (13252 bytes)star.gif (13252 bytes)star.gif (13252 bytes)

The Lucy Award: April, by design. Clayton was close.

JR returns to Southfork, ready to take on the world - and his wife. Cliff tells Michelle about his plans to get the investigating committee and drops a few names to her about potential problematic members. JR and Bobby learn that the Weststar tanker was undermanned during its voyage. Bobby decides to talk to the captains of the tankers to gather information, but finds that his wife is bitter at the world and sick of talking to people.

James buys a new motorcycle and decides to take John Ross out for a spin, leaving Christopher alone at the house. They have a brotherly talk in which James tries to convince John Ross that he just wants to feel like part of the family and doesn't want to interfere with the family dynamics. He also manages to get John Ross a dirtbike so they can ride together. That evening, John Ross taunts Christopher about being the baby of the family and a fight predictably ensues. Christopher goes to his room and starts firing darts at a picture of John Ross until Bobby makes him see what his older cousin is going through.

James and Michelle go out for a night on the town and she says she's decided to help Ewing Oil out in their fight. That evening during a night of passion James tells her that he really wishes Cally wasn't in the way of her mother's relationship with JR.

That morning, JR tells Cally that he's gotten a business call from James, but later she spots him at a hotel, meeting with Michelle. Alex Barton tries to convince her that it might not be what it seems, but she's convinced that her marriage is practically over. Cally rushes home and tells Lucy about it, and she says she's not surprised. Lucy stupidly tells her that Michelle is staying at Cliff's place and Cally head over there in a huff.

JR and Michelle join James in a hotel room to watch the beginning of the investigative trial, and she gives him the names of the potential Ewing supporters on the committee. One of those members, Diana Farrington and Cliff argue about the rumors that he's more interested in nailing the Ewings than in justice. Carter McKay also stops by to drop his two cents in. JR finds the other member, George Middleton, and tries rather untactfully to convince him to be on his side. He does manage to learn where Diana Farrington is having dinner.

Bobby manages to find Jack Bouleris, the captain of the crashed Ewing tanker, at a local pool hall. He confronts him for the truth about the accident and is informed that he's been sober for four years and wasn't at fault for the accident - but he's been through so much that he's content to let the Ewings go down in flames.

Cally comes over to Cliff's place to confront Michelle, who lies and tells her point-blank that she most definitely is sleeping with JR - just like nearly every other woman in Dallas has. Cally next heads over to Ewing Oil but finds JR to be Austin - which Michelle claimed was her next destination. She leaves just as Kay Lloyd arrives. Kay tells Bobby that the Justice Department is considering revoking Ewing Oil's charter because of the accident. Meanwhile, Cally heads over to Alex's apartment and says she's planning her revenge on JR.

Episode 318: Cally on a Hot Tin Roof Aired: Wed, May 12

NITPICKS for this episode

LINE OF THE DAY:  "It'll be a chilly morning in Hell before I let a money-hungry bitch like you into my bed." - JR to Michelle. Nominated by Mike.

Rating [out of 10]: star.gif (13252 bytes)star.gif (13252 bytes)star.gif (13252 bytes)star.gif (13252 bytes)star.gif (13252 bytes)star.gif (13252 bytes)

The Lucy Award: Lucy, Ellie, and Clayton.

JR buds in on Diana Farrington's dinner with her husband and manages to get her ear for a while. They make arrangements to have a private meeting to discuss Ewing Oil's side of the story. Diana later hears George Middleton tell the committee about the subtle bribe JR offered them. Meanwhile, Bobby and Kay get reacquainted and he tells her that he's become involved in another relationship.

Cally comes home and confronts JR about sleeping with Michelle and he, of course, denies it. She counters that she spent the night at Alex Barton's place. JR promises her that she and Michelle will both regret what they've done. JR heads over to warn Michelle about it and she reminds him that he needs her to spy on Cliff; he says that unless her information improves, her ass will be grass. Cliff finds Jackie at her exercise club and asks her to keep her eyes open around the office.

James finds Cally beginning a vegetable garden and offers to be a shoulder for her to cry on. She explains the instability of her marriage as James surprisingly tries to soothe the situation over. Carter McKay plans a massive PR campaign to put a good face on Weststar's cleanup efforts in the Gulf, despite the fact that Bobby is personally financing most of it.

April returns to Dallas and finds Bobby in a meeting with Kay. The three of them have dinner with Dave Culver and April's left out of the political talk. They confirm that Ewing Oil will likely be out of business if Cliff finds them to be mostly responsible. April drinks her way through the night and back at her apartment, she wonders why things are so difficult for them when he seems so relaxed with Kay. She tells him she wants some time apart until he decides that she's the one he really wants. Later, Bobby and Kay discuss how her presence is disrupting his love life.

JR's next stop is Cally's studio, where Alex Barton stops by. JR offers him a choice: a one-way ticket back to England, or being strung-up on statutory rape charges, courtesy of Ratagan and a couple of Lolitas. Surprisingly [to me] Alex makes the wise choice and starts packing, but tells JR that his night with Cally was the best of his life.

Cliff comes home from Austin early, to Michelle's surprise. James arrives soon afterwards and smartly realizes what's happened. He puts on a tough-guy act and pretends to be angry at Cliff for trying to ruin the Ewings. Later, James makes some humble suggestions for ways to get some cash for Ewing Oil and Bobby finds that they agree on most points.

Kay comes to April's apartment and tells her that their on-again, off-again relationship is distracting Bobby from his business travails and she only wants what's best for both of them. April is in no mood to hear it and tells her to get lost.

JR offers to set up Diana's husband in whatever business deals he needs in exchange for her support on the committee and she gladly accepts in the shower later. When he returns to Southfork, he tells Cally about Alex's departure and another argument ensues. Cally reveals that nothing happened during her night at Alex's place and she only said so because she thought JR slept with Michelle. JR doesn't believe it, of course, and throws his latest affair with Diana in her face. He heads over to watch Alex's plane take off and the Englishman confirms Cally's story that they just talked. JR rushes back home and finds Cally unconscious on their bed next to an empty bottle of sleeping pills.

Episode 319: Sex, Lies, and Videotape Aired: Thu, May 13

NITPICKS for this episode

LINE OF THE DAY:  "The man is a genius at snatching defeat from the jaws of victory." - JR about Cliff. Nominated by Kyle.

Rating [out of 10]: star.gif (13252 bytes)star.gif (13252 bytes)star.gif (13252 bytes)star.gif (13252 bytes)star.gif (13252 bytes)star.gif (13252 bytes)

The Lucy Award: Michelle, Ellie, and Clayton.

Cally's bluesy guitar plays in the background as she is tended to by paramedics. JR seethes as Lucy admits that she told Cally where the sleeping pills were but later is distraught after seeing the shape his wife is in. Cally explains that the whole thing was accident because she didn't understand the nuances of pharmacology. She wonders whether JR would allow Alex Barton to return to Dallas and JR says he got the governor to pass an ordinance against bad teeth, though he encourages her to continue painting. Later, Lucy tells Cally she just bought an art gallery and so her career is back on track.

Bobby begins the painful process of selling Ewing fields to raise cash. Bobby calls April, who's stopped answering her phone, and heads over to Kay's place for a dinner party, arriving early. They rehash their relationship and realize that they still have different priorities which complicates things for them. April goes out and buys a huge new office for April Oil.

Carter McKay heads to Follett, Texas to find Rose and bring her to Dallas to be his wife. After their wedding night, Carter tells Rose he needs her help to try and defuse the tanker crisis - by using her body. Rose is righteously upset that Carter would ask her to do such a thing, but he says that he feels his back is against the wall. The next day, Cliff is accosted by Rose at a bar and after some small talk, he's convinced to accompany her to a hotel room. During a business confab the next day, Carter shows Cliff a tape of him with Rose, and reveals that the young woman is now his wife.

JR takes James down to Austin and they meet with Diana Farrington again, who says she's still interested in JR's fringe benefits in exchange for her continued support. James is surprised JR would even consider cheating on Cally, but he says it's only for business and it's not much different from the way he convinced Michelle to join their side. The next morning, James tells JR he's glad his mother never married him if this is the way he chooses to lead his life. JR is surprised at how alike they really are.

Bobby finds Captain Bouleris again and questions him about the crash, confirming that he did everything possible to prevent it and confirms that he was definitely not drunk at the time. He returns to the office and finds that Ewing 14 was sold for top dollar, to his surprise. Kay comes by and says she's going back to Washington where she feels she can help Ewing Oil's cause more. Bobby comes over to April's apartment later that day and after some arguing back and forth, he says he's decided he wants to get married.

Episode 320: A Tale of Two Cities Aired: Mon, May 17

NITPICKS for this episode

LINE OF THE DAY:  "He has an integrity problem that I am working on."  JR about James. Nominated by Jason and Alett.

Rating [out of 10]: star.gif (13252 bytes)star.gif (13252 bytes)star.gif (13252 bytes)star.gif (13252 bytes)star.gif (13252 bytes)star.gif (13252 bytes)

The Lucy Award: Ellie and Clayton.

James feels terrible about returning to Southfork knowing about JR's infidelity. Coming home, he and JR find that Cally has painted a portrait of JR to hang in his office. JR is incredulous at Bobby's decision to rehire Captain Bouleris and an argument ensues over the brothers' methods. James tells Michelle he wants her to move out of Cliff's apartment because he doesn't like having to sneak around to see her.

Carter returns home to find a disillusioned Rose dressed as the whore she feels like. He promises to get rid of the tape as soon as the committee hearings are over. Cally has another gallery showing and all of her paintings get sold, to Lucy's delight.

Bobby visits a Coast Guard office and argues with an official, claiming that proper procedure wasn't followed when the authorities arrived at the crash site, with a cover-up ensuing to avoid bad publicity for the Guard.

Diana tries to get Cliff involved with some political connections in an effort to distract him from his vendetta against Ewing Oil, but he doesn't bite. JR plans to go after another committee member to garner support. He finds Billy Joe Bates very receptive to his cause. Michelle learns from Cliff about McKay's blackmail tape. Carter meets with his tanker captain and instructs him how to lie at the hearings about the fact that the radar was unmanned.

James talks to Diana privately about calling off her affair with JR, for Cally's sake, but she doesn't care for the idea at all. That evening, just as James leaves them in JR's room and heads down to the lobby, he spots Cally there, waiting to surprise JR. He  rushes back to the room and hears another knock on the door. Figuring it's Cally, he makes it look like he's the one who's been with Diana - but it turns out to be Michelle, who espies Diana and calls off their relationship.

Michelle tells Bobby about Carter's setup of Cliff, and later finds James knocking on her door trying to explain again what happened. The predictable fight ensues and they decide to end their relationship for good. Bobby visits Rose and tries to convince her to sell the blackmail tape to him. She tells him off but he warns her that she'll be sinking with her new husband before long.

An ensign from the Coast Guard visits Cliff at his office. He says that he stayed on duty longer than he had to the night of the collision and monitored the tankers' progress, which he claims was definitely just an accident.

Episode 321: Judgement Day Aired: Tue, May 18

NITPICKS for this episode

LINE OF THE DAY:  "Never tell the truth when a good lie will do." - JR to James. Nominated by Alett.

Rating [out of 10]: star.gif (13252 bytes)star.gif (13252 bytes)star.gif (13252 bytes)star.gif (13252 bytes)star.gif (13252 bytes)star.gif (13252 bytes)star.gif (13252 bytes)

The Lucy Award: Lucy and Cally.

Cliff debates his dilemma at Digger's grave and in the committee room. News comes over the airwaves that Captain Bouleris apparently committed suicide in his guilt over the situation. In Pride, Texas, Clayton tells the distraught Ellie [can you guess?] that she doesn't need to rush home to be with her sons. Bobby meets with Harve to see what legal recourses might be available to save Ewing Oil. Rose doesn't really feel like joining Carter in his preliminary celebration of victory.

JR comes to Michelle's new apartment looking for information but she says she's out of the spy business. When he wonders what's changed her mind about things, she tells him to ask James. James explains what went down in Austin and JR tells him to do whatever he has to to win Michelle back, but he refuses. April confronts Michelle about things but ends up soothing her hurt feelings. Michelle later tells Cliff about her spying, and after his initial anger, he feels more determined than ever to put the screws to JR.

McKay offers Bobby the chance to sell out Ewing Oil before the company is completely lost. Bobby glumly says he'll have to think it over. The next day, Carter tells April about his offer and tells her that it's in her best interests to convince Bobby to take the offer because Bobby certainly wouldn't marry her if he suddenly lost his wealth. The next day, Bobby remembers who his father is and tells McKay where he can put his offer. [Editor's note: damn, I'm proud of that boy!]

At the site of Jock Ewing's first strike, Ellie waxes nostalgic and wishes that her life hadn't been so intertwined with the dog-eat-dog oil business. Cliff confronts Diana about her liaisons with the Ewings and she retorts that Cliff is obviously in McKay's hands. Later, Diana confirms to JR that the committee is deadlocked and Cliff has the deciding vote tomorrow.

Bobby has a meeting with Cliff that evening and tries to convince him to leave their personal issues out of it, but Cliff isn't too hot on that idea. He subtly invokes the ghost of Pam, who would have advised Cliff to just do the right thing and let his conscience be his guide.

That evening, Carter burns the blackmail tape and tells Rose he wants to make a fresh start in their relationship. Ellie and Clayton have a rather confusing ceremony in the town of Pride supposed to mean something...I guess.

JR tells Bobby that he feels that Jock's portrait doesn't belong in his room any longer, and he offers Bobby a document taking full responsibility for the accident and absolving Ewing Oil in the matter. He tells Bobby about Jock's letter from forty years ago and says that the torch has been passed down. At the committee hearing, Cliff declares the collision to be an accident, causing JR to tear up his document and feel on top of the world again, as McKay just walks away seething.

Episode 322: Unchain My Heart Aired: Wed, May 19

NITPICKS for this episode

LINE OF THE DAY:  "Ms. Oil is in her office." - An electrician to Carter as he steps into April Oil.

Rating [out of 10]: star.gif (13252 bytes)star.gif (13252 bytes)star.gif (13252 bytes)star.gif (13252 bytes)star.gif (13252 bytes)

The Lucy Award: Lucy.

Being the man of the hour, Cliff appears on "Austin Today" to further his political ambitions. He returns home to find a magazine with his face on the cover, but empty inside. Curious, he contacts a phone number inside and arranges a meeting. He ends up meeting PR expert Stephanie Rogers, who says she wants to make him the hottest thing on the political scene.

With the brouhaha out of the way, Bobby gives April an engagement ring as fairy music is sprinkled through the background. Carter visits April at her offices, currently being furnished, and asks to buy the three fields she bought from Ewing Oil. She turns him down flat but has a concerned look on her face as he leaves. That evening, Carter and Rose bump into Bobby and April at dinner and McKay tells Bobby that April was the one who bought his fields, not Weststar as was originally supposed. It leads to a predictable argument over who cares more about who, and a rift develops.

JR returns to the ranch to celebrate with Cally and John Ross, and they decide to ride out to Pride to meet up with Ellie and Clayton. JR learns from Ellie that she thinks there's still oil in the area which might do Ewing Oil and the community some good. He channels the spirit of the wildcatting days and pledges not to rest until he strikes.

The next day, Carter overhears April putting her fields on the open market. Just after her broker tells her he sold the fields to Weststar, Bobby arrives with a huge apology card and a check to buy back the fields. After she tells him what happened, they have another argument about not really knowing each other, and April tosses his ring back at him. 

Lonely James goes out on a date with lonely Kendall and they bump into Michelle and her date. The two erstwhile lovebirds step towards an elevator to argue but end up in a passionate embrace. Later, Michelle tells April they should head out together to drown her sorrows. While out, they come up with the idea of a place for women to hang out without being hit on.

James tries to drum up some business on his own, as Bobby tries to keep the company going while getting April out of his life and his mind. He tells his major customers they'll have to take temporary reductions in their deliveries, and they tell him they just might do business with Weststar.

Clarence Melville, a hot-shot chemical engineer, arrives at the Pride drilling site and raises the ire of JR by knowing as much as he does. Despite their best efforts, no oil is found.

Bobby takes Phyllis out to make up for snapping at her the other day, and from across the room he spots a woman who's a dead ringer for Pamela.

Episode 323: I Dream of Jeanne Aired: Thu, May 20

NITPICKS for this episode

LINE OF THE DAY:  "I don't care about broken bones. I just don't want a broken heart". - Cally to James. Nominated by Val.

Rating [out of 10]: star.gif (13252 bytes)star.gif (13252 bytes)star.gif (13252 bytes)star.gif (13252 bytes)star.gif (13252 bytes)star.gif (13252 bytes)

The Lucy Award: Lucy and Carter.

Bobby chases after the mystery woman, but she's in a car before he can reach her. He manages to speak to her friend and learns that her name is Jeanne O'Brien, a realtor, and she's apparently new in town.

After the fiasco in Pride, JR tells the family to head back to Southfork while he checks out some information on the road. Cally makes a fuss about playing second fiddle to business. JR gets some information about a guy named Blackie Callahan who lives in Barkley, Oklahoma. He heads over to see him but ends up meeting his daughter, Meg. He explains that he wants Blackie to help him find the oil in Pride and is told to come back tomorrow.

Cliff gets a private investigator to check out Stephanie Rogers and see if she has any connection to JR. They have lunch at the Oil Baron's and get to know each other a little better. After a TV appearance, Cliff's PI confirms that Stephanie has nothing to do with JR or Weststar, and she's impressed at his thoroughness.

April and Michelle continue to discuss their new "hot spot" idea and are joined by James, who Michelle wants to bring in to the plan. April tries to contact Bobby, but fails. James and Cally discuss the troubles being caused in their lives, one way or the other, by JR, and a friendship develops.

Bobby is put in touch with Jeanne and goes to see a house with her. He's visibly disturbed by the striking resemblance to Pam but manages to keep his cool. He finds that just like his ex-wife, she came from a not-so-well-off background. Jeanne learns from a girlfriend that Bobby's divorced and she might have a really good chance with him. Bobby takes Cliff to meet with Jeanne, and confirms that Bobby isn't hallucinating - but she's definitely not Pam. The three of them have dinner, and Cliff warns Bobby not to indulge himself too much. The next day, Bobby tells Jeanne about why he's so smitten with her.

Meg takes JR to the county jail, where Blackie currently resides. To JR's dismay, he says he likes it there because his friends are there; the warden confirms that he keeps breaking in to jail, and if JR can convince him to stop, he can have him. JR learns that Blackie is willing to help him out, but only if he can arrange a night of passion with his favorite babe - who's about eighty. JR gets Ratagan to find a young look-alike, and Blackie appears satisfied. The next morning, Blackie says he wasn't fooled but appreciated the effort so much, he doesn't mind helping JR out.

Episode 324: After Midnight Aired: Mon, May 24

NITPICKS for this episode

LINE OF THE DAY:  "You have my undivided attention." - Bobby to the alluring Jeanne.

Rating [out of 10]: star.gif (13252 bytes)star.gif (13252 bytes)star.gif (13252 bytes)star.gif (13252 bytes)star.gif (13252 bytes)star.gif (13252 bytes)

The Lucy Award: Too many to count! Cliff, Lucy, Ellie, Clayton, Stephanie, Cally...did I miss anyone?

On the way to Pride, Blackie tells JR that the reason he was in jail for a while was because his last oil project failed and some investors got really mad at him. JR gets awfully worried about it, especially after they discover that some of the landmarks Blackie remembered are no longer there, but Blackie assures him after a long walk that he's standing right on top of it, and that he should get his crew over there. It takes a few days of round-the-clock work, but Blackie and JR manage to strike a gusher.

April and Michelle check out some space in the warehouse district for their new project. She spots a travel poster of Salzburg and reminisces about that wonderful night with Bobby in Episode 305. They later meet with Eugene Inagaki, who represents the company who owns the property and refuses to sell because he has plans of his own.

Jeanne tells her girlfriend about the weird vibes she's been getting from Bobby but is encouraged to use it to her advantage. That night, she heads out to a barn dance with the Bob-man. Their night goes surprisingly well. The next evening, they happen to stop by the same haunt as James and the Stevens sisters, and the elder one starts to clue in to what's happened to he relationship.

An old friend of the Ewings named Duke Carlisle comes by the office and talks to James about a huge new racetrack he wants to build near Southfork. He invites James over to his place the next day for more details. Once there, James is introduced to his horny daughter Melinda, who tries to entice him into a game of strip archery. James declines but discovers that she seems to be the key to earning the deal with Duke. At another Carlisle meeting, Melinda lays it out plain and simple for James: either he sleeps with her, or she blows his deal.

April tells Michelle that she's lost her enthusiasm since the break-up with Bobby, and is considering leaving Dallas. Michelle counsels her to forget her troubles and ensures her that she'll get the property they need within a week. Michelle visits Carter and calls in her favor - she asks him to convince Inagaki to sell to her.

Blackie is brought to Dallas for the celebration of the new strike, which Bobby foregoes in order to see Jeanne. During a dance, he also has memories of the night with April in Salzburg. He heads over to April's place afterwards, and in a bizarre twist, he asks her for a little bit more time to settle what he terms "unfinished business". She tells him she doesn't feel she has any more time to spare for him and is sick of dealing with his hang-ups.

The next day, Bobby breaks his lunch date with Jeanne but agrees to be at her place that evening. When he gets there, he finds Jeanne dressed in one of Pam's old dresses, and ready to be his ex-wife for him. At first, Bobby holds back but is unable to deny that it's what he wanted all along.

Episode 325: The Crucible Aired: Tue, May 25

NITPICKS for this episode

LINES OF THE DAY:  [nominated by all of us]
"Isn't it interesting that in this part of the world, dinosaurs are still alive?" - Carter to Eugene.
"Find yourself a ladder so we can see eye to eye..." - Michelle to Lucy.

Rating [out of 10]: star.gif (13252 bytes)star.gif (13252 bytes)star.gif (13252 bytes)star.gif (13252 bytes)star.gif (13252 bytes)star.gif (13252 bytes)star.gif (13252 bytes)

The Lucy Award: Cliff does very little.

At the Carlisle party, James continues to be harassed by Melinda until he bumps into Cally - and JR. JR breaks up James' deal with Duke, to James' chagrin as well as Cally's. Clayton and Ellie get word that an old friend, Atticus Ward, just died and his will is being read very soon.

Carter McKay visits Eugene Inagaki about the warehouse property. Inagaki declines, saying that his plan is part of a greater plan to keep the Far East economy dominant, and to finally extinguish the Texas oil "dinosaurs". Carter tells Michelle that the negotiations are tough but she insists that he keep his promise.

Bobby and Jeanne discuss the somewhat sicker aspect of their relationship, and she tells him that she puts up with being a "stand-in" for Pam because it's the only way she could ever have a chance with a guy like him.

Cliff is pushed to become the head of the Oil Regulatory Commission, which irks JR, especially after his dinner at the Oil Baron's is pre-empted by one of Cliff's private parties. JR returns home and an argument with James ensues over the Duke incident. JR later calls Ratagan to find out who's behind Cliff's popularity.

Cally starts to get frustrated at not having JR around, so she decides to accompany Lucy to a new club opening - at which they happen to bump into April and Michelle, who are beginning to realize how dumb their idea really is. Insults are traded about who's sleeping with who [and in April's case, who isn't] and Cally almost gets violent with Michelle for flaunting her "affair" with JR. She settles for tossing a drink in her face, prompting April to respond in kind. More arguments occur the next morning when JR confronts Cally about not coming home that night.

JR learns about Stephanie's aid of Cliff and heads over to see her. He says he wants her to devote her time to improving Ewing Oil's image - at any cost. She flatly turns him down, saying she doesn't want to have anything to do with him. Cliff rubs in JR's pathetic attempt at the Oil Baron's later.

Christopher's best friend moves away and he tells Bobby that he wished he had the chance to give him his baseball glove - or even to say goodbye. It gets the Bob-man thinking...

Carter brings in the Chairman of Inagaki's company to come by and inform him that the company has decided to exchange the warehouse property for some land in the Bahamas. Inagaki protests but eventually accepts the well-deserved smackdown.

Clayton and Ellie come to San Angelo for Atticus Ward's will-reading, and are told by Atticus's twin brother Arlen that he was lost at sea and no body was found. Carter comes by later as well to view the tape, which bequeaths the bulk of the estate to a man named Curley Morrison, after a 30-day waiting period. It's decreed that if Curley dies, another dude named Rabbit Hutch gets it all; and then it falls to Arlen Ward. Suddenly the lights go out...but Curley's okay. No! Wait! He keels over... [Cue the ominous music.]

Bobby visits Jeanne that evening, and tells her that he's realized why he was so infatuated with her - because he never got the chance to say goodbye to Pam. He finds, however, that his "unfinished business" is settled by saying goodbye to Jeanne - and Pam.

Episode 326: Dear Hearts and Gentle People Aired: Wed, May 26

NITPICKS for this episode

LINE OF THE DAY:   "In your case, it is a small blessing." - Stephanie to JR when he says he has what she can never have. Nominated by Jason.

Rating [out of 10]: star.gif (13252 bytes)star.gif (13252 bytes)star.gif (13252 bytes)star.gif (13252 bytes)star.gif (13252 bytes)

The Lucy Award: Cliff is nowhere.

In the aftermath of Curley's collapse, fingers begin to point at Rabbit Hutch. The preliminary reports indicate that Curley died of a heart attack, but later it's discovered he was poisoned - and Rabbit's fingerprints are found on the milk carton that he drank out of. Ellie and Clayton bail Rabbit out and offer to help him out with his case. McKay is incredulous at Clayton's decision to help Rabbit out, claiming that he was safer there until the will is settled. The Farlows visit Rabbit to check up on him, but find that he's tragically hung himself.

Cally tries to rekindle her relationship but ends up driving JR to the Singletree. JR tells Bobby that he doesn't feel that he has anything in common with his wife any more. Stephanie calls the office and tells JR to turn on his TV, from which he learns that Cliff has been named head of the Oil Regulatory Commission. JR visits Stephanie in an apologetic mood, congratulating her on making something out of nothing with Cliff. He invites her to have dinner so that she can see what Cliff is up against.

McKay hands the Stevens sisters the property lease, but April still seems disenchanted with the world and continues to ignore Bobby's messages. Bobby heads over to the apartment but finds out from Michelle that April's left town. April calls him later, and says she's gone to her mother's house in Ohio. Amy Stevens advises her daughter to think about settling down in her hometown.

Bobby comes to the Stevens home and gets a cold reception from Amy. He assures her that he just wants to make things right between them, and she directs him to a nearby park where April's hanging out. They talk for a while and agree to allow some time for her to sort out her feelings. [Where have I heard this before?]

JR and Stephanie have lunch [instead of dinner] and have another round of the battle of the sexes. James and Cally spend the day together, frustrating JR yet again in his attempts to mold his marriage. James advises Cally to hang tough and not let JR dominate her life. Serena Wald returns to Dallas and tells JR that she's moved back to Dallas. The predictable "business lunch" at the Singletree ensues, and JR decides that enough is enough and it's time for a change. Heading back to the office, he uses a marker to mask out the "Ewing" from Cally's signature on his portrait.

Episode 327: Paradise Lost Aired: Thu, May 27

NITPICKS for this episode

LINE OF THE DAY:  "Some things aren't meant to least forever." - JR to Sly about his marriage.

Rating [out of 10]: star.gif (13252 bytes)star.gif (13252 bytes)star.gif (13252 bytes)star.gif (13252 bytes)

The Lucy Award: Lucy, with Cliff close behind.

Clayton and Ellie meet up with Arlen Ward and tell him about Rabbit's apparent suicide. Arlen seems way too happy about it for the Farlows' comfort. At Curley's funeral, the interested parties are told that Rabbit was actually poisoned and was then made to look like he killed himself.

James and Michelle find that a zoning law has conveniently been invoked to prevent her project from proceeding forward. They confront Carter McKay about it, who denies involvement, and James offers him a cut of the project in exchange for his help to twist some arms.

April talks to old friends about how wacky her life in Dallas has been, and how things are so hectic there. She seems to become more and more convinced that moving back home is the right thing. She and Bobby have dinner with a couple of her friends and get a close look at smalltown married life with kids.

JR tries to dig up dirt on Stephanie but is unsuccessful. He decides to get Serena to join her ex-husband for dinner, while he heads back to tell the family that he's sorry he's gotten himself so wrapped in business that he's ignored them. He tells Cally that he's made an appointment with a marriage counselor to sort out their troubles.

Cliff and Stephanie talk about JR, and he warns her that JR has only two motives for anything - libido and greed. Stephanie seems rather interested in that characterization. Meanwhile, Serena tells JR that Stephanie's ex-husband told her that she keeps meticulous notes about everything she does.

Ellie channels the spirit of Jessica Fletcher and she and Clayton begin to wonder whether Arlen might really be Atticus. Clayton realizes that "Arlen" seems to adopting all of Atticus's old habits, including tugging on his ear when nervous. The case seems solved, and after learning that whoever-it-is has foregone protective custody, they head over to tell him that they're on to him and soon they'll have proof.

Bobby confronts Amy Stevens about making life way too comfortable for April. They have some relatively meaningless conversation in which Amy is disappointingly made to accept his argument. Bobby tells April he feels he's done all he can and he's decided to head back to Dallas.

JR and Cally see Patrick, the marriage counselor, and she continues to see him privately. The counselor tells Cally that JR's pattern of behavior is unlikely to change and she had better prepare herself for the worst because their age barrier is relatively insurmountable. After hearing the diagnosis, JR angrily tells Cally that the doctor doesn't know what he's talking about and he plans to deal with him sternly. JR does head over to see him the next morning - but only to congratulate him for doing such a great job in discouraging his wife from sticking around.

Episode 328: Will Power Aired: Tue, June 1

NITPICKS for this episode

LINE OF THE DAY:  "Men don't go for a diet of prunes when they can have fresh plums...".  Young bride on Lizzy Burns show. Nominated by Jason.

Rating [out of 10]: star.gif (13252 bytes)star.gif (13252 bytes)star.gif (13252 bytes)star.gif (13252 bytes)star.gif (13252 bytes)

The Lucy Award: Cliff and Stephanie must have jobbed to darkroom scissors.

April arrives at the airport too late to stop Bobby from boarding his plane back to Dallas. She confides her confused feelings in her mother and tells her that she's worried about not having Bobby's undivided love. Amy reminds her that life isn't always a bowl of cherries and she shouldn't remain alone any longer. Bobby decides to take Christopher to Paris to get away from it all.

Mr. Ward takes a lie detector test under the watchful eye of the Farlows, and they confirm the evidence that the police seem to have found: he's really Arlen Ward. Ward promises Clayton that he won't forget all of the trouble he was put through. In a fantastic bit of detective work, Ellie realizes that whoever murdered Curley must have known the contents of the will in advance, so they decide to visit Atticus's lawyer. They learn that Arlen was outside the office when the lawyer was viewing the videotape but the police are frustrated by the neverending meddling and tell the Farlows to knock it off.

Cally tells Patrick that she thinks that JR's sweetness lately is a sign that her relationship is salvageable. JR is mortified that his plan has failed so far and is told that he's going to have to deliver the final blow to his marriage. Later, Cally accompanies Lucy to be on a talk show, and she's asked to be on an upcoming show about young women married to older men. JR is against the idea but in order to keep his charade with her, he allows it.

JR enlists Serena's help to try and get Stephanie's private notes. Through her ex-husband, Serena finds that the notes are kept in the office and manages to distract Stephanie's secretary so JR can get inside and find Stephanie's safe. Ratagan is called in to crack it and does so with relative ease.

Work begins on the singles club, and James gets upset at Michelle's blind ambition and spending habits, prompting a fight. She later apologizes over dinner. James accompanies Cally to her talk show appearance, which has the typical Sally Jessy, Springer-wannabe atmosphere. Cally hears the story of one other woman who had a marriage like hers which turned completely bad after her husband lost interest.

Bobby arrives at Ewing Oil to find his office turned into a mock miniature of Austria, with April back after deciding she really wants to be with him. They later discover that their warehouse has been condemned.

The Farlows go to Arlen's place to apologize to him and find that he's installed a high-tech security system for his home. They bump into the incoming Carter McKay on his way out. Their next appointment is with Honey North, who is discovered to have been working the day Curley was killed. After some pressure, she admits that Arlen asked her to lie but she knows he's innocent. Heading over to Arlen's place with the police, they find him dead in his aquarium. 

Episode 329: The Smiling Cobra Aired: Wed, June 2

NITPICKS for this episode

LINE OF THE DAY:  "Marriage is like a salad. A real man has to keep his tomatoes on top." JR of course...nominated by Jason and Val.

Rating [out of 10]: star.gif (13252 bytes)star.gif (13252 bytes)star.gif (13252 bytes)star.gif (13252 bytes)star.gif (13252 bytes)star.gif (13252 bytes)

The Lucy Award: Cliff and Stephanie again.

As JR peruses Stephanie's diary, he gets a visit from a guy who he pays off for an undisclosed job well done. Later, Patrick plays another tape of a conversation will Cally, in which she indicates that James is helping her through her difficult time.

Bobby and April discuss the kink in the warehouse project and he resolves to find out who's behind the delay. He confronts McKay who claims complete innocence in the matter and even offers to help Bobby get in touch with people who can help him, but Bobby says he's got it under control. April asks Michelle to be the maid of honor at her wedding and that she's backing out of their project because she doesn't feel she can devote enough time to it, which gets Michelle completely upset at being abandoned by her sister once again. James and Michelle discuss April's pullout and he offers to help her out with the financing and stand by her.

The remaining friends of Atticus Ward assemble in his lawyer's office and discover there was a codicil to his will, establishing a new order of inheritance in alphabetical order - meaning that Clayton's first. Carter tells everyone that Atticus controlled 25% of Weststar's stock and made a deal to buy it from Arlen, which is why he was so interested in the will. He offers Clayton the same deal but is told to wait.

As the family settles in for dinner, Bobby and April announce they plan to get married next month. April and Cally work out their earlier differences and agree to be friends again, as Cally confides her fears to her. Meanwhile, Bobby and JR discuss the same marital issues.

Clayton returns home with armed security and learns from a newscast that Atticus was found on a deserted island and on his way back to Dallas. Atticus tears up his will after hearing about his friends' deaths. The Farlows are still suspicious, of course. At a dinner at the Oil Baron's Club that night, Atticus tells McKay that he intends to continue his takeover bid of Weststar. While Debbie is distracted, Clayton's drink gets a few drops of liquid from an eyedropper. Atticus ends up taking the drink and keels over, dead.

The next morning, Bobby learns from the guy that was paid off at the beginning of the episode that JR was behind the whole thing. All of the principals are informed, and James gets righteously upset over it. Bobby confronts JR about it, who claims to just be protecting his son from Michelle's wacky plans. Later, JR and James argue and he says he plans to marry Michelle so they can be one big happy family.

JR returns home and lays a classic guilt trip on Cally for turning James against him and pushing him towards Michelle. Much like Sue Ellen, Cally is so devastated that runs crying up to her room. JR calls Serena and tells him that Cally's ready to go over the edge. She calls back a few moments later to confirm an upcoming rendez-vous, prompting Cally to start packing her bags. John Ross overhears her saying goodbye to Lucy and tearfully rushes out of the house to stop her. He tells JR, who's watching from the balcony, to make her stay, so he's forced to retract everything he said.

Episode 330: Jessica Redux Aired: Thu, June 3

NITPICKS for this episode

LINE OF THE DAY:  "JR, I need your help, not a lesson in morality."   Ellie "cutting the crap" with JR. Nominated by Jason.

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The Lucy Award: Lucy

Cally tells JR that things will have to change in their relationship or she'll leave for good and let the world know why. Cliff returns from wherever he's been and learns about Bobby and April's wedding, and is asked to be the best man. James buys a well-placed restaurant that he feels can be turned into a perfect club for Michelle.

At the Oil Baron's, Carter makes the suddenly forgetful Farlows remember that the poison was obviously meant for Clayton, sending Ellie into a worried tizzy. Realizing that Atticus's original will is now in effect, she formulates a plan to find out what's in it. She enlists a surprised JR's help in obtaining the necessary skills.

Cliff tells Stephanie that he wants her to stay away from JR as long as she's running his campaign, leading to a predictable argument. Cliff insists and tells her he's willing to dump their relationship if she doesn't comply. JR comes by the office later with Stephanie's favorite flowers and jellybeans (her secret passion) and makes reservations for her favorite restaurant.

Michelle comes home and finds JR in her apartment with a briefcase and his "you're leaving town" ultimatum to keep her away from James. JR reveals James' intention to marry her, which makes her resolve to stick it out in Dallas and refuse his offer. Unfortunately, the next day, James tells Michelle that he only told JR about getting married to ruffle his feathers. Another predictable argument [I've been saying this a lot lately] ensues and yet another breakup occurs.

The Farlows are put in touch with Ratagan and an expert safecracker, who manages to get in to Spangler's safe easily. They are flabbergasted to learn that Atticus's will leaves most of his estate to Dusty Farlow. Clayton can't figure it out and so he decides to talk to Jessica to find out the reasons why, but learns that Jessica was released 6 months ago, claiming to be headed for Southfork. A day or two later, Clayton gets a call from Jessica saying that she plans to see him - sometime soon. The Farlows decide to head to a quiet hotel until things boil over.

JR manages to arrange it so that Cliff will see him and Stephanie at dinner that evening. Bobby, who arrives soon after, and Stephanie both realize that JR orchestrated the whole thing to separate her from Cliff.

Eugene Inagaki meets with Michelle and says that he was so impressed with her vision that he wants her to go to the Caribbean and run a resort for his company - and leave immediately. Michelle is so impressed with the money that she almost instantly agrees. Before leaving, she says goodbye to James and they realize they have different outlooks on the world, and their relationship. As Michelle's plane leaves, JR thanks Eugene for a job well done and says he'll have his warehouse back real soon.

That evening, after poisoning the police guard outside their door, Jessica enters the Farlows' room and prepares an injection.

Episode 331: Family Plot Aired: Mon, June 7

NITPICKS for this episode

LINE OF THE DAY:  "Let me warn you that this is not the last door that will be shut in your face." Stephanie to Cliff. Nominated by Jason.

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The Lucy Award: Michelle

Just as Jessica is about to strike, the phone rings and wakes Clayton up. She manages to get away as Detective Marshall informs them that Jessica's fingerprints were on Curley's fatal milk carton. Bobby foregoes a tuxedo fitting to be with them. They all attend Atticus's funeral and eagle-eyed Bobby spots Jessica getting into a limousine. He trails her back to her hotel and while stalling her until the police arrive, he learns that Atticus was Dusty's father.

JR arranges another visit to England for John Ross so as to finally get rid of Cally once and for all. James and April find Michelle's apartment devoid of clothes, but with a note explaining her sudden disappearance. They question Inagaki about it and during their conversation they find that he's been in contact with JR. James confronts his father about it and says he's through being a Ewing.

A still-deranged and Dusty-obsessed Jessica tells the police that she committed all of her murders to misdirect the police from realizing that Clayton was her real target. She calmly explains that in exchange for changing his will and leaving everything to Dusty, Jessica planned to knock off all of Atticus's enemies, including her brother.

Cliff tears up his contract with Stephanie, citing a clause about dealing in good faith, and says that he doesn't need her help to become Governor. JR arrives soon afterwards with a Lalique vase for her collection, which she promptly breaks because she's disgusted with his attempts to manipulate her. JR tells her about finding her diary, and tells her that he expects her to spread some good words around Austin for him whenever he asks for it. Cliff sits down to a healthy dinner of Chinese take-out and potato chips and learns that he's no longer in line for the Governor's seat.

Clayton tells Carter that Jessica is currently in control of Atticus's Weststar stock while Dusty is not around, even though he plans to get power of attorney. Carter wants to buy the stock or ask Clayton to join the company, but he declines on both counts.

James tells Cally he's sorry he can't stick around Southfork any longer because of JR's duplicity. At Cally's next session with Patrick, she tells him she doesn't think she can take her married life any longer. Patrick informs JR, but finds that Cally's been listening to him outside the door. Cally and James talk later and he encourages her to hang around the house and be supportive of her husband, until he makes his next mistake.

Episode 332: The Southfork Wedding Jinx Aired: Tue, June 8

NITPICKS for this episode

LINE OF THE DAY:  Hard to pick because I didn't see it.

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The Lucy Award: Michelle and Stephanie [who's gone for good].

Cally proceeds with James's plan and tells JR that no matter what he does, she plans to be the perfect wife for him from now on. At the same time, James comes to Ewing Oil and tells JR he wants to return to the company because he's realized he doesn't have much of a chance in the business world without his father's support.

Cliff and Bobby meet up with Liz Adams, who just happens to be the sister of an old college friend. She says her father just died and left her an oil company which she doesn't know how to run, but Bobby says he doesn't think he has the money right now. After learning that Liz is a great Chinese cook, Cliff decides to get off his misogynistic kick and he and Liz head out to lunch. Later, Cliff discovers a gun in Liz's purse, which she claims is just for protection - a habit she picked up while modeling in New York.

With Michelle in the Caribbean, April asks Cally to be the maid of honor at her wedding. Bobby has a rather wild bachelor party which features a predictable argument between Cliff and JR, and a surprise appearance by Carter McKay to let bygones be bygones. Meanwhile, Amy Stevens arrives for the wedding and a rather small bridal shower.

JR learns that Clayton has returned Jessica to the sanitarium and is in the process of become a major partner in Weststar, thanks to the stock that Dusty inherited. Interest peaked, JR tries to see Jessica at the sanitarium but is told that she's not allowed visitors. He shrugs his shoulders and decides to give up his pursuit. [KIDDING!] No, of course, he manages to find a greedy orderly and tells him to get Jessica to sign over power of attorney to him instead of Clayton.

At the shower, Lucy tells April that no Southfork wedding has ever worked out well, but she hopes the jinx will be broken. April gets some baby things from the attendees, which makes Cally visibly upset. Later, Cally tells April that she just learned she's pregnant, and is now torn between her need to leave JR and the wish to have a proper family for the child. April gives Cally the keys to her place so that she can crash there if she ever needs to.

The nuthouse worker tries to pass off an obviously fake Jessica signature which frustrates JR to no end. After some unnecessary prompting from Harve Smithfield, JR decides that it might be best to get Cally to commit him if he really wants to see Jessica. Bobby and April are married without incident, and prepare to head for Europe. Meanwhile, every else gets wanderlust as Lucy decides to go to Rome to discuss art with Alex Barton, and the Farlows head to the Orient.

After everyone leaves, JR and Cally are left alone in the house and JR makes her sign the commitment papers. He then tells her that he intends to get her out of his life for good before long, and hands her a check for $ 200,000 before taking the long drive out to his sanitarium stay. Cally tells James that she never plans to let JR see his child.

Episode 333: Three-Three-Three, Part One Aired: Wed, June 9

NITPICKS for this episode

LINE OF THE DAY:  "A man like me can't have enough children...I just want the Ewing name to go on forever". Ol' JR. Nominated by Val.

Rating [out of 10]: star.gif (13252 bytes)star.gif (13252 bytes)star.gif (13252 bytes)star.gif (13252 bytes)star.gif (13252 bytes)

The Lucy Award: Everybody! Seriously. April, Ellie, Clayton, Lucy, and everyone else who was gone yesterday.

JR gets used to life at the sanitarium and does his best to keep away from the wacky inmates - except for a tough guy named Morrissey, who seems to have a chip on his shoulder. That night, JR tries to get into to the ladies' ward to see Jessica but is stopped by Morrissey, who says that the area is his turf and starts strangling JR. The guards break up the fight and JR explains the incident away by claiming he just got lost.

Cally moves into April's apartment and tells James she wants to take JR's money and go back to Haleyville to raise her child. Scheming James convinces her to see a divorce lawyer first, to see if she can do some more hurt to JR. She agrees after sending him to get some tomato juice and shaved ice.

Cliff tries to convinces Liz Adams to stay with him in Dallas so that they can run her company together, and is so hyped about the idea that he gets Liz an apartment which looks a lot like Michelle's. At the Oil Baron's Club, the new dynamic duo meet up with the McKays and introductions are made - but Carter and Liz don't seem to need them.

Since no one is at the office any more, Sly gets bored and tells James about an envelope which JR left with her in case he was not heard from within five days. James tries to convince Sly to cough it up, but she says she has a duty to her boss. However, she does agree to a date. James comes back to the office later that night with Cally and she types up a letter from JR to Sly which tells her that he has gone on an extended vacation and left James in charge of everything.

The sanitarium has a first-graders' dance for the inmates to relieve some of their pent-up stress. JR finds the aloof Jessica there and she recognizes him as they chat for a while. JR is quickly snatched away by a wacky woman named Anita, whom he tries to convince to allow him to get into the women's area. She agrees to do it if JR will take care of her womanly needs.

James and Sly go on a date to a cowboy bar. While Sly excuses herself to the bathroom, James slips a little something extra in her beer.

The next day, JR sees the resident psychiatrist and feeds him the psychobabble that the doctor was expecting to hear about his tough childhood and marriages. The doctor tells JR that Anita is a psychotic nymphomaniac who has a habit of killing her lovers. Despite his previous failures, JR manages to get to the women's ward again that night and a hand pulls him through the door.

Episode 334: Three-Three-Three, Part Two Aired: Thu, June 10

NITPICKS for this episode

LINE OF THE DAY:  "I'm doing exactly what you would have done."   James to JR after the latter claims that he's not his son. Nominated by Pamela.

Rating [out of 10]: star.gif (13252 bytes)star.gif (13252 bytes)star.gif (13252 bytes)star.gif (13252 bytes)star.gif (13252 bytes)

The Lucy Award: Everyone who was gone yesterday, plus Bobby.

The hand dragging JR turns out to be Anita, who takes JR to her bed as part of their arrangement. He manages to live through the night and return to the men's ward in the morning.

Cliff and Liz continue to go out and during a particularly hot and heavy session at his place he begins to ask her how she knows Carter McKay, but Liz is not forthcoming. Carter gets a call from someone named Johnny Dancer, who used to be a business partner. Liz later drops by Weststar and they discuss the aforementioned Mr. Dancer. They agree not to tell anyone about their mutual past with the man but Carter warns her that Johnny will soon be coming to Dallas.

James takes the drugged Sly back to her place and switches the letter that Cally typed for JR's letter. Learning what JR has done, James shares the information with Cally and they meet with JR's lawyer using false names, claiming that Cally is looking for someone to represent her in a very lucrative divorce case. The lawyer meets with them again at April's apartment and after Cally begins to put the moves on him, James takes some pictures and they blackmail him into giving them JR's release papers.

That afternoon, JR starts a melee in the common room and during the mayhem manages to sneak into the medicine room and grab a bottle of chloroform. Heading to the ladies' wing that night, he finds Anita waiting for him. Chloroforming her, he manages to get to Jessica's room. Explaining to her that Clayton is trying to take away Dusty's shares of Weststar, he asks for her help to stop him, promising to take care of Dusty where Clayton will not. Jessica agrees to sign the papers.

The next day, JR tries to tell the psychiatrist that he's perfectly sane and concocted his plan to get to Jessica, but the doctor can't bring himself to believe that anyone would deliberately have themselves committed, so he comes to the conclusion that JR is a blithering idiot who really belongs in the sanitarium.

Cally and James get the divorce papers and intend to deal with the matter quickly so that Cally can leave town before JR finds out that she's pregnant. James visits JR and tells him that he managed to get the release papers from Sly, and refuses to give them to him unless he signs away the settlement in Cally's favor. After JR does, James tears up the release papers in JR's face as his father is dragged away, kicking and screaming crazily.

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